advice desperately needed

[wheezermom]

i

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

That's real tough, girl.

I have found, going thru a seperation, that "right" and "wrong" arent as black and white within a marriage that is dissolving or rejoining.

Personally, the only way I will know about love and the "right thing" is thru genuine dialogue and living a day at a time.

The mother of my children and I are more open and better "freinds" now since shes left and if it wasnt for our honest dialogue, I'd lose the plot.

If yer bloke aint being honest, he's still living out of fantasy and addiction, in my opinion. Sometimes even the desire to fix a marriage isnt enough.

Do what you feel is right at the time, and remember to be gracious with yerself and him.

Grace will win us all back, one day. Grace will allow us to discover ourselves and then discover our true responisbilities.

Sorry if this isnt helpful.

Peace out.

 

[Yitzchak]

You should wait until you are 100% sure before taking action. Keep praying until you know what God is leading you to do.

 

[kanga22]

I believe you should be honest with him. If you don't trust him, and/or feel mistreated by him, tell him so. Sometimes we get so caught up in everything, it's hard to see that we are being mistreated. But, you have said that you know he lies to you. Tell him that you expect him to be honest and prove that he is not seeing anyone else. You don't have to file for divorce. But, you don't have to have sex with him either until you feel that he is being honest and you can trust him.

My dh is playing around out in the world too. But, I believe that he is honest with me. He's told me that he hasn't cheated yet, but he might. He told me when he took his wedding ring off and when he put it back on. He also told me that he has listed himself as single on a website with the intention of meeting women online.

So far I am moving forward with caution. I have told him that if he has a physical affair, then he can forget having sex with me. After that, if I did take him back to my bed it would be after he has been tested for all STD's and shows me the doctor report.

That's just where I'm at right now. Like Flandidlyanders said, these things have to be acted upon one day at a time. God Bless.

 

[wheezermom]

,

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

We will indeedily-doodily-doodle see.

Thinking of yer girl.

 

[imaniingod]

i guess my question is how much is to much? i know God does not like divorce but if something is not glorifying (sp?) His name He will cut it out of your life. my husband left me on july 20th of this year. he dated right away and im 90% sure he has slept with at least one other woman. he lies to me often about anything and everything. we are, at this point, dating and we are supposed to be exclusive but i think he is still dating other people. i know he was still on dating sites AFTER we decided to date exclusively but he will never admitt to anything. he also will not take responsibility for anything he does. he wont get help for his issues. he wont go to church. he says he loves me but im starting to think he just doesnt want to lose the sex he has with me. i cant afford a divorce right now..... and i dont even know if thats what im supposed to do. i feel stupid holding out hope for someone that i dont trust, treats me very poorly, and has cheated more than once. please help me. should i break it off? or just sit here and wait for him to find the person he would rather be with?

My husband left me in May after two and a half months of marriage. He was cheating and he left for his ex girlfriend. I have filed for divorce and will be divorced in a few weeks. God hates divorce but the bed has been defiled.
Be encouraged and know that you are worthy of love, although you may feel lonely God says that he will never leave you nor forsake you.
He loves you and I LOVE YOU TOO!
God Bless You!

 

[imaniingod]

thank you so much for your replies. it truely is a one day at a time thing. somedays i feel like giving up (like yesterday). its just so hard sometimes just sitting here and waiting for something that you arent even sure is going to happen or even if you want it to happen. i have prayed so hard that he would find his way to God and be at peace within himself because i knew if that happened he would come back.... then i started thinking i didnt want him back.... my little apt. is so calm and peaceful. the reality of it though.... when im not listening to the craziness inside me..... i want my family... i want to be treated well and i want to treat someone well.... i want to be loved and to love... and i want it to be him... but not if he cant straighten up. i cant live like i have been anymore. that life is over.i dont want what i had. but heres what happened last night after my post.... i went to his house to drop off our daughter so i could go to work (i work the midnight shift) we just started talking.... out of the blue he asked me if i had found a counsler yet... i was in shock that he even asked because i didnt think he would really go.... i said no i hadnt even found a church home yet and he looked sad and said he wanted to start the counseling as soon as possible. that and some other things gives me hope that he really will change. we will see i guess.

Dont get your hopes up too soon. You still need to stay separate for you and your child's sake. He needs an encounter with God. AIDS is so very real and his being active with other women puts you at risk. Then who will take care of your daughter?
You have to care more about yourself at this point because he doesnt have the love of Christ in him yet so he only cares about himself.

Reach out to God and He will give you the desires of your heart. Get into a good bible based church, take care of your daughter and wait to hear from the Father. Keep yourself active, fix yourself up. Dont loose your life in no man, it is not worth it. Be that praying wife and let the Will of God abound in your life.

 

[imaniingod]

Father I call on you to wrap your arms around your daughter. Father we come to you to intercede for her. For we know that you can do all things and you know what we have need of. We ask that you comfort her, and dispatch your ministering angels to encamp around her. Help her to stand and declare the victory over the enemy. We pray this day in the Mighty name of Jesus. Amen and Amen

 

[free4all]

I know what you mean about wanting peace. I like what you said about refusing to live like you were living before. That is a necessary attitude for change. That's also good news that he might be willing to go to a counselor. I hope you find a good church home soon.

I'm concerned about you getting an STD from him. I'm sure that bit of intimacy is welcome, but if he's seeing other women now, having sex with him is just plain dangerous.

I hope you can find a counselor. If he changes his mind about going, I hope you will go yourself.

 

[wheezermom]

i am

 

[imaniingod]

i am worried about STDs but i dont believe that he is seeing anyone else now and if he slept with someone before, the damage has already been done. i am going to get tested as soon as i have insurance. whenever i am with him i tend to believe what he tells me but when i have a few days to myself i start to think the worst... chances are the truth is somewhere in the middle. last night something new happened. HE brought up stuff about working on us without any promting from me. he also took responsibility for the pain he has caused and his part in things that happened in our family. he has never done this before. he actualy sounds like he wants things to work but like i said the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. neither one of us can afford the counseling right now but we have to start somewhere. we are getting together on wed. to talk about make it or break it things that we need in order to continue this marriage. im going to ask that he go in halves with me on ..... i think its called ... "return to intimacy" by jimmy and karen evans. thats all i want for christmas.... a good marriage.

There are free counseling centers if you send me a pm with your state I can find some centers for you and send you the information or you can perform a search on the internet or call the local hospital.

For the issue of an STD you can visit the Health Department and the ER and they will test and treat you for free or minimal charge. God Bless You and I am praying for you.

 

[wheezermom]

i have to have 5 posts before i can send you a PM. well this is my 4th... i guess im getting there. just before i checked back in here i was looking for free counseling on the net but i dont think im looking in the right places or something. i am in glendale, az and any and all help is welcome and needed. thank you so much.

 

[wheezermom]

ok this is my 5th post.... BTW we have a county hospital but they still charge you an arm and a leg and it takes literally all day to be seen. as long as he doesnt sleep w/ anyone else the tests can wait a few weeks. it shouldnt be long. thank you all so much. you dont know how much this has meant to me.

 

[imaniingod]

Everyone here at CF are wonderful they prayed for me and they gave me tough love. I appreciated it so much!

 

[imaniingod]

i have to have 5 posts before i can send you a PM. well this is my 4th... i guess im getting there. just before i checked back in here i was looking for free counseling on the net but i dont think im looking in the right places or something. i am in glendale, az and any and all help is welcome and needed. thank you so much.

Where have you been? I have been looking for you! God Bless You!

 

[Psalm32]

I hope he comes to the realization that he will only continue his sin if he does not turn himself completely over to the Lord. If you do not trust him, do you have any friends who could monitor him to see what he does throughout the day? That might be painful, but it would answer questions.

 

[wheezermom]

sorry all.... between being sick and working and the kids i havent had much time for anything. quick update... he has been talking more and more about how things would be if we got back together and asking me what would be my must haves in order for that to happen. i said the absolute must is that he has to give himself and our family completely up to the lord and learn how to put his faith in him. this was last night and he was very receptve of that but then today he will barely talk to me. i guess we will see.

 

[pboop]

Please keep in mind in these times infidelity is no longer a dirty little secret....now it has the potential of being a deadly secret. I don't understand how cheating spouses can't see that. Be careful.