Adultery

[Harry3142]

HisHomeMaker-

Here are some passages which may help you figure out what Christianity is all about. Since you have a Bible, I'll let you look them up at your own convenience:

1. We are saved in spite of our works rather than because of them. All salvific righteousness must come from God to us, rather than be earned by us through our own efforts. (Romans 3:19 to 5:10)

2. The procedure for salvation is quite clear. Our salvation is directly dependent on our attitude toward Jesus Christ, rather than our following certain rules and regulations. (Romans 10:5-13)

3. We do have a 'yardstick' whereby the genuineness of our fath can be measured. But it is not based on rules and regulations; instead, it is based on the very core of our being. The actions are not the measure; the core emotions which led to those actions are. (Galatians 5:16-26)

4. Jesus himself prioritized which actions he considers to be of utmost importance. This is the 'Feed the hungry' passage. It is also the passage which many denominations, especially the more radical ones, would love to see 'disappear'.

Some attack it headon with statements such as, "That's all the responsibility of the State now. All we're to do is bring more people into the church to increase its membership." Others attack it with more subtlety by making statements such as, "Of course we believe in it. But there are other things that must be done first." Those 'other things' are guaranteed to take their members the rest of their lives to complete, so feeding the hungry never gets on the 'to do' list. (Matthew 25:31-46)

5. A question that I've been asked by Jews is, "How does Christianity have a valid claim for being the outgrowth of Judaism?" The answer to that question in here: (Hebrews 8:1 to 10:14)

6. There are those who teach that we must obey the Mosaic Law as they interpret it in order to be saved. In other words, we must earn our own salvation through our own works. But one of the problems with this attitude is the fact that the Mosaic Law was never intended as a 'roadmap to heaven', but only as a set of rules and regulations that would enable the Hebrews, who were little more than a ragtag mob, to form a cohesive society.

There everyone could live peacefully next to his neighbor and they could become a fighting force quickly so as to defeat any enemy that attacked them. Twelve different tribes could, in effect, function as a single well-oiled machine. They had one set of laws that applied to all of them.

But the reward for obeying those laws, stated by Moses, can be found here (Deuteronomy 7:12-15). You'll find that it is a very pragmatic, here-and-now contract. The Hebrews obeyed God's laws in this life; they were rewarded in this life. But they would not be earning their own way to heaven by obeying those laws. That could only be accomplished through God's direct intervention, as I already mentioned.

I hope this helps you understand our fath a little better. God bless-

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Can you point me to the scripture(s), please? Thanks.

Sure, it's Matthew 5:27-28.

 

[iambren]

"The exception is the commandment, "You shall not commit adultery," but he wonders if "adultery", as defined by the Bible was/is really an issue for women and not for men. "

Nice try. I'd be checkin' somebodies cell phone ie are we rationalizing anything?

 

[guava]

i think it need be said that Jesus also said to turn a bad thing into a good thing .for example if you earn money wrongly then you might want to use that money to do something good .

when the world acts to undermine your life and the life of your family you should fight back by making more life . many children are better than one . maybe one of the siblings falls under hard times and his brother or sister helps him out .

surround yourself with life .make babies .

 

[Believer112]

I found in my marriage the root cause of all our problems was being self centered. We were born with that sin, just look at babies. If us Christians could die to ourselves; and put others first, most the problems in our lives would go away. I drank, committed adultery and coveted. All these are selfish acts! If only I would have Loved my family and others more than myself.
Matthew 22 The Greatest Commandment

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

There is a real good teaching on "selfcenteredness" from Andrew Wommack (awmi.net), which changed my life. Look in the audio teaching, Christian survival kit/ selfcenteredness.
God Bless You

 

[HisHomeMaker]

You are right. I am very sorry. I apologize if things i have said gave you the impression I was being sarcastic.

Hi Guava. Thank you for your post. I appreciate your words and I accept your apology.

What I am saying maybe it will prove good if you hang out with older couples from your church.

you say that his Christan beliefs might have changed . But you also seem to say you don't know much about the bible and hence Christianity .how did you measure that change? perhaps your husband is doing okay and what is happening he is remembering his ideas from before and that what is needed to be done is that the church works with him on those ideas.

We aren't a young couple, we're in our early 40s. We blended families 8 years ago and one year in my husband was injured at work. He has since suffered a number of medical and emotional complications.That said, I have involved myself in a small home group with church members that are, coincidentally, all older and mostly empty-nesters. Their values and perspective on Christianity, marriage and life is helpful for me in these rough days. My husband will not participate, however.

My husband and I share the same faith. My husband was raised an Anglican and I had been a member of another Anglican church for just two years when we met; I went to an adult, contemporary, evening service without my young children. He was the one who encouraged us to attend family services as a new family and to get all the kids into Sunday school. He was also the one who encouraged me not to just attend church, as I had done off and on throughout my life, but to get involved and to actually read and study the Bible. We used to go to church together and we used to discuss the sermons and scriptures together. He has stopped attending church, however, and says he doesn't want to talk about the readings with me. This is the change. Whether this change is because of a change in his personality from the brain damage or because of the depression, I do not know. I suppose time will tell.

I must be patient with my husband.

 

[HisHomeMaker]

"The exception is the commandment, "You shall not commit adultery," but he wonders if "adultery", as defined by the Bible was/is really an issue for women and not for men. "

Nice try. I'd be checkin' somebodies cell phone ie are we rationalizing anything?

Iambren, you misunderstand the point of the conversation that Hubby and I had. Hubby was upset that the Bible, to his brain-damaged memory, didn't seem to discipline men to the same extent as women in cases of adultery. He wasn't rationalizing anyone's behaviour. He may have been criticising my ex husband's behaviour and wondering why God wasn't condemning my ex to the extent that Hubby's adulterous ex-wife was. That is why I came here to ask for scriptures that might help me to understand why Hubby holds this belief and so that he and I could continue the conversation after I was more educated on the matter.

 

[HisHomeMaker]

Here are some passages...

Thank you, Harry. I will enjoy reading these.

 

[guava]

Okay lets just go along with your husband for second. The one scenario i think that emerges that’s worrisome is that god disciplined you by giving you a husband with a damaged brain. In this scenario you are an adulteress because you divorced your husband and married another guy who is your current husband. so god being more heavy handed on the woman he punishes you by causing your new husband brain damage. Whereas with your ex husband god doesn't causes his new wife brain damage so as to punish him. the ex wife gets brain damaged husband and the ex husband doesn't get a brain damaged wife .something like that .

neutral example .Let's say an object falls on a man's head and causes him an injury. We can conclude the object caused the injury or we can further add that the thing which dropped that object caused the damage.

.the problem with this sort of thinking it's idolatrous. We are actually saying we are god . why ? Because in order for that object to hit the man's head a zillion variables have to converge to make it happen. Space is not absolute. The ground is always moving even if ever so slowly. Wind is always blowing. The planet is revolving. The sun is moving because the galaxy itself is receding. The man is bundle of highly complex nerve systems and muscles. the man has to happen to stand on that spots at the exact moment when the object hit his head. For this you have to throw in the whole man's history from the day he was born to that moment when the object hit him. the man heart must continue beating . he must not suddenly get a heart attack and drop dead before the object hits him. He must not get a sudden cramp that will make him twitch so the object misses hitting him. no earth quakes either or sudden burst of strong wind to deflect the object and and and . . .and this is just talking about our idea of the world and not throwing in the unseen in the equations

There is an incident where Jesus talks about a wall or some structure that fell on a bunch of people and killed them. He asks if the wall fell on the people because they were sinners. He answers not so. In another part he says he makes his sun shine on the good and the bad

The fact of the matter we each one of us is surrounded with eternity.. This is what Jesus brings to the negotiating table. He said to a man that he knew him from the time the man was in the womb. In another instance he says or it is mentioned he is the alpha and the omega. .so that for anyone of us to say this and that caused this and that we are committing idolatry. For us the truth is never final or absolute..our life too short for that economy of scales involved .

We have this problem. . We think we are so important. We have to drop that idea. It is at the root of our problems. so long as we think we are so important we are bound to think everything that happens is happening just for us .this make us fail to appreciate the world around and the mystery that it presents to us . and it makes quick to take offense and to be annoyed or feel angry .

This past friday I went to the market as is my habit. Near the market there is this area where they dump spoiled food and the trash from the market ..I have to pass that on my way to the market . poor people usually hang out there and pick the trash for food and stuff. This time I saw a family there cooking food in a black pot . The pot was blackened by the soot from the fire. . Their kids were running about playing and giggling . Three women were busy sorting through a pile of spoiled vegetables looking for what was not so spoiled to put in the pot . They were laughing and talking to each other . Its very hot . Over a hundred . They are cooking in the hot blazing sun and laughing and looking very happy. A very old man invalidated by father time is lying on a patch of sheep skin. He is directly in my way. So I stop and greet them as the custom dictates. we do not speak to the women . I greet the old man. The women answer for him. So the man is not aware. He is senile. The greetings here are not like in the west such as hi or hello. Here you accompany it with an inquiry as to how the person is doing . The w omen's answer to my greeting was something to the effect …. We are thankful to god and we express our gratitude to god.. Then I say to the old man ….you are a people of faith. To this the women answer … on god we depend… he is the best support. . And they add addressing me indirectly … your supplication and blessings old man. So I bless them and I go on my way

Now these people are refugees from the war zone. Beside their indigenous physical looks their markings say that they are from there .two of the kids that were playing are products of rape. I can tell by the difference in their looks. There are no young men or husbands. That’s because they got killed-- shot or their throats slit and it very likely had happened infiront of these women and children. The old man is what is left. These women had to haul him for hundreds of kilos to safety.

On my way back I gave them coffee and sugar and some kind of ginger that you add to coffee that gives the coffee a nice bang and I gave them incense. .This is because when the women make the coffee they have this tradition of eulogizing. its called numbering . As they pound the roasted coffee kernels they sing .sad songs mentioning each and everyone of their family that they have lost. they heal that way . Then the coffee when it is ready the men are served first .for these women they will serve that old senile man first.

Jesus is the eternal companion. He is always there. He is sitting right next to you watching you right now .he is always watching and he will always watch you till that day. .but how can anyone feel so important when eternity sits next to them watching them ? The thing to do therefore when you are feeling sad and hard pressed is to turn to him for advice. A great deal of that feeling of importance is dropped if you just have the feeling that he is there watching you . Whenever you feel as if everything has gone wrong and that you are about to be destroyed turn to him and ask him if that is true. He will tell you that you're wrong and that nothing really matters outside him

I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking in general

 

[HisHomeMaker]

Thank you for your example and your story, Guava. It is helpful for me. I do not believe I have been punished by being given a disabled husband. I also do not believe I was to blame for my ex-husband's repeated adultery or eventual abandonment of me and our children. My husband, however, may feel he is to blame or that he is being punished. (His ex wife also left him and his children for another man.) I haven't asked him this specifically, but this may be a good starting point for our next conversation about the Bible if he will talk to me about it again soon.

Guava, where are you from?

 

[guava]

Something of the north east of Africa. Africa is third world. Rule of law is only within the cities. Outside the cities it's hard to apply the rules. Takes considerable wealth to do that --- to pay for police cars and to maintain them and for gas and money to pay wages. Add to that war breaks out because there are so many modern weapons around . Arms dealer having a good time in Africa. .

Yes it's helpful depending on your point of view . These same rule of physics that you can use to punch a hole in the idea of causality are the same ones that you use to support the existence of providential mover –ice god . when the woman said to me that god is the best support , she was voicing an act of will.

The old senile man lying on the sheep skin. It's hot. So he is going to lie there all day and at night he is going to get up and tinker with things and cause all kind of havoc. The women will get up and shadow him everywhere he goes to make sure he doesn't hurt himself as well as to serve him should he ask for water to drink or food to eat . none of these women will attempt to restrain him or force him to do anything . For them he is not a senile man but the lion from whose loins they came.

My father became like that in the end of his days. In his younger days he was a man known for great courage and men always gathered around him . When he came home an entraouge of brave men followed and when he left they left with him. This is how we tell apart men of consequence from ordinary men. In the same fashion Jesus had twelve disciples who followed him everywhere he went .he was therefore a man of consequence. ----of course he was more than that ..

When he became senile he was very combative. He gets ups at night and wakes everyone up. My mother was always the first . She slept near where he slept to watch over him. he would say very trying things to her . He would shout loudly for everyone to hear that he had bought her for mere so and so referring to the dowry he paid for her .. he would call us bastard children and not his .he cursed so much . He was in great rage . My mother would follow him as he walked steadying him and would say to him… calm down man, please calm down man , please sit man . She never left his side to the very end. Anything he asked for she did ., in his last day he asked her to make him a meal that he used to really like. she made it and fussed around so much to make it right . He ate that meal and then he died.

I myself when he so happened to start on me in one of those nights I would try to distract him by bringing up issues from his younger days to do with things he liked to do which was his wealth for he was wealthy man . I ask him to suggest a solution as to how to resolve that issue. Sometimes awareness sets in and he looks at me and he recognizes me / then he says to me… son I am old now and give out ..i have lifted my hand and I have left these things for you my sons so the people will not say that sons of so and so are needy .

For us as a family my father has never changed . Old and give out and senile he was still the man. men like my father do not change .his spirit is what mattered just almost in the same way as when Jesus said that he leaves but he leaves the holy spirit with them. .

One has to be careful how one proceed . What breaks a man spirit is telling him what to do.
.

 

[HisHomeMaker]

...he would say very trying things to her . He would shout loudly for everyone to hear that he had bought her for mere so and so referring to the dowry he paid for her .. he would call us bastard children and not his .he cursed so much . He was in great rage . My mother would follow him as he walked steadying him and would say to him… calm down man, please calm down man , please sit man.

This sounds very familiar. Thank you for sharing, Guava, and hello from my part of Canada where it is snowing and very windy today.

 

[guava]

oh yes Canada.. Great people. Country blessed with rich natural resources. Nice to meet someone from there and hello to you too..

The hot weather is okay with me. No complaints. I don't care to use fans or air coolers. My family though insist on them. The same for me with the cold . when i was in America, i didn't care to use heat . Waste of money. .i just kept the temp above zero to keep the water pipes from freezing.. if not for that i would have turned the heater off . i could get around that but then my wife was American and she is used to a different life style . You know …..in door plumping and running water and electricity and what have you. She is also an environmentalist. She worries about the planet a lot . she watches nature programs with the heat on and she worries .. i compromise . i give in to her most of the time. What is money when it comes to making my wife happy i think to myself. . so i keep the heater on .

Canada is a blessing to the world partly due to all that wheat you produce and export .. Back in the day the soviet union used to feed their cattle grain. if they were short of grain their cattle will die and they would threaten to go to war and take over the fertile plains of west Europe .war is often due to scarce natural resources and scarcity . . When the price of wheat shot up not so long ago due to shortages due to lean crops , there was trouble in some African countries. But also Canada , not Canada per se, but some companies there did some not so nice things in Africa. but we will not talk about that .it is not good to talk about it . anyway, it was just business and a bad thing is getting turned into a good thing . So its alright. . .

. My father was a defeated man. In his mind he believed he was defeated by my mother .it bore heavily on his mind because he was a man who based his life on victory. For him it was victory that mattered . . He killed his first man when he was 17 . He split the guy's head open with an ax. He defeated all of his adversaries. He was a fierce man capable of great acts of ruthlessness and cruelty. He trampled on everyone except he couldn’t trample on my mother. She battled him for some 50 years. He fought her hard but his love for her meant that eventually and invariably and after each and every battle he had to make himself lose and do as she says. She made him live his life for her sake he believed.. He was able to do that for the same reasons he was who he was. It takes a lot of courage and will to do that. It is difficult when you are such a man who is victorious. .My mother knew that. She knew she has defeated him and in gestures of magnanimity and as a token of her love for him she would reach out to him in his olden days which thing infuriated him even more . He would blast her and tell her to leave. She leaves. Few hours later he follows her and orders her to come back. She comes back.

The whole thing was funny at times. One time he came to me looking very grieved expressing to me his suspicion that my mother is cheating on him. He was in his late 70s and she was up there . They both looked decrypt way over the hill ,faces so badly worn out by old age ,legs looking like bows and backs stooping . So that the idea of intimacy just sounded so hilarious to me. . Then he looks at me and he asks me if I thought he was crazy for entertaining such thoughts. I said to him……no no , not at all father … you see father , you're married to such a beautiful attractive woman it's only natural you should feel jealous over her…. … you married such a beautiful woman... ..look at her ... just look at her … why she looks like so and so …but she is good woman. .. don't worry about that ..she is faithful to you .. Then I had to go outside and bite on my fist to stop from laughing .

I think he thought if he could convince himself she was cheating on him then he could use that to overcome his attachment to her and be mentally free. That special something that was between them doesn't go away . It wasn't going to work. . I'm a case in point. My wife and I have been divorced two times from each other. She called me up and she wants me to marry her again which I will do. . I have six kids from her. My eldest son is from her is not mine. It is easy to tell. he doesn't have a long hooked Semitic nose with which to inhale the hot free air of the desert. In the desert you need a long hooked air to cool off the hot air you are breathing. . More telling features …he is a wasp with blue eyes. Moreover she left me and went and lived with some guy. She came back and insisted we be together again.. With her and me it was always something like …she leaves , she comes back , i say to her … oh you are back my one true love , how are you my love ? . I have taken after my mother. I'm not worried about her antics .to tease her , I tell her maybe if she looks harder she might find a man better than me and go live with him and find happiness. . That makes her fly off the handle. And the amusing thing she says to me that if she ever catches me with another woman she will take a gun and shoot me ! what can I say ? The woman is crazy about me. such a blessing or is it ?

did you know in America back in the day FBI statistics showed that slightly less than half of suicides are committed by lovers. The men and the women kill each other with roughly the same frequency . men get killed in the kitchen more often and women in the bedroom more often. . .

when you marry someone he doesn't become a husband for you and you don't become wife for him. He is your father and you are his mother. This is the only way this crazy marriage deal can work .the reason why everyone is miserable in their marriage is because they don't realize that . . Its not their fault. To realize that you have to have it in you.

It's harder for a modern western mind set.. They have this manner of thinking entailed by the life style of rationalizing behavior into something of a kind of engineering science deal. They reduce the behavior to an overly simplified observable behavior model. This typically includes a number of distinct features .The variables chosen for the model , they are observations tied to your own perception of the behavior as well as to the control of the controlled mental model you chose for them. The behavior is attributed to something, like in this case , to a brain that had sustained an injury excluding the complexity of that brain. but there is big difference between an engineering model a highly controlled and manipulated model that actually does pin point cause and effects by filtering out a lot fo the inderminestic factors and , here is the catch, an active human mind . There is a big issue as to whether the model reflect the reality and if it reflects the object being modeled when it comes to something like the human brain. Brain dmaged or otherwise is just as bad and even more so than that example of an object I talked about earlier . this becomes clear when you try to reproduce the situation. To get the object to hit the man is much easier, you do it by filterning out things . you can do that . but to operate on a man's brain to cause it to be damaged with the purpose of getting him to behave in a certain manner is the luck of the draw. Maybe it is better to step back a little because the chances are we are not modeling a damaged brain or any brain at all and that modeling the brain itself might be not possible at all because it is part of that thing Jesus called life .

Not to worry . I do that myself. I myself I do that often as you can see from my articulations. We tend to do that .. in the west I do it more often . I have to. You go to the supermarket and they have a whole isle jammed with same product. I reduce . I chose the off brand product being a cheap skate. She always chooses the brand name and not just any brand name but that brand she chose. .in the west the life makes you have to reduce. So many many choices . You have to have a reductionism mechanism to operate even in the super market .

Down here marriage is something you do and when you do it its done and over with . There is bigger things to worry about afterwards . . . the women here are not friends with men. They sit by themselves .they don't like for man to sit with them. it is not becoming of a man to sit with women. The man is only required as a provider and at night and for protection. . Otherwise they don't want to be bothered. . The men sit outside in the shade . by contrast in the west the way it worked for me , the woman wants me to sit in the coach and become one with the furniture while she watches tv and cuts coupons . Then she wants me to go shopping with her and tag along while she looks at clothes . fed up with it all I have to tell my wife … … there is a big emergency back home…..i am so sorry but I have to leave …..it can't be helped ..you are welcome to come along… no no you have to come…. I can't live without you. This is a trick she used to fall for in the beginning. Then we get home and I tell her you really should go sit with the women. This is the custom here .. when in Rome do what the Romans do. it didn't work. She is different. So she leaves .

if my wife sustains a brain injury my only concern would be that she is still alive . infact if her brain were to go dead she is still the greatest woman alive. If she stops reading a book or she does , doesn't matter to me. I really couldn't careless . a man aught to never be offended by what his wife says or does . He can be injured but never offended. This is the teaching of jesus . Very difficult teaching to be sure but its the road to contentment . One counts one's blessings .My albino eldest son from my wife is a great blessing to me. i call him albino because he is white . He is doing great . Last time I was in the usa he bought me a pair of very fancy sandals and he got down on his knees and put them on for me and asked me to forgive him for all the trouble he caused me. it was hard raising that boy. He was very unruly and a natural born trouble maker. I had to kick his behind so many times. For him there was nothing but the whip. One yime I had to tie him upside down because he exposed himself to the women. . In college he pulled a disappearing act. It was because of a girl who dumped him . That did it. Scrambled his brain and made him forget everything I taught him. I had to go llok for him. it took a lot of effort to cure him from that and to get him to finish college . . Cost me quiet a bit of money. I don't like to spend money . But I have to when it comes to my sons .I married him off to my brother daughter. She gave him two kids so far with long hooked noses. He will be incorporated into the clan blood stream. Hey god works in mysteries ways . .god made a great gesture to me when he gave me that boy. . Our problem here is inbreeding. .and hey those sandals are great i tell you. i could never have such sandals where it not for him because i would never pay that kind of money for shoes .i rather wear slippers made from used tires than pay that kind of money . they are great .very cushioning . Great to wear . They have been with me for three years.i wear them often. Had them sown and fixed a bunch of times . the bottom split in half but i had a patch sown there . they still very comfortable to wear …just like new. but my wife is not like that . she goes and buys a purse for hundred dollar to carry pennies in it . those are the only times i feel like reaching out and grabbing her by the throat . . I shudder at the thought of how much it will cost me to marry her again this time. this woman will not rest till she drives me penniless I tell you.

i'll stop now . sorry for talking so much . .

 

[HisHomeMaker]

Guava,

Hello again from the land of wheat and cattle. I am a city girl, but the farm fields are close by. Today they are under a great deal of snow.

Please do not apologize for writing so much. I very much enjoy your stories; they give me food for thought. Our worlds are very different and yet I see that we have values in common and that pleases me. We are neighbours, afterall.

...when you marry someone he doesn't become a husband for you and you don't become wife for him. He is your father and you are his mother. This is the only way this crazy marriage deal can work .the reason why everyone is miserable in their marriage is because they don't realize that . . Its not their fault. To realize that you have to have it in you.

What an interesting comment. Many women here complain that they feel as if they are mothers to their husbands and that they shouldn't have to be. I don't know if men want to be fathers, though. I think many men would prefer to be children until they become grandfathers who can play with their grandchildren. I think being a father is more difficult than being a mother. Mothering comes naturally (and with hormones). Perhaps that you are right that spouses should accept their role as caregivers for each other.

...behavior is attributed to something, like in this case , to a brain that had sustained an injury excluding the complexity of that brain. ... Maybe it is better to step back a little because the chances are we are not modeling a damaged brain or any brain at all and that modeling the brain itself might be not possible at all because it is part of that thing Jesus called life .

I think what you are saying, Guava, is this. "Life happens. Accept what it is, whatever has caused the change, and move forward in a positive way, as Jesus guides us." Am I understanding you correctly? Because if this is what you mean, I do agree. Accepting what has happened is difficult, but I do accept it. It is not a crucifixion, just a challenge.

if my wife sustains a brain injury my only concern would be that she is still alive . infact if her brain were to go dead she is still the greatest woman alive. If she stops reading a book or she does , doesn't matter to me. I really couldn't careless .

If she becomes a different person, your love does not change. Is that correct? Why do you not care that she is different? Is the friendship and the partnership of your relationship not important? I suppose if you sit apart it doesn't matter who she becomes. But what if you share the sofa with a monster? My husband wants me to be with him always, even when he is not behaving like the good person he used to be.

...the women here are not friends with men. They sit by themselves .they don't like for man to sit with them.

Maybe this is also a secret to a long, happy marriage. Does happiness matter in marriage?

a man aught to never be offended by what his wife says or does . He can be injured but never offended. This is the teaching of jesus . Very difficult teaching to be sure but its the road to contentment .

I don't understand what you mean. What is the scripture you refer to?

I chose the off brand product being a cheap skate.

I am cheap, too. If I can make the product myself, then that is even better. I learned this from my grandmother who came here to escape war. She and my grandfather died rich because they didn't spend any money while they lived. My husband is like your wife. He likes fancy brand named things that I do not value, but I have always accepted that about him.

One counts one's blessings .My albino eldest son from my wife is a great blessing to me. i call him albino because he is white .

My oldest son is not biologically mine, either. His mother abandoned him and his father, my husband. Being abandoned by his mother scrambled my son's brains. He very difficult for me to raise, but he is almost an adult now and he is a good boy. I am glad that I did not kill him even though there were times I wanted to. I say that with sarcasm. My husband was very strict with him, but I had to earn his trust with gentle kindness. He did not trust mothers. He loves me as a mother now. Children are worth the effort. They change and grow.

I hope my husband will change and grow, too.

 

[guava]

Peace to all of you

You ask me to point to scripture. . I can tell you all that I know about the light but I can not tell you what you see .in order for that to happen one of us has to change. One of us has to ask Jesus for advice. One of us has to drop the idea that we will live for ever .we don't have time . Our lives are short. We don't have time to be offended . we don't have time for such petty thoughts. What a pity it would be to spend our last battle feeling offended by our fellow human beings.

I have noticed in my travels that people are offended because they can get away with it . People are angry because they can get away with it . People are offended and angry because they can get away with it and because it makes them feel right to be right and offended .we like to think we are important. And we do think so. A man therefore goes out into the world and other men trample on him and trample on him and he takes it with stride assuring himself all the while with all kind of self serving excuses and then he comes home and takes it out on his wife. But how quickly that spirit of offense dissipates when you a put a gun to a man's head .jump you tell him and he jumps. Get down on four and do like a dog and he happily does .Next time your boss tramples on you remember this . when you pick a target pick a target like a man . Do not go defeat the woman with whom you broke bread and had good times and have encumbered her with your own kids and laden her with burden and make her cry. . Go tell your boss you are leaving him. You know what I am talking about. Satan is good employer to be sure. Hey I worked for him in the past. . He pays really well. Only he doesn't tell you about the last bit . Fortune and fame is his to give to you but love belongs to the mighty god to give.

. There is a study back in the day. They put a bunch of women and men together and they told them to go ahead and select partners. The woman targeted the male she wanted. When she couldn't have him she went after the second best and so on and so forth till she landed the best she could get under the circumstances. How the woman selected is highly complex event involving all sorts of built in properties peculiar to her being a woman. . so we won't get into that except to say the whole system with the woman is to chose a male who would be a good breeder .she is looking and wanting the alpha male. . The significant thing for you to note you're not Elvis. You are not number one. You are a compromise. so stop acting like you are number when the woman gravitates to you .because you are not number one . you are compromise . .it is the height of hypocrisy to be offended with your wife when you yourself are the offense .it is a joke for the offense to be offended .you are a joke. Makes me laugh to think about it .

My youngest brother ,when my mother chose his wife for him , as the norm is over here … . She chose a very peculiar looking girl. She had a big head, long arms, short legs with a huge hip. My brother took one look at her and he said to my mother ….mother what bad things have I done to you in order for you to chose for me such a woman followed by something to the effect that she looks like a guerrilla . My mother took off her slippers and gave to him in the face and said to him ….you will be nice to your future wife . I laughed . Getting smacked in your face like that in front of people. My mother never could get me. I jumped back quickly. I refused to stand there and get hit . Now though I have to imagine she is alive and I say to her ..mother o my mother queen of sorrow , l hug me one more time for soon I too will be potters clay. . . But hey my mother was right. That peculiar looking wife of his gave him eight boys and three girls . he has grown to love her so much. He bought her so much gold that her arms both arms are adorned with gold bracelets studded with sterling gold coins from elbow to wrist and her legs with thick silver bracelet so that when she walks she makes music. In social occasions my brother walks like a peacock parading his sons. When you ask him how is his wife he answers…great .. couldn't do without her .

We have more guys than girls but it is not easy to find the right kind of guy or right kind of woman to make viable couple so that it turns out even though we have more guys, it is as if we don't have enough guys because it is about the right guy . a father and mother are confronted with this problem . What to choose from among the mass of rubble out there . my mother went to a great length to get that family to give their daughter to my brother and the idiot wants to complain ..he deserved getting hit .. the older women keep a close eye on the girls in the village . that girl was no ordinary girl . her family had history of giving birth to twins, the girl was as strong and healthy as a mule , sleep few hours work like horse . she carries a one hundred kilo sack of grain like nothing to it . At night I must assume she grabbed my brother and won't let go. Come here man she must have gone to him. ..Laughing here just thinking about that poor brother of mine..

Due to lack of good men , the girls in the family have first right to their male cousins. If the male cousin shows potential then his female relatives have first choice. One of your uncles will just walk up to your father and say that he wants you for his daughter and that’s that. Your fate is sealed. They make you stand there and take an oath. The oath is something like the dreaded .oath of the bible.

Care giver is an interpretation by you. . I'm saying the best model of , for example that is, of ford truck is a ford truck of the same make and year and preferably the very same ford truck. So I'm talking literally when I say you have to be a father to your wife. First off you know they say that the first man the woman falls in love with is her father. Secondly its long story I will try to make it short . I will start with my wife .

Soon after I got to America within a relatively short time I started to look like the regular Neanderthal. I didn't know how to do for myself. Cook and clean are things women did back home for me .that reflected on my outward appearance. i tired though. i went to a barber to get my hair cut and he said to me he doesn't cut that kind of hair so that was that . The guy was a white guy but frankly you can't blame the guy . I have a hair and to borrow form my wife words that looks like one of those aborigines from Australia living in the bush all his life and never seen an automobile in his whole life . It gets long and it curves and form a wild huge mess. The hair in my eye brows join forming a straight unkempt line . I am very hairy. My beard reaches up .. My nose is long with bridge and curves downwards. I'm something of big guy with broad shoulders . I wear clothes from good will store . My jacket is two sizes two big . I had this long coat which I really liked . Wool and very thick. . I raise it to cover over my head and cover myself all around good with it and just live space for my eyes to see when I am out in the cold ..My wife later told me that the reason she went out with me was because she felt so much pity for me. I was like a real sympathy case to her and she was an environmentalist concerned for species threatened with extinction. That's why she did it . she took pity on me. and she didn't say it to hurt my feelings . It just came up during the conversation. .she was saying that feeling gave her the right to like me without first asking for my permission to like me. .We met first at the campus laundry. Not good idea to put colored clothes with white clothes she commented to me .for some reason fate saw to it that I interacted positively with her comment .we then kept running into each other in the library . I helped her with some of her math work and physics. I used to eb maverick when it came to math . actually that was what I studied . we got closer when I took care of this guy from the football team. He was stupid guy full of himself. He used to do these things like kick and swing his hands in the air. You know , the karate stuff .. one time he jumped and straddled her from behind . She tried to hold on but her back gave in and she let out a scream and collapsed .. This was in the gym and the guy did it I thought because he thought we were together. We weren't really we just ran into each other there and we were exchanging small talk . I can move as fast as leopard despite my size . it's a sort of fast run spring to get there to the back of the lion and spear him before he gets the guy he is facing . then when the lions turns around to you and the other guy does the same. We circle the lion like that and kill it . . I had the guy in one of my hands and with the other I was pushing my thumb in his eye pulling his eye out while at the same time I I tore his lower lips with my teeth . all in all it ended bad for him. the people pick him to make him stand he wobbles and collapses . He was strong guy but he was no match for me. I spent my youth cutting huge trees with the ax and I lugged heavy sacks of grain and my mother fed me good , raw liver at least once a week. I was naturally strong . You know big wrist , large hands and whatnot. we wrestle back home a lot . I did my first killing when I was eleven. I killed my cousin. I hit him with stick. He went and laid in the bed and died . it was internal bleeding . then I ran into the guy from the football team a couple of months later .i could sense his fear. He just walked past me and didn't look . good for him. he chose to stay alive good for both of us . I chose not snap his neck there and then and end up going to jail for manslaughter .but if this was back home the snapping of his neck would have been a foregone conclusion. he would have had to die like a sheep and his body fed to the animals. Animals have to eat too.

She bought me shirts . I refused. I said to her I am not going to wear shirts with women colors. She prevailed on me . few days later I too liked the shirts . see I didn't know . Same with the hair . she wants me to go to go a woman hair dresser . Never I said . She brought the girl over and she cut my hair .. Hair between my brows she took care of that. Little by little I started to look like homo sapiens in terms of western tradition. . So that one time I was in the elevator and it was jammed with girls. I had my back turned to them and one of them blew air on my neck and one tucked at my shirt and they were giggling. This mothering went on for long because there was lot of issues to address with me from the perspective of a western woman. And I went along because I was raised with mind that lend itself to that sort of thing . the woman decides the food , what the man wears and and and . we go to our women at night . so you go looking your best and she is looking her best . this is something of problem in the west because in the west its the other way around. You look your best when you go out but at home you don't look your best . so the system makes you look best to strangers and not to your spouse. It gets all the more stranger when you hear someone saying that looking good to strangers makes them feel good about themselves. Doesn't make sense the west is peculiar. She was good . I am convinced I wouldn't have finished college were it not for her .

 

[guava]

Fathering her was big very big problem. I didn't find out until it was too late or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part that made me turn a blind eye . . During those occasions when her father came to pcik her from college she would have him sit in the car waiting forever .Its raining , drizzling , snowing I have to tell her …hey wants wrong with you woman... you make your father sit like that waiting for you , she says to me…oh hush . Excuse me I think to myself ? hush me when it comes to shirts , yes. Cutting my hair that's also fine but don't hush me over this. I tell her maybe I should grab her and throw her out the window . Her answer is another ....oh hush. And she wasn't been mean to her father or anything like that . that’s was the way it was. Her father was man with high position. A really tough man with gigantic intellect . she called him on the phone while he is at work and told him to come open the door for her because she misplaced her key. The man sighs and says something but he drops everything and drives over a zillion of miles and open the door for her . In all the time I have known this man he never uttered one bad thing to her . I am not talking cussing or swearing or anything like that , I'm talking not single negative thing . The only time he did was when she told him we got married. he looked at her and said to her that he wished she had let him know first .that's all. He didn't say anything either when the baby came out too soon after . !after that the man welcomed me into his home and took me in as one of the family and I got a glimpse of something that foreigners seldom experience first hand of what it means to be an upper middle class American family , an old family with a history of men who fought in the civil war , wwi and wwi and the Korean war and Vietnam .a bunch of families with hardly any history of divorce . the cream of the crop of the middle class that class that holds the country together .. a man like me has cause not to fail his wife . so on my own I have taken that oath. So that the judgment shall fall on me and my family and my ancestors if I should fail that woman who is their daughter . my contract with this woman is an oath I have taken .what it is god has shined a light me and he said to me that if I love the life I am living then I will get the blessing from above .

Back to the being offended bit .Jesus talking to his father tells him ….forgive them father they know not what they do. They stab him, they beat him up, they make him carry heavy cross and up an incline too., they set up a kangaroo court and try him in the middle of the night with the city asleep. They can't come with witnesses and they convict him and then they shuffle him around here and there and then Pilate knowing fully well Jesus is innocent because he can't find any lawful grounds to convict him goes and crucifies him. it can't get more irritating and offensive than that . All he had to do is just go… get them father . And his father would have hit them with a cosmic thunder bolt and killed them all to the last one. . Instead Jesus goes ….. Forgive them father for they don't know what they are doing. . Did your wife do a fraction of that to you? What's the problem then? You can be injured but not offended. A man of faith is never offended by his fellow human beings. He can be injured but not offended

that bit about Jesus about asking his father forgiving them lord is very significant. This sounds like salvation for all mankind. it is as if he is saying that you can by pass the natural law .if so then its salivation for all mankind . which is another nail driven into the coffin of the argument for never ending hell . this is because you can not claim ignorance as defense when it comes to an objective truth. You can't for example plead that you didn't know that something as heinous as killing baby is wrong or as in this case the taking of an innocent non threatening life .. The court assumes you held that knowledge. You can't say you came from another culture or the likes and you didn't know it as wrong. But Jesus here is saying that no that you didn't know and ask for you to be forgiven. so for even the crime that the natural law says you shouldn't be forgiven he says forgive. . also when you factor in that knowing what they are doing is talking about the spirit not being in you then by implication even when you don't have the spirit you are saved . it all then depends n god forgiving you . . .



You mentioned monster some there. I don't know about these extremes that get thrown into the equation. Exceptions are they ? My daughter the youngest one gives me a headache with them. I tell her this and that . She comes back at me with…...oh oh but so and so is this and that. ..

one thing I will tell you first . If you have to resort to a monster argument to back yourself up then I have to tell you if a man is a monster then we are monster makers.

Who made the monster and what is the monster about ? .. The monster in Frankenstein goes to him… you have created me but I am your master. .. But is it the creation coming to master the very creator who created him?

this is my last post. it has been great talking to you all. .

i'm from an ancient christian sect originally from ethiopia. the bible that i was given by the missionary is on the whole okay . but needs some work to be sure .