Monday, June 29, 2009 (Dream I had in during the late morning)
I had just gotten married to my friend, Spencer. I did not see the wedding, but the memories in the dream started right after that point.
*Spencer is one of my dearest and closest friends in real life, but he struggles with his faith a great deal, which is one of the reasons I became friends with him, and I don't consider marrying him nor does he consider marrying me, but we are extremely close to one another, and I pump as much of Christ into his life as I can.*
Spencer and I are going to make our home in New York. We go up there for some period of time, maybe several weeks with each other. But, I end up going back to Georgia and my family is going to make a trip up there with me to visit and help me bring some things back for our underfurnished apartment. I feel very anxious about this, because there have been problems between Spencer and I the past weeks we have been in New York. He has essentially abandoned me. He began working several odd jobs to pay for his film projects, but he will not talk to me about any of them or the film projects and he rarely comes home. . .maybe once a week. I don't want to tell my family this, and I keep trying to figure out how I will explain to them if he is not there and doesn't come home.
So, I get to our apartment and the door is open, because either Spencer or I have allowed someone to put up shelves and open-up a shop in our living room. I wasn't alarmed at the people there, so I must have known about it. My family doesn't ask any questions about it. So, we continue toward the kitchen and the apartment is very run-down -looks incomplete in a lot of ways. My family begins unpacking things in the kitchen. THey seem very happy and positive, but kind of lacking substance . . .
I leave the apartment to search for Spencer, though I don't tell them that is what I am doing. I know he is working somewhere around the block, but I don't know where, so I search and search, and finally find him working as a waiter in a very expensive restauraunt. I literally beg him to come home while my family is there. He agrees to come home, but is still distanced from me emotionally.
We go home and we both are in our room, which has become more "his" room since I left a few weeks earlier to go to Georgia and come back. The room is very bare. We have a boxspring and mattress, but no frame, so it is sitting on the floor. The bed has the sheets and comforter spread across it, but it is not made up. The comforter is an ugly brown. There is a nightstand with a lamp and the computer is on a desk beside the door. That is all that is in the room and it again, has an incompletel feeling-the walls have been stripped and caulked and need to be painted.
We have been home for awhile. I am sitting on the bed with my back against the wall, looking at Spencer as he works on the computer. We have been talking, but Spencer still seems unresponsive and will not open up. I am sitting on the bed and I am longing to consummate our marriage, that is the feeling that I feel as I look at him, like our marriage needs to be consummated, but that there is a wall up that I cannot get through. (I'm not really clear why our marriage was not consummated already, but from the dream it appears that it was not.) Then, I ask him to please go and talk to my family and not let on to them that we are having problems. He reluctantly agrees.
So, we both go to the kitchen and we are standing outside of the entryway, but we can all see each other. He goes and tells them hello and begins chatting. And then he explains to them that he has just been working in his bedroom. The he looks over at me, looks me in the eyes and says I mean "our" bedroom.
Then, I woke up from the dream, still with the feelings all over me, the sense of being abandoned and that feeling of needing to consummate my marriage. (though I am not married in real life)
Any insights?
I had just gotten married to my friend, Spencer. I did not see the wedding, but the memories in the dream started right after that point.
*Spencer is one of my dearest and closest friends in real life, but he struggles with his faith a great deal, which is one of the reasons I became friends with him, and I don't consider marrying him nor does he consider marrying me, but we are extremely close to one another, and I pump as much of Christ into his life as I can.*
Spencer and I are going to make our home in New York. We go up there for some period of time, maybe several weeks with each other. But, I end up going back to Georgia and my family is going to make a trip up there with me to visit and help me bring some things back for our underfurnished apartment. I feel very anxious about this, because there have been problems between Spencer and I the past weeks we have been in New York. He has essentially abandoned me. He began working several odd jobs to pay for his film projects, but he will not talk to me about any of them or the film projects and he rarely comes home. . .maybe once a week. I don't want to tell my family this, and I keep trying to figure out how I will explain to them if he is not there and doesn't come home.
So, I get to our apartment and the door is open, because either Spencer or I have allowed someone to put up shelves and open-up a shop in our living room. I wasn't alarmed at the people there, so I must have known about it. My family doesn't ask any questions about it. So, we continue toward the kitchen and the apartment is very run-down -looks incomplete in a lot of ways. My family begins unpacking things in the kitchen. THey seem very happy and positive, but kind of lacking substance . . .
I leave the apartment to search for Spencer, though I don't tell them that is what I am doing. I know he is working somewhere around the block, but I don't know where, so I search and search, and finally find him working as a waiter in a very expensive restauraunt. I literally beg him to come home while my family is there. He agrees to come home, but is still distanced from me emotionally.
We go home and we both are in our room, which has become more "his" room since I left a few weeks earlier to go to Georgia and come back. The room is very bare. We have a boxspring and mattress, but no frame, so it is sitting on the floor. The bed has the sheets and comforter spread across it, but it is not made up. The comforter is an ugly brown. There is a nightstand with a lamp and the computer is on a desk beside the door. That is all that is in the room and it again, has an incompletel feeling-the walls have been stripped and caulked and need to be painted.
We have been home for awhile. I am sitting on the bed with my back against the wall, looking at Spencer as he works on the computer. We have been talking, but Spencer still seems unresponsive and will not open up. I am sitting on the bed and I am longing to consummate our marriage, that is the feeling that I feel as I look at him, like our marriage needs to be consummated, but that there is a wall up that I cannot get through. (I'm not really clear why our marriage was not consummated already, but from the dream it appears that it was not.) Then, I ask him to please go and talk to my family and not let on to them that we are having problems. He reluctantly agrees.
So, we both go to the kitchen and we are standing outside of the entryway, but we can all see each other. He goes and tells them hello and begins chatting. And then he explains to them that he has just been working in his bedroom. The he looks over at me, looks me in the eyes and says I mean "our" bedroom.
Then, I woke up from the dream, still with the feelings all over me, the sense of being abandoned and that feeling of needing to consummate my marriage. (though I am not married in real life)
Any insights?
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I wasn't sure how to look at it, but this makes sense to me, especially considering the ministry that God has me in, sort of evangelizing the church (if that makes sense).
