Hey everyone, this will be a little long. My husband (24) and I (23) are struggling and have been for a while. I am going to list a few things that have been causing us to fight and I would love peoples advice, wisdom, biblical guidance, etc.
My husband tends to be a major procrastinator which leads into just plain laziness. According to his mother, getting him to do anything other than video games as a child was like pulling teeth. My husband and I have been married 3 years and have an almost 2 year old son. We are moving out of my families house in October so we have been in storm mode trying to save up money and reduce our debts. I am typically a stay at home mom but have decided to take up delivering Amazon packages to assist my husband in paying down our debts, so the stress isn't all on him. My husband works 12 hour days, which I am very grateful for the sacrifice he is making. Everyday he comes home and non-stop complains about being tired. The thing is, he complained about being tired when he was unemployed and he complains when he has had 8+ hours of sleep. I told him that he needs to see a doctor because something is probably wrong and he says "When you see a doctor, I will".
I am up at the same time as him but I typically go to bed later than him because I handle the bath time & bedtime routine for our son. I never complain about being tired unless I feel I am sick or something. I certainly don't use it as an excuse not to parent or deal with something at the house. My husband will come home from work and tell me he needs to relax for 15 minutes but this always turns into 2 hours or more. Then when I finally ask him to get up so I can have some help he either will say okay but then take 30 minutes to get off his phone or he will say something like "can't we do (house chores, bath time, dinner) later?", if I say fine we can do it later, later comes around and he goes "I'm so tired, I worked all day, why does everything have to be done all the time?". This happens almost everyday. Its exhausting because once again I have to do everything; pay the bills, clean the house, bathe the baby, bedtime tasks, make appointments & go to them, send out cards to family, socialize, etc etc.
Our son was sick all night, screaming and crying right next to my husband and he didn't care. He would wake up and say "what is his problem??" knowing he is sick, and then he'd go back to sleep. I was up from 6am yesterday to 730am today, I am sick and on my menstrual cycle as well so you can imagine how important sleep is for me right now. I had to beg my husband to get out of bed to take our son to the living room so I can get some sleep. I got a little over an hour and now I need to go out and do amazon deliveries, take my son to urgent care and clean the house. My husband came into the room and said "Im taking our son to Walmart and to get a haircut with me", I told him he's super sick and should not be leaving the house but all he could think about was his selfish wants.
His phone seems to be a huge trigger for his laziness and even makes his attitude sour. I have asked if he would maybe delete his games and I delete social media for awhile so we can have a phone detox, he refused and said its his hobby. I asked him if he could find some new hobbies not on devices, he listed a bunch of things he could do and I agreed to all of them and said that my son and I could even come watch (he wants to play mens softball with some church buddies).
I do have a horrible habit of saying hurtful things (name calling) when I am hurt. I feel like a wounded animal that needs to protect itself. I am getting into therapy for myself, hopefully this week. The first year of our relationship, I stayed quiet and ignored his flaws. When I got pregnant (I had a really rough pregnancy) and saw how little he was willing to do to help me is when the resentment started to build and it has just been getting worse since. Getting into my Bible daily has been helping and i'm learning to keep my mouth shut instead of being mean. That is a work in progress but I am definitely set on the goal of changing that toxic behavior.
Honestly you guys, I am so fed up. I feel so lonely in my own marriage. The other night I told him it really hurts my feelings when he falls asleep while I am talking to him and he said "I work 12 hour days, don't you think im tired?" so I responded that I understand that but he always says he is tired so when am I able to talk to him? He got mad at me and guess what, fell asleep 5 minutes later. I have tried being submissive and obedient but this man hardly picks up a book yet alone his Bible and a lot of his behaviors are destructive, so how far do I follow him into a mess? It feels like I don't have enough space to do things I want to do or work on myself because I am constantly handling everything or arguing with him.
Advice or guidance would be nice but please go easy on me. I'm really struggling right now and just need to hear something other than I should go check into a looney bin for 24hrs (per my husband this morning).
My husband tends to be a major procrastinator which leads into just plain laziness. According to his mother, getting him to do anything other than video games as a child was like pulling teeth. My husband and I have been married 3 years and have an almost 2 year old son. We are moving out of my families house in October so we have been in storm mode trying to save up money and reduce our debts. I am typically a stay at home mom but have decided to take up delivering Amazon packages to assist my husband in paying down our debts, so the stress isn't all on him. My husband works 12 hour days, which I am very grateful for the sacrifice he is making. Everyday he comes home and non-stop complains about being tired. The thing is, he complained about being tired when he was unemployed and he complains when he has had 8+ hours of sleep. I told him that he needs to see a doctor because something is probably wrong and he says "When you see a doctor, I will".
I am up at the same time as him but I typically go to bed later than him because I handle the bath time & bedtime routine for our son. I never complain about being tired unless I feel I am sick or something. I certainly don't use it as an excuse not to parent or deal with something at the house. My husband will come home from work and tell me he needs to relax for 15 minutes but this always turns into 2 hours or more. Then when I finally ask him to get up so I can have some help he either will say okay but then take 30 minutes to get off his phone or he will say something like "can't we do (house chores, bath time, dinner) later?", if I say fine we can do it later, later comes around and he goes "I'm so tired, I worked all day, why does everything have to be done all the time?". This happens almost everyday. Its exhausting because once again I have to do everything; pay the bills, clean the house, bathe the baby, bedtime tasks, make appointments & go to them, send out cards to family, socialize, etc etc.
Our son was sick all night, screaming and crying right next to my husband and he didn't care. He would wake up and say "what is his problem??" knowing he is sick, and then he'd go back to sleep. I was up from 6am yesterday to 730am today, I am sick and on my menstrual cycle as well so you can imagine how important sleep is for me right now. I had to beg my husband to get out of bed to take our son to the living room so I can get some sleep. I got a little over an hour and now I need to go out and do amazon deliveries, take my son to urgent care and clean the house. My husband came into the room and said "Im taking our son to Walmart and to get a haircut with me", I told him he's super sick and should not be leaving the house but all he could think about was his selfish wants.
His phone seems to be a huge trigger for his laziness and even makes his attitude sour. I have asked if he would maybe delete his games and I delete social media for awhile so we can have a phone detox, he refused and said its his hobby. I asked him if he could find some new hobbies not on devices, he listed a bunch of things he could do and I agreed to all of them and said that my son and I could even come watch (he wants to play mens softball with some church buddies).
I do have a horrible habit of saying hurtful things (name calling) when I am hurt. I feel like a wounded animal that needs to protect itself. I am getting into therapy for myself, hopefully this week. The first year of our relationship, I stayed quiet and ignored his flaws. When I got pregnant (I had a really rough pregnancy) and saw how little he was willing to do to help me is when the resentment started to build and it has just been getting worse since. Getting into my Bible daily has been helping and i'm learning to keep my mouth shut instead of being mean. That is a work in progress but I am definitely set on the goal of changing that toxic behavior.
Honestly you guys, I am so fed up. I feel so lonely in my own marriage. The other night I told him it really hurts my feelings when he falls asleep while I am talking to him and he said "I work 12 hour days, don't you think im tired?" so I responded that I understand that but he always says he is tired so when am I able to talk to him? He got mad at me and guess what, fell asleep 5 minutes later. I have tried being submissive and obedient but this man hardly picks up a book yet alone his Bible and a lot of his behaviors are destructive, so how far do I follow him into a mess? It feels like I don't have enough space to do things I want to do or work on myself because I am constantly handling everything or arguing with him.
Advice or guidance would be nice but please go easy on me. I'm really struggling right now and just need to hear something other than I should go check into a looney bin for 24hrs (per my husband this morning).
