Advice needed regarding remarriage

[wtrailer]

Hello everyone. I am new here and have a question regarding remarriage. I'd greatly appreciate some good Christian advice on this issue.

A little history -
My mother-in-law, a professing Christian, divorced my wife's father (also a professing Christian) when my wife was a child. She was involved in an affair and eventually married the man. This new man became my wife's stepfather.

As time went on the man and my mother-in-law grew in their faith. My wife then marries me and the man becomes a Christian mentor to us - I was quite new in my faith at the time. My wife begins to look at the new man as her "father-figure" and grandfather of our children. She even states that she "loves" him.

Later down the road, the man makes some poor decisions regarding finances and puts he and my mother-in-law in a precarious situation. Also, the man begins to show siymptoms of mental health issues, specifically Bipolar disorder. Long story short, my mother-in-law again has an affair with a man she meets at work and then divorces her husband. A few years later (having kept the new relationship a secret from my wife) she decides to marry the new man.

As you could probably guess this has brought on a lot of confusion, anger and frustration to our family. What is the best way to respond to my mother-in-law's new relationship? To make matters worse, my wife is seen as the bad guy by her side of the family because she is not accepting of this new relationship.

Upon my studies I have concluded that the Bible is clear that this is an adulterous relationship. However, the Bible also states the importance of grace and forgiveness. Where do we go? How do we respond to this new couple?

Thanks for reading!

 

[Quasicentennial]

Jesus our spiritual partner is a healer of all diseases if we pray and stay faith-focused onto him every second. Satan would interfere with his power of evil using deceitful lies to make a person take another choice - an easy way out of problems where the healing miracle of Jesus has become something like: "you're on the waiting list" - waiting for the miracle to happen but feels like it will never happen. Going to church to link spiritually with other Christians as we are one with Christ can make the healing power of Jesus magnified. Our church prayer team put their hands on the heads or shoulders of each church member who are lined up in front of the stage of the church so that the fullness of healing is transferred as the holy spirit keeps us safe from the damaging effects of sin. We are all brothers and sisters of Christ's family once Jesus is accepted. We are not of this Earth's non-Christian system where a married couple is treated unfamily-like.:*:.

 

[hedrick]

You can't solve everyone's problems. From your description, I wouldn't have done what your mother in law did. She was in a difficult position, and made what I think is a bad choice, but it probably looked to her like the lesser of two evils. I'm just not sure you're required to judge her, unless she's asking for your advice.

I understand that you're now involved in a complex mesh of interpersonal relationships, and it's going to be hard to continue relationships with everyone you'd want to. I can't solve that from here. But I'm not clear that deciding whether your mother in law's remarriage was a good idea or not is something you need to do. It doesn't sound like you have any responsibility for Church discipline with respect to her. Even assuming your church does discipline in a situation like this, a church would be ill advised to put someone with your complex relationships in a position of dealing with discipline in this case.

 

[singpeace]

W,

First let me say how sorry I am. No one should ever judge your wife for being angry and hurt; especially if those judging her are so accepting and forgiving of your mother-in-law.

I suggest your role is to support and protect your wife while she adjusts. Remind those who see her as the 'bad guy' that forgiveness, understanding, and non-judgment goes both ways, and your wife deserves the same kind of love as does her mom.

Pray diligently and be on guard against resentment, that it doesn't take root in your hearts. God says in his Word that if we humble ourselves before him and resist the enemy, he WILL flee. Right now your wife is vulnerable, so I would strongly suggest that your only sure thing is faith in God and his Word. Remain humble before the Lord and resist the temptation to become resentful and bitter.

Father God, here is a husband who dearly loves his wife. You have placed him as head over his wife to honor her because she is the weaker vessel. You have charged him with protecting her, and I ask that You Lord help him to do his part. Father, I ask that there be mercy extended, and grace, to this dear wife. Help her to see her own mother through the eyes of Christ. Help them both to guard their hearts, to be wise and yet gentle, and to know the peace of God which passes all understanding. Heal all her wounds. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

 

[Lee52]

Brother, I am reminded of Jesus' conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well to draw water. Total honesty is a frightful thing. That said, your wife would be well within her place as a Christian daughter to go to her mother and put it all on the table. Adultery is a sin. Two or more occassions of adultery are sin. And yet, David had Bathsheba's husband set up to be killed so that he could have her, and we all know how God viewed King David.

Adultery is a sin. Continual adultery is a sin. There are no degrees of sin. The only sin unto death is blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, and adultery does not rise to that level. At some point in time though, continuous sin will come between God and our relationship with Him. A born-again Christian cannot continue to commit the same sin, over and over without cost. But that is up to the Lord to judge. His standard for us to forgive is 7X70 each and every day, if asked to do so.

Again, your wife needs to have a face-to-face sit down come to Jesus meeting with her mom. I did it with my dad and it was the best thing in life I ever did. He deserted my sister and mom and I when I was in 6th grade and seldom ever paid child support or did anything for us or with us. He came back into my life when I was about 30. We had a sit down the first opportunity I had to get him alone. I took him to breakfast and we talked there and in the car going to and from. Sometimes, total honesty in love is the only right answer.

Be blessed,
Lee52

 

[Sketcher]

Biblically speaking, if you're going to judge this relationship with man #3, you've also got to judge the one with man #2. Your mother-in-law went one adulterous relationship to another. Her real husband is your wife's biological father, assuming neither of them were already divorced when they married each other.

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." - Matt 5:32

That's as liberal as Jesus gets with divorce and remarriage. Sadly, there are a lot of people in this country who pay no attention to it, and make this spider web of illegitimate relationships that they all get caught up in.

 

[HISservant21]

Hello everyone. I am new here and have a question regarding remarriage. I'd greatly appreciate some good Christian advice on this issue.

A little history -
My mother-in-law, a professing Christian, divorced my wife's father (also a professing Christian) when my wife was a child. She was involved in an affair and eventually married the man. This new man became my wife's stepfather.

As time went on the man and my mother-in-law grew in their faith. My wife then marries me and the man becomes a Christian mentor to us - I was quite new in my faith at the time. My wife begins to look at the new man as her "father-figure" and grandfather of our children. She even states that she "loves" him.

Later down the road, the man makes some poor decisions regarding finances and puts he and my mother-in-law in a precarious situation. Also, the man begins to show siymptoms of mental health issues, specifically Bipolar disorder. Long story short, my mother-in-law again has an affair with a man she meets at work and then divorces her husband. A few years later (having kept the new relationship a secret from my wife) she decides to marry the new man.

As you could probably guess this has brought on a lot of confusion, anger and frustration to our family. What is the best way to respond to my mother-in-law's new relationship? To make matters worse, my wife is seen as the bad guy by her side of the family because she is not accepting of this new relationship.

Upon my studies I have concluded that the Bible is clear that this is an adulterous relationship. However, the Bible also states the importance of grace and forgiveness. Where do we go? How do we respond to this new couple?

Thanks for reading!

-------
friend,

simply put... there is to be no divorce for any reason.

"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." - Luke 16:18
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some holy scripture re: marriage
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Proverbs 18:22
"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. "

Ephesians 5:24-26
"Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," , (this love is unconditional my brother, no matter what, till death do you part)

1 Corinthians 11:3
"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."

Colossians 3:18-20
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord."

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Matthew 5:28
"
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. "


"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. " 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Malachi 2:16
"For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. " [putting away is divorce, The LORD hates it]

Matthew 19:6
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

1 Corinthians 7
"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"

 

[gerardeflow]

Yes, remarriage is adultery
Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:12, Luke 16:18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-12, Romans 7:2-4

 

[DreamerOfHearts]

It sounds like your mother-in-law has some issues. There also seems to be a lot of finger pointing, as tends to be common in sick families. Scapegoating. "He was bad with finances" and "has bipolar disorder".

She is an adulteress... and who knows what kinds of disorders she has.

She will likely continue to repeat this pattern over and over again.

I would suggest being nice and accepting, and just let her continue. She won't listen to you.

Eventually, people learn to accept the people they are with, and not have a wandering eye caused by finger pointing and scapegoating.