Abstinence Only

[Steezie]

The idea and claims behind abstinence only and teaching that and only that as sex ed confuses me.

People claim it's 100% foolproof...which is true if the people involved can keep with it. If someone who's abstinent has even a momentary lapse, decides to have sex, and breaks it they've now entered into a world they are COMPLETELY unprepared for. How is abstinence supposed to help someone who cant/wont abide by it, what do you do in that case?

The only real answer I've seen comes from talking with other people who went through such education programs and my own experience, and that seems to be basically guilt and peer pressure. In my high school class, we were given the standard lecture and given a poster to sign pledging to be abstinent. It was basically EXPECTED that we sign the poster and it was impressed upon us that this was a PROMISE and PROMISES were not to be broken and that people who broke promises, well they were just not nice people. I was the only student who refused and I was asked to leave.

So what do you do when someone "breaks their promise"? The best answer I've seen around here essentially was "Well they wont."

I don't have anything against teaching the idea of abstaining from sex until marriage to young people, I really dont. I just dont like the idea of teaching that and ONLY that. I think it puts young people at a serious disadvantage and robs them of valuable information that could one day quite literally save their lives.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Do you teach your children to look before crossing the street? But if they don't maybe you should teach them to run very fast if they don't look before crossing the street to lower their chance of getting hit by a car.

 

[Shemjaza]

Do you teach your children to look before crossing the street? But if they don't maybe you should teach them to run very fast if they don't look before crossing the street to lower their chance of getting hit by a car.

Thank you. That's an excellent analogy.

Why yes, I would teach children to look before they cross the street... and I'd explain why they should be aware of all the dangers. When it's safe to ride their bike and when they should avoid the road.

I would not tell them not to just not go on the road and never explain why and how the rest of society dealt with the road.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Do you teach your children to look before crossing the street? But if they don't maybe you should teach them to run very fast if they don't look before crossing the street to lower their chance of getting hit by a car.

Of course I would teach my children (once/if I have some) to look both ways before crossing the street as well as how dangerous crossing a street can be. I would never teach them that streets are bad things that should never be crossed (unless you are an adult) because they are too dangerous while leaving out how to cross the street so they will be even more scared to try to cross.

 

[keith99]

Do you teach your children to look before crossing the street? But if they don't maybe you should teach them to run very fast if they don't look before crossing the street to lower their chance of getting hit by a car.

Uh,

Absinence would be never crossing the street. Abstinence only would be just telling your kids to not cross the street and never teach them to look before crossing.

 

[Zaac]

The idea and claims behind abstinence only and teaching that and only that as sex ed confuses me.

People claim it's 100% foolproof...which is true if the people involved can keep with it. If someone who's abstinent has even a momentary lapse, decides to have sex, and breaks it they've now entered into a world they are COMPLETELY unprepared for. How is abstinence supposed to help someone who cant/wont abide by it, what do you do in that case?

The only real answer I've seen comes from talking with other people who went through such education programs and my own experience, and that seems to be basically guilt and peer pressure. In my high school class, we were given the standard lecture and given a poster to sign pledging to be abstinent. It was basically EXPECTED that we sign the poster and it was impressed upon us that this was a PROMISE and PROMISES were not to be broken and that people who broke promises, well they were just not nice people. I was the only student who refused and I was asked to leave.

So what do you do when someone "breaks their promise"? The best answer I've seen around here essentially was "Well they wont."

I don't have anything against teaching the idea of abstaining from sex until marriage to young people, I really dont. I just dont like the idea of teaching that and ONLY that. I think it puts young people at a serious disadvantage and robs them of valuable information that could one day quite literally save their lives.

What if, what if , what if?

What if the girl says no but he guy decides her no really means yes?


Why is "what if" always the excuse we use for promoting something other than God's way?

If you can't stay abstinent, then God says to get married. Otherwise be prepared to deal with all the not so nice stuff that comes.

Folks sin everyday. If you don't want the consequences of sex before marriage, don't have sex before marriage.

If a person doesn't listen and ends up in a not so nice situation, we love them and do whatever we can to get them back on the right track. That doesn't however do away with the consequences.

 

[Zaac]

Uh,

Absinence would be never crossing the street. Abstinence only would be just telling your kids to not cross the street and never teach them to look before crossing.

On the contrary. Abstinence would be staying on the right side of the street and crossing over within the parameters of God's law.

 

[Steezie]

What if, what if , what if?

What if the girl says no but he guy decides her no really means yes?

Im failing to see how being abstinent will help this

Why is "what if" always the excuse we use for promoting something other than God's way?

Because that "what if" is usually a valid concern.

If you can't stay abstinent, then God says to get married. Otherwise be prepared to deal with all the not so nice stuff that comes.

And when young couples run into trouble because they married younger than they were ready for?

Folks sin everyday. If you don't want the consequences of sex before marriage, don't have sex before marriage.

And my contention is that abstinence only education does not prepare them for those possible consequences or give them the education to make a sound decision on the subject.

 

[Belk]

What if, what if , what if?

What if the girl says no but he guy decides her no really means yes?


Why is "what if" always the excuse we use for promoting something other than God's way?

If you can't stay abstinent, then God says to get married. Otherwise be prepared to deal with all the not so nice stuff that comes.

Folks sin everyday. If you don't want the consequences of sex before marriage, don't have sex before marriage.

If a person doesn't listen and ends up in a not so nice situation, we love them and do whatever we can to get them back on the right track. That doesn't however do away with the consequences.

So I'm 38 years old and never married. When does the "not so nice stuff" start? What is the "not so nice stuff"?

 

[levi501]

Having a baby is God's way of punishing you for pre-marital sex.

 

[PhilosophicalBluster]

STI's are G-d's way of punishing you for not using a condom.

 

[CoderHead]

The real problem is that every child is an individual and will ultimately do what they want to do. Realizing that means that preparation (not denial) is the best approach.

 

[Autumnleaf]

STI's are G-d's way of punishing you for not using a condom.

or for using a condom that broke....

 

[lawtonfogle]

or for using a condom that broke....

Or for being trying to be abstinent but God letting you get raped...

 

[Autumnleaf]

Or for being trying to be abstinent but God letting you get raped...

Part of having free will is being subject to the free will of others.

 

[ke1985]

Abstinence is definitely the smartest way!

 

[Steezie]

Abstinence is definitely the smartest way!

That's very true, except for the part about it being the smartest way

 

[MoonLancer]

These people are so up in arms about abortion, yet oppose the things that would decrease the amount of abortion significantly. Birth control, morning after pill, sex ed, ect. Those people have no legitimacy or decency.

This blows my mind every time i think about it. How could the be sooo [insert yellow card insults here]

 

[MoonLancer]

Having a baby is God's way of punishing you for pre-marital sex.

that's why god invented abortions silly.

or for using a condom that broke....

or for falling off a latter or getting hit by a car, or getting cancer or getting hit by lightning, or loosing in a judicial dual to death. Can we just come right out and blame god for death in general?

Abstinence is definitely the smartest way!

but very naive and dumb to expect everyone to remain abstinent. Thats why abstinence only education ends up failing compared to other forms of sex ed.

Part of having free will is being subject to the free will of others.

please don't bring free will into this. In order to refute your argument i would have to take this forum way off topic, so don't, just don't. Ether god is a master of causality or he is not. Pick one and leave it at that.

 

[keith99]

...
but very naive and dumb to expect everyone to remain abstinent. Thats why abstinence only education ends up failing compared to other forms of sex ed.

Bolding mine. you nailed it.

Abstinence as a solution, pushed at school, will not work. The values that support abstinence as a solution have to be established at home and if they are firmly established they will not be subverted by education about birth control.

For those who firmly hold values that support abstinence is is the safest, though not the easiest solution. Public education should not be undermining abstinence, but neither should it be pushing it as the only path.