Advice needed - all is welcome

[BecauseSheWeeps]

Alright men - I'm willing to listen. Yesterday, my husband's friend decided to flip me off and basically just say screw you to me because of something really stupid and it hurt my feelings. This was in a group chat. I asked him to send texts instead of videos. He responded with a few videos saying no and then sent one of him flipping me off and the look on his face was not nice. So I got upset and left the chat. My husband sees that about a half hour later (I just didn't respond - we are both at work and I didn't want to be upset so I just left the chat) and texts me asking me why I left. I told him that his friend hurt my feelings. He told me that I shouldn't take it serious and then started scolding me because I left the chat. Then the friend apparently got in to a fight with his wife over it and now they are fighting (I'm going to assume that she stuck up for me?) but so now him and my husband aren't friends - husband is mad at me because I 'created' this and I said nothing but just left the chat. I'm lost.

 

[Petros2015]

So I got upset and left the chat.

Seems reasonable, like a chat with a person I would not want to be in a chat in

Then the friend apparently got in to a fight with his wife over it and now they are fighting (I'm going to assume that she stuck up for me?) but so now him and my husband aren't friends - husband is mad at me because I 'created' this and I said nothing but just left the chat. I'm lost.

Hopefully he'll thank you later. I do get angry or irritated when people don't get along w each other but hubby's friend crossed the line. Sometimes it takes some time for me to see and appreciate other people's feelings. Our own feelings are the only ones we experience first hand. Give hubby some time. You did the right thing from the account you gave. He might see that later.

Everything else is just dominos.

 

[snoochface]

You did nothing wrong. The only thing you might have done "wrong" is to ask someone else in a group setting to change their behavior - only because he can send videos if he wants, and if other people in the group chat aren't bothered by it then the onus is on you to do what you need to do for yourself, which you then did. You made a request, it was met with aggressiveness, and you set a boundary for yourself. That's healthy, not conflict-creating.

The conflict was created by the barrage of "no" videos, the flip off, and the escalation to relationship severing over a stupid group text thread. Everyone should put their technology down and get back to learning how to be real human beings with one another.

 

[Halbhh]

Alright men - I'm willing to listen. Yesterday, my husband's friend decided to flip me off and basically just say screw you to me because of something really stupid and it hurt my feelings. This was in a group chat. I asked him to send texts instead of videos. He responded with a few videos saying no and then sent one of him flipping me off and the look on his face was not nice. So I got upset and left the chat. My husband sees that about a half hour later (I just didn't respond - we are both at work and I didn't want to be upset so I just left the chat) and texts me asking me why I left. I told him that his friend hurt my feelings. He told me that I shouldn't take it serious and then started scolding me because I left the chat. Then the friend apparently got in to a fight with his wife over it and now they are fighting (I'm going to assume that she stuck up for me?) but so now him and my husband aren't friends - husband is mad at me because I 'created' this and I said nothing but just left the chat. I'm lost.

Pray the prayer Christ said to us all to pray, because He knew that we would need it. It's for every day (to pray each day).

Each thing He instructed us is because we seriously need very much to do the things He said in order to endure and thrive and even keep our faith over time. (As we learn in Matthew chapter 7, concluding in verses 24-27, which tell us if we do as He says, we will make it, and endure any storm)

Matthew 6:9 Context: Pray like this: 'Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.

 

[prodromos]

husband is mad at me because I 'created' this and I said nothing but just left the chat. I'm lost.

Your husband needs to back you up and be your other half in this situation. I don't now if there is some advantage he hoped to gain from the relationship with this other man, however if any opportunity has been lost it is not in any way your fault.

 

[Walk together]

You didn't say what the chat was about and what was said earlier in the conversation. Was there any disagreement or pressure in something said or did all the hostility come out only regarding your choice of communication? I'm not judging you just that I am unclear about the surrounding situations.

 

[Trusting in Him]

And this man is supposed to be a friend? Don't friends show each other respect? He needs to apologise. He showed you no respect! It's not your fault, if he chooses to behave like that!

 

[Swan7]

First of all - wow! It's like watching a cartoon in live action.
​

That is a great example of what the unseen enemy does with evil influences among people. They get us to fight against one another, and it doesn't have to be anything heavy. The smallest thing can now ignite provocation in all of us. God's Word has something to say about this:

Spoiler

Proverbs 19:11

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

Proverbs 15:18
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

Proverbs 15:1
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 29:11
“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

My favourite one is this:
Ephesians 4:26-31
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

I don't know what the conversation was about that might have upset your husband's friend or why they aren't friends anymore, but there is a lesson in this you can learn from in a Christian way. God has our back no matter what people may fire at us, using the arrows of the evil one that they aren't even aware of.

Personally, from what I can perceive in what you wrote, I see nothing wrong in the way you handled it by just leaving. People that come at you for no reason is something I can also relate to as that happened to me in my younger years. We choose how we react in every situation either in a Christian way or a non-Christian way. I'd say, you chose the better one.

Pray for your husband if he is not a Christian, or is a Christian and just choosing poorly when it comes to backing you up. He is supposed to be there for you, and you for him. It's an equal partnership, not a separate one.

Hope all goes well for all of you in the end.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

This I know: If any friend of my husband's were to flip me the bird, in any context, that friend can expect to get an earful from my husband. When a couple gets married, their spouses become their primary relationships. This comes above all else. Your husband's loyalty should be to you first, his friends after.

 

[subtlecollision]

Your husband shouldn't blame you in this situation. You did nothing wrong.

 

[Tony Conrad]

A husband should respect his wife. That is part of his duty of love. This should be seen to happen in a group discusion home group or whatever it was. He displayed something for all to see and sided openly with his friend over you. There is nothing wrong in different opinions but coming against a different opinion in anger in a group setting is not right in any group. I hope he would have sorted it later. He was obviously enabled by his friends opinion but that doesn't make it right. That's where cancel culture started from.

 

[Chichi Perez]

Pray the prayer Christ said to us all to pray, because He knew that we would need it. It's for every day (to pray each day).

Each thing He instructed us is because we seriously need very much to do the things He said in order to endure and thrive and even keep our faith over time. (As we learn in Matthew chapter 7, concluding in verses 24-27, which tell us if we do as He says, we will make it, and endure any storm)

Matthew 6:9 Context: Pray like this: 'Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.

Just a side note, Jesus said to pray "like" this. not to repeat that prayer every day just so you know.

 

[Chichi Perez]

Alright men - I'm willing to listen. Yesterday, my husband's friend decided to flip me off and basically just say screw you to me because of something really stupid and it hurt my feelings. This was in a group chat. I asked him to send texts instead of videos. He responded with a few videos saying no and then sent one of him flipping me off and the look on his face was not nice. So I got upset and left the chat. My husband sees that about a half hour later (I just didn't respond - we are both at work and I didn't want to be upset so I just left the chat) and texts me asking me why I left. I told him that his friend hurt my feelings. He told me that I shouldn't take it serious and then started scolding me because I left the chat. Then the friend apparently got in to a fight with his wife over it and now they are fighting (I'm going to assume that she stuck up for me?) but so now him and my husband aren't friends - husband is mad at me because I 'created' this and I said nothing but just left the chat. I'm lost.

I think your husband should have never talked to that friend again for disrespecting his wife REGARDLESS of the context. If it were me, I know my husband would have definitely given the "friend" a good talk about it and then goodbye nobody talks to my wife like that. Totally think your husband was wrong here... supposed to love his wife that's what the bible says not love your bros. smh... but forgive him. forgive your husband and pray for him. nobodys perfect.

 

[prodromos]

Just a side note, Jesus said to pray "like" this. not to repeat that prayer every day just so you know.

Jesus said "pray like this" out of humility. We, in our pride and hubris, think we can come up with better than God Himself.

 

[Halbhh]

Just a side note, Jesus said to pray "like" this. not to repeat that prayer every day just so you know.

Let's look.

5“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

“ ‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation, a
but deliver us from the evil one. b ’

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
-------------

Now, we are to pray for all sorts of things.

But, here Christ specifically is telling you -- you, and me, and all of us -- what are some of the most central, needed, crucially important things to pray for. So, it's down to whether you trust Him, about that, of course. I do because I've tested things He said over and over and over in many ways, and they work just as He said. That the prayer is 'daily' is only indicated by "our daily bread", but we of course know that praying each day is good.

Now, I can attest -- factually -- that when I don't pray this prayer, I tend to run into more problems during that day, until I do. And amazingly, that when I do pray it, even ongoing problems with other people that might have arisen just suddenly disappear. This factual observation isn't the result of like 20 experiments, but instead many hundreds, from days when I just didn't get to praying yet....

 

[Chichi Perez]

Jesus said "pray like this" out of humility. We, in our pride and hubris, think we can come up with better than God Himself.

LOL of course not. I can never even begin to scratch the surface of God's perfection and soverignty. It's not bad to pray that prayer, but I just feel like people memorize it and repeat it without giving it much thought and treat it like a magic spell that they cast for their own selfish wants. In that sense, I don't think it should be taken as "pray these words". The scripture says to not pray in "vain repetition" and that's what I was referring to. God wants us to have a relationship with him and tell him everything we feel and it doesn't need to be only through this prayer. We should be praying without ceasing, like the bible says and it does not mean to repeat this prayer throughout the day but to have a true relationship with him speaking for ourselves, TOO. that's what I meant LOL definitely not that I know better than Him. That would be complete foolishness lol

 

[Halbhh]

It's not bad to pray that prayer,

More than that really -- these are specific things that God in His wisdom says are key for us to pray for....and...you know perfectly well that He knows better than we do on such things... So, as you rightfully pray about many kinds of things over time, many prayers on many different things, don't forget to also pray on the most crucial central things Christ said to us to pray about, in Matthew 6. For your own sake!
(it might help to remember that more than once, Christ instructed His disciples to specifically pray not to fall into temptation, so that's a repeated instruction He gave, to pray for that...., and that's not the only thing in the Matthew 6 prayer He repeated elsewhere in other moments)

 

[GracefulWarrior]

Whenever my husband and I find ourselves in the middle of such situations like these, we always have to remind ourselves that, WE ARE NOT EACH OTHER'S ENEMY! THE ENEMY OF OUR SOUL IS THE ONE AND TRUE ENEMY! And correct BACK TO GOD, PRAY AND REPENT, and move onward in Christ Jesus...Not to place blame anywhere, just laying it all at the feet of Jesus...

Another important factor that God taught me to do, was praying BLESSINGS over my husband, ESPECIALLY when I don't feel like it! While he's sleeping, laying my hands on him and praying over him...Before he leaves for work or a ride, etc., hugging him while praying blessings over him, and I do this out loud so that he can hear too!

I'm my husband's BIGgest fan in Christ and I truly believe that God anointed him to do what he does for God's Kingdom and my husband knows and understands my motives and my heart...It doesn't happen over night, but with God it may, until then, I made it a GOOD habit and it just gets easier and easier to build and lift each other up...

Just an fyi what my prayer started out as in the beginning (back in '98 on)...

Thank You Father God for Blessing me with my Godly-Awesome and Loving Husband, my Partner for Life in Christ Jesus!