Absolutely heartbroken

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Tonight, my boyfriend disappointed me and saddened me more than ever. I found out that if I had not brought up us meeting halfway (LDR of 2+ hrs distance b/t us) for dinner last night, we would not have seen each other until next weekend.

Earlier this week he brought up me staying at his house this weekend, but I declined and suggested we do something around here instead (he would come down to visit). I had my own personal reasons for this, which he claims he understands. However, I feel like a fool for assuming he'd come down this weekend in exchange for me going to his place next weekend (I TOLD him this). Especially since it was Valentine's Day. Yes, I know, we got to see each other, but for a whopping 2 hours...I'm grateful for the time we had last night, but it was on a whim, and we didn't really go anywhere special or exchange gifts.

It just really hurts that he didn't say anything about not coming down this weekend, and was truly going to allow yesterday to pass by without seeing me except I brought it up during the workday. I am wondering what type of guy I'm with, honestly...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Sometimes we put to much value on Valentines day. I've seen couples split over not really doing anything on it really. Me and my fiance don't celebrate it per say. We say why celebrate that day when everyday should be special. Thats just us though.

All that aside if you still wanted to do something to me it does seem a bit selfish from him to not make an effort to really see you. Did he have legit reasons for really not doing anything special? I can't remember everyone on here but maybe he only does something if he gets something out of it (selfishness). Perhaps this is why he prefers you go to him so he can eventually catch in in a certain moment and make you mess up with him.

I make every effort to be with my fiance even though we live 8,000 miles away. No matter how busy my day is I send her some messages on FB, post pictures of love on her page. I even will send her an email. Or try to have a short skype session if nothing else. Now if she lived 2 hours away like you do I'd try to be there every weekend regardless of what I have going on. Its God first, then other half, family...etc. Not God first, everything else, then other half.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I don't disagree that there are times we put too much value on Valentine's day. I suppose that both he and I are guilty of that in this situation. However it sounds as if from the way he was talking, he had a whole lunch of nice stuff to give me. He also wanted to take me bowling, to a movie, out to dinner somewhere really nice, and watch movies at his place. I have legitimate reasons for being at home/in my home area this weekend. So, naturally I thought, and he also indicated, that he'd come here today and me there next w-end.

Last night however, he was talking about how I was the one who changed the plans (but he understood)........and actually, I did not agree to those plans. When he suggested it, he told me I could think about it. So I did and realized I truly needed to be around here. He literally told me on Wed that he was moping about it!

His plans for today/the weekend? Going to buy a new lawnmower or again try to fix the old one, wash the car, do laundry, etc. Slap in the face to me. I called him on that though and told him he wouldn't be doing that if I were there.

Basically he is mad bc he didn't get his way. It may sound unkind of me, but that is how I see it. However I am praying about this!

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

My tablet is acting up, sorry, trying to correct a double post.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Mmm getting mad because he doesn't get his way won't work well in a marriage. Sacrifice is required when married. So its something he needs to get used to.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Mmm getting mad because he doesn't get his way won't work well in a marriage. Sacrifice is required when married. So its something he needs to get used to.

I agree. At least I have stuff to keep me busy today, but tonight I don't. Gonna be hard then, since I'd imagined us going to dinner and exchanging gifts (I worked 4 hours on his and can't wait for him to see it).

I get mad sometimes when I don't get my way. I am not innocent in that either. At least I tried suggesting what I thought to be a reasonable solution.

He told me that I made my choice by staying here, and I also reminded him nicely he made the choice to stay there.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do, how to handle things correctly :/

 

[K9_Trainer]

I think everybody is guilty in getting mad or upset when we don't get our way. It's something we all struggle with, and it's a challenge in every marriage.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just apologize. Yeah, it seems like he's the one that's being a jerk right now...He's mad and upset and didn't make an effort to compromise with you when he found out you thought it was best you didn't stay at his house valentines day weekend. But have you thought that maybe he's upset because he had plans or expectations for this weekend that he assumed you'd be at his house for? It sounds like he probably did, otherwise this wouldn't be such a big deal. He's probably upset and being a jerk because he's hurt too.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I apologized, and he accepted or whatever. He didn't expand upon his feelings or anything though. Just said he loved me.

I gotta admit, I am unfortunately seeing red flags and significant differences between ourselves. Time to do LOTS of praying...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Here are some quotes I love:

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.

When you fight it doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Its better to say your sorry and value your relationship over your pride.

As stated by K9 you will have fights, you will want to be right. Its impossible to avoid. If you use facebook theres a christian marriage page I go to here:
https://www.facebook.com/awesomemarriage?fref=ts

Its actually for married couples and those who aren't married yet. Its VERY useful for those who aren't yet married. Every day they post helpful information like those quotes above. Even videos about different aspects of marriage. I've found it really helpful.

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

Here are some quotes I love:




As stated by K9 you will have fights, you will want to be right. Its impossible to avoid. If you use facebook theres a christian marriage page I go to here:
https://www.facebook.com/awesomemarriage?fref=ts

Its actually for married couples and those who aren't married yet. Its VERY useful for those who aren't yet married. Every day they post helpful information like those quotes above. Even videos about different aspects of marriage. I've found it really helpful.

Thank you! I will check that out.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

His plans for today/the weekend? Going to buy a new lawnmower or again try to fix the old one, wash the car, do laundry, etc. Slap in the face to me. I called him on that though and told him he wouldn't be doing that if I were there.

I wonder about that. Is he someone who simply doesn't have the time during the week to get these things done and maybe would have snuck them in while you were there? As someone who has been having extremely busy weeks lately, they don't seem like poor excuses to me if they are indeed legitimate.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Your welcome!

 

[somethingBEAUTIFUL]

I wonder about that. Is he someone who simply doesn't have the time during the week to get these things done and maybe would have snuck them in while you were there? As someone who has been having extremely busy weeks lately, they don't seem like poor excuses to me if they are indeed legitimate.

I know what you're saying. However, I know him and his schedule. He works 7-4 each day, drives the 25 minutes home, and lounges around playing PC or video games, watching tv, and talking on the phone with me. Sometimes he washes clothes or tidies the house during the week, but he often just allows it to accumulate.

I don't need to go on, but I know one thing which bothered me most is that he didn't tell me of his weekend plans until Friday night. We discussed that though. From now on plans will be confirmed by Thursday evening.