Advice needed, turning around

Strong in Him said:

I understand and appreciate that.

But there is a BIG difference between saying, "I'm trying but I'm struggling. Have you guys got any advice/words of hope/words of Scripture and could you pray for me?" and answering all such words of hope with the words "but I'm too sinful/hard hearted/hell bound for it to make any difference."
People are going to get tired of trying to offer hope, and the words of life, if they feel you are rejecting or throwing them back at them.

Though maybe you could start your own thread in another section of the forum and see what help/advice you get there?

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Invalidusername said:

I know there are some people on this forum that are really harsh on people like me so I try to avoid drawing attention to myself most of the time. I am afraid that I might find out that I am truly hopeless if someone quotes a Hebrews passage and then tells me it's too late for me.

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Rosesandthorns said:

Two weekends ago I took a trip to London, completely last minute on the train unprepared and travelled alone 8 hours from my home in Wales.

The night before this happened I had lost my faith.

I was with my boyfriend we had been having sex and I had been drinking alcohol heavily for nights. I was feeling close to death, spiritually and physically. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit anymore I felt weak, my health declining and that my spiritual body was so damaged from all of the sin that I thought "Ok, this is the end. If I die, I die."

12am, just as I was about to go to bed my phone rings just before we headed upstairs - a Christian friend said he knew what was happening and said I needed to repent, how he knew I don't know..

I ran into the bathroom "How!?" He said the Holy Spirit told him to contact me.

I was so hardened I thought there is no way I could turn back.

Saturday Morning - I headed over on the train. The whole journey I was so out of my comfort zone not to mention I had no clue where in London I was going!

My heart was hardened towards Jesus. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I felt suicidal and void of human emotion all I could feel was fear, anger and rage. I had constant eye pain a strange feeling of pride. I could feel the demonic presences entangled into my being I was very aware of what was happening. This was my whole body demonically entangled from the sex, drugs, sin and loss of the Holy Spirit.

Saturday Arrival - When I got there I fasted for two days I didn't eat or drink a single thing. The night before Sunday I tried to sleep but I could not sleep an inch I was attacked all night.

Sunday Morning - We headed to two services. The first service I went to was a small evangelical church where there was a lot of singing and worship the Lady was prophesying, she was very annointed as she began to talk it was as if she was speaking to me out of all the crowd, she saw what was happening inside of me and called me up. She prayed over me and I fell to the floor shaking I felt the fire of the Holy spirit move through her as she prayed and I could feel things leave me. She placed a blanket over me and I couldn't move on the floor for a good 10 minutes. I knew there were still things inside of me though and it wasn't finished. I hugged her so hard when I left and she exchanged phone numbers with me. Second service - The second service was a very large congregation in London, called winners church. We tried to make it on time to the service but we missed it - travelling so far we were so dissapointed but luckily my friend knew the pastor who favoured him so highly that he agreed to meet with me in his office.. this gentleman was a face I'll never forget as he got up from his desk, I could see the Holy Spirit in his eyes and the love of Jesus as he annointed my head with oil and commanded whatever was left to leave he told me to read the book of JOB after I had left. His eyes were piercing and the image stayed with me all the way back to my friends house. We got back to my friends house, I felt a slow shift taking place inside of me.

We arrived back at my friends house, I showered and got a clean change of clothes. I sat down and began to write with my pen -- I could feel the essence of life slowly coming into me telling me information and it made sense. The feeling stayed with me, I headed for the train thinking about what was happening.

On the train home I planned to meet my boyfriend when I got off the train. I was staying at his house. I told him I didn't wanna go back to having sex and I wanted to abstain, he respected my desicion and I told him I needed to keep to this cleaner way of living. We ordered Chinese food and watched movies and we didn't have sex.

The week went on and I felt less of the Holy Spirit and felt I was leaving doors open "Shall we go out?" my friend said. I said ok as long as I don't drink. I ended up drinking, having sex and being tormented even worse.

Shortly, if not days after I felt the holy spirit eave. I was back in square one and even worse than before. I couldn't sustain the deliverence.

I am thinking I may need to leave the area in which I'm living in, in order to change my path.. if there's still hope left, I want to repent of my sin but I need to be in a place where I cannot repeat habbits? Leave my area completely move somewhere I can keep my deliverence.

I spoke to my boyfriend and he wants to move to Leeds I just need to figure out a ministry down in Leeds, I know of one called Mercy UK which is a biblical school which is what I was going to do this year which is in Yorkshire. He supports my Christian beliefs and said if we get married he will get baptized.

I have a ticket that's valid for a whole month to go back down to London. Maybe break things off with my boyfriend for now, fast, repent and get deliverence this time..

Any advice appriciated please no judgemental or mean comments as I'm feeling fear as it is. Thank you.

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