abuse and the process of healing

cweinstein said:

I had my session with my therapist Wed morning. Shoulders are doing a lot better, still feel the knots but they are smaller. My arm, carpal tunnel, is doing a bit better, still very tight muscles but they are beginning to improve. I have to wear the brace when I'm driving or when something requires gripping with my right hand, and I am wearing it right now because it hurts, which makes typing interesting, especially while I'm working.
Lower back is a bit better, but still in great pain.
I did get some sleep this afternoon, and now I'm working.

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I'm glad you're feeling better and healing. Great you're getting more sleep. All the best to you.

cweinstein said:

Thanks. I don't feel so well right now. Still working, have about 3 hrs to go, and I am exhausted, and still sore. I continue to do my therapy, my stretches, and yes it still hurts a lot.

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I happy to hear you're hanging in there. It can't be easy. I hope you have a good weekend despite. Take care.

cweinstein said:

Thanks. My weekend was as good as can be right now.
I went to see my therapist this morning. The muscles are starting to loosen up, but pain remains the same, so she called her chiropractor, and he requested to see me right away, so I went to the chiropractor. It turns out the pain in my shoulders and neck is caused by a vertebra, c2, out of alignment, and I also have a flattening on a couple of vertebrae. After adjustments and deep muscle work (ouch that hurt) I do feel some relief. I need to return to the chiropractor at the end of this week and early next week to continue with the adjustments.
Meanwhile, I have to look into everything ergonomic for work, ergonomic chair, mouse, keyboard, etc. and a phone with a headset.
At the moment though I have to get some sleep so I can work tonight.
Take care

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I'm sorry to hear you have been having such a difficult time. Can't be easy. Pain is hard to tolerate day after day with no end in sight....however, you do seem to be improving so I'm happy for you. Now that they have also figured out what else is wrong, I hope you get all the help and support you need to sort it out. I hope you find some good aides that work for you. I'm looking into finding a very comfy chair / recliner so I can be upright as much as possible and my back will be aligned much better etc. Take care.

P.S. I hope you get some good rest.

cweinstein said:

Thanks, I hope so too.
The chiropractor warned me that I will be sore for a couple of days. After 2 people worked on me yesterday, I am so sore even breathing hurts. And sitting here at work is beyond uncomfortable.
I wish I could take a couple of weeks off work to concentrate on getting better, but I can't. Since I am self employed if I don't work I don't get paid. And work itself is not going very well right now, so I really need every customer I can get.
I will probably be looking into finding an ergonomic chair, ergonomic keyboard and mouse, or trackball, and a phone with headset.
Right now I wish I could get off work early....

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Not an easy situation. All the best to you. I hope you are able to find good aides that are affordable too.

cweinstein said:

I found an ergonomic keyboard and a trackball. I am still getting used to them, especially the keyboard. In all my years of using a computer this is the first time ever I have such a keyboard. The curved design, inverted slope, with the wrist rest raised higher, and the division right down the center keyboard, changing the position of my hands, all of that is taking some getting used to. I had a trackball years ago, so I'm getting used to using one again. And the ergonomic keyboard is bigger than a standard keyboard, so it's a good thing I have a trackball now because I don't have enough room left for a mouse and mousepad.

On to other things, I had a really bad weekend. I don't know if it's weather related (we had a cold snap) or what happened, but Saturday I was in so much pain it knocked me off my feet. Now I am functioning somewhat better, but still in considerable pain. I go see my therapist Wed, and the chiropractor Friday.

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Sorry for the delay in replying. Life has been rather maddening. I"m glad to hear you've found some aids that will work for you. I'm needing to get a few things here as well that will help. I'm just about at the point to get a good recliner...now if I can just find one that suits... Takes time to afford some of the pricier things that I need. Slowly but surely.

Yes, it takes time to get use to the change but I'm sure it will come. I had a better keyboard in the past so I've kind of gone backwards in that regard instead of forward but in time... I have a mouse and I had a hard time getting use to it. I was so concerned about technology that I didn't even consider comfort. I just assumed all mice were about the same...

I hear you when it comes to cold and muscle pain. My heat has been out for 4 days and it's taken it's toll. I'm miserable when I'm cold and the pain increases and when I'm cold I can't sleep so... I've been under blanket with a heating pad and big sweater. Now I'm happy to say, it seems to be warming up in here.

Hi, I came across a rather good article. It's regarding a topic that has come up a far bit this last while. I think many people will be able to relate to it. I know I sure can.

Mental Abuse – Tell Tale Signs of Crazy-Making Psychological Abuse
By Mack LeMouse | Relationships | Rating:


In a relationship there are many different forms of abuse that can be inflicted - emotional, verbal, physical and mental. Of all of them mental abuse is perhaps the most abstract and difficult to define or even identify, but can also be one of the most cruel and damaging whereby the individual begins to question their very mind and leave you feeling confused, stressed and even depressed.
Mental abuse can take many forms, but mostly it consists of a series of ‘mind games’ that can be traumatic for the victim. This can mean scare tactics, emotional blackmail, unpredictable mood swings, random acts of cruelty, humiliation, ignoring your emotions, flirting with strangers, being condescending or demeaning of your feelings, lying or even theft. An example of mental abuse then could be to go out for long periods of time without telling your partner and then yell at them when they inquire as to where you were. At the same time you might shout if they go out, or continuously ring them for checks as to where they are. Another completely different example could be to steel a partner’s money then accuse them of paranoia if they ask where it is gone. Similarly you might force sex when they are tired and tell them they are a bad partner if they do otherwise, or shout at them and tell them they are useless only to them come back and act as though nothing had happened. Or they might insult you viciously in front of your friends. All these are examples of mental abuse and all of them are damaging.
Essentially it is treating the individual not as someone you love but as someone you resent, or a stranger, or switching between extremes. This then leaves the victim unable to relax and constantly on their guard and as such this can give way to severe stress, paranoia, or other similar issues. If you then complain about the situation you will be told you are being stupid or overly sensitive and in your current mental state you might be inclined to listen. This in itself is a form of mental abuse that can be damaging and can also prevent you from escaping from the situation.
To recognise mental abuse in your relationship then see if you feel this way. Do you trust your partner? Do you feel relaxed around them? Do they trust you? Are they supportive? If you find that your partner makes you unsettled and nervous then something is certainly wrong. In many cases it will simply be that your partner themselves is mentally unstable and so unwittingly takes it out on you. In others they will feel insecure and feel the need to control you or torment you to make themselves feel better. In either case it is unacceptable and you should ensure that you separate from them, either permanently or until they’ve had help. Most importantly of all you mustn’t respond to it and mustn’t let it affect your sense of self.



Source: Health Guidance


Mack LeMouse

Copyrighted material; do not reprint without permission.

cweinstein said:

Hi Colleen
I can definitely identify with that article. I was subject to mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse. Physical abuse in the form of medical neglect, denying me access to medical and dental care. I didn't know how bad it was until after I left. Had I not left when I did I would have died in a matter of weeks.

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I empathize with you greatly. This isn't a pretty issue. I think that even in this day and age part of society / church still has no idea just how badly we can be treated and how greatly abuse can attempt to destroy who we are. Especially if we experience this at the hand of Christians. It can attempt to not only destroy our inner strength but also attempt to destroy who we are in God. How He loves and values us. The fact alone that some of us have been treated this way by the people that are suppose to care about us can produce shame. The fact that some of us allowed others to treat us this way can also produce shame. I think abusers use the shame to keep up controlled and confined. E.G. We're less likely to seek help and disclose.

cweinstein said:

Emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse can start so subtle by the time the victim sees it she is deep in it.

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So very true. ...and for all sorts of relationships, not just marriage. It can be hard to know when to say "no more" because it does appear to be so subtle and I think we're left wondering if we are over-reacting etc. It can be a tough nut to crack. The nut being both the abuse and the need to set up appropriate boundaries and assertions.

cweinstein said:

That's what happened to me. It started as a "catholic" marriage, little subtle things, that now that I look at them from the outside they were red flags, though not huge in-your-face red flags. It took a huge even - my mom's passing and how I was treated after the funeral - to begin to see the abuse.

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Sorry to hear you have experienced this. It's not fun.

cweinstein said:

By then I was so deep in it, I had no willpower left, no self confidence.

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I can relate so very well to this. So very well. I compared this stuff to a venom slowly taking over my body, my mind, my life. Before we have a chance to defend ourselves it has been so subtle and deceiving that our whole being is already infected.

cweinstein said:

I started seeing it as my marriage dying. A huge battle ensued inside me - leave or not leave, because it was a "catholic" marriage, and there was a small child involved, though I never had custody of him (another story). As time passed the resistance to leave faded away until it was gone completely and all I wanted to do was to leave. I started talking to a friend, then my sister, and little by little I started disclosing and I sought help. My sister and brother-in-law helped me leave.

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Yes, that is difficult. Commitment means a great deal to me as well. ...including in terms of faith not just wanting to make things work but sticking it out because you think it's the christian thing to do. Until I realize that the needless guilt I feel when protecting myself and needs is part of the problem.

makeitwork said:

hello to all~

i am in the healing stages of childhood abuse and i had another break thru... as a child i was suppose to be seen but not heard but as an adult i have a mouth and when it comes to sticking up for myself no one can stop me.

healing comes in stages about 8 years ago i stopped having nightmares, triggers, and pity parties. i even stopped blaming myself, and myself esteem is getting better.

no longer stutter or have heart palpitations when i speak to my brothers who physcially, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused me. i no longer shake, vomit, or have the runs when i see my oldest cousin who molested me.

this mothers day me and my children went shopping for flowers to plant, this sounds crazy but i actually had the kids pick what they wanted to plant, and had them plant their own flowers. for YEARS i only planted what my mother wanted me to plant.

THAT'S FREEDOM and AM ALIVE!

write down and date when you have a break though...i only listed a few but i am amazed how much GOD thru JESUS CHRIST has healed in me so far. (((hugs)))

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That's great! I'm very happy for you. Yes, when we think back and look at our lives on the path to healing we can see God working. I can recall many times God has made a way and it does take time and effort but healing does come. Having trustworthy people for support can really help.

cweinstein said:

Now that I am looking back from the outside, I can see that God has been working all this time. I survived because of His work.
And He has put trustworthy people in my path for support. The first being my roommate.
She went through a similar issue with abuse, she left months before I did. Left Ohio and came to Texas 3 months before I left Ohio and came to Texas, and we met through her niece, who is a dear friend of mine since college. My roommate has been of great support to me.

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Oh that's nice. It's not nice we go through these things but it's so nice God is merciful despite the horrors or depravity of man. It just doesn't seem fair at times but when I experience the workings of God and how he has made such crooked roads straight, it reminds me He cares and it's so validating. I'm happy you have some good support.