Abuse...

[hisbloodformysins]

·

Does your husband or boyfriend call you names, mock you, make false​

accusations?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend blame you, yell, swear or make humiliating
​

remarks or gestures?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend insist on his own way through using guilt or
​

sulking?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend use other forms of intimidation, such as
​

breaking things?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend threaten to withhold money if you don't do
​

things his way?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend manipulate the children, try to turn them
​

against you or get them to “side with him” in disagreements?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend twist or misuse scriptures to justify
​

controlling, bullying or mistreating either you or the children?​

Does he insist

that you "submit" to his desires without respecting your opinions?​

· ​

Does your husband accuse of you not being a good Christian (wife) if you
​

disagree with him?​

·



Does your husband or boyfriend believe that it is his God given right and
​

responsibility to "keep you in line"?​

·



Does he act like a very different person at work or at church so that no one
​

knows or believes that he is bully at home?​

·



Have you told Christian friends or your pastor about what is happening, only to
​

have them not believe you or even blame you for your husband's behavior?​

IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU MAY BE

IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
God does not want or expect you to be abused verbally, emotionally or physically.
This type of abuse will get worse over time. It never stops without a very significant
long-term intervention. ​

Does this work both ways?? If men answer yes to these questions....​

"You are worthless!! you never "F"ing do a Gash darn thing (I am making it PG) , If only people would see the real you, if they saw who I see you would have no friends, they would be disgusted by you the way I am disgusted by you... You can't do anything right, why don't you get your freakin (PG) head out of your [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]... You are lucky you are with me because no one else would put up with your crap... Freaking GROW UP already, get a clue... You are so stupid... You are never going to amount to anything... How am I going to respect you?? You're an idiot!! I hate you, I can't stand you!"​

This is daily, and has been much worse than what I wrote above... meanwhile the person this is told to tries to keep a smile on their face, the go to counciling in hopes to fix things... but it gets worse...​

The person hears these and other hurtful things everyday for four years, trying to make things better... Afraid to leave... They have prayed every night... Things haven't changed, and with any type of abuse, over time it has gotten worse...​

This person should stay?? When you answer this question, please let me know what you answered to the questions above, it will give me insight... Thanks.​

​

That would be hurtful. It's also hard when we pray and don't get results..... we eventually grow weary. I will be praying for your marriage.

HB

 

[Adamantium]

This person should stay?? When you answer this question, please let me know what you answered to the questions above, it will give me insight... Thanks.
​

I think this person should get out, and take the children if there are any. I don't think God would want anyone to be tormented that way, but I also think the person should not remarry, even if they divorce.

Now, if the abuser were also an unrepentant adulterer, I think the victim would be free to remarry.

It's kind of harsh, isn't it? I'd like to say I think God would release the person from their marriage vows, but that isn't what the bible says. If someone can explain to me how or why it would be ok in spite of what seems to me to be a crystal clear directive in the bible, I would love to hear it. Not because I'm trying to be confrontational, but because I honestly want to know.

Edit: You also asked us to answer the other questions. I was married before. At the time we got married we were both atheists, and we did not have a church wedding. That man ended up being verbally and emotionally abusive, and he was also an unrepentant adulterer who forsook our marriage bed. He would not go to counseling or even admit that anything was wrong. I tried for 10 years to fix it and then I finally gave up and threw him out. I am now a Christian and am married to a Christian man. Do I think I broke my vows the first time? No, I don't. If he had not been an adulterer, would I have been wrong to remarry? It's a question I can't answer. Given that neither of us ever knew God, I seriously doubt we were bound by his law. I feel with all my heart that this marriage is blessed by God.

 

[walloffire]

Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Mat 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
Mat 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mat 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

<staff edit>

 

[Meshavrischika]

and the Lord of Lords Jesus Christ disagrees with you.

Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Mat 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
Mat 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mat 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
<STAFF EDIT>

or maybe she understands grace and mercy of our Lord... it's all a matter of perspective.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

I let Jesus speak for himself, you simply don't believe him.

That's awsome!!!!

<staff edit per report>

 

[walloffire]

Joe 2:28 And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions:

 

[twob4me]

Closing for staff review.

Report

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Does your husband or boyfriend call you names, mock you, make false


accusations?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend blame you, yell, swear or make humiliating




remarks or gestures?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend insist on his own way through using guilt or




sulking?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend use other forms of intimidation, such as




breaking things?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend threaten to withhold money if you don't do




things his way?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend manipulate the children, try to turn them




against you or get them to “side with him” in disagreements?



·



Does your husband or boyfriend twist or misuse scriptures to justify




controlling, bullying or mistreating either you or the children?



Does he insist

that you "submit" to his desires without respecting your opinions?


· ​

Does your husband accuse of you not being a good Christian (wife) if you




disagree with him?




·



Does your husband or boyfriend believe that it is his God given right and




responsibility to "keep you in line"?




·



Does he act like a very different person at work or at church so that no one




knows or believes that he is bully at home?




·



Have you told Christian friends or your pastor about what is happening, only to




have them not believe you or even blame you for your husband's behavior?




IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU MAY BE

IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
God does not want or expect you to be abused verbally, emotionally or physically.
This type of abuse will get worse over time. It never stops without a very significant
long-term intervention.

Does this work both ways?? If men answer yes to these questions....

"You are worthless!! you never "F"ing do a Gash darn thing (I am making it PG) , If only people would see the real you, if they saw who I see you would have no friends, they would be disgusted by you the way I am disgusted by you... You can't do anything right, why don't you get your freakin (PG) head out of your [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]... You are lucky you are with me because no one else would put up with your crap... Freaking GROW UP already, get a clue... You are so stupid... You are never going to amount to anything... How am I going to respect you?? You're an idiot!! I hate you, I can't stand you!"

This is daily, and has been much worse than what I wrote above... meanwhile the person this is told to tries to keep a smile on their face, the go to counciling in hopes to fix things... but it gets worse...

The person hears these and other hurtful things everyday for four years, trying to make things better... Afraid to leave... They have prayed every night... Things haven't changed, and with any type of abuse, over time it has gotten worse...

This person should stay?? When you answer this question, please let me know what you answered to the questions above, it will give me insight... Thanks.​

​

 

[dayknee]

The answer to most of those is Yes for me.
Sadly..
For one he is not saved..but last year he said that I had the devil inside me when I got upset with him becuase he didnt want me going to college...
He has never threatened to withold money..but..I have never had an atm card becuase he said I didnt need one..He left me money during the week for gas..When I wanted to buy new clothes he would go to the closet and show me all the clothes I did have and if I begged enough or made enough of a scene sometiems he would give me a hundred dollars..then he would just get..cranky..about it and almost hold it on me..but not verbally..mostly with idk..looks..if that makes sense..then I would feel guilt for it..He would call me at least 10 or 15 times a day at home..to see what I was doing..or if I went out..he would call my cell phone every so often to see where I was at..
One time I went to Bible study with my sister and after we went to lunch..(this was almost two years ago when husband and I's marriage was seriously unravleing and my family knew about it)..He called me right after bible study ended and my sister told me NOT to answer the phone..so I didn't..she said I should be able to go out to lunch without being interupted by him with all the phone calls..so I didnt..we had a nice lunch..then after about 5 missed calls on my cell..i called him back on the way home..he asked where I was..I said out to lunch..he said with who..i said my sister..he said who else..i said no one..he said..but bible study has been out for the last two hours..I said yeah and? he said..it takes that long to eat lunch..then proceeded into wanting to know what my sister and I talked about..
<sighs>
I was a stupid women..stupid stupid..
I will NEVER let another man tell me what I can do..I will buy clothes when ever the hell I want...I will eat lunch whenever I want and I will ONLY answer his phone calls ONCE a day..oh and..Ive been enrolled in school since July of 07 and have a 3.87 gpa..Yay!! I am getting my degree..and moving on.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

The answer to most of those is Yes for me.
Sadly..
For one he is not saved..but last year he said that I had the devil inside me when I got upset with him becuase he didnt want me going to college...
He has never threatened to withold money..but..I have never had an atm card becuase he said I didnt need one..He left me money during the week for gas..When I wanted to buy new clothes he would go to the closet and show me all the clothes I did have and if I begged enough or made enough of a scene sometiems he would give me a hundred dollars..then he would just get..cranky..about it and almost hold it on me..but not verbally..mostly with idk..looks..if that makes sense..then I would feel guilt for it..He would call me at least 10 or 15 times a day at home..to see what I was doing..or if I went out..he would call my cell phone every so often to see where I was at..
One time I went to Bible study with my sister and after we went to lunch..(this was almost two years ago when husband and I's marriage was seriously unravleing and my family knew about it)..He called me right after bible study ended and my sister told me NOT to answer the phone..so I didn't..she said I should be able to go out to lunch without being interupted by him with all the phone calls..so I didnt..we had a nice lunch..then after about 5 missed calls on my cell..i called him back on the way home..he asked where I was..I said out to lunch..he said with who..i said my sister..he said who else..i said no one..he said..but bible study has been out for the last two hours..I said yeah and? he said..it takes that long to eat lunch..then proceeded into wanting to know what my sister and I talked about..
<sighs>
I was a stupid women..stupid stupid..
I will NEVER let another man tell me what I can do..I will buy clothes when ever the hell I want...I will eat lunch whenever I want and I will ONLY answer his phone calls ONCE a day..oh and..Ive been enrolled in school since July of 07 and have a 3.87 gpa..Yay!! I am getting my degree..and moving on.

I want to just say... You rock!!! So much stronger than he thought you were. No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior..

 

[jwwells]

Donald Orwin RenKern: The same questions apply when it is a woman abusing a man.

No reasonable person would say that we do not have a large and dangerous problem of only looking at the male offender - female victim part of Intimate Partner Violence. It is a fact that we do have such a problem and a good many people, including professionals, are getting rather upset and worried about the problem. Reference the article I sent you ...

Now, verbal violence is a soul destroying problem. It kills the inner person. It is well within what Scott Peck describes as human-evil. I recommend getting out and TAKING THE KIDS!

Abusers can learn to behave themselves, at least most can. Abusive women face a problem in that there are so very few services for them. Male victims face a bigger problem as there are few services and ACTIVE contempt dumped onto them.

The fact that there are problems (and SEVERE sexism dumped onto male victims) does not excuse doing nothing! A part of life is protecting children and children are heavily badly effected by abuse, including verbal abuse.

Years ago I wrote a widely published article blasting abused men for not taking the kids and getting out. I still feel the SAME way. I was right in spite of being hated by women's advocates for talking about male victims and blasted by men's advocates for telling men what to do.

 

[dayknee]

<smiles> thank you Donald!!!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Mat 5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
Mat 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Mat 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
Mat 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
Mat 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mat 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Mat 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


<staff edit>

We are free to do all things, but not all things are beneficial!

When I said I agree with AL, I meant that the op doesn't need an excuse... he can divorce his wife for whatever reason he wants to, and I think that's what AL meant as well.


I think it's up to the OP to decide what God's will is for him in this situation... and he cares about what is right, otherwise he wouldn't be here asking us what we think.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Does your husband or boyfriend call you names, mock you, make false​

accusations? Yes, sometimes (and i do the same to him)​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend blame you, yell, swear or make humiliating​

remarks or gestures? Sometimes (and i do the same to him)​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend insist on his own way through using guilt or​

sulking? Big time!​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend use other forms of intimidation, such as​

breaking things?​

Rarely, because when he does... it's on! I don't put up with that, or I should say I don't take that sitting down....

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend threaten to withhold money if you don't do​

things his way?​

No, because he knows that if he pulled that card on me I'd go on a shopping spree to throw it in his face.... we both have debit cards.

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend manipulate the children, try to turn them​

against you or get them to “side with him” in disagreements? Rarely​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend twist or misuse scriptures to justify​

controlling, bullying or mistreating either you or the children?​

No

Does he insist

that you "submit" to his desires without respecting your opinions? Yes

· ​

Does your husband accuse of you not being a good Christian (wife) if you




disagree with him? No




·



Does your husband or boyfriend believe that it is his God given right and




responsibility to "keep you in line"?
I don't know if he believes it's his "god given right"... but he thinks he knows best so therefore that gives him right



·



Does he act like a very different person at work or at church so that no one




knows or believes that he is bully at home? WELL, everyone at work likes him/ has a lot of respect to him because he acts very nice and respectful... and he is nice.... but I often feel like we get second best.




·



Have you told Christian friends or your pastor about what is happening, only to




have them not believe you or even blame you for your husband's behavior? Usually people don't understand or care.




IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU MAY BE

IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
God does not want or expect you to be abused verbally, emotionally or physically.
This type of abuse will get worse over time. It never stops without a very significant
long-term intervention.

I disagree. We need to do our best to love our spouses even when they hurt us, but loving someone doesn't require us to put up with their abusive behavior either. If you haven't already read it, I recommend reading a book on boundaries... and find out how to set them with your wife. you should do your best not to return evil for evil, like if she insults you, demeans you... don't put her down in response it or do/say sometimes hateful... anyways, you get what i'm saying... instead you can say something like "that really makes me feel bad when you say those things, and when you say those things i'm going to go into another room" or something along those lines, read the book. I don't think you will find scripture to support a divorce in that area... but you can get assertive in dealing with it. Does this make sense?​

Does this work both ways?? If men answer yes to these questions....​

"You are worthless!! you never "F"ing do a Gash darn thing (I am making it PG) , If only people would see the real you, if they saw who I see you would have no friends, they would be disgusted by you the way I am disgusted by you... You can't do anything right, why don't you get your freakin (PG) head out of your [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]... You are lucky you are with me because no one else would put up with your crap... Freaking GROW UP already, get a clue... You are so stupid... You are never going to amount to anything... How am I going to respect you?? You're an idiot!! I hate you, I can't stand you!"​

This is daily, and has been much worse than what I wrote above... meanwhile the person this is told to tries to keep a smile on their face, the go to counciling in hopes to fix things... but it gets worse...​

The person hears these and other hurtful things everyday for four years, trying to make things better... Afraid to leave... They have prayed every night... Things haven't changed, and with any type of abuse, over time it has gotten worse...​

This person should stay?? When you answer this question, please let me know what you answered to the questions above, it will give me insight... Thanks.​

​

 

[united4Peace]

In whose eyes? In the temporal sense, if your state has no-fault divorce laws, then you don't need a reason beyond "I no longer want to be married."

In the eyes of the Lord? Seems like not.

So in the eyes of God...God allows abuse within a marriage??

 

[Adamantium]

So in the eyes of God...God allows abuse within a marriage??

Find me scripture that says it's ok to get a divorce for any reason other than adultery or being left by an unbelieving spouse, please. I can't imagine God would expect the abused person to stay, but that isn't the same as getting divorced.

 

[dayknee]

Find me scripture that says it's ok to get a divorce for any reason other than adultery or being left by an unbelieving spouse, please. I can't imagine God would expect the abused person to stay, but that isn't the same as getting divorced.

LisaU I don't personally see any verse per se that says we can divorce for abuse however, If you look at what a marriage is supposed to be especially a biblical one, anything that deviates from that ( only in my opinion) is not a marraige..maybe on paper legally yes..but biblically? idk..I think a spouse can do a number of things that causes them to "leave" the marriage..
Leaving a marriage ( and again this is only how I see it or interpert it) is anything that makes a marriage not biblical. Abuse of course isnt acceptable, whether or not God specifically says that, I think he also gives us the sense to know that certain behaviors are not ok..Abuse being one of them..I just feel that the term of someone leaving the marriage can be a wide array of things..from habitual lying, illegal things that can cause very bad damage to the relationship, verbal abuse, emotional abuse..etc..I think that if a spouse is doing any or all of these things that spouse has left the marriage.
anways..only my opinion.

 

[Adamantium]

LisaU I don't personally see any verse per se that says we can divorce for abuse however, If you look at what a marriage is supposed to be especially a biblical one, anything that deviates from that ( only in my opinion) is not a marraige..maybe on paper legally yes..but biblically? idk..I think a spouse can do a number of things that causes them to "leave" the marriage..
Leaving a marriage ( and again this is only how I see it or interpert it) is anything that makes a marriage not biblical. Abuse of course isnt acceptable, whether or not God specifically says that, I think he also gives us the sense to know that certain behaviors are not ok..Abuse being one of them..I just feel that the term of someone leaving the marriage can be a wide array of things..from habitual lying, illegal things that can cause very bad damage to the relationship, verbal abuse, emotional abuse..etc..I think that if a spouse is doing any or all of these things that spouse has left the marriage.
anways..only my opinion.

I don't disagree with you. I think abuse is horrible and criminal. I fully support the idea of leaving, especially if children are involved and might be injured physically, emotionally or spiritually. It isn't clear to me though, that even in such a tragic situation, it is acceptable in the eyes of God to divorce. Live apart, yes. Divorce? Seems like not.

 

[overit]

This is nothing short of legalism though, thank God He sent his Son to break us free from the bonds of legalism. Look, what on Creation is the difference BEFORE God's eyes of living apart/separated the rest of your life and a divorce? Except for the paper? You live apart long enough eventually one/other would commit adultery (even though they aren't living as husband/wife) and then I guess it would be ok to divorce then? The way some are so bent on "the law" instead of grace/mercy just baffles me.

 

[Lindzhigh]

I think it is certainly grounds for seperation. Then one of two things could happen; He might file for divorce which would release you from that burden, or he will comit audultrey and you would be free to file for divorce. IMO it is a personal choice for each person to make based on their religous and moral beliefs...