Advice please!

[soccergal48]

I've been with my boyfriend for just short of 2 years and recently, it has been turning more serious. I am very much in love with him and could see myself marrying him, however, he just dropped a bombshell on me. He told me that although he can see himself marrying me, he wouldn't unless we live together beforehand. That is completely against all I stand for and how I've been raised. While he did say that he would be willing to compromise on this, I am never the less upset and I really don't know what to do. What do you guys think I should do? Part of me is saying get out of this right now but the other part is reminding me that I care about him more than anything. I honestly just don't know what to do. Thanks for your help!

 

[tessas212]

Is he a christian as well?

He may be the kind of person that wants to be absolutely sure, and the best test of this is to see how compatible you are by living together before marriage. However, if his idea of living together includes premarital sex, that I can understand you having a huge problem with.

He sounds like he's willing to compromise. He's trying to work together with you to come to an agreement, and I think that means alot.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

Oh wow, this must be tough. Praying for you girl. Stick to your standards, as difficult as this is now remember that you will be rewarded for it in Heaven.

 

[California Dreamin']

I understand what you mean, I don't want to live with Andrew before we get married, but he told me that his parents said that we should. I was so upset.

 

[Blank123]

you need to stick to your convictions and he needs to respect them.

it might help if you can show him a Biblical argument why you don't believe it is right for the two of you two live together

 

[shan01]

Wow, im in the fast forwarded type version of your situation in a way, but in many ways is different.
We met just over a year ago, both very new at the christian thing and not that committed, fell in love, moved in after 6 weeks, had sex (i know i know), anyway now were having big regrets, and lots of confusion. We know our situation isnt right, but after living this way for a year dont want to change either really. We've stopped having sex, but now he doesnt ever see marriage as part of his life, and i wonder if only we hadnt lived together or had sex would this be different. I honestly advise dont move in with him, even living in separate rooms you'll see each other alot at vunerable times. Wait until you're married, itll mean So much more when the time comes

 

[emilina22]

if living with him or anyone for that matter is totally against your morals values and best judgement you shouldnt be put in th position to drop all thosse things.
i am the same way i wouldnt move in with my boyfriend before we get married even if we are buying a house together next year and hell be living there with his brother until we get married. i know that if i did i would go against everything i believe in. and the tempations to do things i shouldnt would be so much stronger.
i do love him and im sure you love your boyfriend to and he should understand why you wouldnt want to move in with him befor eyou get married....
talk to him about your worries...he did say he was up for compromise so see what will come out of it if you talk to him...
and lastly pray about it...god has all the awnsers you just need to ask and open your heart and ears..

 

[RebornSinner]

I am not exactly sure what "willing to compromise" means, because compromising your beliefs and standards is exactly what YOU should NOT do. That is something reserved for married couples only. I can't even think of what kind of compromise would even be acceptable. So pray hard and stick to your guns. As God to give you wisdom to deal with the situation and to reveal to your boyfriend the truth and right way for the situation.

 

[Natz]

DON"T DO IT! (my humble opinion based on my convictions and the Word -e.g. Shun the very appearance of evil!)

 

[emilina22]

sorry i wasnt too clear i didnt mean that you should find a compromise but that you shouldnt give up what you believe in or your morals..he should be able to respect you and your beliefs and understand that this is something your not going to change and if he loves you he will unerstand.

 

[Weasel7711]

Leave the dude. He obviously is not concerned about God's or your feelings, only his own.

 

[Pennelope]

Sounds like a good opportunity for an in-depth discussion of what you both believe marriage and what kind of a gift you want your sexual relationship to be to one another. If you get into early sex (or even being-roommates-with-sexual-tension), you will dilute the power of your eventual intimacy. Sex can say "I give myself to you totally, in deep love and commitment", or it can say "I care about you." If you use it for "care about you", how can you possibly express deep self-giving? You'll have lost the capability.

Hope it doesn't sound too abstract. But I've been there. I'm one year into an excellent marriage after a solidly-grounded courtship, so I really do know what I'm talking about.

It's hard to wait by telling yourselves "we just can't." Possible, but hard. It's better to tell yourselves, "We're determined not to let a wonderful life with a deep sexual relationship get away from us by being careless with it now."

 

[LongLegs]

What do you guys think I should do? Part of me is saying get out of this right now but the other part is reminding me that I care about him more than anything. I honestly just don't know what to do. Thanks for your help!

So he wants to try you out before "buying you"?

I don't think thats really what he wants ... if he really loved you, he would respect your beliefs. So, I think he just wants sex, and if you give into him, he will be gone soon after .... trust me!!

Get out right now!!

Kathy

 

[oneamanda2]

I live with my boyfriend, but we don't have sex. If he really wants to be with you and you really don't want to live with him before marriage, then he will respect that. One way to compromise is to get a two bedroom. That way you can be living together, but not compromising your morals.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I live with my boyfriend, but we don't have sex. If he really wants to be with you and you really don't want to live with him before marriage, then he will respect that. One way to compromise is to get a two bedroom. That way you can be living together, but not compromising your morals.

Notice that when she mentioned her moral standard, it wasn't about sex. It was about living together plain and simple. She doesn't want to even get close to the appearance of evil. She would be compromising her morals even by getting a two-bedroom with him.

BTW: as Christians we are to abstain from every form of evil, as well as the appearance of evil. Even though you and your boyfriend don't have sex, you aren't above reproach. The situation does not appear innocent to others, and you may become a stumbling block to others. I'd suggest you work on that situation.

 

[oneamanda2]

Notice that when she mentioned her moral standard, it wasn't about sex. It was about living together plain and simple. She doesn't want to even get close to the appearance of evil. She would be compromising her morals even by getting a two-bedroom with him.

BTW: as Christians we are to abstain from every form of evil, as well as the appearance of evil. Even though you and your boyfriend don't have sex, you aren't above reproach. The situation does not appear innocent to others, and you may become a stumbling block to others. I'd suggest you work on that situation.

Truthfully, I only care what God thinks. I sleep in one room, he sleeps in another. I know that we are staying pure, and God knows. That is all that matters in my book.

 

[Blank123]

Truthfully, I only care what God thinks. I sleep in one room, he sleeps in another. I know that we are staying pure, and God knows. That is all that matters in my book.

you don't care if you're a stumbling block to other believers?

 

[barefeetonholyground]

Truthfully, I only care what God thinks. I sleep in one room, he sleeps in another. I know that we are staying pure, and God knows. That is all that matters in my book.

Did you forget that if you don't hold others accountable for their sins, or if you cause others to stumble and sin, you will be accountable for those sins as well? You should care what others think, everything you do should be reflecting Christ.