Abandonment issues

[Chococat]

Although I'm not sure if I have BPD I hope no one minds me posting this here as I feel this may be the only forum where people may understand. What I would like to know is how do you deal with fears of abandonment by friends, partners etc. I have lost friends in the past because of my neediness. When I feel really close to a friend I start fearing they may drop me for some other friend who is "cooler" or more fun to be around. With the result I can become very possessive and sometimes I even drop the friend because I fear they will abandon me and I would rather be the one who does the abandoning (does that make sense?) I know as a Christian I have a Friend who will never abandon me and that is a help but I still worry about abandonment by human friends.

 

[rosenherman]

Outside of prayer, which you as a Christian already do; a Godly therapist. I was recommended one by a fellow congregation member. I talked to my pastor for his recommendation as well. There are therapists who will accept what you can pay and or insurance if you can't afford their full fee.

My therapist was very helpful in dealing with my neediness. God bless you.

 

[madison1101]

What has helped me, and it did not happen overnight, was intensive psychotherapy, a discipleship relationship with a healthy mature Christian woman who set clear boundaries, and lots of prayer and meditation on the promises of God.

It is not necessary that your therapist be a Christian. The most important thing is that they be licensed in their field.

 

[rosenherman]

What has helped me, and it did not happen overnight, was intensive psychotherapy, a discipleship relationship with a healthy mature Christian woman who set clear boundaries, and lots of prayer and meditation on the promises of God.

It is not necessary that your therapist be a Christian. The most important thing is that they be licensed in their field.

All of this is true. I prefer a Christian therapist because I'm more comfortable talking about God and my faith with a fellow believer.

 

[Chococat]

Thanks for the replies. I think what has made my problems worse is having a friend on the internet who, I suspect, was playing on my insecurities by telling me how many other friends she had and how wonderful they all were. For instance I like writing stories for fun and she told me about one of her friends who had supposedly written a novel which was being nominated for a prize and another friend who she said led the worship in her church etc. Needless to say our "friendship" was very stormy and I have decided to take a long break from her. To be fair I know she has mental health issues (BPD?) herself. The thing is I am now a bit scared of making new friends, especially online, due to this experience.

 

[rosenherman]

Thanks for the replies. I think what has made my problems worse is having a friend on the internet who, I suspect, was playing on my insecurities by telling me how many other friends she had and how wonderful they all were. For instance I like writing stories for fun and she told me about one of her friends who had supposedly written a novel which was being nominated for a prize and another friend who she said led the worship in her church etc. Needless to say our "friendship" was very stormy and I have decided to take a long break from her. To be fair I know she has mental health issues (BPD?) herself. The thing is I am now a bit scared of making new friends, especially online, due to this experience.

I can see how you'd be leery of making friends on-line. And you should be careful, especially if you intend to meet them in person. However, and this advice is worth what you paid for it (nothing) I'd suggest you stop considering this person who was making you feel bad as a friend. She is someone you know on-line who makes you feel bad. Whether she was telling the truth or lying is irrelevant, she was making you feel bad and you should not consider people who make you feel bad as friends (after all, that is what family is for lol). Folks like us need gentle people who will support us emotionally as friends, not someone who is in some sort of competition with us.

 

[madison1101]

All of this is true. I prefer a Christian therapist because I'm more comfortable talking about God and my faith with a fellow believer.

I understand. When I first started therapy for my BPD in 1989, there were no licensed Christian therapists who were covered by my insurance. For pesonality disorders and other mental health issues, it is most important that the therapist be qualified, and licensed. I was never comfortable with the Christian counselors I met prior to my therapist, because they were critical of me, and I could not speak plainly in their office. One even told me I should not use foul language ever, not even in the heat of the moment. While I believe a Christian should be in control of their tongue, I was not at that stage of my Christian development at the time, and I was dealing with more serious issues as a borderline/bipolar than if I said a swear word.

I also could not afford to pay for the sessions with the Christians because my insurance did not cover it.

 

[rosenherman]

I understand. When I first started therapy for my BPD in 1989, there were no licensed Christian therapists who were covered by my insurance. For pesonality disorders and other mental health issues, it is most important that the therapist be qualified, and licensed. I was never comfortable with the Christian counselors I met prior to my therapist, because they were critical of me, and I could not speak plainly in their office. One even told me I should not use foul language ever, not even in the heat of the moment. While I believe a Christian should be in control of their tongue, I was not at that stage of my Christian development at the time, and I was dealing with more serious issues as a borderline/bipolar than if I said a swear word.

I also could not afford to pay for the sessions with the Christians because my insurance did not cover it.

I'm thrilled to hear you found a therapist you could trust and be comfortable with. That is so important.