advice needed...(Friends)

[A2597]

*Sigh* This is one where I really don't know what to do. (Hence, I need advice)...

So, like most things men need advice on, thiis one involves women. I met this girl a year ago. I'll admit I was nieve at the time, and the only thing I was really looking for in a woman was a Christain. I figured nothing else really mattered. So, we met, she took an interest in me...we dated. First couple months were good. She had alot of stuff to work out in her life and I tried to help her through it. We stuck it out for a total of 6 months...that last 4 or so I was pretty certain it wasn't going to go anywhere, but I was also under some pretty heavy spiritual warfare in the form of depression (Which I'm quite positive WAS spiritual warfare, because I was taking a class in sharing my faith to prepare for a mission trip, and literally 5 minutes after the class ended, so did my depression).

Anyhoo, I wasn't certain if the feelings I was having about the relationship were mine or something brought on by the warfare...so I didn't end it. Put her and myself through a rough time in the process, which I am very sorry about...

Ended the relationship 6 months ago...tried to stay on good terms, was really hard on her. I ment alot to her, and she still needed me as a friend, which I am happy to do.

Now...well...I mean alot to her, and she is a great person with a really good heart. But in the end, we just don't click. Not even in the sence of friends. Well...let me re-phrase that. She doesn't click with me. Honestly, she isn't the type of person I hang out with...just too dissimular. She loves to be around me though...and hence the problem.

Really, I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her (again) It's just...honestly I just don't enjoy any of the time we spend together. I have no problem being there to encurage her when things are hard....but general conversation, hanging out...I just don't want to, and don't enjoy the time spent together.

And it's not her fault, we're just too disimular in the end...
*Sigh*

Any ideas what I should do? Stick with trying to be a friend even though I don't really want to be around her.....or try to explain (somehow) what I'm actually feeling. (Which will crush her emotionally...)

(Rock and a hardplace)...*sigh*

 

[Sheva]

I’ve never been in that situation but I think you should try to stay friends. It’s not like you’re in a relationship with her anymore and I'm sure hanging out with her isn't the worst thing in the world. Just think of it as helping someone out. Also, you didn’t mention the amount of time you two spend together. If it’s every day then that’s probably way to much. But if it’s like an hour a week I think it would fine. You’d be helping her out. Breaking the friendship off completely, in my opinion, probably wouldn’t be the best thing to do, especially if it would hurt her.

 

[JayCdn]

I absolutely have beenin a somewhat similar situation. As such these statements come emotionally loaded. I have no Bible verses for you, only experience. Our situations aren't exactly the same as the girl in my situation now lives 800 miles away, but she still wants e-mails and MSN often.

I suppose you could try to maintain a somewhat fake relationship (no disrespect Sheva) as a service to this girl, but in the end I don't see it as a service to either of you. It seems that this is what you were doing for the last 4 months of your relationship which doesn't seem to have been benificial. Being near her I guess you can't wash your hands of her completely.

I think the main idea of this question comes from the wording of ths last line. If you truly mean "I don't really want to be around her" then I don't see a huge deal, but if you mean I really don't want to be around her, then don't be. If something is harmful to one person and only falsely positive for the other, no good will come (in my personal experience). As we all know, you have to be gentle.

 

[Periann]

Ive also been in a similar situation with a guy once. It's tough when you're used to being nice.

My advice would be to NOT tell her how you feel directly, because this is something that should be handled with more sensitivity-and 'crushing' someone is not the best idea all around. I think you should try to establish a distance with her and eventually she will get the point. If she asks why you should tell her that you simply think that you don't feel the same way as you once did, and though she is a great person you don't think it's a good idea for you 2 to spend more time together, and words like that, as tactfully as possible.

Good luck with it though!