Advice about Ex

LoricaLady said:

People are conflating being at the event with sitting next to the wife. They are not the same thing. If her boyfriend wants to be with just her, and leave the ex in another spot, what is so terrible about that? The BF has unpleasant, stressful, memories about the ex because he has not been doing what is right in regard to financial support for his child.

Why does the boyfriend have to sit with him? I don't get that part. If the mother values the boyfriend a lot - we don't know - and she doesn't want him stressed out, and maybe is thinking of him as future husband material, then she might want to consider letting him be with just her. If she thinks they might possibly be married, now might be a good time for her to practice cleaving only to him and having the ex take his place off to the sidelines, not right next to her.

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The problem I see is the child is his, its his child's event , and if he wants to sit where he wants is his business.

Its just not the parents here, it is also the child and what child does not want there own parents there to support them together.

But this is my opinion.

Danielwright2311 said:

The problem I see is the child is his, its his child's event , and if he wants to sit where he wants is his business.

Its just not the parents here, it is also the child and what child does not want there own parents there to support them together.

But this is my opinion.

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So you think that if you are a parent, and don't want to sit with an ex, that your feelings are irrelevant and it's all about what the child wants? Again, no one is saying that the ex can't go to the event. We are talking about parking next to the woman whose child he has been neglecting badly.

If the woman decides to show sensitivity to the boyfriend, who actually does seem concerned about her and her child, why does the ex have to sit right next to her? What if the ex wants them all to go out to dinner afterwards and they don't want to, and he wants to sit next to the wife there too? Should they do it because the child wants it and ignore their own feelings? Maybe they could all go to a move next, because the child wants it, and the ex could sit next to the wife there, too?

The woman and the ex are...divorced. Things have changed. The child needs to accept that (and may well do so). Mommie is no longer bound to be, as someone said above, "joined at the hip" to her former spouse.

If a child wants it, are his or her feelings all that matter? Are children the center of all in a family and, do their wants reign supreme over the adults, or do they have to learn to respect others' feelings and preferences too?

If the woman says No to the ex following her around at the event, well, she is teaching her son some things about boundaries and appropriate behavior.

Just imagine if you were marrying a girl and she had an ex, would you feel comfortable with the ex showing up? Especially when you are still in the boyfriend/girlfriend stage and you may feel like 2nd to her ex. That is not an easy situation, especially if you are bothered by the fact that she has been married before dating you. If you are going to be her husband and care for her child WHICH ISN'T EVEN YOURS, how can you be invested in this if the ex just shows up at random events and makes you feel like not an important part of the family? The child isn't yours but you are expected to support and be family to him... except at special events where all of a sudden you are no longer the "father" and the ex walks in to claim the "father" position with no work or effort. Imagine that. You spent all of your time investing in a child that a father left and then you have no right to celebrate special events with the child just because he isn't biologically yours.