A very quick update on my bf...

[Mulutka]

I thought I'd tell everyone here that my bf has gone to AA for a week now and is carrying a much healthier attitude ( praise God )

One thing I noticed though was that a lot of the meetings (not the meeting's leader but others there) are stressing that a person's 'Higher Power' may not actually even be an entity: it could just be walking in the forest or the sky above us... ummm isn't that absolutly ridiculous and pointless??? I mean, how can my bf give himself over to the sky? And how is he supposed to put his faith into the forest--> we're logging it all!! It's not permanent! This sounds really New Age - 'bunny fluffy', doesn't it?? Is it just the meetings that we've gone to that are like this? (we've gone to 4 different ones so far).

I'm afraid that my bf may start buying into this. I'm trying to be a better Christian (for myself, and as a model for him) but I know that he has a tendency to only go to God when he's really stuck: as soon as he feels that he has his life back in control then he seems to think *he* can take it from here. I suppose I just needed to vent a little. I know that everyone's prayers are helping, but if you wouldn't mind I'd appreciate if you could say another prayer for us.

 

[Michelina]

I'll be praying.

You might suggest to your bf that people need other people, and Men need Women.
"Male and Female He created them". God knew what He was doing.

 

[ukok]

i shall pray for your boyfriend...this really is good news though that he is making the effort to help himself.

 

[Debi1967]

Ok this where experience chimes in. Mutluka, I am here and so are many others that you do not know about that do not wish to break their anonymity but I know of them and they are all Christians and all are from AA.
You must realize that when most people walk into the doors of AA they are at best questionign everything and have very little if no Faith left. They need a place to start from, something simple. If we asked them to believe in God again right away instead of coming to it in their own time then we would not have the people we do and the success rate we do because they would all walk out the door after the first meeting.

The next thing is we are a non-profit organization and as such cannot affiliate ourselves with any religion. so yes we do stress a higher power at first. it is something for them that is easier to grab ahold of and then we encourage them to develop that. The majority of the old-timers of AA are indeed Christians. I realize your fustration. But at the same time it is not that we are encouraging them to believe in tree worship as much as it that a higher power can exist in anything. IOW he does exist all around us. They eventually find this out for themselves.

We though know that it is easier for them to believe and give what they have to over if they have something tangible at first to see with their own eyes. Then as they progress they no longer need that and realize the Grace and that God has indeed been working in them in order to bring them to where they are today. Then and only then are they ready for what we call the spiritual awakening of the program.

It is a tool used to help nothing more. there is so much that they have to give up at first and they need something even if it is a ceiling tile as I used to say to the newcomers. But in there believe it or not the Lord is hearing everything they are saying because I know He heard me. He comes to us sometimes in many strange ways. For me it was the Teddy Bear that I had that I used to concentrate on and talk to. But I was really talking to Him. The teddy bear well he is still here with me but I talk with the Lord now and i no longer have to use him to make it easier or to feel more real to me.

I hope that I have explained to you what you were looking for.

Your Friend
In Christ
Debi

 

[Mulutka]

So I guess I'm just trying to rush him through the steps then?? right? But I should be more patient and trust that God is taking Mark's life into His hands... but that's soooo hard! I'm tearing up right now so I'm going to have to post later (as I'm at work right now and secretaries aren't supposed to cry). Thank you for everyone's support.

 

[Debi1967]

So I guess I'm just trying to rush him through the steps then?? right? But I should be more patient and trust that God is taking Mark's life into His hands... but that's soooo hard! I'm tearing up right now so I'm going to have to post later (as I'm at work right now and secretaries aren't supposed to cry). Thank you for everyone's support.

The Lord works in mysterious ways Mutluka. Do you know that I personally know of two priests that are also members of AA in the program here. They also when they come in are not a priest but just like everyone else. and they say "hello my name is ____ and I am an alcoholic. We are not priests or doctors or lawyers or mothers or fathers or anything else for that matter but what we are is a fellowship of people that has one thing in common we are all Alcoholics.

This is the reason why so many of us encouraged you to go to Alanon. So that you yourself can learn the same things that he is and they would not be so confusing to you. I do encourage everyone in the beginning at least to please get the help they need and this is the perfect place for it.

here is where to in helping yourself you will better be able to help your BF and others and be the Beacon of Light, even if it is to only one, that is needed to bring someone struggling with the same issues as you back into His fold again. It was once said to me that you must be selfish enough with your own well being before you can ever become selfless. I did not understadn that fully at first. Then one day it dawned on me what it meant, I guess because the haze had left finally, but it means that if we are not right within ourselves then we cannot effectively help others.

That was some words of wisdom that I will never forget, nor will I forget the woman who gave them to me, God rest her soul. She was indeed the best sponsor I ever had and the most spiritual and Catholic. My sponsor now is also very good, and although I may not attend meetings anymore I do still talk to her.

She was the one who used to ask me at the end of every whining session I had or tirade I had this question, " And your part in this would be what? ". Oh how I used to get so mad at her. i did not want to face the fact that it had anything to do with me, at all. I wanted no responsibility.

See these are the things you are not seeing that goes on behind the scenes. it is a program for changing one's way of thinking and way of life. He will come to find out the same as we all have in time, that because of his willingness and desire to change and with the help of others and especially God it was all possible. But on his own it was not and he will be humbled then. That is when our lives change and that moment of clarity finally comes and with it the spiritual awakening he needs to move forward and fully let go. Never forgetting but moving onward instead of indulging in the past and martydom that ensnares all in the pit of our own selfish desires.

One of the Expressions we use heavily around AA is Let Go and Let God. But please remember that it is One Day at a Time. You are right though the steps that are taken must be taken with careful deliberation for sombody to truly get what the program is all about and that may be why it never worked for him before because he never put the time and effort into it. The steps should take at least a year or more fepending on the person and the sponsor to go through. i know of some sponsors that for the first year do not take the newcomer past step three. There is a reason for this, step four is hard to do and it takes clear thinking and a strong desire to stay sober while attempting it. I have seen many that because of that step alone and trying to do before they are ready go back out and drink. So please be patient.

Remember always that this is in God's time not ours. that is also another thing commonly said around AA.

Your Friend
In Christ
Debi

 

[Cat59]

I'm carrying on with the prayers Mulutka


Cat

 

[Bastoune]

My dad was a recovered alcoholic.

 

[seebs]

AA has some really weird stuff; they're not my favorite addiction-recovery program, partially because they don't work for a lot of people. There are other programs; it looks like different programs work for different types of people.

 

[Mulutka]

Seebs-- what other programs do you know of? I've searched for others where I live but can't seem to find any... (there *is* a Christian one, but I doubt that my bf is ready to take that step yet).

Are there good books I can give him?? Or is that being too pushy/aggressive??

 

[Debi1967]

AA has some really weird stuff; they're not my favorite addiction-recovery program, partially because they don't work for a lot of people. There are other programs; it looks like different programs work for different types of people.

What!!!! They have the highest recovery rate around the world. The latest Independent stats rate them as being the highest. Their recovery rate is over 80% of all members that continue with the program and also learn it.

And why are you discouraging her from using a program that bases itself around the belief that you cannot overcome addict/Alcoholism without His help.

Next question is have you ever attended AA to experience it for yourself and to get to know what it is all about before telling someone not to go? Especailly when she has someone posting that has indeed been to many meetings in my life. I think that I should have the inside scoop on it.

And AA acknowledges that it does not work for all people but for those that are willing and that Let Go and Let God It can.

In Christ
Debi

 

[Debi1967]

Here is a prayer for you I taught it to you last night but very quickly So I am posting it for you

God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Thy Will not mine be done
Amen
This Prayer I know is said at least around here it is at the beginning of every meeting.
And with every step there is a prayer that goes with that step.
It is important to learn them
Debi

 

[Mulutka]

Yet another quick update...

I finally stopped being stubborn and checked Al Anon out. All I can say is "wow". I understand now why you guys (and especially you Debi!) were hammering how important it is for me to get support for myself too. I also picked up one of the Al Anon books and started answering the questions it asks in my journal (that way I can re-read my thoughts at later times and see how I've evolved).

Aaron-- you'll be happy to know that I went to Adoration for over 2 hours. I can't believe how time flew by!

 

[Cat59]

Glad you went (to Al anon and adoration)
I'll carry on with the prayers
Cat

 

[Aaron-Aggie]

Yet another quick update...

I finally stopped being stubborn and checked Al Anon out. All I can say is "wow". I understand now why you guys (and especially you Debi!) were hammering how important it is for me to get support for myself too. I also picked up one of the Al Anon books and started answering the questions it asks in my journal (that way I can re-read my thoughts at later times and see how I've evolved).

Aaron-- you'll be happy to know that I went to Adoration for over 2 hours. I can't believe how time flew by!

Now go back again and again