Advice for Brother

[Living4Him03]

Well, my brother and his roommate, who is also like a bro to me, are both going to my church now. Last Sunday we were discussing the lack of participation and enthusiasm there is in the singles group. Then, they got into how they can just "tell" the guys are suffering because there aren't enough "cute" girls to go around! They talked about how they think that you should be able to come to church and meet someone eligible to date. Well, I agreed that church is a good place to meet someone, but at the same time that isn't the main purpose we go to church and the reason most of the guys are not dating someone is because they simply won't ask the girls out! I've seen several guys in my Sunday School class seemingly interested in a girl, but will not have the courage to go up and talk with her! These are 20 somethings!

So, I explained to my bro (s) that this is the reason the guys are single, well at least most of them. They still insisted our church needs more good looking girls. I really get tired of this complaining sometimes. There are plenty of cute girls at our church, even if they are not Barbie dolls. My brother will point out a girl he thinks is cute sometimes and then expect ME to get to know her for him. I think he needs to go up and talk to her and be a man! Anyway, I would really like to know what advice I could give both of them. They ask me about girls a lot and they are 27 and 30 years old. It seems like they should have at least a clue, but it appears that they don't. They still seem stuck in high school where guys will not look twice at a girl who isn't "hot". So I'm wondering what I can do to help them understand it's all about a change of attitude. It seems like they just do not get that it's not 100 percent about looks. They say they understand, but then they go around judging these girls based on not being pretty enough, instead of finding out what's in their heart and being open to God's will.

Any advice on what advice I can give the next time they bring this up?

 

[TriptychR]

I don't know. If they don't have it figured out by now...

 

[Fatolia]

hmmm....maybe show him the clip of Britney Spears cussing out her tech team? Christina Aguilera or Jeri Ryan without their makeup on?

If you are able to somehow show him some examples of "barbie dolls" that are complete screwballs, and then show him some examples of women who have "average" looks who are sexy because of their attitude and character, maybe that'll get him thinking. And please be patient. It takes a long time for the male to finally understand that. Please don't feel like you have to fix the situation, either...geesh, if I had a sister, I'd probably use her too to connect me with the ladies.

Just a question. In their eyes, what does an attractive lady look like? I mean, honestly, I feel the hots for about 60%-70% of all women I run into. That can't be just because I'm wild and out of control (although it may be part of it). Maybe he just doesn't understand beauty when he sees it. Maybe he watches too much MTV, and if any woman doesn't match within a 5% tolerance of one of his models, then she goes in the reject pile.

 

[Living4Him03]

It's more that they won't take the opportunity to get to know the girls that aren't really, really pretty. They will pick the prettiest one and if they can't date her, they act as if there are just no girls at all around. He does have his specific type...its' mainly him more than his roommate. His roommate has less of an ego. He doesn't act like he deserves the prettiest girl in the room and if he can't have her, well he just won't date. My bro seems to not understand that just because she is at church and she's pretty does not = in love with Jesus! Typically he likes petite girls who have blonde hair, dress really trendy, have a good body, etc. Which is fine, but I think he ends up overlooking girls who may not have that exact look he likes, but who are really great girls. Maybe i can introduce him to some of the other girls from church who are pretty, but maybe not Barbie Dolls, who are also very Godly women.

I admit, not all the guys at church are just gorgeous models. Some of them are 29-30 and starting to get a receding hair line! That doesn't mean I automatically have assumed that I wouldn't want to date any of them.

 

[Tenorvoice]

I admit, not all the guys at church are just gorgeous models. Some of them are 29-30 and starting to get a receding hair line! That doesn't mean I automatically have assumed that I wouldn't want to date any of them.

Hey I resemble that remark!!!! hehe

but seriously. I really think that your brother just needs to grow up and get over his shollowness, and get to know some of the other young women that are out there. I have nothing at all against look. They are fine and dandy. But they are NEVER to be the main reason for you to be interested in someone.

For myself the first thing that I look for in a young lady that I would even begin to think about dating. I look for the "glow" in her face, that tells me that she has the Joy of the Lord shining in her life 24/7. That "glow" is something that I can not miss. (and after my last dating experience will never comprimise on again).

Nothing against purty ladies, but most of them that are "the super model" types, have a major attitude problem, and need to get their undies out of a bind.

 

[JPPT1974]

It's more that they won't take the opportunity to get to know the girls that aren't really, really pretty. They will pick the prettiest one and if they can't date her, they act as if there are just no girls at all around. He does have his specific type...its' mainly him more than his roommate. His roommate has less of an ego. He doesn't act like he deserves the prettiest girl in the room and if he can't have her, well he just won't date. My bro seems to not understand that just because she is at church and she's pretty does not = in love with Jesus! Typically he likes petite girls who have blonde hair, dress really trendy, have a good body, etc. Which is fine, but I think he ends up overlooking girls who may not have that exact look he likes, but who are really great girls. Maybe i can introduce him to some of the other girls from church who are pretty, but maybe not Barbie Dolls, who are also very Godly women.

I admit, not all the guys at church are just gorgeous models. Some of them are 29-30 and starting to get a receding hair line! That doesn't mean I automatically have assumed that I wouldn't want to date any of them.

I am petite and very short. I have black hair and brown eyes due to my being Amerasian. But also I feel as though despite being attracted to men that are handsome on the outside I feel as though the Lord wants me to be attractive to them more on the inside as well as them being first & foremost a Christian and obediant to God.