Adding To The Very Rough Day Yesterday...

[Isilwen]

There was the body removal of the four year old and a couple other things that hit all at once.

Got paperwork for mediation so that they can decide whether my ex-wife gets more money or not from me. Plus, I found out that my health insurance is going up another $114 a month to $698 a month. I totaled I will be putting out $2 shy of $900 a month between child support and health insurance. That gives me a net paycheck every two weeks of under $400 a paycheck. It's unlikely that they will find that I can give my ex more money, but it doesn't mean it will be an easy mediation.

She has a lawyer and I don't. I am doing everything pro se. Her lawyer has already said that she will be getting more money for her client no matter what. I realize it's a bluff to scare me and maybe get me to make a mistake, but my problem is that when I am having to argue, I get emotional and then flustered and I shut down. That is not going to help me. My girlfriend and her mom will be giving me flash cards to bring in as neither of them are allowed into the room with me during mediation. I am hoping that will be enough to fall back on and get me to focus.

Then there is the the fact that it looks like I will be getting maybe a little more than $700 a month in pay. I cannot get a second job because my ex will use that against me to reduce the mount of time I get the kids and to get more money from me. Plus, I do not want to have that time taken from the kids that they deserve from me.

So, I do not know how I am going to be able to pay my car payment, car insurance, put gas in my car, keep a roof over my head, pay the utilities and still put food in my stomach and my kid's stomach.

I am barely keeping it together mentality wise.

 

[JohnAshton]

Check that barrier about your GF and her Mom not being in the room. Depending on state law, you should be able to have any advocate at hand that you want. Ask if the law requires you to have an attorney.

 

[Isilwen]

Check that barrier about your GF and her Mom not being in the room. You should be able to have any advocate at hand that you want.

I would have thought so as well, but it states, "Only your attorney is allowed to attend with you on the 3rd floor; if you bring anyone else, THEY WILL BE ASKED TO LEAVE. Security is provided."

Edit: I called and asked and yes, no one is allowed, even as a representative other than a lawyer. Everyone else will be removed. The reason is because they have had physical altercations arise before.

 

[Basil the Great]

I worked in the child support enforcement field for over 20 years, but I left in 2002. Back then, some states had it within their programs to assist the absent parent who paid support in getting his obligation reduced, when his income got lowered or perhaps even when his expenses increased beyond his control. You may wish to go to your local child support enforcement office to see if they can assist you in getting your obligation lowered?

 

[Isilwen]

You may wish to go to your local child support enforcement office to see if they can assist you in getting your obligation lowered?

Couldn't I do that during mediation as well?

 

[JohnAshton]

I would have thought so as well, but it states, "Only your attorney is allowed to attend with you on the 3rd floor; if you bring anyone else, THEY WILL BE ASKED TO LEAVE. Security is provided."

Edit: I called and asked and yes, no one is allowed, even as a representative other than a lawyer. Everyone else will be removed. The reason is because they have had physical altercations arise before.

Sorry to hear that. Poor administrative regulation, I think, because it should be easily handled.

The use the flash cards and have a written out petition for negating or limiting monetary increases.

Good fortune.

 

[Isilwen]

Sorry to hear that. Poor administrative regulation, I think, because it should be easily handled.

The use the flash cards and have a written out petition for negating or limiting monetary increases.

Good fortune.

Thanks!

I already have moments of panic thinking about the mediation. I have no more that I can give and I am already paying out more to child support and health insurance than I bring in net income wise. Her lawyer (who I had to send in my financials to) should see this and tell her that it's not going to happen and not to bother. I don't get why why doesn't.

 

[JohnAshton]

Thanks!

I already have moments of panic thinking about the mediation. I have no more that I can give and I am already paying out more to child support and health insurance than I bring in net income wise. Her lawyer (who I had to send in my financials to) should see this and tell her that it's not going to happen and not to bother. I don't get why why doesn't.

Her lawyer is using her client as a cash flow. She does not care really about you, her client, or the children.

 

[Isilwen]

Her lawyer is using her client as a cash flow. She does not care really about you, her client, or the children.

That's the thing. The lawyer will not be getting paid. My ex-wife is disabled and collects a disability check. Granted she gets more per month than I do, but the lawyer has already declared her indigent. the lawyer is doing this pro-bono, even though she's not considered a pro-bono lawyer.

 

[JohnAshton]

The lawyer is getting brownie points with the state bar for doing it pro-bono.

 

[Isilwen]

The lawyer is getting brownie points with the state bar for doing it pro-bono.

Sad, but I understand.

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Make use of the flashcards. Record important information on them.

Find out what your state specifically says about child custody arrangements and see if you can get to see a therapist or counsellor. Do you work? If so maybe your insurance company can cover the costs of therapy?

It is worth trying anyway. Are you working with a lawyer or not? If not hire one pronto. What state do you live in? Also get things in writing. Apply for public assistance programs too.

Contact the state for advice. There will be a office dedicated to helping families who need a divorce or separation. Call in the morning or email now for assistance.

 

[Isilwen]

Make use of the flashcards. Record important information on them.

That is the plan.

Do you work? If so maybe your insurance company can cover the costs of therapy?

That is an option I didn't consider.

Are you working with a lawyer or not? If not hire one pronto.

I cannot afford a lawyer. They want $2500 upfront. I don't have $2500 to give them.

Apply for public assistance programs too.

While I have very little net income, my gross is too high as I make over 22k a year. The health insurance and child support is killer on take home pay. I have called a family lawyer that does pro-bono work and I make too much to qualify. On the flip side, when I looked at the government healthcare marketplace and ran my numbers, I don't make enough to qualify for assistance on premiums. It seems I am in the middle of not making enough money and making too much.

There will be a office dedicated to helping families who need a divorce or separation.

I have, and they are unable to help me as I make too much money gross. If these places used net income I would be fine, but my gross is too high.

 

[Basil the Great]

Couldn't I do that during mediation as well?

Possibly, but you said that you would be representing yourself. The State (or County in many states) might be able to effectively represent you, though there may not be enough time for that to happen, even if they would be willing to do so, unless you obtained a continuance. First, you would need to check with your local child support enforcement office, to know if there was even any chance that they could assist you. Best wishes to you.