Advice for a new relationship

[ovjumper]

Hi everyone,

I guess from the threads I've been starting, it's pretty obvious that I am interested in someone and I think he is interested in me. We've known each other for a couple of months now, but he only asked me out fairly recently (beginning of 2008). I've gone out with him a few times now, but I am a bit confused with him. So far, we can talk really easily and we can do things together, just the two of us. The one thing that worries me a little is that he has not actually asked me out on a date. We have done activities together and eaten both lunch and dinner, and he has paid for everything, but he has not asked me on a date. Also, he hasn't tried to hold my hands or anything either. He is a pretty shy guy, so I don't know how much that plays into our relationship, too.

I guess it is a bit difficult telling if he is interested in me. Can I expect him to ask me out on a date or do the activities we've done together count as dates? When should I expect him to hold hands? For those couples out there, when did you move from sitting across the table to holding hands to your first kiss? If I try to hold his hands, will he be freaked out? He is really shy! Also, how do I know if he just wants to be friends ?

The whole dating thing is sooooo confusing!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

How did you end up eating the meals together if they weren't dates? If he's spending time with you, he's interested in you, even if it is just friendship. Starting out as friends is a pretty good way to start.

As for the holding hands, etc.... just relax and wait. Once all that stuff starts it can start to take over and stop the growth of the relationship if that's all you do together. Take this time to get to know him. There are a few relationships that I wish would've stayed platonic a lot longer. I might not have considered them after I learned all that I did later on after the kissing had complicated things.

 

[gailygirl]

It sounds to me like those have been dates! My boyfriend never actually used the word "date" at the beginning, but we both knew that's what they were. Of course, we met on a dating website, so I guess that helped us

I was so confused when we started out that he never held my hand, either. I kept waiting for something, but he never did. After about 2 months we took a walk one day and talked about how he had some issues from past relationships that made him want to move really slowly with physical things. We had our first kiss that day. My point is, I'm pretty sure he has a reason for waiting to hold your hand or anything like that. I think women sometimes assume that men aren't thinking about something at all, just because they don't do it. In reality, he's probably thought about it and just has a reason for waiting.

I know some people won't agree with me, but as a girl who tried to push the hand-holding and cuddling and ended up irritating her boyfriend, I would advice you to wait until he intitiates it. He really may not be ready yet. Also, since you are confused about his level of interest, either just relax and go with what you've been doing, or talk to him about whether you're dating or not. Don't sit and worry about it! I've found that never helps!

 

[ovjumper]

Thank you both for your advice. How we ended up eating together was our activities ran into meal time, that's all. For example, we went skiing once and took a break for lunch and when we got back to town, I said I was hungry, so we had dinner together.

One thing I am concerned with is whether he or I have been missing signals. So far, I've let him plan everything. Is that a bad thing? Would he get discouraged at all if I don't ask him out?

 

[gailygirl]

Again, I'm a big fan of letting the guy inititate things. I know others might not agree with that, but in my experience, guys will step up and do the asking when they are ready. Some won't, but the good ones will, even if they are shy. Maybe one of you is missing some signals, but it will work out in spite of that, if he is interested.

To me, if the guy is doing the asking and paying for things, and its just the two of you, that makes a date. It sounds like these activities were just the two of you, right? And you said he asked you to go. From what I know of guys (even though its not all that much!), they don't spend time like that on a girl they aren't interested in.

If it was me, I would just go with it a little while and see what happens. You haven't been hanging out all that long, it sounds like, so maybe he's just trying to go slowly to avoid hurting either of you. I have a couple of friends who would hang out together and do things in a group and just the two of them for several months before he technically asked her for a date. He had had some messed up relationships in the past and wanted to get to know her a little before they dated, so don't lose heart. Wait a little bit and see what happens, if he steps it up and lets you know what's going on. If not, you have a right to know where you're at with him, so you could always ask for clarification on what your relationship is.