Advice for the wicked

[Randpost]

Six months ago, I met a woman that I connected with. She was and still is married. I liked her romantically and I still believe I do. At first we started communicating through email. Our email obsession grew to a few meetings at my house. We haven't had sex or anything like that, but we have kissed. We trust each other not to let it go any further. She was the good Christian in our relationship. I've never been a good Christian. I believe In god and his teachings, but I've not been saved. Every opportunity I get I sweep what I know to be right under the rug for self gratification.

I feel so comfortable with her as does she with me. As time passed I grew to care for her more then any other woman in my life(excluding family love). Her husband doesn't talk to her, drinks a lot and just makes her unhappy. She thinks that with all that has happened in her relationship that this is cause for divorce. I know that this isn't right and these aren't solid reasons for divorce. He never committed adultery nor has he abandoned her. I want her to make the right choices even if those choices don't involve me. Maybe I've become a vessel to help her through this point in her life. I truly want to help her. I love her and want what is best for her. I know that the best thing for her would be to endure her marriage. Perhaps marriage counseling with a member of her church or maybe through prayer. Although he won't agree to counseling. I could never give her true happiness, only God can give her that. God hates divorce. How can I help her? What should I say?

I don't need a lecture on what I've done wrong. I know I was wrong for even spending time with her considering my feelings and I am now trying to rectify that wrong.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

No lecture here.
Right means cutting all ties with the woman.
Why work on her marriage when she has
another man that meets the needs her
husband should be meeting.
Just because something feels good or right
does not necessarily make it so.
If you believe what you do about God/Christ
why not give your life to Him?

 

[Randpost]

Thank you for confirming what I knew I had to do.

If you believe what you do about God/Christ
why not give your life to Him?

She has given herself to God, and I care for her, therefore I will do what is right for her. Only reason I read the scripture concerning our situation was for her.

I guess I have a long way to go before I'm ready to give myself to Him.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Thank you for confirming what I knew I had to do.

If you believe what you do about God/Christ
why not give your life to Him?

She has given herself to God, and I care for her, therefore I will do what is right for her. Only reason I read the scripture concerning our situation was for her.

I guess I have a long way to go before I'm ready to give myself to Him.

He's ready when you are.

 

[clycleader]

Right on, brother! Sound advice. I agree with you about cutting ties w/ her. She cannot and will not work on her marrige w/ him if you're in the picture. Why would she? Doesn't she deserve to give it a shot?
Then, if she does this and you cut ties w/ her and she doesget divorced, you would not be starting your relationship on a negative note. You would not be cheating. IF she does divorce and (I hope personally that she can work it out w/ him) come to you, then you will both have pure hearts about the relationship.
Besides, what have you got to loose other than some time?
I also agree w/ Brother when he says give God your heart, he can help withthis situation and all others. He's always there waiting for you to call him.
Blessings to you on your tough decision.

 

[Autumnleaf]

What you are doing is like holding a torch while walking into the wind. If you don't change what you're doing you're going to get burned.

If this guy gets mad when he drinks and he finds out there's no telling what he's going to do to you or her.

 

[question33]

That you actually have these thoughts are a good sign. Seek and you shall find. There are a lot of people who go through life without ever thinking of such things.

And reading between the lines (and I may be wrong) you are right in that she will have a very difficult time maintaining her Christian faith and divorce her husband under these circumstances. There is plenty of grace and forgiveness in Christianity. However there is no fence in straddling Christianity. Being on the fence is an incredibly uncomfortable and unsustainable place for a Christian to be. Sooner or later you wind up on one side or the other. If her faith is something that attracts you to her, you could be involved in destroying the very thing you like. I have seen this happen before personally.

As long as you are in the picture you will be the fuel for her to divorce. No matter what she tells you, it will be in her heart. Any relationship with you that would happen after that would be tainted with your involvement in the destruction of her previous one. She needs to deal with her husband and God on her own. Good or Bad. It is not a mans place to befriend a woman in a situation like this. You are likely filling a place in her life that her husband should be filling and is not and it will skew things severely.

 

[BrBob]

I guess I have a long way to go before I'm ready to give myself to Him.

Actually, you have no distance at all to go. He is holding his hand out to you right now. I know, religious blather.... I hate it when I sound like that! The thing is though that it is the truth. You don't have to get cleaned up in order to take a bath! Just accept Him in your heart and let Him direct you. Let Him take the lead.

It's not distance, it's a decision...

God Bless
Bob
Spearfish, SD

 

[Ari5]

I agree with the others about breaking all ties, it will be hard at first & you will want to see her again. It will take courgae to break those ties & leave her be.

You can take that step to know Christ as your saviour, he knows what you are feeling & he wants to help. All you need to do is ask. Believe me my friend, you can never go wrong with the saviour by your side, he will help you through all things. It is admirable of you to think of her feelings & that you want to do the right thing. I think Christ is already helping you. He's waiting for you, don't wait. Ari

I forgot to add, your not wicked at all, just a sinner like ALL the rest of us, that is why Christ in our lives is so important, he knew we couldn't do this all by ourselves, we needed him.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Six months ago, I met a woman that I connected with. She was and still is married. I liked her romantically and I still believe I do. At first we started communicating through email. Our email obsession grew to a few meetings at my house. We haven't had sex or anything like that, but we have kissed. We trust each other not to let it go any further. She was the good Christian in our relationship. I've never been a good Christian. I believe In god and his teachings, but I've not been saved. Every opportunity I get I sweep what I know to be right under the rug for self gratification.

I feel so comfortable with her as does she with me. As time passed I grew to care for her more then any other woman in my life(excluding family love). Her husband doesn't talk to her, drinks a lot and just makes her unhappy. She thinks that with all that has happened in her relationship that this is cause for divorce. I know that this isn't right and these aren't solid reasons for divorce. He never committed adultery nor has he abandoned her. I want her to make the right choices even if those choices don't involve me. Maybe I've become a vessel to help her through this point in her life. I truly want to help her. I love her and want what is best for her. I know that the best thing for her would be to endure her marriage. Perhaps marriage counseling with a member of her church or maybe through prayer. Although he won't agree to counseling. I could never give her true happiness, only God can give her that. God hates divorce. How can I help her? What should I say?

I don't need a lecture on what I've done wrong. I know I was wrong for even spending time with her considering my feelings and I am now trying to rectify that wrong.

You are more of a distraction and hinderence then of help. However, you can help by telling her gently that kind of what you said it... keep it short and sweet, then cut off contact with her. Don't leave it open to talk to her again because you'll end up right back where you are, and it could very well be the last straw that leads to divorce. That is my advice not only as a christian, but from experiance. Hope it helps.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I think he's under the impression that he has to give up things and change his life before he gives it to christ...

And I'm not going to say God won't lead you to change, but I will say that it will be "God" who'll lead you to change, in his grace... christianity isn't a bunch of do's and don'ts... and he takes you as you are. Technically, you'll never be good enough... we who are christians still aren't good enough... only his choice to love and justify us at the cross when he died for us while we were still sinners is what makes us good enough, not our actions or behaviors... those are just legistics that get worked out in your christian walk... however.... surely you can't say you have peace now? For a non-christian, there is no peace... maybe a hope for a good time with partying, drinking, drugs and sex... but that's about as good as it gets for a non-christian person. Christ gives true peace, and you'll never have it without him....

OH, and it could be that God is moving through him for her benefit.... like those heathens onboard the ship who threw jonah overboard because they were afraid of God. God used them and they had reverential fear in their hearts... but it was for jonah's benefit.

HB

 

[Randpost]

I'm surpirsed by all the help you all have given me, and I sincerely appreciate it. I already blocked her email, and I will call her one last time today to let her know my thoughts. I think I'm prepared for the conversation, and I will quote scripture If need be. I only hope she can see clearly what I already know to be true. I think I'll also recommend for her to see a church counselor for herself, just so someone else can confirm what I'm saying. It's easy to lose your way, and I haven't helped her at all. It's about time I did.

I believe she has brought me closer to God. I actually pray these days and I also have interested in learning more about what a Christian life has to offer. I owe her a lot for this, and I hope she can forgive me in time.

I thought that this might be a hard thing to do, but I have found a sweet peacefulness in what I'm doing. I feel liberated.

 

[Randpost]

Let me ask you this. When did all of you give yourself to Him. How did the change in your heart come about?

It seems like my heart has hardened over time, and it has just made a turn for the better. I want to better myself, but I need to learn more. I know so little of Him, and I guess that prevents me from "giving myself" to Him.

I think I need to find a good church. I need help interpreting his teachings. I hope there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps at this juncture.

I know I'm only a heathen right now, but I'm guessing most of us were at one point. Perhaps I'll always be a heathen. I don't know.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Cut the ties, as hard as it maybe. What seems good for a person, might not be as good for them as it seems at the time.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Let me ask you this. When did all of you give yourself to Him. How did the change in your heart come about?

It seems like my heart has hardened over time, and it has just made a turn for the better. I want to better myself, but I need to learn more. I know so little of Him, and I guess that prevents me from "giving myself" to Him.

I think I need to find a good church. I need help interpreting his teachings. I hope there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps at this juncture.

I know I'm only a heathen right now, but I'm guessing most of us were at one point. Perhaps I'll always be a heathen. I don't know.

First of all, awsome! Good for you in what you did... the spirit of God is leading you to himself... the word says that no one can come to the father unless he draws them.... and what you did for that girl is good all around... ( I should say what you are still doing... because you aren't out of the water yet).

Secondly... the word says that if you say with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and you believe with your heart that he was risen from death, then you WILL BE SAVED... it's a statement of faith backed with belief...

The enemy is the one keeping your from him, he'll use every excuse in the book..... I still remember the excuses running through my head as I walked to the alter... fortunately God's leading was stronger.

When you "accept Christ" or confess your faith (yes, it's as simple as that) you become born again... he "transfers you from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light" you become a son of God.. and you become a new creation... old things pass away, all things become new. Because by faith you are born again... Now, this is what happens in the spirit.. You become sealed with the holy spirit, and it's only by his spirit that we are able to discern the spiritual word of God... he'll enlighten you to it's meaning, speak to you about it personally.... a christian life cannot be lived by intellect alone.... as a matter of fact that contradicts christianity... because christianity is about faith and a personal relationship by faith with a childlike acceptance. It's simple in other words, not complicated. You cannot discern the word of God with a carnal mind.. you cannot discern what is spiritual with what is carnal... you have to be "made alive in christ" by accepting his free gift of salvation... by faith... then you are no longer carnal, but spiritual.

After that you follow your heart and your convictions... it's a learning experiance from then on... but getting connected with a church... asking questions.. getting connected with mentors will help you. And read read read the word.. it's the truth, and it'll set you free.

Now.. let me see if I can find that scripture... brb.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Well, I think this is what I was looking for. Here's some scriptures for you to chew on...

You'll have to look them up. 1 cor. 2:6-16 *2:14*
talking about the necessity of having the spirit to discern what is spirit...

OH YES definitely read this!!!! John chapter 3.... the whole chapter... it's exactly what you need to read...

Then after that read the whole book of John... because it is good, especially for someone learning about the things of the spirit... and then read 1, 2, & 3 john (I like the john's )

OH, and this... awsome (I'm getting excited about the word of God.. it's so rich and good)
Romans 10:9-15

Hope that helps!

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Sorry... I tend to multipost...

My experiance.. oh yes.. well, I got saved and baptised when I was 14... had a spiritual high for about 2 weeks... then eventually went on a downward slope till I was 17.. and the spirit of the lord lead me back... and I've had my struggles, but it's been a good fight of faith... he changes you from glory to glory.

Something true about having the spirit of the lord in you... you cannot sin peacefully... you'll have the worst turmoil until you turn it around... like someone said... it's very hard to ride a fence in christianity...

HB

 

[AdJesumPerMariam]

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[MeekOne]

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