abusive family members

[ibelongtothelord]

Merry Christmas all. i need help. i am a recovering addict/alcoholic and in a program in my local baptist church. since i was a teen i have been verbally and emotionally abused by my mother and sister. unmercifully. i thought that behavior would stop when i moved out but not so. it continued. i will be forty soon and it is relentless. they deliberately hurt as much as possible with name calling and insults and put downs. i learned they are displaying controlling/codependent behavior and have since drawn lines in the sand and taken a stand for myself. heres my issue. i am bitter now. and really angry. in the past 3 weeks i have had incidences with the both of them and it has been "the final straw". normally as soon as the next day comes i am over it and forget about it. this time is very different. i am angry and bitter and not feeling my normal forgiving self. sis has kids. they have basically held them up and villified me for "targeting the innocent children". i have no desire to have a relationship with my sis or controlling mom. and i now feel bitter and guilty and i dont know what to think anymore. they have no respect for my recovery, as they drink and smoke all sorts of things right in front of me. am i supposed to stay in their lives simply because of the children? despite my triggers? despite the blatant and habitual abuse? i can forgive. what i do not want to do is have a relationship with them anymore. i dont want to draw near or be close....... what do i do? anyone have wisdom to share?

 

[HannahT]

There is nothing wrong with keeping your distance. At times anger is a healthy thing because your body is telling you something. It gets bad when you marinate in it. Your family will not appreciate the boundaries, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have them.

Sounds like what you are feeling is normal.

 

[ibelongtothelord]

thank you for your response hannaht. my substance abuse counselor just gave me a book titled Bitterness: A place of no grace. and i have been praying that no matter what, that i dont end up there! i have prayed and considered what you have said, as my counselor reiterated that to me also....