Abusive relationship? abusive girlfriend? Help!

[ExtinguishedEssence]

Hello everyone. I am a young adult male who is currently in a relationship with a woman who had been abusive behavior towards me. She was my highschool sweetheart and we have known eachother for six years but have been together for four. There have been isolated incidents in our relationship in which she has hit me out of anger. Also one incident she put a knife to my chest and threatened to stab me. This happened almost a year ago but I still feel unsafe around her and we are still together. since then she has not repeated these actions and has. Told me she wants to start counseling and church. Honestly despite these things I feel like I should leave. What should I do? Both of us have endured sexual abuse in our lives and although this may have contributed to her actions I don't see them as justifiable.

 

[jdbrown]

Leave her.

 

[mjmcmillan]

It's your call, of course.

I've been there, married twice to the same woman and divorced twice, domestic violence as well as verbal abuse. I would be inclined to trust your instincts on this one. However much you love her, you don't trust her not to hit you again, and maybe to kill in a moment of rage. A person who can put a knife to your chest and threaten to stab you can certainly do it-- it just takes a little more rage and the deed is done.

Will it get better if she gets counseling and starts going to church? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes Jesus gets hold of a person and makes those serious changes on the inside that make all the difference. But sometimes it's all stage-managing by the abuser to keep the abused from leaving. Which it is in your case, only you, your woman and Jesus knows. From the "sound" of your post, you have serious doubts.

 

[ExtinguishedEssence]

Thank you so much for the advice and insight. The main reason I am hesitant in leaving is because I have done it several times before but almost every time she would threaten to kill herself or if we were apart during those times she would tell me that she attempted it and then would describe a method.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Thank you so much for the advice and insight. The main reason I am hesitant in leaving is because I have done it several times before but almost every time she would threaten to kill herself or if we were apart during those times she would tell me that she attempted it and then would describe a method.

Welcome to the real world of domestic abuse. Every last abused person here can tell you of similar stuff from their abusers-- and of course if your friend carries out her suicide threat she'll make sure you know it's all your fault.

Well, it's not your fault, and at some point you're going to have to do what you know has to be done. You can ride this train until she kills you-- and don't kid yourself, a person who thinks like this is capable of just such a thing-- or you can break away and seek help for yourself. There are possibilities now that didn't exist a few years ago, back when I had my first go-around there wasn't much at all on domestic abuse, and what there was existed so women could escape abusive men, but today there is a bit of help for male victims of domestic abuse too.

I suggest that you search "Male victims of domestic violence" on Google and see what turns up. You're not alone even though it sometimes feels like it.