My problem with your posts tropical is clearly seen in your last post. in the first part of your response you say i have claimed the solution won't work. however in the very same post you quote me acknowledging that i didn't realise courts will set specific dates and also quoted me saying looks like that is my only option.
The other issue is that you kept telling me to do something i have been doing and is not working and despite my explaining that you kept saying it claiming i should discuss with her not dictate terms. yet when i call her and say when i need to know by (another suggestion of yours) she just says i will get back to you but doesn't. if she refuses to give an answer that does not help me. if i don't know the dates i can not book a round trip ticket unless i dictate terms.
You can talk with people, express what works with you, without dictating terms. I gave you an example of how to do that, and you got mad because I was patronizing you. So... I'm really not sure what to tell you. You can work with your ex to figure this stuff out, despite your repeated meltdowns that it's just not possible.
You also say i should sit down and work with her. well tell me how do you think we got an agreement in the first place???? you know that agreement i mentioned she wasn't following. that i mentioned i conpromised on what i wanted to make sure we had a agreement. you seem to have ignored all this in your responses. that is why i had trouble understanding. i thought you read what i wrote hence didn't understand. if i had realised you were not addressing what i mentioned i would have understood.
So then sit down with her like you did before, over the phone, and work it out. Say "I need to book the dates for you seeing (son), please give me the round trip dates that work for you, keeping in mind his coming back on days x, y, and z won't work for me. I can't book anything unless I have the dates he's coming and coming back, so let's work this out."
Ta da.
I
know her total income is none of my business but she is effectively stealing fron me and her other ex. yeah i've spoken to ppl about it.
Not your business. Not something you should be discussing with others. If you're upset with how much she pays, the irregularity in which she pays, or feel she's misrepresenting what she makes... There's a place for that.
Court.
A simple web search shows that child support in Australia is calculated by looking at the paying parent's last year's income unless there's been a change in employment, then it goes off of this years estimated income based off what is reported to the court and supported by documentation. That amount is then compared to the custodial parent's income, a percentage of support is determined based off of what you make and what she makes, and then an order is made. Exactly like it is here.
i can try to convince the tax office to make her do her tax return but she will be fined. not something i really want to do because that might cause her to have financial trouble.
Like two posts ago you said it was impossible for her to have financial problems as she has like 50k in disposable income.
the expenses i put are either 100% accurate or in her favour. if she chooses to live a extravagent lifestyle that is a choice and not a sign of financial struggle.
It's not up to you to guestimate her income, accurate or in her favor. It's inappropriate for you to discuss it with others as you state you have been doing. And it's certainly not up to you to determine what is or isn't or may or may not be an "extravagant lifestyle" for her income, or determine what that means related to her financial struggle. Doing so is merely speculation, it does you no favors, makes you look bitter, not to mention it's nosey because it's none of your business.
Let the court decide what child support should be. Have it taken out of her income. The rest of it is none of your business to speculate about.
i will agree that it is not nornal that a person would be aware of her expenses. i am aware i did not cover all costs eg clothing but i did cover all essential other than clothing which would not need to cost $40k per year. there is a difference between choosing expensive stuff or buying things you don't need to and struggling to make ends meet.
None of your business. You don't determine how she spends her personal income, or if it means that her financial issues are legitimate. You're divorced, you're not involved in her income, it's not your place to say that her lifestyle is extravagant or not, especially considering you have no idea what her income or expenses really are... You're just speculating. Just because her income level would reduce your financial stress to almost nothing, doesn't mean it does for her, or that she's leading some extravagant lifestyle.
Like I said, my husband's nutty ex does this all the time. A couple months ago she asked my husband to pay a medical bill for one of the kids that's 4 years old. He reminded her that because what the amount he pays in support is so high and he pays 100% of the kid's insurance costs AND still provides her insurance (and foots the bill) when he doesn't have to, paying superfluous medical bills is her responsibility unless there was some extraordinary circumstance, especially as the bill was so old. She said the bill was going to go to collections if she didn't get money immediately, and again, he said that the bill was her responsibility, she should have dealt with it 4 years ago, and regardless, we didn't have the money to cover it in such a short period of time. She complained and moaned about how broke she is, how she struggles, how she's always broke, how we were unfair, how we make so much more then she does so we should pay it, etc etc etc. In the end, it's not our financial responsibility and we had no money to help her out at the time. Our extra money and savings was going to car repairs, paying off our son's medical bills, and replacing a glass door on our home that was broken... It wiped us out. Of course she didn't know that, of course we didn't tell her as it's none of her business, but we simply couldn't afford it with 24 hours notice. The bill went unpaid, it's in collections, and she can't settle it until she finds out if they're taking her to court.
Flash forward a couple of months, I got a bonus from work and took money out of a large settlement I got to pay off the car and all our credit card bills, giving us an extra $800 a month to ourselves. I got a higher paying job, a bonus, and our taxes came back. Our financial situation went from dire to very comfortable as a result. My husband decided to celebrate what was the cumulative effort of several years of hard financial living to get our ducks in a row, pay off our debt, and have a different lifestyle as a result, by taking us out to dinner, giving me roses, a gorgeous amethyst ring, and telling me that he entered me in the Disney marathon I'd been dreaming of running in for the better part of a decade, something I've been training for for the last 6 months... All of which was a huge surprise.
She immediately responded by complaining to all of our friends and family that while she struggles to just get food on the table and has to go to court over their kid's medical bills that have gone to collections, we live an extravagant lifestyle, and that we lied when we said we couldn't afford to pay the medical bill. Of course she left out that we work more then triple the hours she does, she chooses to work less, that she left the medical bill delinquent for 4 years and gave us 24 hours notice to pay it, that it wasn't our responsibility to begin with, that 50% of his take-home goes to the kids and that he pays her medical insurance still, and that a large reason for the change in our lifestyle came from living on $100 a week disposable income and hucking the rest at bills. And that a huge portion of it came from my personal income, which she has no rights to at all. She also left out that she's paying for a trip to Disney, money that could have (and should have) gone to the bill she neglected, but she didn't want to cancel because "she deserved it."
In short, you don't know what her financial obligations are, it's not your place to speculate. Go to court if you have problems, but keep the rest of it to yourself.
