Abuse...

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Is verbal abuse grounds for a divorce...

What if it is constant and throw in a couple incidents where it went a little further than verbal...

Grounds for divorce?

 

[Autumnleaf]

You can get a divorce for whatever reason you fancy.

 

[Adamantium]

Is verbal abuse grounds for a divorce...

What if it is constant and throw in a couple incidents where it went a little further than verbal...

Grounds for divorce?

In whose eyes? In the temporal sense, if your state has no-fault divorce laws, then you don't need a reason beyond "I no longer want to be married."

In the eyes of the Lord? Seems like not.

 

[walloffire]

You can get a divorce for whatever reason you fancy.

Not true at all.

Matthew 19:3-12
(3) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
(4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
(5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
(6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


To which you might respond:


(7) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
(8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
(9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


What then is a good disciple's reaction?


(10) His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
(11) But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
(12) For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


Divorce is not permitted for every reason.

 

[dayknee]

Not true at all.

Matthew 19:3-12
(3) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
(4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
(5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
(6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


To which you might respond:


(7) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
(8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
(9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


What then is a good disciple's reaction?


(10) His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
(11) But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
(12) For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


Divorce is not permitted for every reason.

But is it permited if there is verbal abuse?

 

[overit]

Is verbal abuse grounds for a divorce...

What if it is constant and throw in a couple incidents where it went a little further than verbal...

Grounds for divorce?

IMO, yes it is. ABuse of any kinds is grounds for divorce.

 

[snoochface]

The Bible says adultery and a non-believing spouse leaving are the only two reasons.

That said, I think it is certainly grounds for separation and counseling.

 

[overit]

The Bible says adultery and a non-believing spouse leaving are the only two reasons.

That said, I think it is certainly grounds for separation and counseling.

And if those don't work because the abusive spouse denies there is a problem and won't accept his/her issues...then what?

 

[Preacherchick99]

And if those don't work because the abusive spouse denies there is a problem and won't accept his/her issues...then what?

Sounds like there is a lot of work to be done....

First off, you can pray that your spouse's heart be unhardened and that the HolySpirit would show him/her the areas in his/her life that needs some adjusting.

Pray that the Lord would minister to them in this area--Pray that they would realize that as your spouse, they are to use their words to lift you up and encourage you, not tear you down and destroy your dreams.

You both are anointed to be husband and wife--Nobody else can take that away. It is your job to be joined TOGETHER, to lift each other up with your words--To continually give praise--To make them feel good!

But then again, there is only so much that you can take. I will pray for you brother

[Not directed at you overit--But at the OP ]

 

[overit]

Preacherchick, all those things I did, for years, the answer I heard was different then I thought it would be. I felt God free me to take a different direction in my life after years and years. I did divorce my abuser and have lived a blessed life since and so have my children. He continues to be an abuser even though our relationship is somewhat civil now. All the praying in the world, counseling, etc....none helped...that's because God won't force somebody elses' free will to choose to remain as they are.

 

[snoochface]

I think a lot of prayer for God's direction is necessary no matter what you decide to do. I would never tell anyone to stay with an abuser. I was with one too, and I don't wish it on anyone. I try to figure things like this out, what seems right and reasonable, and what the Bible says, and it gets very confusing.

I know many people who have been in the same situation as overit, where they felt God releasing them to get free from the abuse, and have lived in godly marriages with new spouses.

I know many people (not as many) who have been in that situation, separated, prayed and went into counseling, and reconciled their marriage. That clearly doesn't happen for everyone.

Is the answer to stay married but separated? Or to divorce but not remarry? I don't know. I know what the Bible says, and I know that God wants us to trust him and have faith that he will work things out if we just obey him. I also know that he works all things - good and bad - for our good and his glory, so even if we make a decision to divorce he can make it work for good.

When the OP asks "is it grounds for divorce" though, I think we have to give the answer that is biblically based. Everything and anything is grounds for divorce from man's point of view.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Not true at all.

Matthew 19:3-12
(3) The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
(4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
(5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh
(6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


To which you might respond:


(7) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away
(8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
(9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


What then is a good disciple's reaction?


(10) His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
(11) But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
(12) For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


Divorce is not permitted for every reason.

Oh my! How quaint.

 

[jwwells]

I tend to think using the three A's, which come from Judaism as modified by AA type thinking:

For divorce to be moral you need to show:

Abuse which will not stop
Adultery which will not stop
Addictions which will not stop

You also need to show that YOU did the work of trying to fix the problem!

As for verbal abuse: This is a 'it depends' situation. I've seen people who believe a bit of course joking is verbal abuse if a man does it while the most vile and degrading of verbal abuse is not-abuse if a woman does it. These people ARE abusers even though they would swear on a stack of Bibles that they are not!

For verbal abuse it depends on HOW the two parties think.

Is there love?
Is this a question of bent thinking?
Is this a socialization problem?
Is this a cultural problem?

There are many questions which need to be answered before there can be a yes or no answer. Especially in cultural problems we can see radical differences with both parties thinking they are behaving morally and Biblically.

 

[walloffire]

And if those don't work because the abusive spouse denies there is a problem and won't accept his/her issues...then what?

Then you'll have to learn to be patient, merciful, and longsuffering. They don't call it longsuffering for nothing, nor do they call marriage a "vow" for nothing. You're in it for life.

 

[overit]

Then you'll have to learn to be patient, merciful, and longsuffering. They don't call it longsuffering for nothing, nor do they call marriage a "vow" for nothing. You're in it for life.

Well guess what? I'm not IN for life, I'm OUT and free for Life. Isn't that what He called us to? Life and life abundantly. Abuse kills, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, spiritually, etc....and He is a God of LIFE, of mercy, grace and of unconditional love and forgiveness. He's a God of second chances and of healing. He died so I COULD BE FREE. Abuse is a SIN, an abuser constantly sins against his spouse and his children, to stay with such is enabling sin and putting your children and yourself in a sinful, hatred-filled and violent environment. And I owe God to care, love and protect my children. And raise them in the ways of the Lord. Not in a home of abuse.You call it longsuffering, I call it being negligent to your children, your spouse (as you allow him to continue in sin with you and destroy the sanctity of the family unit) and yourself. Thank God my God is a God of mercy and grace, both of which he showed me abundantly. I'm not tied to abuse for life, nor are my children, I will not continue an abuse cycle and have my children end up victims themselves and/or turn to abusive behaviors with their gf/spouses one day. It was a curse I chose not to pass on to them, and God works differently for all of us, as you would have had me spend an entire life "tied" to abuse God had other plans for me Good thing I listened to Him and not to man.

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

·

Does your husband or boyfriend call you names, mock you, make false​

accusations?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend blame you, yell, swear or make humiliating​

remarks or gestures?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend insist on his own way through using guilt or​

sulking?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend use other forms of intimidation, such as​

breaking things?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend threaten to withhold money if you don't do​

things his way?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend manipulate the children, try to turn them​

against you or get them to “side with him” in disagreements?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend twist or misuse scriptures to justify​

controlling, bullying or mistreating either you or the children?​

Does he insist
that you "submit" to his desires without respecting your opinions?​

· ​

Does your husband accuse of you not being a good Christian (wife) if you​

disagree with him?​

· ​

Does your husband or boyfriend believe that it is his God given right and​

responsibility to "keep you in line"?​

· ​

Does he act like a very different person at work or at church so that no one​

knows or believes that he is bully at home?​

· ​

Have you told Christian friends or your pastor about what is happening, only to​

have them not believe you or even blame you for your husband's behavior?​

IF YOU HAVE ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU MAY BE
IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
God does not want or expect you to be abused verbally, emotionally or physically.
This type of abuse will get worse over time. It never stops without a very significant
long-term intervention. ​

Does this work both ways?? If men answer yes to these questions....​

"You are worthless!! you never "F"ing do a Gash darn thing (I am making it PG) , If only people would see the real you, if they saw who I see you would have no friends, they would be disgusted by you the way I am disgusted by you... You can't do anything right, why don't you get your freakin (PG) head out of your [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]... You are lucky you are with me because no one else would put up with your crap... Freaking GROW UP already, get a clue... You are so stupid... You are never going to amount to anything... How am I going to respect you?? You're an idiot!! I hate you, I can't stand you!"​

This is daily, and has been much worse than what I wrote above... meanwhile the person this is told to tries to keep a smile on their face, the go to counciling in hopes to fix things... but it gets worse...​

The person hears these and other hurtful things everyday for four years, trying to make things better... Afraid to leave... They have prayed every night... Things haven't changed, and with any type of abuse, over time it has gotten worse...​

This person should stay?? When you answer this question, please let me know what you answered to the questions above, it will give me insight... Thanks.​

​

 

[Meshavrischika]

Is verbal abuse grounds for a divorce...

What if it is constant and throw in a couple incidents where it went a little further than verbal...

Grounds for divorce?

I don't think God would have you live that way. I'm not saying it would then be okay to go remarry, but I don't think leaving would be against His will.

 

[MyaShane]

Wow that’s awful. I wouldn’t expect anyone to put up with that.

To me the idea of whether or not divorcing is a sin or not has to do with getting remarried afterward, not in the act of leaving itself; especially when there’s abuse. I don’t mean to say that spouses should just take off for any reason they feel, I would think that was wrong, but to get out of an abusive relationship? I wouldn’t stay in that environment myself. Absolutely not. That’s not to say I’d get remarried, but I would not be living with that person and their abuse. Not me anyway – and certainly NOT my kids.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

You can get a divorce for whatever reason you fancy.

I agree with this.

HB

 

[overit]

Donald, nobody should stay in that situation. To the questions above-I could have answered yes to every single one of them when I was married.....the longer you are abused the longer it takes to recover. I personlly will never EVERY tell somebody to stay, probably will actively encourage them to seek help through a DV center, through abuse boards, through books and counseling with an DV expert. Things like you mentioned will KILL and destroy your soul in every sense of the way. I'm saddened of so much abuse around me.