Advice on Temporary Long Distance Relationship

[FaithfulServant]

Hey y'all! I need some advice, whether you have ever been in my position or can just offer some opinions:

My boyfriend (an amazing young man) and I courted for the first year of university and now that summer has come we are 6 hours away from each other and most probably won't be able to see each other the entire summer. We agreed to use these 3 1/2 months as a time of spiritual growth and we are:

1. Using the time that we don't have together to study God's Word and serve Him.

2. Not talking on the phone, only writing letters (via snail mail) to each other to keep up-to-date on what God is doing in our lives.

3. Both taking summer school classes


I am looking for advice on:

1. How to keep from getting lonely: We don't want to be depending on each other for comfort but instead depending on God - how can we keep our minds focused on Him?

2. This past year we lived in the same dorm (he lived on a different floor and we saw each other A LOT every day) but next year we will be living in different apartment complexes and will being taking a harder workload of classes - therefore not able to spend as much time together - are there any new problems or issues in our relationship that might arise because of this? Problems concerning friends, school, temptations, etc.. (This may be a dumb question, but I'm just tyring to cover all my bases here)

3. I am worried about weird tension between us when we see each other again finally after summer because maybe we will have changed into different people or something? Maybe I am just being an emotional worrysome female about this lol But if anyone has experienced this in a relationship please share with me.


Overall, if you have any advice on any of the above or know of anything I haven't thought of, please share

God Bless ,

Steffani

 

[refusethemark]

Oh wow! Something I can help a bit with I am in exactly the same situation as you. My boyfriend and I have been going out for exactly 17 months today. He is so wonderful and amazing and we are planning to get engaged soon, only we can't because... we're apart for 2 years.

How far? 5 hours. You see, last year was my final year at university and he is a year younger than me, so he's still there until July. I finished my teaching degree and got a job in a small country town 5 hours north (no choice but to take it cause it was a scholarship obligation from before we went out). That job is for 2 years. So basically we are apart for 2 years. But I visit frequently in the holidays and long weekends and stuff.

We have managed over the 4 months I've been gone so far, to keep a wonderful relationship going and the only thing stopping us from getting engaged now is the distance, the 2 years and the lack of money.

So how are we doing it? Well, I have a freetime mobile phone plan, where I get 1 hour each day that I can talk for free in the first 20 mins of a call to any phone in Australia. So i hang up after 20 mins and call back. So we talk for 1 hour most nights of the week - a bit of advice. Calling too often can be hazardous sometimes, so we make it not all the time. But then again, not calling at all may not be so good either. We've managed to get a balance going.

We also use the internet and MSN a lot to chat and we send each other snail mail cards every anniversary and sometimes other things. We make CD compilations of songs for each other and give them too each other on our visits. We're getting by. It's tough but it's working out a lot better than expected.

About the weird tension after the time thing..... I really like the idea of you writing snail mail letters often and stuff, but sometimes a good old phone call can really do wonders. We tell each other everything while we're on the phone and we don't usually run out of stuff to talk about. It's our main point of contact and as a result we act as if we hadn't been apart every time we see each other.

I hope I've been of some help!!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Just ride the wave.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Thanks very much Refusethemark. I agree with you, it will only cause more tension if we don't talk on the phone every once in a while, but talking on the phone too much can be really bad also. I'll pray for you and your boyfriend and thanks so much for sharing!

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[refusethemark]

You're welcome and thanks very much for the prayer!!

 

[seekingsomething]

hey, why is talking on the phone too much a bad thing? I mean if you spend hours a night on the phone limiting yourself to one room and one person, that limits God so thats fair enough, but phonin your SO every other night or something like that, why is that bad? You say you are using this time to grow spiritually, well if you think you are going to be marrying this person, should you not want to grow with him also? I read a good book on this called 'boy meets girl' by joshua harris, lots of examples, opinions and most importantly scripture. It really helped me to understand that together you should be gloriyfying God, its important to have a seperate relationship, but you need to know your equally yoked and able to help each other out with God when and as you need to. Hope that helps. Love in Christ x x x

 

[kel32]

Hi FaithfulServant

I'll let you be the judge of whether i'm qualified to give you advice on this matter...

I live in Canada, and I met my present girlfriend 2 years ago up here. She is American ...she was going to school in Chicago, (12 hours from me) and I made many trips to see her, and we spoke on the phone pretty much every night. She moved up here last summer, and for 4 months we lived together (we were planning on marriage, so it seemed 'ok' for us to live together) How wrong we were! God definitely showed us that He was not happy with our situation...We were putting each other 'higher' than God, which led us both to some problems with our own personal relationships with God. He eventually led us to come to our senses, and last November, we agreed that right thing to do was for her to move back to the States, and for us to concentrate on God, and Him alone. It was the best thing we could have done! God was quite clear to both of us, and showed us the errors of our ways. We were both able to rebuild our relationship with Him, thus resulting in an even better relationship with each other. She is currently living in Tennessee, (19 hours from me) and we speak to each other pretty much every night on the phone. The best part is that our conversations now revolve around God; sharing with each other the wisdom He has given us. We are closer now than we have ever been...And it's been 6 months since we've seen each other...

So, through my own personal experience, my best advice to you would be to make sure that you always continually place your trust and faith in God; all else will follow. Loneliness can be overcome through Him. As far as your question of not being able to spend as much time with him, you will soon see that time you do get to spend with him will be that much more 'special' - a wonderful blessing. And as to your final question, you may find out that you both have 'changed', but for the better. You will see each other through new eyes, and your love for each other may be altogether on a different level.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides." Matthew 6:33

~peace and God Bless~

 

[bccromer]

Long distance relationships are just hard in general. I was in one for 3 years that just ended a few weeks ago. We talked most every night and saw each other most every weekend as we were only about 2 hours apart. I would highly suggest that you atleast talk on the phone through the summer. Things will be sooo different when you get back together if you don't. I'm not saying to talk everyday if you are wanting to grow spiritually, but I would atleast talk a few times a week and you can share what God has done for you that week and also catch up on anything else that has gone on in your life. If you don't talk and only write letters, then there is something that you always leave out and it will come up later. Then there will be feelings of regret for missing out on stuff in each other's life. Believe me I did this for 3 years so I know first hand how hard long distance relationships are. I would talk on the phone a few times a week for 30 minutes to an hour max. Instead of snail mail I would use email or IM. If you write letters by the time it gets to them you have already talked on the phone and probably said what is in your letter. Just my suggestion though.

Brad

 

[FaithfulServant]

Seekingsomething: I just finished that book you speak of about 2 months ago and I agree that you should be growing together but it can be dangerous to talk on the phone too often when you are away for a long period of time. I think it might cause frusteration in only being able to hear their voice and not see their face and expression, hold their hand, etc. Well, at least I know I would get more frusterated if we talked too much because that would only make me miss him more. I guess it just depends on the couple though.

Kel32: Your story was very uplifting. I am so happy for you and your girlfriend and I hope that God will bless me and my boyfriend in the same ways. I think you're right about striving to be closer to God and you will grow closer together. Thanks so much for sharing

bccromer - Yes, perhaps you're right, we may have to rethink the letters thing.