Advice Needed

Ok. I am 22. My boyfriend is 25. We have been dating for 3 1/2 years, most of which has been long-distance. We love each other very much and are contemplating getting engaged soon. The problem is, if he would pop the question today, I don't know what I'd say. My heart wants to say yes, but my mind is unsure. Here's why. Yes, we've been dating for awhile, but we've hardly seen each other. Do we really know each other enough to really be in love? The second reason, and the much more important one is about him and his ambition, or rather the lack thereof. He's been out of college for 3 years, and still has not found a career that he loves. In fact, he's been working as a restaurant host for the past year. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he finally found a job that he loves, but its not exactly a job you can do for the rest of your life. But that's not the most bothersome part. It worries me that he seems to have no desires for the future other than marrying me. Meanwhile, I just graduated college in May, and I have secured a position at a local church that I both love and can make a career out of it. If, for some reason that we broke up, which I hope not, my life wouldn't change too drastically, because I still at least have an idea of what I'd like to do with the rest of my life, with or without him. But he, on the other hand, would have to start over from scratch. I am very uncomfortable with that idea. I mean there's a difference between being the center of his universe and being his universe. I love him, and I know that he loves me. We are both Christians, and he is super supportive of me and my ministry. I'd love to support him and his dreams too, if I only knew what they were! Any advice on this matter? And will you pray for us, too? I just want to do the right thing by God.

Thank you all for your help. Yes, I have given the relationship over to God. But it is just so hard. I know what I want to happen, but I'm not sure that I want to hear what God has to say about the relationship. But what if what I think God is saying about this is not really God but my own doubts? How do you discover what is right? I do not want to make the wrong decision!

Thank you all again for all of your help. I agree with alot of what you all have said. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be an excellent husband and father someday. He is just so good, and gentle, and understanding with me, and man, you should just see him with kids. He will be a great father! My main concern is the whole needy part. Yes, he needs me, and I am kind of drawn to that. It is nice to be needed. And I know that he will be there to support me emotionally during the moments that I am more needy. But, I am not comfortable with the idea of him being a stay-at-home dad. I've grown up in a family where finances are tight, even with both parents working. It has caused so much turmoil and unhappiness for me while growing up. I do not want my children to have a childhood like mine, and because of this, I am reluctant to believe that in today's world a family can survive on only one income. Especially since that the career path that God has chosen for me doesn't exactly pay much. (God is calling me to be a pastor, and I am currently working in youth ministry while saving up money to attend seminary.) I want to believe that if God truly wants me to be a pastor, and if God truly wants Steve and I to be together, money won't be an issue. I think it goes back to my parents. My mother and I are a lot alike. She also works in the church and is the breadwinner of the family. She resents my dad for his lack of better employment, and has told me several times that if it weren't for my sister I, she would want to go back in time and marry someone else. And I'm worried that that might be my future as well. What Steve and I have right now is so special. I don't want to ruin it over something as simple as money. Sorry this was a long response. He is coming in next weekend. (We've been long distance for 3 years, and he is hoping to get an apartment that is near mine during this trip, and move in by the end of October.) So if we need to be over, this would be the time to end it. Which I don't want to do.

Well all,
He got an apartment. Just around the corner from mine, too! So, why am I not excited? Isn't this what God wanted? I'm sure that if God didn't want us to be together, he'd make it so that we wouldn't be able to be together, right? Has it just not hit me yet because he hasn't actually moved in yet, or am I emotionless because I've really lost feelings for him? I don't know, and if I don't know myself, then I don't know what's up. He still doesn't have a job yet, and I still have all of these concerns. I'm going to talk to him about them when he comes in next weekend. I'd do it over the phone tonight, but its not exactly something I'd want to hear over the phone. I've brought up concerns to him before, but I always feel guilty, not because of anything he's done, but because of, well, me. He doesn't appear to have any problems with our relationship at all, except for the distance part, and in about a week, that won't be an issue anymore. Why am I the only one with concerns all the time? Am I overreacting, or am I just sensing warning signs that have dipped below his radar? So, pray for me next weekend when he comes in. Pray that all of my concerns get voiced, and that we can work something out for the better. Thanks for all of your advice. Now I just need prayers. Lots of prayers.