Advice? Married people?

[VanillaRose]

I posted this in the prayer forum, but I could also use some advice. Well, me and my boyfriend are having a very hard time. He says that he is not sure that I'm the one...But he doesn't think that I'm NOT the one. Right now, we're still together but doing a lot of thinking. We know we're in love...but it's God's will we are seeking now. We've been together a year and four months. (I'm 20 he's 25) Is there any advice? We're doing alot of praying and crying right now. Did any of you go through the same thing?

 

[Oblivious]

I posted this in the prayer forum, but I could also use some advice. Well, me and my boyfriend are having a very hard time. He says that he is not sure that I'm the one...But he doesn't think that I'm NOT the one. Right now, we're still together but doing a lot of thinking. We know we're in love...but it's God's will we are seeking now. We've been together a year and four months. (I'm 20 he's 25) Is there any advice? We're doing alot of praying and crying right now. Did any of you go through the same thing?

Maybe I'm wrong, but it kind of sounds like you're in a rush to get married. Don't be. Especially if he says he's not sure you're the one. Personally, I'd question the relationship, being as you guys have been together that long and he's not sure. My husband and I both knew after a couple of weeks of dating, so I'm probably not much help! My advice is to continue to pray, communicate, and again, don't feel "rushed". Enjoy each other and just see where things go.

 

[Johnnz]

Great to pray. Good friends and wise Christian counsel can help settle some ideas and give you some pointers.

Things like a real friendship, based on common values, interests, goals are very important. Respect for each other, and a growing desire to be together are useful factors to consider as well.

Not that many people get some 'voice from heaven' on a matter such as this. It is most often personal choice based on expereince, a lot of thought and prayer, wise advice, parental attitudes and a steady but growing inner settledness about the decision being the right one.

A useful general principle of guidance is that, after doing the above and making a decsion, you continue to feel OK with it. If you ahve comitted a decsion to God, and made it as best you can, then trust God to unsettle you if it really is wrong.

Bless you both

John
NZ

 

[LynzLovedByCHRIST]

Hi there. I can relate to how you feel. Today my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and seven months (wow! doesn't seem that long). For quite a while I have felt like I could spend the rest of my life with him. However, he hasn't been as quick to feel that way. When we had been together a year and three months, we had a discussion. Then he told me that basically he was in favor of continuing our relationship and getting to know each other even better, but he was not sure yet if I was the one to be his "forever helpmate." He also said that imagining being a married couple in the same household, even years from now, was "fuzzy" for him. Well, from that I gathered that I was more serious than him. I told him I would not bring the topic up again (within a reasonable amount of time), that he could be the one to do that next. And I haven't brought it up as of now.

I do wonder if we will be married one day. But I know neither one of us is ready for it yet. Your case may be different, since your guy is 25. Maybe he is done with college or has had a steady job for some time. That is one thing for my guy- I know that he wants to finish at least most of college and find a good job to support himself and another person pretty well- and that is probably going to take at least 3 years. I myself have to finish school and find a job thereafter where I can put my degree to use.

Keep on praying, it's what I've done. I make it a point everyday to at least once thank God for Joe and our relationship. I also pray for Him to be continuously molding Joe into the leader that he needs to be one day- not only as a husband, but just as a man of God too.

I understand where you're coming from. I'm sorry it has caused you tears. How long have you and he been going through this? I hope I might've helped you somehow. If not, just disregard everything I said.

May God's Blessings be upon You,
Lynz

 

[beehoney]

I posted this in the prayer forum, but I could also use some advice. Well, me and my boyfriend are having a very hard time. He says that he is not sure that I'm the one...But he doesn't think that I'm NOT the one. Right now, we're still together but doing a lot of thinking. We know we're in love...but it's God's will we are seeking now. We've been together a year and four months. (I'm 20 he's 25) Is there any advice? We're doing alot of praying and crying right now. Did any of you go through the same thing?

It is good that you are praying together about this. If either of you is not feeling ready for marriage, hold off, spend a little more time praying together and discuss it thoroughly. There are times when God will not say directly to you who you should marry, but he has blessed you with intelligence and he has given you guidance in his Word.

 

[Leanna]

Many people these days don't believe in "the one." This isn't a whole search for the needle in the haystack kind of deal. There are many people you could be compatible with but in the end you will choose only one and that person will become "the one." I think your boyfriend is wrong to be all stressed worrying that you are not the one.

 

[Amy47]

Been there done that, I've talked to many people about "how do you knwo he/she is the one". And some people argue that you know from the moment you see them, but others say that it is a gradual process. I think that love is something you learn to do. When you go on a first date with someone, you don't know right away if you want to marry him BEACAUSE you don't know him yet it takes quite a while to uncover the shell but when you do you'll know.
About him rethinking things, well, obviously give him time (Like you've been doing) and I think it's normal for a person (especialy guys I've noticed) to scare themselves with the whole idea of spending the rest of their lives with one person. I'm sooo happy to hear that he's praying about it alot, you guys both sound like you're On fire for God, he will inevidably show you the way...

 

[ChildOfGod20]

my boyfriend and i went through the same thing...LOTS OF CRYING TOO...we both spent a lot of time praying about it and eventually got answers. though we did not hear an audible voice, we did hear God so clearly tell us that we are the ones for each other. its good that you're making sure it's God's will. Most likely, if you're both seeking God with all your heart and youre in love then God won't be like "hey sorry you need to break up cause ive got someone else for you." He doesn't want to see you so upset. But it's still possible that he might have someone else for you. That's why its a good idea to pray about it and know for sure.

 

[VanillaRose]

Thanks guys..I know I posted this and then ran off. But I really appreciate all your advice and encouragment.

 

[InTheFlame]

Boundaries in Dating (Cloud and Townsend) is a really useful book to read... it gives a lot of pointers on how to work out if someone would be a good spouse for you. One of the main things I like is that it doesn't try to say 'this is our gospel, this is exactly what you have to do' ... it just points out lots of different areas of relationship to look at and think about.