Advice and or Prayers

[cazza]

I haven't posted a thread for a while so I'll bring everyone up to speed on the last 6 months.

I have been separated for 7 months now, my heart is still shattered and I find it hard to get through every day without feeling rotten. My ex husband has custody of our 2 children every other weekend, I have primary care of Lachlan 5 and Jorja 2.

My ex finished our marriage and left for another woman who is married with 2 small kids, my dilemma relates to this. I am finding it difficult to get through the weekends without my kids, this is exacerbated by the fact that my ex takes them directly to HER place and spends the weekend with HER and HER children (God knows where her husband is?) My children don't mind being there because they like playing with the other kids. This infuriates me to say the least.

How do I cope with this resentment, bitterness and HATE? I know these feelings are Satan wedging his way in but I can't seem to move on from here. I feel like I have been sucked into a vortex of seething uncontrollable anger, I can't get out.

As you can see I feel strongly about this and am struggling. Please help prayers needed.

Is there anyone who has been in the same position?

 

[mostie]

Well..I've never been in that position, so I can't really give any sort of advice from that standpoint...however, im divorced- so I can certainly identify with bitterness, etc.-lol. I think the one thing, is that hard as it is- you have to accept the fact that things are what they are, and learn to live with that- I know that sounds harsh, and I don't mean it to- but that really is what it is--the main thing is that your kids are ok, and they seem to be from what you say--try and see the weekends as a time for yourself to regroup-find something that interests you, get together with friends--it's so hard not to let bitterness just swallow you up, but try to look outside of yourself and just get out of the house- it sounds as if you're still dealing with the 'other woman' situation, and haven't come to terms with it yet- that's totally understandable--try to find a group in your area for divorced people, somewhere to talk to others so you don't feel so isolated in what you feel- sometimes that helps--go to the library or book store and find christian books that help someone to deal with a divorce-it helps to know what others have done in the same situation and get insight on it from their perspective----make a list of things that you can do to help yourself out of this, write it all down- let it be something concrete for you--good luck to you!

 

[madison1101]

I was in therapy long before my ex moved out, so I had that support to get me through it. It was hard because up until last year, I believed that God would reconcile my marriage and bring my ex back to me. But, instead, he got married in February.
I still struggle at times, but God is healing me.

I suggest you find someone you can talk to about these feelings and see if you can work through them. They are intense and sometimes overwhelming, I know.

Hugs,
Madison

 

[Yitzchak]

I have been in a similar situation. There are no easy answers though. One thing which has helped me a lot is to be honest with myself about my feelings. Putting on a "stiff upper lip" definitely only prolongs the problem emotionally for me. Some anger is healthy as long as it is under control in the sense that it doesn't lead to destructive actions.

There are really two seperate problems. One is the situation itself which is still a problem no matter how I feel about it. Praying about that and deciding on approriate actions whether legal or otherwise is the easy one for me. Easy because it is clear cut what choices I cna make. What I can control and what I can't. I do what I can and trust God for the rest. The second problem is harder, which is my emotions. I definitely do not trust my ex's judgment or character much and espeacially not when it comes to my children. My ex lives with her boyfriend and sets a horrible environemnt for my children. But one thing I have learned is that I have to deal with my emotions and not involve my ex or my children in those emotions. I guess that is the "stiff upper lip" part. But when it comes to me and close friends or me and God, honesty is the best policy.

I will pray for you.

 

[heartnsoul]

You've been through a lot emotionally. There are obviously some emotional scars you have that will need time to heal. Meanwhile, try to focus on the "good" things in life and count your blessings. Go out and make new friends, maybe get more involved in church, buy a good inspirational book to read, etc. Do things to make yourself happy so you're not at home all the time just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. God wants you to be happy and heal. Let go and let God heal you. Let go of your resentment, hatred and bitterness because these negative emotions will only drag your spirits down. If you keep dwelling on the negative things in life, then your mind and heart will be closed to the goodness of life and God. As the bible says, focus your mind on what is pure and good...think of these things. As you surround yourself with positive people and things, your heart will be open to God's love and forgiveness. I pray that you let go and let God bring joy and love back in your heart. God loves you! Big hugs to you...

 

[cazza]

Thanks all for your thoughts and advice.

I think I have been holding in all this too long, it is starting to manifest in outbursts it complete strangers, no I'm not blurting out at people on the street, I mean in my dealings with every day stuff such as the car insurance company jacked me off so I let the poor guy have it over the phone. I go from 0 (calm and serene) to 10 (raving angry woman) in a matter of micro seconds. I am definitely not usually like this and this scares me. If I reveal to my family that I am still hurting after 7 months they just say "oh get on with it, just let it go" and other variations of this. My 5 year old son told me "Mummy maybe you should Forgive Daddy" (he is far too clever for his own good) The problem is I don't know how? I want my ex to suffer the way I have, I don't want him to be happy after all he has put my through, but most of all I want him to be repentant and seek forgiveness from me. It doesn't mean I want him back, I don't think I could go there again, I just want some peace.

 

[heartnsoul]

Thanks all for your thoughts and advice.

I think I have been holding in all this too long, it is starting to manifest in outbursts it complete strangers, no I'm not blurting out at people on the street, I mean in my dealings with every day stuff such as the car insurance company jacked me off so I let the poor guy have it over the phone. I go from 0 (calm and serene) to 10 (raving angry woman) in a matter of micro seconds. I am definitely not usually like this and this scares me. If I reveal to my family that I am still hurting after 7 months they just say "oh get on with it, just let it go" and other variations of this. My 5 year old son told me "Mummy maybe you should Forgive Daddy" (he is far too clever for his own good) The problem is I don't know how? I want my ex to suffer the way I have, I don't want him to be happy after all he has put my through, but most of all I want him to be repentant and seek forgiveness from me. It doesn't mean I want him back, I don't think I could go there again, I just want some peace.

Hi again. I know how you feel. I wish life could be that simple where everyone who wronged us would come to us for forgiveness so we can bring 100% closure to a situation. It's very difficult to forgive those who have not truly repented. Even though we are called to forgive others, it is much easier said than done.

I think forgiveness is more of letting go and letting God. It means letting go of the hurt and giving it all to God and letting God handle it. It is being able to let go of the past and rest in God's hands. Trusting in Him to deal with the situation and allowing your heart to be open for God's love and healing. To me, forgiveness has more to do with having an open, loving heart towards God so that He can heal your broken heart so bitterness and anger doesn't take root. Bitterness and anger only leads to a hardened heart. You're on the right track...just be patient with yourself as you lean on God.

I have had to take my own advice on many occasions because I could write a pageful of names of people who have wronged me, but then I remember to just think about happy things and start counting my blessings. I can only hope that as we all get older, we'll have more "senior moments" so we can forget about all those people who have wronged us! Life will get better for you...hang in there sister.