Advice needed for situation with a lady

[aotearoa]

Hello to all of my brothers and sisters and Christ,

I'll give you a bit of background information about myself first. I am a Christian man in his twenties. Currently I am going to a university in California and will graduate this December, then I will have to do a year of post-graduate study.

In one of my classes right now there is an absolutely fantastic Christian lady, whom I will call "Katie." (although that is not her real name). During the first few class sessions I discovered that we shared a very peculiar interest (I won't say what, as it may allow some forum members to identify her. You never know with the Internet...). So I decided to actually sit by Katie in the future class sessions. She didn't seem to mind me sitting by her and occasionally we talked about just small talk stuff. I had been praying about her since I first started talking to her, and after sitting next to her for a couple of weeks is when I found out that she was Christian as well, and when I found out that I become VERY excited as you can imagine. I ended up giving her something aligned with our 'peculiar interest' (I got sent two copies of it in the snail mail for some reason, which I took to mean that God wanted me to give one of them to her.) because I knew that she would really enjoy it, and I really wanted to be a blessing to her. About a week after that I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime outisde of class and she said somethig like "I think we could make that work.." But the next time I saw her she said no, so I asked her a couple weeks after that and she said that she was just too busy.

Through how Katie interacts with other people in the class I can tell that she is clearly 'sold out for Jesus.' She is extremely modest and is always up and about helping other people in the class. This is what attracts me so much to her, and I have a lot of admiration and respect for her.

My dilemma right now is that I think I should just try to be her friend, and since I want to respect her I don't want to push her boundaries at all, either accidentally or interntioanlly. In addition to our own interest we also have lots more in common (in my opinion, at least), such as we both really like computers, we both like making videos and photography, and our college major and minors are the same.

So recently I have been praying to God several times each day that I could somehow just be Katie's friend, and that I would always be interacting with her in a way that builds her up rather rather than making her feel nervous around me. I have never had a girlfriend before and I have no desire to have a girlfriend just so that I can be dating someone (although, like most Christain single men my age I very much want to married... and married soon, but I know that it will all be in God's own timing, which will be better than my own timing, of course...). Katie is really the only lady that I can say I have been smitten for since I became a Christian about four years ago. But even if she doesn't have right now (or will ever have) the same feelings for me that I have for her I would really appreciate it so much if she would still be willing to just be friends with me, and maybe to hang out together with me along with other people (e. g. typical Christian/church settings).

I should also probably say that God has used this lady in my life to make me realize that I need to start cleaning up a lot of junky stuff in my heart (typical guy lust stuff, and also the need to show grace to more pople, particularly those that I do not personally favor and/or like.). So of course that whole process has now started, and will be ongoing, probably for the rest of my life for much of it. I never thought that I'd be able to get over the typical sexual sin stuff that guys face, but a Godly lady can be an amazing force in a guy's life, even if he and the lady barely even know each other.

Anyways, I guess that what I would really need advice on (from men and women equally) would be how to go about just trying to start just a friendship with her, now that she knows that I am 'interested' in her. I get the impression that she is a bit reserved around guys and is guarding her heart, but that might just be my wishful interpretation ;-). And of course,a lady who carefully guards her heart will receive the utmost respect and admiration rom me personally, beacuse that tells me that she respects herself and that she respects me as man, and that she also expects me to respect her and undertsand her, which is crucial to any relationship ,of course. From my breif conversations with her I have ascertained that she almost certainly does not have a boyfriend/fiance/any guy that she is interested in pursuing right now.

So if anyone out there can give me any advice on how I should proceed with Katie it would be so very muh appreciated. I was thinking about asking her for her email address at the end of the semester and actually telling her outright that I would just like to be friends with her. Would this be a good idea, do you think?

And just in case that Katie is reading this (not very likely I'm sure, but hey, this is the Internet...) I just want you to know that I really like you for being just who you are, and thank you for being such a blessing in my life. You're a very wonderful lady, and I hope that my posting this here doesn't embarrass you. I'm just a somewhat confused guy and I don't want to make you feel nervous or anything around me ;-/!

Thanks very much everyone, and fight the good fight and keep the good faith good.

 

[YouthPastor]

First, try to get her to do things in a group setting - with a group of others.

Secondly and this may come across as blunt - but it is not meant to be an attack against you..

You mentioned that you can tell by how she interacts with others that she is sold out for Jesus.

Well, if she is looking at you to try and figure you out - if she is looking at how you act etc.... what does she see?

If she is sold out and you appear to be "luke warm" ( I am not saying you are. I am just giving an example), she may not want a "dating" relationship with you as she may fear it will pull her down.

 

[Hope_0004]

I think that you are overanalyzing the situation a bit. Don't worry, everyone's done it - myself particularly included.

The thing is, you keep saying all you want to do is be friends - well, have you ever sat around and devised a plan on how to be friends with a guy? Or with a girl that you weren't interested in romantically? Most of us would answer "no" to that - it just happens. I think you need to be honest with yourself about your intentions - it's great that you think a friendship would be a place to start, but I'm guessing the reason you are obsessing over this is because you see the potential for more. That's cool, but just know what you're getting into before you set out. You don't want to be caught in the "friend zone" forever.

I say you take this opportunity while you still have it to be around Katie and manuever some down time outside of school. Group things are always great for this - start up a conversation about virtually anything - school assignment, weather, whatever - but have an activity in mind that you want her to attend with you.

You have to start somewhere.

Unless you plan on walking up to her and saying, "I'd like to be friends," you will have to find a way to spend quality time with her. As nice as the thought is that we could all just walk up to each other and say "let's be friends", in actuality it kind of freaks me and my friends out when someone does that. There's an element of unnaturalness to that whole thing... is that word even?

You sound like a super guy - I think you just need to actually spend some time with this girl. You need to see if there is any chemistry, too. If not - cool, you made a friend. If so - YES! CONGRATS~ but you have to find out first!

 

[aotearoa]

Thanks people, this is very excellent advice. As for how I am acting in the class I am trying to be be on my very best behavior and I try to help others in the class also. I just have to remember to be especially nice to the teacher, because she is very hard to get along with and I clash with her in another class that I have that she is also teaching.

And I guess abour formally asking her for her friendhsip yeah that probably not be the best thing to do. True, my intentions would be to be more than friends with her eventually (probably...) but maybe she would rather be friends with me first and then see about being more involved with me (or maybe not).

Maybe over the summer I will try to organize something with a group of people that we can do together. Maybe I will just invite her to my church or something (I got to church on Sunday evenings and shoe goes to a different church on Sunday mornings).

 

[Hope_0004]

Yeah, church would be great!

I'm just sayin'... if this girl is as great as you think she is, she might not be single for long!

Yes, she might want to be "just friends" for awhile, maybe even forever... but you still need to decide if that is okay with you. I think you should just think of it as "getting to know you" time and not worry about labels quite so much yet. You need to spend some time with her before you can decide what you want, or she can decide what she wants.

Good luck!!!

 

[Inperfected]

Start friends. If it comes to it, progress slowly.... WIth the basis of friendship you'll find you can come through a lot more...

Check your control panel, to see your reps! Nice to know theres more from your (username) who are christians, and going hard out!