Advice needed?

[sarahlouise64]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum & this is my first post.

I have recently become a new christian however, I am currently in a long-term relationship & we live together. It was actually one of my partners friends who has been praying for him & us that brought me back to faith. I have been very open with my partner about this & he has been very supportive. We have both agreed to not participate in sexual sin also. As my faith is becoming stronger, I have been praying for him to also come to Christ. He is open to the idea & has been praying himself. We have also been praying together, watching sermons & christian movies together. Although, I get the feeling that I am more enthusiastic about the whole thing & want him to be as well. I know I need to be patient & I can't push him. He actually became upset with me as he feels he is not good enough because of my pushy behaviour. I love him a lot and we have spoken about marriage, he agrees that he would like to raise a christian family, but I know he has a lot of spiritual growth to do. I can't help but think about the whole 'unequally yoked' concept. I am so scared of having to let this relationship go, but what if it's not in God's plan for us to be together? These are the fears that have been keeping me awake at night. I know that only time will tell & I need to trust in God. I just really need some support right now. Prayers appreciated!

Thanks for reading

 

[Jeshu]

You are both new Christian, unless sex becomes a problem, you best of staying in relationship for awhile longer and both dedicate yourself to growing in Christ first for a bit. Christ has much for you both on offer. Grow in love and understanding in God and in each other.

Praying things will work out for you two in Him. A relationship in which both partners take Jesus seriously is bound to be blessed with happiness and joy in both of your lives together. Pray and work towards that.

Peace.

Matthew 6:35 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

 

[ajcarey]

You do need to fear being unequally yoked, but your more urgent thing is that you definitely shouldn't be living with him right now (even though you're not participating in sexual sin it is still improper, a bad testimony, and an unnecessary occasion for temptation). You really need a Biblically solid church and Biblically qualified leadership to help you handle the relationship otherwise, as there a lot of specifics and variables that only one who knew both of you could be familiar with. I think though you should just be friends now who don't live together and that you should give him space to learn about the Lord and make his own decision about whether he wants to follow Christ or not. You should not want pressure from you nor fear of losing you to get in the way of him really counting the cost and saying yes to the Lord genuinely. He should not see Christianity as "Jesus plus you" or "no Jesus means no you." Why cloud and confuse his decision? You can probably just back off, put things on hold, and say "we're going to seek the Lord and order our lives right in His eyes and focus on Him and re-examine the relationship later after we see how things go for a while in those more important areas." Now if he won't even do that, and even refuses to let you do that yourself without him, but rather insists it is now or never for your romantic relationship going forward, then you've got to tell him never. Hope that helps.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Hi awesome that you have found the Lord and are growing if faith and I can see the discernment you have as you weigh your options. 2 Peter talks about how to never stumble and be effective for the LORD. 5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.

10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
So lets look at your situation by faith you have the virtue in you which is wanting to do the right thing. This is why virtue is second on the list because obedience or self control is how you act out virtuous behavior. A Christian should be one who is sinning less all the time and also putting on acts of love mercy kindness with out bad motives such as pride or selfishness.

You are in the cross hairs as you already know that living together is giving the appearance of sin. Dating evangelism does not often work but if you move out the heart of your boyfriend will be revealed as he will now have to pursue you again and he knows that unless he is a Christian that the deal is off the table. If he comes to Christ make sure it is for real and you see the fruit in His life that he has a zeal fo the LORD that has nothing to do with you. The fact is you have bonded with him and have strong emotional feelings for him. You recognize that you may have to give this up. The wait and see approach is a compromise and you need to move back home or out or get a roommate and this is an obedient path one that virtue would show self control. There will be a weight off your shoulders when you take this step as you put the LORD 1st. I do know some who are married a long time who came to the LORD in very similar circumstances. He will see your faith is 1st if you move out. If you compromise what would that say about the value of your faith? I see people at fast food ask for a water cup and then put soda in it and they are willing to lie and steel for a $1.69 and I wonder what value they place there integrity. You are in a similar situation where the cost is much more than $1.69 so what are you going to do?

 

[thisgal]

Do what's right before the Lord and risk the consequences. Your brand new spirit will lead you and God will never let you down.

 

[sarahlouise64]

You are both new Christian, unless sex becomes a problem, you best of staying in relationship for awhile longer and both dedicate yourself to growing in Christ first for a bit. Christ has much for you both on offer. Grow in love and understanding in God and in each other.

Praying things will work out for you two in Him. A relationship in which both partners take Jesus seriously is bound to be blessed with happiness and joy in both of your lives together. Pray and work towards that.

Peace.

Matthew 6:35 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Thank you so much for your advice & kind words.

 

[sarahlouise64]

You do need to fear being unequally yoked, but your more urgent thing is that you definitely shouldn't be living with him right now (even though you're not participating in sexual sin it is still improper, a bad testimony, and an unnecessary occasion for temptation). You really need a Biblically solid church and Biblically qualified leadership to help you handle the relationship otherwise, as there a lot of specifics and variables that only one who knew both of you could be familiar with. I think though you should just be friends now who don't live together and that you should give him space to learn about the Lord and make his own decision about whether he wants to follow Christ or not. You should not want pressure from you nor fear of losing you to get in the way of him really counting the cost and saying yes to the Lord genuinely. He should not see Christianity as "Jesus plus you" or "no Jesus means no you." Why cloud and confuse his decision? You can probably just back off, put things on hold, and say "we're going to seek the Lord and order our lives right in His eyes and focus on Him and re-examine the relationship later after we see how things go for a while in those more important areas." Now if he won't even do that, and even refuses to let you do that yourself without him, but rather insists it is now or never for your romantic relationship going forward, then you've got to tell him never. Hope that helps.

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate where you are coming from. We are actually moving house in the new year & have a church to attend, I'm not sure that moving out is tangible at the present time. We honestly haven't had any issues with sexual temptation, but I know this isn't the case for everyone. Since this post, he has been talking about the Lord a lot more and has been actively seeking him as I have been praying for.

 

[sarahlouise64]

Hi awesome that you have found the Lord and are growing if faith and I can see the discernment you have as you weigh your options. 2 Peter talks about how to never stumble and be effective for the LORD. 5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.

10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
So lets look at your situation by faith you have the virtue in you which is wanting to do the right thing. This is why virtue is second on the list because obedience or self control is how you act out virtuous behavior. A Christian should be one who is sinning less all the time and also putting on acts of love mercy kindness with out bad motives such as pride or selfishness.

You are in the cross hairs as you already know that living together is giving the appearance of sin. Dating evangelism does not often work but if you move out the heart of your boyfriend will be revealed as he will now have to pursue you again and he knows that unless he is a Christian that the deal is off the table. If he comes to Christ make sure it is for real and you see the fruit in His life that he has a zeal fo the LORD that has nothing to do with you. The fact is you have bonded with him and have strong emotional feelings for him. You recognize that you may have to give this up. The wait and see approach is a compromise and you need to move back home or out or get a roommate and this is an obedient path one that virtue would show self control. There will be a weight off your shoulders when you take this step as you put the LORD 1st. I do know some who are married a long time who came to the LORD in very similar circumstances. He will see your faith is 1st if you move out. If you compromise what would that say about the value of your faith? I see people at fast food ask for a water cup and then put soda in it and they are willing to lie and steel for a $1.69 and I wonder what value they place there integrity. You are in a similar situation where the cost is much more than $1.69 so what are you going to do?

Hey! thanks a lot for responding to my post. I understand what you're saying about giving the appearance of sin however, there is no sin taking place so I don't see an issue? If I could go back in time we probably wouldn't have moved in together, but we were not following the Lord then. I would need to consider the whole moving out situation, as we have planned to move in the coming months & have already found a church to attend with friends. My partner has become increasingly committed to his faith over the last few days since posting this, but I do understand that moving out & being friends would reveal his true heart. I will definitely consider what you've said. Thank you

 

[sarahlouise64]

Do what's right before the Lord and risk the consequences. Your brand new spirit will lead you and God will never let you down.

Thank you for your reply!

 

[Melody Suttles]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum & this is my first post.

I have recently become a new christian however, I am currently in a long-term relationship & we live together. It was actually one of my partners friends who has been praying for him & us that brought me back to faith. I have been very open with my partner about this & he has been very supportive. We have both agreed to not participate in sexual sin also. As my faith is becoming stronger, I have been praying for him to also come to Christ. He is open to the idea & has been praying himself. We have also been praying together, watching sermons & christian movies together. Although, I get the feeling that I am more enthusiastic about the whole thing & want him to be as well. I know I need to be patient & I can't push him. He actually became upset with me as he feels he is not good enough because of my pushy behaviour. I love him a lot and we have spoken about marriage, he agrees that he would like to raise a christian family, but I know he has a lot of spiritual growth to do. I can't help but think about the whole 'unequally yoked' concept. I am so scared of having to let this relationship go, but what if it's not in God's plan for us to be together? These are the fears that have been keeping me awake at night. I know that only time will tell & I need to trust in God. I just really need some support right now. Prayers appreciated!

Thanks for reading

Sarah,
I know the anxious feeling you feel. I just wanted to share a few scriptures with you which I believe might speak to your heart. I am praying for you to have a great peace.

I Corinthians 3
We are only God’s servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. 6 I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. 7 It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. 9 For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building.



Colossians 3:12-13
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. (NLT)

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (NIV)


1 Corinthians 9:19-23 ESV
For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

YAHWEH, I lift up Sarah to you. You are our creator and redeemer, and I ask that you please give Sarah your great peace. Let her wear a mantle of your anointing of peace and calm. Give her wisdom in abundance and send more people to her friend - and Lord help him to not feel unworthy or reluctant in any way but give him his own revelation and excitement and build him up quickly. Thank you for Sarah planting the seed. Thank you that others have watered, and above all, thank You for bringing the increase. In your Son's name, Yeshua. Amen!

 

[sarahlouise64]

Sarah,
I know the anxious feeling you feel. I just wanted to share a few scriptures with you which I believe might speak to your heart. I am praying for you to have a great peace.

I Corinthians 3
We are only God’s servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. 6 I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. 7 It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. 9 For we are both God’s workers. And you are God’s field. You are God’s building.



Colossians 3:12-13
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. (NLT)

Galatians 6:9
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (NIV)


1 Corinthians 9:19-23 ESV
For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

YAHWEH, I lift up Sarah to you. You are our creator and redeemer, and I ask that you please give Sarah your great peace. Let her wear a mantle of your anointing of peace and calm. Give her wisdom in abundance and send more people to her friend - and Lord help him to not feel unworthy or reluctant in any way but give him his own revelation and excitement and build him up quickly. Thank you for Sarah planting the seed. Thank you that others have watered, and above all, thank You for bringing the increase. In your Son's name, Yeshua. Amen!

Thank you so much for your wisdom & kindness!

 

[Sketcher]

As my faith is becoming stronger, I have been praying for him to also come to Christ. He is open to the idea & has been praying himself. We have also been praying together, watching sermons & christian movies together. Although, I get the feeling that I am more enthusiastic about the whole thing & want him to be as well. I know I need to be patient & I can't push him. He actually became upset with me as he feels he is not good enough because of my pushy behaviour.

Sounds like he needs some space. You can show him the Kingdom, but you can't drag him into the Kingdom.