I've been participating in a forum for about 4 years now and quite a few of the people there have met up over the years for drinks or to see films etc. Now a few of us have posted pictures and so forth but no last names. Some people are friendly, some are not so friendly but everyone seems to be ok.
I've spoken on the phone to a friend of mine from this forum and she seems nice.
The thing is, ages ago before I realised I'd be staying on this forum for so long I posted some untruths about me. Now a lot of people from this forum dislike me. When people post nasty things I threaten to call the police. People think I am a little over the top. I made sure that the things I had made up were told to these people a while back because I felt so bad about it but now of course, some people see me as a distrusting person and someone they can't really rely on for the truth.
Unfortunately, on that particular forum people calling you names or laughing at people bringing up the past, calling me a liar...are not bannable offences. They are merely just of the opinion that you gotta take it etc...and when you dare complain you get laughed at or told you're being silly.
In all of this, I'd like to work for this forum in the music section and it could happen-I am doing a course that would more than qualify me for it and I'd be working with some of the people who Mod the site, one of which is a lovely young guy who I kind of like. The thing is, because of my Catholic Beliefs, I don't know if we'd be much of a good pair. I know one of his mates is a Christian but not Catholic, and I'd like to just be able to be independant and just everyones' friend rather than liking someone who I may meet and they'll just see me as a friend.
I don't believe in looking for romance online but for some reason can't get this guy out of my head. It seems that I always like someone-and no matter how much I try to be content alone there is always some part of me that is like "I wish I was dating Oliver". You know what I mean? Is it normal for a woman like me to constantly have feelings of wanting to be with someone? I am Praying to just be happy and content being alone but do other single people always seem to have someone on their radar they think about a lot etc and would like to date?
I guess also I am a little concerned that these people, including Oliver, have the wrong idea about me. The thing is though if I stay hiding behind my comp forever how will they ever know the real me? I think Oliver aswell is, while seeminly friendly, a little wary of me and if he or any of the others had done what I had done I'd be wary too. I've seen the pictures though of these get togethers they've all had and they seem to have so much fun together. But how can I stop thinking about someone who I am pretty sure is dating people and that's fine because he doesn't know me but...how do I stop thinking about someone who I may end up working with yet they may not like me because it will take some time for them all to get to know me etc..?
Any advice would be great I am so confused. Many of them are wondering why on earth I haven't been to a meet up yet. Truth be told-I get panic attacks. I don't really have any friends and I am unsure how to be a conversationalist unless I have the aide of my computer. I also have depression. I just don't want to build a fantasy world where I meet these people and they're all nice and Oliver is especially nice but at the same time I don't know if I should expect the worse-that I'll have nothing to say and they won't want to be my friend etc...
I KNOW as a child of God I'm worthy of anyones' friendship, I don't think of myself as some poor sap who needs these peoples' approval, I just HATE the fact they think I am this liar who is really emotional when I'm not like that at all.
I just think my emotions are more readily available and on sho when online. If someone came here and posted lies about themselves, their relationships and posted a fake pic, you'd be hard pressed to trust them again. At the time I thought I had a net stalker because someone was messing with my account (turned out to be one of this sites' old mods he has left now) and so I figured it's just a forum why not post a little fake info? Won't hurt. Boy was I wrong. Now that I've been there years people want to meet me and I want to meet them and now when I meet them instead of seeing me as who I really am they will see the woman who lied about everything.
I've made a total ass of myself guys.
And I am not even sure if Olly and the others trust me or believe what I say anymore.
And I can't really blame them. The thing is though I really want to meet these peeps and just hopefully eventually befriend them. I think they are all pretty special in their own way. I juist don't know what to do or if my feelings for someone who may not even like me or trust me that much are wrong.
Also, is it wrong that when I go to sleep I kind of imagine someone is hlding me? Not in a sexual manner, it's just a soothing type thing. Is that weird? Am I crazy? It's just so embarrassing I don't know if I am sane or not.
I've spoken on the phone to a friend of mine from this forum and she seems nice.
The thing is, ages ago before I realised I'd be staying on this forum for so long I posted some untruths about me. Now a lot of people from this forum dislike me. When people post nasty things I threaten to call the police. People think I am a little over the top. I made sure that the things I had made up were told to these people a while back because I felt so bad about it but now of course, some people see me as a distrusting person and someone they can't really rely on for the truth.
Unfortunately, on that particular forum people calling you names or laughing at people bringing up the past, calling me a liar...are not bannable offences. They are merely just of the opinion that you gotta take it etc...and when you dare complain you get laughed at or told you're being silly.
In all of this, I'd like to work for this forum in the music section and it could happen-I am doing a course that would more than qualify me for it and I'd be working with some of the people who Mod the site, one of which is a lovely young guy who I kind of like. The thing is, because of my Catholic Beliefs, I don't know if we'd be much of a good pair. I know one of his mates is a Christian but not Catholic, and I'd like to just be able to be independant and just everyones' friend rather than liking someone who I may meet and they'll just see me as a friend.
I don't believe in looking for romance online but for some reason can't get this guy out of my head. It seems that I always like someone-and no matter how much I try to be content alone there is always some part of me that is like "I wish I was dating Oliver". You know what I mean? Is it normal for a woman like me to constantly have feelings of wanting to be with someone? I am Praying to just be happy and content being alone but do other single people always seem to have someone on their radar they think about a lot etc and would like to date?
I guess also I am a little concerned that these people, including Oliver, have the wrong idea about me. The thing is though if I stay hiding behind my comp forever how will they ever know the real me? I think Oliver aswell is, while seeminly friendly, a little wary of me and if he or any of the others had done what I had done I'd be wary too. I've seen the pictures though of these get togethers they've all had and they seem to have so much fun together. But how can I stop thinking about someone who I am pretty sure is dating people and that's fine because he doesn't know me but...how do I stop thinking about someone who I may end up working with yet they may not like me because it will take some time for them all to get to know me etc..?
Any advice would be great I am so confused. Many of them are wondering why on earth I haven't been to a meet up yet. Truth be told-I get panic attacks. I don't really have any friends and I am unsure how to be a conversationalist unless I have the aide of my computer. I also have depression. I just don't want to build a fantasy world where I meet these people and they're all nice and Oliver is especially nice but at the same time I don't know if I should expect the worse-that I'll have nothing to say and they won't want to be my friend etc...
I KNOW as a child of God I'm worthy of anyones' friendship, I don't think of myself as some poor sap who needs these peoples' approval, I just HATE the fact they think I am this liar who is really emotional when I'm not like that at all.
I just think my emotions are more readily available and on sho when online. If someone came here and posted lies about themselves, their relationships and posted a fake pic, you'd be hard pressed to trust them again. At the time I thought I had a net stalker because someone was messing with my account (turned out to be one of this sites' old mods he has left now) and so I figured it's just a forum why not post a little fake info? Won't hurt. Boy was I wrong. Now that I've been there years people want to meet me and I want to meet them and now when I meet them instead of seeing me as who I really am they will see the woman who lied about everything.
I've made a total ass of myself guys. And I am not even sure if Olly and the others trust me or believe what I say anymore.
And I can't really blame them. The thing is though I really want to meet these peeps and just hopefully eventually befriend them. I think they are all pretty special in their own way. I juist don't know what to do or if my feelings for someone who may not even like me or trust me that much are wrong.
Also, is it wrong that when I go to sleep I kind of imagine someone is hlding me? Not in a sexual manner, it's just a soothing type thing. Is that weird? Am I crazy? It's just so embarrassing I don't know if I am sane or not.
