Accepting our flaws

[ido]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have? I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating? If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

 

[mina]

no one has ever said that to me. I like myself dispite my flaws. I don't think i'm that bad. But i do worry because no one ever seems interested in me so I feel like maybe there's something I can't see and i'm really a terrible person or something. or massively ugly. But i don't think or see those things about myself so it confuses me.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have? I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating? If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

I personally find it very very difficult to believe someone when they say that they like me despite my flaws (like anyone's really ever said they like me in the last 3 or so years...).

Yes, I do tend to avoid dating or even putting myself in the position to get a date (if that was actually even possible!) because of my flaws.

I wouldn't say that I *worry* that they'll reject me b/c of my flaws. My main problem is that deep down inside I think they tolerate my flaws until something better comes along. I'm just an *option* for combatting boredom. I'm not really perceived as a real human with feelings.

At least that has been the pattern in the past....

 

[* kittie *]

I've loved despite their flaws...so I know it is possible.

But I do have the tendency to kinda draw back when I get too close, in fear of them seeing more of my flaws. With some people, I have thought, "Well maybe they like me cause they don't REALLY see what I'm like". haha I know...it's stupid. I wouldn't say I'm like that now...at least not as much as before. I guess I was just so used to losing everyone. I was also depressed at that time (and I knew how hard it is to be around someone like that), that I tried to hide it all.

 

[Thomas1984]

Well, it depends how much I know about the person, and whether or not they seem sincere and genuine.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have?

Nope...I wait to see if time and actions support their statement but I tend to not believe them right away

Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating?

No - cause I think I'm a pretty great person, flaws and all and I'm willing to accept someone flaws and all so I always have hope that someone will feel the same way some day

If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

Hmmmm...good question...I'm not sure that I worry about it but I'm not surprised by it when it happens as it has happened many times in the past. For me personally, in my own experiences, I have not found to many men that I've dated, to be willing to stick and work thru issues or discuss any "flaws" that they may see in me or in our relationship and see what solution we can come to or how to better understand each other. It's been my experience, that they cut and run and hope that the next woman will be flawless.

I'm not saying ALL men are like this or that any men on CF are like this, I'm just saying that it has been my experience with some of the men I have dated.

 

[BlackEssence]

I have thoughts about this all the time. Im not a super model and I surely do not have flawless skin. But, over time, it took a while for me to love myself despite my imperfections..and I took to developing my mind alot more, which I believe is what helps people become attracted to you and enhances your looks BEYOND your phyicial imperfections.

But, I do falter sometimes and get angry as to why I am still single, and sometimes I do question wether a guy will love me past the outside view of me. But, in the case that a guy does love me past my imperfects and mroe so for my mind, which again, enhances my looks, then this is what I seek for. Because is it was what I looked like physically that made a guy fall for me, then I really dont want to have anything to do with him. Because my looks will fade, and if that is something that would cause him to be disappointed...then, I would be better off alone and happy with who I am, just the way I am.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

I don't think flaws are purely physical

 

[puffca]

I know God loves me despite any of my flaws.
I know I love my parents and sisters despite their flaws and they do the same to me.
So, yes, I would believe it, and see this type of love as a must, especially in a family.
(Although I don't expect a total stranger say she likes me despite any flaws I possibly have.)

 

[BlackEssence]

I don't think flaws are purely physical

Well, that goes for everything else as well. Its just that in the media world, when someone mentiones flaws, phyical is the first perspective to be thought of since its in our face more than anything else.

 

[Fremdin]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have? I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating? If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

Pretty much.

 

[GQ Chris]

attraction is purely subjective, there are certain physical characteristics that I gravitate towards, but also personality/character traits.

 

[white dove]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have? I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating? If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

A good man may make me accutely aware of my flaws, while a great man makes me forget about them, entirely.

 

[4hurting]

Sorry now been edited now, thanks for reading though.

 

[GQ Chris]

You can't please everyone.

 

[Ann_ika25]

I think it comes down to someone not liking themselves because if they were comfortable in their own skin and truly loved themselves, they wouldn't avoid dating, have poor self-esteem, etc.

No one is perfect.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Well, that goes for everything else as well. Its just that in the media world, when someone mentiones flaws, phyical is the first perspective to be thought of since its in our face more than anything else.

Good point. I think it's sad that the world works that way though because everyone is beautiful for their own reasons and that includes beautiful both on the outside and inside But you're right - the emphasis with flaws is put on the outer appearance.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

A good man may make me accutely aware of my flaws, while a great man makes me forget about them, entirely.

That is quote worthy! I'm going to add you to my favorite quotes on facebook

 

[4hurting]

Sorry now been edited now, thanks for reading though.

 

[JennyKatz]

Do you believe it when someone says that they like you despite any flaws (real or perceived) that you have? I was having a conversation with a friend about this recently - which resulted in the comment that is now a part of my signature. Does worrying about someone rejecting you b/c of your flaws cause you to avoid dating? If you like someone and they say they like you, too, do you worry that they will ultimately reject you b/c of your flaws?

I don't believe I've ever been told that I've been liked "despite my flaws". However, everyone has flaws, so, I think, that everybody who likes you does so despite your negatives. However, you can't spend your life agonizing over everyone's opinion of you. It would be too exhausting and too demoralizing. I don't think I've ever avoided a date because I was afraid that they'd see my less-than-charming bits and reject me outright. I can't control people's reaction to my person, so I'm going to be myself. People who like me will remain in my life and those who don't will drift away. There's a quote from Dr. Suess that goes "Always do what you want and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."
Besides, I want somebody who is strong enough to handle my flawed parts and smart enough to recognize that nobody's perfect. I hope that I'm reasonable enough to give them the same treatment.