Acts interest then doesn't act interested

[SelfProtect]

I saw this topic deep in another thread and thought it needed attention.
It seems I'm not the only one.

I like a guy, so I act interested. He doesn't seem to be interested so I try and act uninterested and see if that gets his attention. Then it seems as if he does the same thing. He acts interested one day then the next time, he seems uninterested. So, either, he just wants to be friends and I'm reading more into this than there is OR he is like me and acts interested then maybe feel rejected because the attraction is not returned so I retreat, then he act interested.

Anyone else do this?

or think this is being done?

or am I the only crazy over-analyzer?

 

[tyberium]

Just ask him, as a guy I am not good with the subliminal messaging or suggested hints, although I am working on it. If a girl asked if I wanted to get a burger or something, that would paint a pretty clear picture.

 

[TriptychR]

I agree with tyberium. We're guys; you have to tell us everything!

 

[Sheena_Va]

I have to agree with the guys on this one. Women tend to over analyze everything (myself included). We put ourselves and men through all kinds of mini tests all the time. If I do this....and he responds this way.....that means....Well upon further analysis of the male psyche, I've come to the conclusion that guys aren't really as complicated as we think they are.
If he is acting interested, then he is. If the next day he seems to be completely unaware of your existence, it's probably cuz at the moment, he is, lol. Not saying that he doesnt still have an overall interest in you, but at that moment something else is filling his head...like his car...his money... or the big game... oh and for our fellow believers, I'll even add the Lord to that list .
This is the type of guy your gonna have to be straightforward with. If he still seems uninterested after that.... Move on.

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

Hello,

As man when I am interested in someone, I do my best not to play games, I would observe the girl in question, her character in being among other people and etc. I learnt that both men and women are complex beings created in the image of God and it's really hard to read each other.

Ok now, this will take a bit of courage: let the person know that you are interested, whether by letter, face to face or whatever is easier, and let it run its course from there, trusting in God through prayer and always seeking His guidance. Otherwise you'll be spending a lot of time asking yourself many tiring questions and not focusing on the main task at hand which is serving the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul.

Take care and God bless,
Love in Christ

Peter

 

[Stanfi]

I saw this topic deep in another thread and thought it needed attention.
It seems I'm not the only one.

I like a guy, so I act interested. He doesn't seem to be interested so I try and act uninterested and see if that gets his attention. Then it seems as if he does the same thing. He acts interested one day then the next time, he seems uninterested. So, either, he just wants to be friends and I'm reading more into this than there is OR he is like me and acts interested then maybe feel rejected because the attraction is not returned so I retreat, then he act interested.

Anyone else do this?

or think this is being done?

or am I the only crazy over-analyzer?

I hate stuff like this. It all goes back to "reading" people. What we think it obvious is not obvious to the other person.

Do this, go stick your tongue down his throat. That will get things in the open.

 

[hakrev]

I believe every relationship tends to go through times like these. In my experience it just tends to put unneeded strain on the relationship and almost always leads to either misunderstanding and regretfulness of what could have been if you had both actually acted on your instincts or it will eventually eat at the relationship until you both just hide all feelings from each other and the relationship will die!

So my advice to you is to just act on your instincs and tell the dude how you feel! Nothing bad ever comes from telling someone that you like them. most people are highly flattered when someone does that. So the next time you meet the guy sit him down and talk it out with him. Chances are he's probably interested in you!

 

[desi]

Most guys are not good at games so you have to tell us whats up. The ones who are good will usually lead you where they want things to go.

 

[Iggster]

Get it over with and just tell him.....We're not that complicated, you know. No one can fault you for just being honest and straightforward.

May be you can get a club and club him over the head. Drag him to your cave and see how he reacts....j/k

 

[SelfProtect]

There is no way I can put myself out there emotionally just yet. I have to give it more time. yall are killing me with this advice. I'm too afraid of rejection. What about the advice about how guys are supposed to do the leading (asking out). The last time I asked a guy out for coffee was in March and he said he wasn't ready to date. I was glad my wondering if he was interested was over but it was kinda a drag to be turned down.

 

[LionOfJudah]

time to break it down to the very basics

One you ask him out and get a straight yes or NO. no rejection just closure you know the ending then you are not left wondering with all the could of beens. Positive expectancy i have asked 8 girls out this summer ( off of friendly wagers and stuff) and all 3 have said yes. as you can see i am not the most attractive young man, but i am confident, so when i ask, i give the impression that they would be retarded to say no, atleast in my mind. (end my hey you can do it speech)

Then your other option is ot sit there asking for advice not willing to just do it (Nike)(TM) and drive your self insane with all your could of would of beens .

Your choice? how can you not have the confidence in your self to tell a guy how you feel, but have the confidence to tell a stranger about Christ?

 

[Iggster]

time to break it down to the very basics

One you ask him out and get a straight yes or NO. no rejection just closure you know the ending then you are not left wondering with all the could of beens. Positive expectancy i have asked 8 girls out this summer ( off of friendly wagers and stuff) and all 3 have said yes. as you can see i am not the most attractive young man, but i am confident, so when i ask, i give the impression that they would be retarded to say no, atleast in my mind. (end my hey you can do it speech)

Then your other option is ot sit there asking for advice not willing to just do it (Nike)(TM) and drive your self insane with all your could of would of beens .

Your choice? how can you not have the confidence in your self to tell a guy how you feel, but have the confidence to tell a stranger about Christ?

Smart man......Listen to him.

The guy is suppose to lead?????? I was proposed to by my ex-g/f........You can throw that idea out. Look 20 years into the future. Can you see yourself asking the," what if," questions?

 

[SelfProtect]

I hear you, I would rather do it if I knew for sure he was interested. He called me today to discuss outreach. We're both in outreach together. Does that mean something? He's never called me before. We did chitchat about other things too. How about you guys tell me what are some things you say/do when you are interested in someone. I thought the suretell sign was if a guy treats you differently than he treats everyone else. I don't see him doing that.

Besides, whats the rush? How about we let things progress slowly. Although I'm not sure if we are progressing at all. It would be nice to know.

 

[Tuffguy]

I'm a rusher. If i like someone i let them know. It will be obvious. I'll ask for their number, call about 2 days later and during that call set up a date for a few days later. After that, who knows,,see what develops. I've been totally shot down after the 1st date (only happened once thank God, LOL), made some great friends, and had some great realationships because of just being forward.
You're 35 yrs old and you are talking like at 15 yr old, saying you dont' know if he likes you this and that. Maybe he is totally confused too. Call him back and see what he is doing tomorrow night. Is complete rejection a possibility? Heck ya! So what? Maybe you guys will just be long term friends. Isn't that worth pursuing? The point is you have nothing with him right now,,, guess what you have to lose? Could be nothing, could be everything.

 

[SelfProtect]

Tuffguy,
yes I am 35. and the rules change a little when your older, maybe we've been burned more. Also, if we rushed into the first marriage, we really want to take it slow the second time. The wise thing is to do the opposite of what you did the first time. But as far as talking like I'm 15, yep, I am human just like a 15 year old. We both hate rejection. We both want to be liked. I thought I should post this on the mature singles site.

I called him back but didn't leave a message. He should see my name pop up as a missed call though.

I imagine you all feel like your talking to a brick wall. Everyone says go for it. I'm just not ready yet. But rest assured your encouragement is not going unheard. I will make a move, in time, if he doesn't. I have done it before. I asked 2 guys out for coffee in the last year, the first one said yes and was a lot of fun while it lasted. The second said no, and I was glad I wasn't wondering anymore if he liked me. I just need a little more time. If I'm still talking about this guy in October and nothing has happened, I give you all permission to cyber-slap me

 

[Stanfi]

There is no way I can put myself out there emotionally just yet. I have to give it more time. yall are killing me with this advice. I'm too afraid of rejection. What about the advice about how guys are supposed to do the leading (asking out). The last time I asked a guy out for coffee was in March and he said he wasn't ready to date. I was glad my wondering if he was interested was over but it was kinda a drag to be turned down.

Self Protect,

I can understand this. It seems to me that as we get older, we have a deeper understanding of relationships, and what they really mean to us, and we value them. Then when we get hurt, it scars us pretty deep, and it never seem to competely go away.

I don't know. There is nothing worse than to emtotinally scared people trying to determine if the other one likes them. Both of looking for signs, and both are being hestiant for fear of getting hurt.

I am not really sure what to say. Perhaps you need some healing of past hurts, before you can jump into another relationship. If you do have past hurts than can be a hinderance to a relationship you may be getting into.

I dunno, I always seem to end up on the sharp end of the knife.