Hey everyone. I apologize in advance for the length of this but I have a lot of troubles that have been weighing on my heart and mind that I need to get off of me.
I am a "church kid". I was born and raised in my church and have been there for 22 years. When I was a young child I was whole heartily saved. I loved God completely and there was nothing that could stop me. When I was six my parents divorced, which I later found out that it was caused by my father's decision to come out as gay. For many years I didn't have any problems with anything until I hit my pre-teen years.
I honestly have no idea how this all got started. All I know is that one day I found myself in the house alone and my mind began to wonder. Before I knew it, I began to look at pornographic images. Images that I would have never even thought to look at before. I had never had any attraction to men before but I found myself caught up in the lust and I couldn't break free. Slowly, I began to delve deeper and gave into masturbation. That continued on for about a year. I was confronted about what I was doing and I repented and got clean, but that didn't last long.
Before I knew what happened I got dragged right back into the same old habit of pornography and self-gratification. I didn't want to but I couldn't help myself. This has been something that I have been dealing with on and off since I was 14. Sometimes I would be able to stop for weeks at a time, but sooner or later, the urge would come back and I would start all over again. Of course I would repent and ask God for forgiveness, but I think on some level, I never really meant it.
Just this past weekend, I re-dedicated my life to Christ. I really do not want to fall back into the same traps. I need help. I have tried so hard in the past to break free and I know that I can't do it on my own. I know that I need Jesus to set me free.
Is anyone here willing to be an accountability partner? I could use the spiritual back-up.
I am a "church kid". I was born and raised in my church and have been there for 22 years. When I was a young child I was whole heartily saved. I loved God completely and there was nothing that could stop me. When I was six my parents divorced, which I later found out that it was caused by my father's decision to come out as gay. For many years I didn't have any problems with anything until I hit my pre-teen years.
I honestly have no idea how this all got started. All I know is that one day I found myself in the house alone and my mind began to wonder. Before I knew it, I began to look at pornographic images. Images that I would have never even thought to look at before. I had never had any attraction to men before but I found myself caught up in the lust and I couldn't break free. Slowly, I began to delve deeper and gave into masturbation. That continued on for about a year. I was confronted about what I was doing and I repented and got clean, but that didn't last long.
Before I knew what happened I got dragged right back into the same old habit of pornography and self-gratification. I didn't want to but I couldn't help myself. This has been something that I have been dealing with on and off since I was 14. Sometimes I would be able to stop for weeks at a time, but sooner or later, the urge would come back and I would start all over again. Of course I would repent and ask God for forgiveness, but I think on some level, I never really meant it.
Just this past weekend, I re-dedicated my life to Christ. I really do not want to fall back into the same traps. I need help. I have tried so hard in the past to break free and I know that I can't do it on my own. I know that I need Jesus to set me free.
Is anyone here willing to be an accountability partner? I could use the spiritual back-up.
