Advice on Foster Parenting

[Solomons Porch]

Looking for any stories, advice, pros, and cons on becoming a foster parent. My children are grown married and out on their own and for some time now ( 1 year ) I have been prayerfully considering becoming a foster parent. I prefer to begin with the age range of birth to 5 years of age for starters. I don't know much about it and would love if you could share any of your experiences in this area, whether they were good or bad, any kind of "heads up" for me would help out. I welcome any stories or advice also from some of you that may have come from a foster home, basically anything that would help me to see into this lifestyle. It's a big step and one I am not taking lightly. I know that "letting go" of them for me is one of the toughest things I will have to face especially if I know they are returning to a horrible lifestyle in which I would hope that the legal system did their part before taking them from me and returning them to their original home or family members. Please share if you have anything that would help out, God bless and thank you.

 

[Hammster]

I can't encourage you enough to do this. It's hard. And yes, letting go is tough. We fosters five and adopted two of them.

I have stories, but I don't think they'd help much. I would suggest going through the classes and getting as much info as you can there. You will definitely hear some stories, and hopefully develop a support system.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I can't encourage you enough to do this. It's hard. And yes, letting go is tough. We fosters five and adopted two of them.

I have stories, but I don't think they'd help much. I would suggest going through the classes and getting as much info as you can there. You will definitely hear some stories, and hopefully develop a support system.

Thank you and YES letting go is gonna be tough for me, that's why I am carefully weighing my options, esp if I know they could be harmed or anything else, but once I commit to it, I'm not backing down that's kinda why I wanna know everything and anything there is to know. Some people suggest going through the local DSS do you have any other outlets to check out and compare (if there is any)?

Five kids wow what a blessing and God gave you the graces to do so, I commend you.

 

[Hammster]

Thank you and YES letting go is gonna be tough for me, that's why I am carefully weighing my options, esp if I know they could be harmed or anything else, but once I commit to it, I'm not backing down that's kinda why I wanna know everything and anything there is to know. Some people suggest going through the local DSS do you have any other outlets to check out and compare (if there is any)?

Five kids wow what a blessing and God gave you the graces to do so, I commend you.

When you let them go, ideally they will be going back to a better situation than when they came to you. That's the goal. It may not be as good as you'd like, but it will still be better.

 

[Solomons Porch]

When you let them go, ideally they will be going back to a better situation than when they came to you. That's the goal. It may not be as good as you'd like, but it will still be better.

What's the longest you kept a child?

 

[Hammster]

What's the longest you kept a child?

Year and a half. She was really hard to let go because we thought we'd be adopting her.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Year and a half. She was really hard to let go because we thought we'd be adopting her.

I know that was very hard to go through. Why couldn't she be adopted? The adoption process, is that costly?

 

[Hammster]

I know that was very hard to go through. Why couldn't she be adopted? The adoption process, is that costly?

They found a family member to take her.

And in Missouri, if you adopt through the foster care system, it doesn't cost anything. In fact, we still paid a little for the two we adopted.

 

[Solomons Porch]

They found a family member to take her.

And in Missouri, if you adopt through the foster care system, it doesn't cost anything. In fact, we still paid a little for the two we adopted.

Foster care system is that the same as Department of Social Services or different? So they try to get a family member to take them in before allowing an adoption?

 

[Hammster]

Foster care system is that the same as Department of Social Services or different? So they try to get a family member to take them in before allowing an adoption?

Yes. Foster care is run though Family Services.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Yes. Foster care is run though Family Services.

Thanks for the information @Hammster, prayers that the right decision will be made, God bless

 

[Kit Sigmon]

If you can, go for adopting a child that be in need of
a forever home.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I'm not quite in the 0-5 age range but assuming you don't find anything there and get to the 25-30 range I'm available for adoption.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I'm not quite in the 0-5 age range but assuming you don't find anything there and get to the 25-30 range I'm available for adoption.

LOL I would totally expect that from you silly

 

[Dave-W]

Foster care system is that the same as Department of Social Services or different? So they try to get a family member to take them in before allowing an adoption?

that depends on the state.

 

[Solomons Porch]

that depends on the state.

Have you done any foster parenting DaveW? If so do you have any advice to share?

 

[Dave-W]

Have you done any foster parenting DaveW? If so do you have any advice to share?

My wife and I, no. But our youngest daughter - yes.

She and her husband live in New Mexico. We were just there earlier this month when they adopted a set of twins. (the outer 2 grandkids in my avatar) They started out in the foster system in NM as alternates - meaning they take children for a weekend or other short term situation to give the regular foster parents a break. (much needed at times) They are continuing with this situation, even though they now have 2 adopted children of their own. And they are considering adopting another pair of siblings.

I sent her your OP and a link to this thread.

 

[Solomons Porch]

My wife and I, no. But our youngest daughter - yes.

She and her husband live in New Mexico. We were just there earlier this month when they adopted a set of twins. (the outer 2 grandkids in my avatar) They started out in the foster system in NM as alternates - meaning they take children for a weekend or other short term situation to give the regular foster parents a break. (much needed at times) They are continuing with this situation, even though they now have 2 adopted children of their own. And they are considering adopting another pair of siblings.

I sent her your OP and a link to this thread.

That's awesome and your daughter must have a big heart. I have never heard of alternates, thanks for sharing DaveW, God bless

 

[Dave-W]

That's awesome and your daughter must have a big heart. I have never heard of alternates, thanks for sharing DaveW, God bless.

Here is what my daughter wrote back:

Its a lot of work. The younger kiddos will have at least 3 weekly visits with their parents, which can cause tremendous emotional turmoil even in kiddos that young. In our state the mission of CYFD (aka CPS) is to reunite families, so they will bend over backwards to give birth parents every opportunity to get their kids back. As a foster parent, the case workers do no always have your back, do no always communicate. We had several newborns/infants that the workers take away, almost with out a word, after a few days to place with other bio-family members. We fostered to adopt our kiddos, and are trying to get two more. But the mission of CYFD is to reunite families, and these other kiddos may end up going back to a horrible horrible situation. We also do respite care for other foster families, but i know that i cannot do full on foster care because i get attached too deeply.
You will find some birth parents just don't know how to be parents and will need you to coach them, and they will really try hard. You will also find that some birth parents are the ugliest of humanity, and your job is to protect the kiddos as best you can, and be that foundation they can rest on...even in kiddos that young. Its not for everyone.
I would say start with respite care, and build up from there. Take the classes (if CPS or other such agency offers classes) and do the home study which will take the better part of a year, and see what happens.​

 

[Solomons Porch]

Here is what my daughter wrote back:

Its a lot of work. The younger kiddos will have at least 3 weekly visits with their parents, which can cause tremendous emotional turmoil even in kiddos that young. In our state the mission of CYFD (aka CPS) is to reunite families, so they will bend over backwards to give birth parents every opportunity to get their kids back. As a foster parent, the case workers do no always have your back, do no always communicate. We had several newborns/infants that the workers take away, almost with out a word, after a few days to place with other bio-family members. We fostered to adopt our kiddos, and are trying to get two more. But the mission of CYFD is to reunite families, and these other kiddos may end up going back to a horrible horrible situation. We also do respite care for other foster families, but i know that i cannot do full on foster care because i get attached too deeply.
You will find some birth parents just don't know how to be parents and will need you to coach them, and they will really try hard. You will also find that some birth parents are the ugliest of humanity, and your job is to protect the kiddos as best you can, and be that foundation they can rest on...even in kiddos that young. Its not for everyone.
I would say start with respite care, and build up from there. Take the classes (if CPS or other such agency offers classes) and do the home study which will take the better part of a year, and see what happens.​

Thank you and please tell your daughter thank you so much for sending this message. Her prayers that we make the right decision is much welcomed. Thanks and God bless