Advice for someone quick to be offended?

My daughter just came up with a phrase yesterday, that maybe you could sort of say to yourself as you feel yourself getting offended: "conversation before frustration". It's typically because we leap to conclusions about what someone meant (when they *didn't* mean what we thought). It's always better to ask clarifying questions, first. Maybe you do have good reason to be offended - but you only know by having a genuine conversation.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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Get baptized in the holy spirit, let the spirit of God enter into you.

When i was a kid , when we got baptized, we had to promises to God and Jesus to believe in him and follow him all our life in the process. We also had to allow the spirit into our hearts as when we did the spirit of God entered into us transforming us.

Every sense, I do not get offended, I make excuses for others faults.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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The best advice is to not be offended. That takes patience and patience is forged. For example:

Romans 5: NASB

1Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

The reason people get upset, offended, irritated is usually based upon what you "give" to others of yourself.
Giving others opinions power over you, especially those who you don't know, don't respect or trust, and are not good friends with will cause you to take what they say personally. It is when you take things others say personally that you get offended. In order to be less offended you have to put people and their opinions in the proper place in life. Those you don't know shouldn't have power over you to offend you easily, and those you don't like, don't trust, don't respect should be given even less power over you to be offended. In essence being offended means that you are raising their opinions/acts to a level equal to your opinions/acts and in reality those who offend and upset you should be those who you care for and/or respect and that should be because their opinions and criticisms would be said/done on a level that they can help you better yourself. Those who aren't interested in you being "better" and care for you shouldn't be given the power to offend you.

I used to give people power over me and when I decided to take back that power I've become from offended and upset to mainly irritated and annoyed as I realized these people don't pay your bills, don't help you when you are down in the dumps and aren't interested in being your friend often they are just wanting to be right and you wrong and want attention and often have personality and ego issues that by you being offended feed them and make them feel they are more right. Sometimes ignoring people who are 'offenders' will make them ramp up their rhetoric and then everyone around you will see them for what they are without you even responding to them.
I've found my personality does best to abandon people who upset me and not seek to be around them. I remind myself that often people who offend me are actually sinning against me in their offense and by me participating in some sort of conflict I'm encouraging more sinfulness from them.
To put it simple, if you aren't confident enough to be right in your own mind then you will desire to prove it and in that effort being offended will be a big possibility. I've found at times I will speak my mind and then walk away knowing that if what I say doesn't change anything saying more is still not going to change anything and often will only feed me being more irritated. Don't be a stumbling block for people who desire to offend others, just be polite and walk away and not give in to offensive attacks let them bounce off of you.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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Sometime people get easily offended because they easily trusted others and expect nicely of others. Consider only what Jesus tells about you and how He treats you. He is your true identity and whatever He says is right. Don't let yourself be offended by what others say or do. No one is perfect and so such things will happen in this broken world. We need to show grace and mercy and truly forgive them, learn to love them, and pray for them. That way you can get over the offended feeling and you don't get in trouble. Its a process to die to yourself and to reflect Christ. We all have offended God but we all received forgiveness, grace, mercy and love, so that we do the same.

And whenever you pray, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. Luke 6:27-36.

The only way to remain faithful to Whom faithfulness is exclusive is to think about the ‘right’ of what they are saying and acting from the ‘fruit’ of righteousness.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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Are people at your church getting offended with what your saying?

Or or you getting offended with what they are saying?

What kinds of things are causing the offense?

It might help to know that way I can better advise.. but I certainly will keep you in my prayers!

Ask yourself:

- What would have happened in those situations had you kept your cool?

- What do you ultimately want that you are deprived of when you get offended, and what is the best way to get it when you find yourself offended? Because what you've been doing hasn't been working.

The fact that you say it especially happens at church is a strong evidence that you are especially insecure about your spirituality for some reason. Fearing God and seeking His approval foremost always, including in your thoughts and what you do when no one is watching is either going to fix the problem completely or at least go a very long ways in fixing it. No one who is greatly concerned about pleasing God always can be super concerned about people misjudging them or not treating them with enough respect or underestimating them or anything along those lines- because in comparison to God's approval those are very small things. Even if somehow your circumstances are very complex, that has to address a major aspect of the problem. Maybe you have a circumstance beyond your control that somehow makes you feel like a target and that others are constantly evaluating you and wondering about you- but even if that's the case fearing God exceedingly and living like you'll be giving an account to Him for every reaction you have and everything you do ought to at least check your offense the moment it rises up and cause you to understand how unreasonable it is so you can put it down quickly. Below are a few Scriptures that ought to really help:

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil."

"For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." (2 Chron 16:9a)

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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Psa_119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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God's way may not be what you're looking for. God's way of dealing with hyper-sensitivity, with being easily offended, is to put you off the throne of your heart and seat Himself there instead. But getting you off the throne of your heart isn't enough for God. No, He is determined that you should die, too. You see, Self is the source of all of our sin. Self makes us greedy, and temperamental, and touchy, and lazy and, well, you name it. When we sin, we are always in some way serving Self. And Self is so incorrigibly selfish that it cannot be reformed, it cannot be made holy and righteous. No, God's solution to the wickedness of Self is crucifixion with Christ. Jesus himself pointed this out:

Matthew 16:24-25
24...If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

The cross is a place of death. To take up one's cross is to take up the constant denial of one's Self, to die to one's Self. This is the crucified life to which God calls all of His children, which is the road to freedom from being easily offended and from all sorts of personal weaknesses and sin. Paul the apostle wrote often of this life:

Galatians 2:20
20 I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

Romans 6:1
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid! How shall we who are dead to sin continue any longer in it?

Romans 6:6
6 Knowing this, that the old man is crucified with Christ, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

Galatians 5:24
24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts.

God knows that no man (or woman) can crucify himself. Not physically and not spiritually. And so, He has done for us what we could not do for ourselves. United with Christ, we died with him some 2000 years ago on the cross of Calvary. How, exactly? I have no idea. The Bible doesn't give details. But it does say that every born-again child of God is co-crucified with Christ and is thus made free from the power of Self (the "old man") and sin. When you start to live by faith in the truth of this fact and in daily, moment-by-moment surrender to God (Romans 6:13; Romans 12:1; James 4:7-10; 1 Peter 5:6) reckon on your being dead to sin (Romans 6:11), lo and behold, you will start to actually be such a person. And such a person is not easily offended.

Death to Self, living the crucified life, is God's way to freedom from all sin. Paul makes this very clear in Romans 6:1-18. I hope you'll follow God's road to freedom.

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church.

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I think you need to look deeper into yourself to discover the sin that you're committing. At the end of the day, those who are easily offended are really just trying to control other people. In other words, when you're offended your offense is that you're trying to control another person by forcing them not to exercise their liberty in order to avoid offending you. In other words, people who are easily offended are usually on a power trip. You need to examine your heart to ask yourself why that might be the case and what sins you may be committing in this regard.

In the meantime, I would suggest you buck up and start working on not being offended by everything. Especially so when others are exercising Christian liberty.

I call on Jesus to help me asap. Not always but try. Asks Him to help me forgive them and asks Him to bless them.

Sometimes there ARE legitimate reasons for us to be offended. Are you able to maybe share a scenario, HappyHope?

Love conquers all. Learn to tolerate people more especially those you fellowship with in church. If they're deliberately offending you, get your pastor involved so that he can help resolve the issue. God bless

HappyHope said:

Too soon to share right now. Thanks for asking.

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As noted in other places, it may well be best not to post any details on a forum open to being copied, pasted, analyzed, stored, saved, and used at a later date by known and unknown bots, persons, churches, companies, and governments, eh ?
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As written, Jesus Himself becomes our wisdom, and our redemption, and our atonement, and our experiential knowledge with Yahweh (God) ,
and all in all for us and to us and with us , as many as are called according to His Purpose. YES !

HappyHope said:

Hi, I'm new and looking for wisdom on how to not be easily offended. I keep getting in trouble with people especially at church

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Seems from the New Testament that Jesus Himself got in trouble with the "people especially at church" (the religious leaders and teachers) .... they got offended by HIM!@ the SAVIOR MESSIAH KING OF THE JEWS !

So, this happens.... ever since then....