Advice on lost love and feelings?

[darren95al]

So My Wife asked me to move out as few weeks ago, which I did. She said she needed some space and time because she has lost feelings for me. We have had a rocky relationship (2 years married Dated 3 years) we get is some heated arguments about incidents in the past that for some reason we have not been able to let go of. There has been time in the past where I wanted to give up, but I know we haven’t taken the proper steps to resolve our issues.

Well she decided she wanted to work things out so we are starting counseling. I am sleeping in the office and trying to give her the space she needs. But haven’t been doing so well. She tells me she out of love with me and has no feelings for me. She says she should be feeling something when I hug her or kiss her on the cheeks, but she doesn’t. The Dr. believes she has a wall up and we just need to get it down. However my wife does not believe she has a wall up. But anytime I go to hug or kiss her, she tenses up like I’m a stranger. Like she is not even allowing herself to feel.

So I guess here’s my question.. what can I do (Other than giving her space) to deposit into her love bank without putting pressure on her. I know many people have been in my shoes so I am hoping I can get some ideas or advice. Thanks and sorry for the book.

 

[isabella7w7]

Hi,

I hope someone answers you soon with some advice. I was in the same boat pretty much. She first told me she doesn't love me anymore about 3 weeks ago and we couldn't really talk about anything at the time. Now 3 weeks later and I left town once to give her space and she tracked me down. Why would she do that if she didn't miss me or love me? And always I get lots of conflicting messages from her but she still comes to the conclusion that she doesn't love me anymore. Finally, I decided to go for much talked about new concept of Marriage Counseling by Dr. Max Vogt Ph.D. in Psychology Expert Couples Counselor. I think it’s worth. We rebuilt our relation and now we are pulling on well. I suggest you to try the same.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

I would suggest reading The Five Love Languages and find out what her love languages are. I would cease most physical affection, and beginning speaking love to her in her top 2 love languages.

My dh feels most loved when we spend time together talking (quality time) and when I do things for him (acts of service). I try to do something from both areas at least once a day.

 

[snowflake04]

I have been in the same situation as your wife, and I've come to realize that it is quite natural to fall in and out of love in a marriage, because the only one who can give us genuine love for each other is the Lord. I pray almost every night that the Lord will give me love and affection for my husband and that He will give my husband love and affection for me. True love is described in Corinthians....that love does not come from ourselves, it comes from God. I think treating a person with patience, kindness, longsuffering, even when you arent feeling all the "feelings" for them is what substantiates true love. Rely on God to bring back your feelings for each other, God has answered my prayers he says "ask and it shall be given unto you." Also recognize that the closer you come to God, the closer you will come to each other. You may feel your having to put in more effort than her at this point, but it's worth it!

 

[Ari5]

Darren95al -

First of all I can say that God can heal any marriage & he will. Take it to him when you get frustrated & ask him for his help in showing what you need to do.
Then I would tell you tell your wife that you are committed 110 % to turning things around & working on the changes together. State to her that everyone has problems, but it is not Gods plan for you to divorce , so you need to work together to make thing change. Everyone has problems at some point, & if they are telling you they don't they are lying.
Then after you tell her how you feel, I would spend time talking & LISTENING to what she is telling you. Ask her what she needs from you to make her feel like her needs are being met. Then try to do what you can to meet those needs. It might take her a little to tell you. Maybe ask her for a date & try rekindling the way things were before, when you fell in love with each other.
Keep in constant communication with the Lord, He Can & will change things for the better if you are faithful to stay in there & work at it. Marriage is not easy, it is a constant job. Hang in there, You can do it!! Don't let satan win. Blessings, Ari