My first husband and I were both saved and going to church...but we were not really living a christian lifestyle..after a year he walked out and wanted a divorce..this really got me back to God..i gained a whole new relationship with him and learned so much in that time in my life..it's been 11 years ago..anyways, i prayed and tried to make it work, but he did not want it..the divorce became final..he as since remarried and has 2 children..am I still bound to him or am i released from this marriage and can i remarry?? In the 11 years since..i have dated but never remarried... thanks for any input you might have..
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?about divorce
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SumTinWong
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Geez this is a tough one. First of all let me say that I am sorry that your marriage did not work out. I commend you for doing the right thing and trying to make it work. It takes more guts to stick it out and fight and work it out then it does to run away and start anew. I also applaud your effort to find out what God thinks before you do it rather then just do it and hope He forgives you later. may God bless whatever you decide and may God guide you in your decision.tonya said:
I have never been divorced myself but I have had family including my own parents who have divorced. Both my mom and dad are Christians, and have remarried. That is the only frame of reference I have besides what Jesus said:
Luk 16:18 "Everyone putting away his wife and marrying another commits adultery; and everyone marrying her who is put away from her husband commits adultery. "
Matthew 5:31-32 "It was also said, Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a bill of divorce. But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. "
Mat 19:8-9 "He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is put away commits adultery."
He was referring to Deuteronomy 24:1-4: "When a man has taken a wife and married her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorce and put it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she has departed from his house, she goes and becomes another man's; and the latter husband hates her and writes her a bill of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house; or if the latter husband dies, he who took her to be his wife her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife after she is defiled. For that is hateful before Jehovah. And you shall not cause the land to sin, which Jehovah your God gives you for an inheritance."
So I believe that Jesus said that unless it was because of adultery one should not divorce. If one does divorce than one should not remarry the offending person(the adulterer). Anyone else have any ideas?
I hope that helps and hey, have a great day!
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Thanks..I had read those scriptures.. I have heard different people speak and teach on this..many said that since i tried to do the right thing then it was on him and not me...he causes me to committ adultery cause he left...there was no fornicaton..we were 20 and22 at the time and young and stupid..i have asked for forgiveness and finally forgven him. i even am aquaintances with his new wife...there was a time after we divorce that we tried to work it out but it just didn't work..
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SumTinWong
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Do you have a pastor? Have you asked her or him? The reason I ask is that i feel the same way you do but that doesn't make us right. I would be interested to know what your pastor/priest would say to this, and then being inline with what you already believe go that route.tonya said:
This is such a tough decision. You were a baby then, and you are an adult now. You did the right thing by forgiving him, and asking god to forgive you. What does your heart tell you?
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Yep..even though I had been raised in church and was saved at 10...boy at 20 i was a spiritually and emotionally...i have no feelings for him..i mean ..i would not want anything bad to happen to him but those other feelings i struggled with for sooo long are finally GONE...praise the lord...i just feel that at the time i did the best i could and it did not work and i am sorry bit i have asked for forgiveness and i feel like it was more on him cause...HE LEFT and his heart was hardened...therefore if i want to remarry then even thoigh i committ adultery that it is on his hands b/c he pushed me to that, on the other hand i know God loves each of us and he will forgive me b/c he knows my heart and that i really tried...and a lot of good came out of that...i got to know God sooo much better and i became a more mature and stronger person...
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also..being a baby christian and believer there were certain things at the time that i simply just did not know about the bible and God evem though i had been raised in church...literally every time the door was openend
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SumTinWong
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Isn't it amazing how God can take a situation that wants to destroy us and use it to make us stronger than ever? Whatever you do, keep up the attitude that you have now, and I really do think it is awesome that you can let the past go, and let it be that.
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Oh it took a long time to heal that wound...whew!!! that sucker festered for a long time...and i have let a lot of the past go..but i still find myself insecure in relationships..i do not trust easily..ya know but God helps me with that daily..thanks for your help...Have a blessed evening...
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You are asking really good questions. This is a complicated one. A quick and easy answer does no one any good, since the scriptures certainly don't make this question easy.
Let me try giving you some ideas to think about.
I'm going to start with Paul. Paul talks about this issue in 1 Corinthians 7, but to understand that chapter, you really ned to read the whole book. Sit down and read 1 Corinthians in 1 sitting. Try to get the main idea of the whole letter. I think it mostly has to do with dealing with factions, fights and arguments, but read the whole letter for yourself and make your own judgment.
Within this context, Paul seems to say he thinks it's better for anyone who isn't married (widowed, divorced or never-married) to stay as they are, if they can; for married couples to stay married if they can; and for separated couples to reconcile if they can.
Have you thought about whether staying single is something you can do? (I know some Christians claim anyone can do it, but that's not the way I read this scripture.) If you can, your life will be a lot less complicated.
If you can't, then I think Paul's focus is on whether or not you can reconcile the marriage. Since your ex has remarried, I don't think this is an option. He is married to someone else and you must respect his current marriage. There are Christians who disagree with me about this. I'm happy to discuss the differences in our views if this is important to you, but if not, let's put that one aside for now.
Does some of this help? I could go farther, but I think it's important not to pass by these questions too quickly. Read, think and pray about this and if you feel OK about sharing, let us know what God reveals to you through these exercises, questions and ideas. I'll be back. (Or you can PM me if you don't want to talk about some of these things in public.)
Let me try giving you some ideas to think about.
I'm going to start with Paul. Paul talks about this issue in 1 Corinthians 7, but to understand that chapter, you really ned to read the whole book. Sit down and read 1 Corinthians in 1 sitting. Try to get the main idea of the whole letter. I think it mostly has to do with dealing with factions, fights and arguments, but read the whole letter for yourself and make your own judgment.
Within this context, Paul seems to say he thinks it's better for anyone who isn't married (widowed, divorced or never-married) to stay as they are, if they can; for married couples to stay married if they can; and for separated couples to reconcile if they can.
Have you thought about whether staying single is something you can do? (I know some Christians claim anyone can do it, but that's not the way I read this scripture.) If you can, your life will be a lot less complicated.
If you can't, then I think Paul's focus is on whether or not you can reconcile the marriage. Since your ex has remarried, I don't think this is an option. He is married to someone else and you must respect his current marriage. There are Christians who disagree with me about this. I'm happy to discuss the differences in our views if this is important to you, but if not, let's put that one aside for now.
Does some of this help? I could go farther, but I think it's important not to pass by these questions too quickly. Read, think and pray about this and if you feel OK about sharing, let us know what God reveals to you through these exercises, questions and ideas. I'll be back. (Or you can PM me if you don't want to talk about some of these things in public.)
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Starcrystal
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Whew! Each individual situation I think has its own unique set of circumstances. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul speaks of an "unbeleiver" departing, and that a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. Now, what defines "unbeleiver"? Just because someone claims to be saved? Or do we know them by their fruits?
I was married for 10 years and my spouses fruits were not those of a beleiver. She filed the divorce. She also had a boyfriend during our separation period, and during our marraige often flirted with men, which is adultery of the heart. Matthew 7:20 - 23 speaks of knowing them by their fruits, and that many will claim to know the Lord, but the Lord doesn't know them! Now I can't be the judge of someones ultimate salvation, but I CAN observe fruits, for we are told we shall know them by their fruits.
I have since remarried and my relationship with my wife now is as close to perfect as you can get. She too was divorced from a husband that claimed to beleive, yet did not fulfill the Biblical command in Ephesians for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. In fact, he shut himself off and practically ignored her!
My point is, if your husband "walked out" after a year, what kind of "fruit" is that? Please read Ephesians 5:25 - 33. Did he fulfill that committment?
Secondly, while you were still single, he went and remarried. While there still remained hope for reconcilliation while you were both single, when he took another wife and joined himself to her as one flesh, THAT severed any remaining bond he may have had with you. Although it technically was not adultery while you were married, he still went and joined with another later. Jesus gave allowance for divorce when one joins with another outside of your marraige bond.
I know some of this may sound complicated, and as I said, each situation has different implications. If you are not created like Paul, who could stay single without desiring a wife, then fine. But if you are made to be with someone, then scripture says it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Also, each person is held responsible for their own actions (or sins) HE walked out on you. He then remarried to another woman. You seem to be the innocent party in this. From what I gather from your posts, it seems like you are free.
I was married for 10 years and my spouses fruits were not those of a beleiver. She filed the divorce. She also had a boyfriend during our separation period, and during our marraige often flirted with men, which is adultery of the heart. Matthew 7:20 - 23 speaks of knowing them by their fruits, and that many will claim to know the Lord, but the Lord doesn't know them! Now I can't be the judge of someones ultimate salvation, but I CAN observe fruits, for we are told we shall know them by their fruits.
I have since remarried and my relationship with my wife now is as close to perfect as you can get. She too was divorced from a husband that claimed to beleive, yet did not fulfill the Biblical command in Ephesians for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. In fact, he shut himself off and practically ignored her!
My point is, if your husband "walked out" after a year, what kind of "fruit" is that? Please read Ephesians 5:25 - 33. Did he fulfill that committment?
Secondly, while you were still single, he went and remarried. While there still remained hope for reconcilliation while you were both single, when he took another wife and joined himself to her as one flesh, THAT severed any remaining bond he may have had with you. Although it technically was not adultery while you were married, he still went and joined with another later. Jesus gave allowance for divorce when one joins with another outside of your marraige bond.
I know some of this may sound complicated, and as I said, each situation has different implications. If you are not created like Paul, who could stay single without desiring a wife, then fine. But if you are made to be with someone, then scripture says it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Also, each person is held responsible for their own actions (or sins) HE walked out on you. He then remarried to another woman. You seem to be the innocent party in this. From what I gather from your posts, it seems like you are free.
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tonya said:
HI there!
If you have asked God to forgive you for the mistakes in your marriage, and for the even bigger "mistake" of divorce, then why don't you believe that God has forgiven you for your past actions...
Ps 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
That passage means that if God has forgiven, then God has forgotten... the ol' Sea of Forgetfulness.
Now, your first husband was your covenant husband, but that marriage can never be restored, not according to the Word of God.
Under the "law", Judaism was much better than other religions, in that, once the decree was granted to a woman, she was free to marry again.
If your divorce decree is granted, and you have the forgiveness of God for your past mistakes, you are free to marry again....
this time, insure it is God's plan for your life before you committ to marriage, and this time, for better or worse means exactly that... until death do us part.
~serapha~
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Those that have posted so far have already pointed you to the Word and rightly so. I would urge you to spend time in prayer and silence. The silence is to give Him the chance to speak to you. If your heart is fully devoted to the path that would glorify Him best in this situation, He will lead you through it. You can even pray for Him to make your heart willing. He has compassion for us and if your heart is leaning towards not remaining as you are, I believe He takes this into consideration. I personally recommend letting God bend your heart in the direction of His Ways and His Thoughts. When you literally hand over your heart's desires to Him, you may notice your prayers on the matter changing. This is God preparing your heart for His plan. As He reveals His plan for you, doubt and second guessing is replaced by peace, even joy. I say this even if what he reveals would normally make you uncomfortable or want to flee. I speak from personal experience. It's a very strange feeling to say "Yes!" to God, when part of you is saying "Are you crazy, He wants you to do what?". And yet your heart is fully behind it and you are in awe!
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Starcrystal
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I wholeheartedly agree with Sarah Maries post. Once you get to this point, you do want to hear directly from God.
Talking to people is good, and having insights & opinions to evaluate, but you can also get 2, 3, 0r 4 different sides. (There are actually 4 separate teachings on divorce & remarraige, all using scripture. There is even a book out that has all 4 teachings in it. The bottom line is, if all 4 teachings appear to have Biblical support, and at the same time contradict the other 3, this must mean Gods will on divorce and remarraige is not so cut and dry as people think, and may be unique to every individual circumstance.)
That said, is why going before God is so important now. Going to different pastors or counsellors could at this point only lead to confusion or an attempt to corral you into their particular beleif, which may NOT be Gods will for you.
Sometimes there comes a time to shut out all the "voices" of the world, even human voices of our own Christian family, and hear direct from God. That way there can be no doubt. God through the Holy Spirit is able to confirm his will to you ~ "Letting God bend your heart in the direction of his ways and his thoughts", as S.M. said.
Talking to people is good, and having insights & opinions to evaluate, but you can also get 2, 3, 0r 4 different sides. (There are actually 4 separate teachings on divorce & remarraige, all using scripture. There is even a book out that has all 4 teachings in it. The bottom line is, if all 4 teachings appear to have Biblical support, and at the same time contradict the other 3, this must mean Gods will on divorce and remarraige is not so cut and dry as people think, and may be unique to every individual circumstance.)
That said, is why going before God is so important now. Going to different pastors or counsellors could at this point only lead to confusion or an attempt to corral you into their particular beleif, which may NOT be Gods will for you.
Sometimes there comes a time to shut out all the "voices" of the world, even human voices of our own Christian family, and hear direct from God. That way there can be no doubt. God through the Holy Spirit is able to confirm his will to you ~ "Letting God bend your heart in the direction of his ways and his thoughts", as S.M. said.
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My situation is similar to Tonya's (except my ex-wife is an ardent anti-believer and still years later makes fun of my believing) and I found all of your thoughts to be thought provoking.
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