Addictions

[Christsfreeservant]

My husband has struggled with addiction to pornography all of our 35 years of marriage, but he is trying to break the habit. He has gone four months free but then he gave in the other night.

What do you think drives a man to pornography? I mean, what is the motivating force? If any of you have permanently broken the habit, how did you do it? What made the difference for you?

 

[JeCrois]

Hi.

My pastor mentioned addictions in one of his sermons a a while back ago. When he talked about addiction to pornography he said it is one of the hardest addictions to break! At the time this struck a chord in me. I know I may be young but I have struggled with this also. You see, pornography is a different kind of addiction. It is an addiction of the mind. You've probably heard people say your thoughts become actions, and it's true. The hardest thing to overcome with this addiction is not eliminating the habbit, but eliminating the desire and the mindset.

When I came to realize that Satan was behind my thoughts and desires instead of God, that's when I cried out in desperation. I couldn't stop this on my own. We are not strong enough to overcome the tricks that Satan plays on our minds by ourselves. Once I asked God to truely lead my life and not be lead by my flesh, I never again viewed pornography. Yes, I still have some iniquities, but that is part of my walk with God. I have faith that God will not leave me hanging by myself ever again.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[sinneD]

Go the the Men's Corner in the Life Stages section. In there you will find a sub-forum for P0rn Addiction. Spend a couple of hours looking through all the posts in that section, and you will better understand the issues.

Feel free to PM or e-mail me if you would like some advice for your husband.

Blessing,
Dennis

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Hi.

The hardest thing to overcome with this addiction is not eliminating the habbit, but eliminating the desire and the mindset.

Thank you so much! I am glad to hear that you overcame the habit. I appreciate your input!! God bless!!

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Go the the Men's Corner in the Life Stages section. In there you will find a sub-forum for P0rn Addiction. Spend a couple of hours looking through all the posts in that section, and you will better understand the issues.

Feel free to PM or e-mail me if you would like some advice for your husband.

Blessing,
Dennis

Dennis,

Thank you! I appreciate that. God bless!!

 

[Infinite777]

I'm extremely sorry that pornography has taken over your husbands life, but it sounds like he is definately making progress. Once in four months is certainly a lot better than daily. Of course it's still not permissible to even sin on occasion, but I know he can break the addiction through Christ Jesus. My advice? www.settingcaptivesfree.com. This site is completely free, and it has a course on breaking the chains of lust. You visit the site every day and go through an online lesson instructing you how to turn away from this sin and towards Christ. I am doing the Lord's Table course, which is about breaking the sin of gluttony, and I cannot descirbe how much it is helping. Suggest it to him and hopefully he will at least give it a chance, because it really is a powerful ministry. I'll be sure to keep both of you in my prayers. Stay strong in Christ.

 

[dimwhitt]

the bottom line-
men are stimulated by what they see - we are hard wired that way

try going to therapy
it could do wonders
1-800-new-life for trained Christian counselors in ur area
insurance will pick up most of the tab

addiction to porn (and other things) is the #1 mental health problem for men

 

[Christsfreeservant]

I'm extremely sorry that pornography has taken over your husbands life, but it sounds like he is definately making progress. Once in four months is certainly a lot better than daily. Of course it's still not permissible to even sin on occasion, but I know he can break the addiction through Christ Jesus. My advice? www.settingcaptivesfree.com. This site is completely free, and it has a course on breaking the chains of lust. You visit the site every day and go through an online lesson instructing you how to turn away from this sin and towards Christ. I am doing the Lord's Table course, which is about breaking the sin of gluttony, and I cannot descirbe how much it is helping. Suggest it to him and hopefully he will at least give it a chance, because it really is a powerful ministry. I'll be sure to keep both of you in my prayers. Stay strong in Christ.

Thank you so much for the advice and the prayers. They mean a lot!! I'll check out the site. God bless!

 

[Christsfreeservant]

the bottom line-
men are stimulated by what they see - we are hard wired that way

try going to therapy
it could do wonders
1-800-new-life for trained Christian counselors in ur area
insurance will pick up most of the tab

addiction to porn (and other things) is the #1 mental health problem for men

Thanks!

 

[Adam415]

It seems as though his endorphic receptors are reacting in much the way as alcoholism.. It will be an ongoing process he may need to fight for a while until he appreciates what keeps him satisfied in a new light. Shine the light of the lord upon him and promote your union with God and one another. With all good blessings and hope, you are in my prayers!

 

[cuji]

I have never been into porn,i cant even see its appeal as its paper with pictures on it,it has no intimacy,no love,no substance at all.

I hope he gets away from it and see's how useless it is.

 

[Christsfreeservant]

It seems as though his endorphic receptors are reacting in much the way as alcoholism.. It will be an ongoing process he may need to fight for a while until he appreciates what keeps him satisfied in a new light. Shine the light of the lord upon him and promote your union with God and one another. With all good blessings and hope, you are in my prayers!

Thank you! I appreciate the prayers, and so does he, I'm sure!!

My husband and I have a good relationship. He has been serious about his relationship with the Lord these past four months and has been consistently journaliing his quiet times, which I think is a first! Then, he had one day when he did not have his guard up and he went backwards. He did not tell me for a week because he was so ashamed. But, I do believe he is back on track. My big concern is that he has no specific plan of action other than the computer filters and his times with the Lord and those filters can be worked around, so that is why I inquired as to what others have done to see if I can get any ideas of other things he can do.

I do believe he is genuinely repentant and filled with remorse over his failure that one day and that he is back on track with God and with working toward complete and total victory. I wanted to see what I could do to help him, which is why I asked, but I think the Lord is telling me that I should place my husband in his hands, again, and let him do the work and that I should demonstrate genuine forgiveness, restoration and support w/o trying to "fix him."

So, thanks so much to everyone for your help! Just keep us in your prayers. I know God has something he wants to do with our lives and Satan is fighting against us. But, "God is bigger than the Boogy man." Amen!

 

[Christsfreeservant]

I have never been into porn,i cant even see its appeal as its paper with pictures on it,it has no intimacy,no love,no substance at all.

I hope he gets away from it and see's how useless it is.

Thank you!

 

[1Newcreation]

I'm extremely sorry that pornography has taken over your husbands life, but it sounds like he is definately making progress. Once in four months is certainly a lot better than daily. Of course it's still not permissible to even sin on occasion, but I know he can break the addiction through Christ Jesus. My advice? www.settingcaptivesfree.com. This site is completely free, and it has a course on breaking the chains of lust. You visit the site every day and go through an online lesson instructing you how to turn away from this sin and towards Christ. I am doing the Lord's Table course, which is about breaking the sin of gluttony, and I cannot descirbe how much it is helping. Suggest it to him and hopefully he will at least give it a chance, because it really is a powerful ministry. I'll be sure to keep both of you in my prayers. Stay strong in Christ.

Well done infinity777, Yes...me too, I am doing the same course, the Lord's Table. It is helping me tremendously also. Christ is the focus of the lessons. He is our only hope for breaking free from our sin.

I too recommend this website to anyone, and I have here and at other forums. It's FREE!!!!! It's the best counselling anyone can get, and it is FREE. No high expectations, total respect, total confidentiality, lots of encouragement. Oh yeh...and its FREE! Did I mention that?

God bless all who are trying to break free from habitual sin, you are in my prayers, and I encourage you that there is freedom to be found in Jesus Christ.

love and peace in Christ
1newcreation

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Well done infinity777, Yes...me too, I am doing the same course, the Lord's Table. It is helping me tremendously also. Christ is the focus of the lessons. He is our only hope for breaking free from our sin.

I too recommend this website to anyone, and I have here and at other forums. It's FREE!!!!! It's the best counselling anyone can get, and it is FREE. No high expectations, total respect, total confidentiality, lots of encouragement. Oh yeh...and its FREE! Did I mention that?

God bless all who are trying to break free from habitual sin, you are in my prayers, and I encourage you that there is freedom to be found in Jesus Christ.

love and peace in Christ
1newcreation

Thank you!! Again, I appreciate all the words of encouragement and most of all your prayers! God bless!

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Update: My husband is in about his 5th day now of going through the workbook, "Setting Captives Free: Pure Freedom" by Mike Cleveland. He had purchased this workbook a month or so ago but had never really started going through it until after I inquired on here about it and I gave him that link that you all gave me. We both listened to Mike Cleveland's talk on the website about "The Cross." It was really good.

I am encouraged by the changes that are already taking place in my husband's life. He has put his laptop computer away and is planning to keep it put away until he feels God releases him to get it out again and then we have some plans in motion for accountability. If that does not work, then he will have to get rid of a brand new laptop computer, but I think he is at the point now where he would actually do that. He was never there before. He always felt he could handle it. Now he is realizing he can't. That is progress!!

 

[Christsfreeservant]

Another update: My husband had one fall back, but he told me right away. That is a first! So, that is progress! Also, he has told a male co-worker who is a Christian man about his problem and has asked his friend to keep him accountable. That, too, is a first. He has been doing the lessons in Pure Freedom every day and I can see a determination in him to get free that I have never seen before, so I'm encouraged.

He has realized that he has 3 issues:
1. Pornography
2. Masturbation
3. Lying

He's working on all 3. And, I'm seeing good progress in the right direction.

 

[tturt]

praying for you and your family.

 

[Christsfreeservant]

praying for you and your family.

Thank you. As you know, this is spiritual warfare, so I appreciate any and all prayers.

 

[Johnnz]

Another update: My husband had one fall back, but he told me right away. That is a first! So, that is progress! Also, he has told a male co-worker who is a Christian man about his problem and has asked his friend to keep him accountable. That, too, is a first. He has been doing the lessons in Pure Freedom every day and I can see a determination in him to get free that I have never seen before, so I'm encouraged.

He has realized that he has 3 issues:
1. Pornography
2. Masturbation
3. Lying

He's working on all 3. And, I'm seeing good progress in the right direction.

Those are a very common trio.

Underlying those behaviours there is something else. Pornography relies on a lie, that images are better than the real thing. The 'real thing' for a Christian is sex as God intends it to be - a creative, sensual, shame free, intimate, open, communicative part of marriage.

The fuel that feeds the lie is so often a negative and unhealthy view of human sexuality. Our sexuality is about fulfillment, not primarily about control. A truly sexually fulfilled person is as likely to indulge in porn as a normal person would eat rotten food - just no appeal.


John
NZ