Abuse survivor

[Zoe1188]

I am a survivor of abuse. As a child I was abused emotionally (and possibly sexual) by my grandmother, I was also in a very abusive relationship with a male to female transgender person, who would often pressure me into sex. This caused me to lose my faith for a while .

I am still healing and things go up and down. I still have inappropriate thoughts and fantasies related to the abuse, which make me feel awful and sinful. I try very hard to be chaste, but fail.
I often feel like a freak, I do things that are not age appropriate like sucking my thumb.
All in all i am a very broken person in need of a lot of prayer.

p.s sorry if this is too personal, or makes me sound like a weirdo

 

[Gracelands]

I was abused too. Just forgive it. Leave it behind you and dont look back. Your history might try to haunt you and get its little grubby grip back on you but don't bite. Command it to leave in Jesus name!

You could go and get counselling and stir it all up but my advice to you as a survivor is to just forgive it,, put it all behind you and do not look back.

You'll move forward quicker that way. Keep it simple.

 

[jennimatts]

I am a survivor of abuse. As a child I was abused emotionally (and possibly sexual) by my grandmother, I was also in a very abusive relationship with a male to female transgender person, who would often pressure me into sex. This caused me to lose my faith for a while .

I am still healing and things go up and down. I still have inappropriate thoughts and fantasies related to the abuse, which make me feel awful and sinful. I try very hard to be chaste, but fail.
I often feel like a freak, I do things that are not age appropriate like sucking my thumb.
All in all i am a very broken person in need of a lot of prayer.

p.s sorry if this is too personal, or makes me sound like a weirdo

No one should have to experience abuse. I agree with Gracelands about forgiveness. I know that when a very great wrong has been committed forgiveness can be difficult, but it really does help heal the soul. Although I have not experienced physical abuse, there were two people who I deeply hated for many years before I was able to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you welcome them back into your life either. In my situation God was simply calling me to pray for them.

Everyone on this planet is a sinner, including those with a holier than thou attitude who would think of you as a freak or weirdo. Every one of us has something in our life that someone would think is weird. Please remember that you are a precious child of God. His opinion is what matters.

I can't know for certain what you mean by "inappropriate thoughts and fantasies", but I would encourage you to fill your mind with things of God. Study and meditate on scripture, pray, worship, and seek to help others.

God bless as you seek to follow Him. I will be praying for you.

 

[joey_downunder]

It seems extremely common for survivors of abuse to have the struggles you have right now. What you are experiencing sounds like a pretty normal response to horrible circumstances that no-one should ever have to go through.

Help and healing for abuse survivors. Compassionate support for both genders

 

[Zoe1188]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. You are all in my prayers!

 

[Johnnz]

Sexual abuse complicates things. There is usually a range of emotions, thoughts and shame based thinking. There are often quite a few issues that need to be identified and addressed. Some third party help in doing that can often be very worthwhile.

John
NZ

 

[Gracelands]

God bless you. You'll heal. I'm healing.. for a long time i was in shock. My entire mental image of humanity crumbled and without some kind of explanation for the abuse i had to reformulate it as a humanity that is capable of deep evil. It doesn't help that the person that hurt me's reason for living seems to be to justify what they did...and the more they justify the more it hurts and the guiltier they feel so they try to justify etc etc for eternity. Its like watching an alligator chasing its tail.

 

[HisSparkPlug]

It is not easy overcoming these things - All we have is the grace of God to cling to and continue asking Him for help
Hoping things are ok, and yes, your struggles are normal for a survivor.