Greeting
But in the beginning, the story begins, May I know myself in my youth question to ask about life.
My parents at that time were trying to take care of six kids.
My brothers, three, including, I myself, and two sisters, We were like gypsies, always on the move.
I never learned much in school, segregation was hard, always being left back in my grades.
As I grew, I was always alone; my father never had time for me
My father was from the very old school, he works very, very hard
My mother trying to keep up with six of us in school or at home
I had not to mush interest in learning; I was a very shy kid.
At times and years before doctors did have the means to diagnosed disorder?
Some disorder today they do have the means but doesn’t work all the time.
Some disorders can be inherent, or by malnutrition. Years later because of many problems, as time pass by I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
I could not focus and I always fidgety always quiet.
They could not understand how to diagnose this, it was no problem.
When I was about 3 years of age, one day I fell off a third-floor window and I fractured my head and landed on a batch of black coal which was for the furnace the boiler, this broke my fall. Years later in my adulthood, I had a dream, which my father tossed me out the window, I ask my mother what happened to me but she was silent.
Now just the discomfort I needed overcome, by enduring
It seemed that I cannot find no one to help me, or in my family.
I just wanted love and attention, I was harmless.
It just made me mysterious in nature.
As I grew my family and I move to one place to another, not all at once, but throughout time.
Now I was about five years old my father started to drink alcohol and started to abuse me, and because he could not understand my behavior, that I had A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at that time.
I loved him so much, I tried to make things better but I was just a weak kid.
Even in society.
No matter how much I tried I just kept falling backward.
For my father and me, there was no love between us at all, I guess I wasn’t the man he wanted me to be.
About this time, I was in my teens, and my father just got his own business.
I failed many times in school, even if they didn't know about A.D.H.D.
This time I got in trouble in school as any child and send me home, my father had to do something with me.
Love was not always there for me; my bothers felt bad for me and my sisters.
My father as well, always getting into trouble with my mom with his affairs
I did not understand and just kept silent.
My father put me in many programs, just not to deal with me, catholic school, programs for youth, I just kept going backward.
Not because I did what to, but of segregation. It seemed to be no hope for me.
I had gotten into the trouble with truant office, just for not paying attention in school or not attending school, how could I.
If there is on God present in the family or values at that time would have my families tend to not fall apart.
In Eph 6:1-4 (KJV) Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise
And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
My father had many chances to prosper but without love in my family or in any family, we just become strangers as we got older.
My father never share any time with me, or took out to any pall games or I saw another father that were dads took out their children’s, not encourages me in anything, but that I should seek for understanding, and not living with any role models in my life, but all I learn from life was hardship and affection, no love in my family, but my love within myself.
I had to spend some in a place called Goshen annex center for Boys upstate N.Y. in this place it was very disciplined and young kids like me to helped me, it was very hard for me, but I started to learn, to work, and go to school, every day, and sports, I spent two ½ years in this place.
I learned many things, good and bad things as well, but there were many good families in this institute. I've learned to be a farm.
But did not know also about either of my A.D.H.D, As well but they are people of disciplined.
I did my best in this institute. I learn to be a painter and artist and when I left they gave me a scholarship for anything I wish.
So it was time to leave, and go into the world.
My family was kind of somewhat happy to see me; I was growing up to be a man.
At this time I was about sixteen years old.
My father had not changed. I did not know what to do. Something happened in those years with my family, I was the elder of my brothers and one of my sisters.
I found out that, my father and mother were not married, but they did, while I was in the center, wow you learn as you go.
My father did not change and was still drinking alcohol very badly and other things.
It made me so very unhappy, as months went by.
I could not do anything to make any things to make things better with my father.
Again he started again to abuse me and my family; No one could not help us.
My father was always angered, it was too much for me, alcohol changes personality I did something I should not have done, but I had defended my family. I rebelled, against my father, all my life he calls me a coward.
My heartfelt for my family
In the institute, I learn the values of being responsible.
What I had to do was not pleasant, It cost me my something, and my responsibilities as a member of my family.
I said that I could accept the abuses of my family and that I will not allow him to hurt us anymore.
I could express my feeling as a family member.
This time I stood up, and he raises his hand to hit me, for some reason I kneeled before him, instead My father look with despair and cast me out of my home, never to return.
I had nothing; I lost my family forever!
No one to go, my scholarship I could make that dream come true
I was rejected by father and all of the humility in segregation so sad the world I live in, so sad.
This time I spent eight long years of my life in living in the ghetto of the world just lost in the Big cities of America.
It was the hardest, and the worst time, and years of my life.
More things happen to be out there in the world, and my family as well.
Many times, I try to make thing better for myself, he would never change.
Finally at the age of my eighteen I when to see my mother and said to my mother I am leaving and never see you or dad or my brothers and sisters, I don’t know where I will be.
With anger and despair, I left, never knowing if I would see my family again.
My sins took me backward.
Eight years of my life, pass by, I just kept falling backward.
As I grew older, my life was slipping away from me, I yearn for my family. At this time I was about 23 years of age.
I looked for my family, when I saw my family, they became just strangers to me.
All that, was it all lost, no. I believe in hope.
In between those years, I never to look for Jesus I still didn‘t know who he was because no one show who he was, not even in the Catholic school.
I would go in and out between churches as well, it is seen that in churches didn't know where to go too.
I began to question about life, there must be something much to be something better than man.
Only if I have not sinned so much, against my father.
For now, I must take a rest, for now, their much more to say.
Still seeking for answers
love is always around compassion and understanding
But in the beginning, the story begins, May I know myself in my youth question to ask about life.
My parents at that time were trying to take care of six kids.
My brothers, three, including, I myself, and two sisters, We were like gypsies, always on the move.
I never learned much in school, segregation was hard, always being left back in my grades.
As I grew, I was always alone; my father never had time for me
My father was from the very old school, he works very, very hard
My mother trying to keep up with six of us in school or at home
I had not to mush interest in learning; I was a very shy kid.
At times and years before doctors did have the means to diagnosed disorder?
Some disorder today they do have the means but doesn’t work all the time.
Some disorders can be inherent, or by malnutrition. Years later because of many problems, as time pass by I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
I could not focus and I always fidgety always quiet.
They could not understand how to diagnose this, it was no problem.
When I was about 3 years of age, one day I fell off a third-floor window and I fractured my head and landed on a batch of black coal which was for the furnace the boiler, this broke my fall. Years later in my adulthood, I had a dream, which my father tossed me out the window, I ask my mother what happened to me but she was silent.
Now just the discomfort I needed overcome, by enduring
It seemed that I cannot find no one to help me, or in my family.
I just wanted love and attention, I was harmless.
It just made me mysterious in nature.
As I grew my family and I move to one place to another, not all at once, but throughout time.
Now I was about five years old my father started to drink alcohol and started to abuse me, and because he could not understand my behavior, that I had A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at that time.
I loved him so much, I tried to make things better but I was just a weak kid.
Even in society.
No matter how much I tried I just kept falling backward.
For my father and me, there was no love between us at all, I guess I wasn’t the man he wanted me to be.
About this time, I was in my teens, and my father just got his own business.
I failed many times in school, even if they didn't know about A.D.H.D.
This time I got in trouble in school as any child and send me home, my father had to do something with me.
Love was not always there for me; my bothers felt bad for me and my sisters.
My father as well, always getting into trouble with my mom with his affairs
I did not understand and just kept silent.
My father put me in many programs, just not to deal with me, catholic school, programs for youth, I just kept going backward.
Not because I did what to, but of segregation. It seemed to be no hope for me.
I had gotten into the trouble with truant office, just for not paying attention in school or not attending school, how could I.
If there is on God present in the family or values at that time would have my families tend to not fall apart.
In Eph 6:1-4 (KJV) Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise
And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
My father had many chances to prosper but without love in my family or in any family, we just become strangers as we got older.
My father never share any time with me, or took out to any pall games or I saw another father that were dads took out their children’s, not encourages me in anything, but that I should seek for understanding, and not living with any role models in my life, but all I learn from life was hardship and affection, no love in my family, but my love within myself.
I had to spend some in a place called Goshen annex center for Boys upstate N.Y. in this place it was very disciplined and young kids like me to helped me, it was very hard for me, but I started to learn, to work, and go to school, every day, and sports, I spent two ½ years in this place.
I learned many things, good and bad things as well, but there were many good families in this institute. I've learned to be a farm.
But did not know also about either of my A.D.H.D, As well but they are people of disciplined.
I did my best in this institute. I learn to be a painter and artist and when I left they gave me a scholarship for anything I wish.
So it was time to leave, and go into the world.
My family was kind of somewhat happy to see me; I was growing up to be a man.
At this time I was about sixteen years old.
My father had not changed. I did not know what to do. Something happened in those years with my family, I was the elder of my brothers and one of my sisters.
I found out that, my father and mother were not married, but they did, while I was in the center, wow you learn as you go.
My father did not change and was still drinking alcohol very badly and other things.
It made me so very unhappy, as months went by.
I could not do anything to make any things to make things better with my father.
Again he started again to abuse me and my family; No one could not help us.
My father was always angered, it was too much for me, alcohol changes personality I did something I should not have done, but I had defended my family. I rebelled, against my father, all my life he calls me a coward.
My heartfelt for my family
In the institute, I learn the values of being responsible.
What I had to do was not pleasant, It cost me my something, and my responsibilities as a member of my family.
I said that I could accept the abuses of my family and that I will not allow him to hurt us anymore.
I could express my feeling as a family member.
This time I stood up, and he raises his hand to hit me, for some reason I kneeled before him, instead My father look with despair and cast me out of my home, never to return.
I had nothing; I lost my family forever!
No one to go, my scholarship I could make that dream come true
I was rejected by father and all of the humility in segregation so sad the world I live in, so sad.
This time I spent eight long years of my life in living in the ghetto of the world just lost in the Big cities of America.
It was the hardest, and the worst time, and years of my life.
More things happen to be out there in the world, and my family as well.
Many times, I try to make thing better for myself, he would never change.
Finally at the age of my eighteen I when to see my mother and said to my mother I am leaving and never see you or dad or my brothers and sisters, I don’t know where I will be.
With anger and despair, I left, never knowing if I would see my family again.
My sins took me backward.
Eight years of my life, pass by, I just kept falling backward.
As I grew older, my life was slipping away from me, I yearn for my family. At this time I was about 23 years of age.
I looked for my family, when I saw my family, they became just strangers to me.
All that, was it all lost, no. I believe in hope.
In between those years, I never to look for Jesus I still didn‘t know who he was because no one show who he was, not even in the Catholic school.
I would go in and out between churches as well, it is seen that in churches didn't know where to go too.
I began to question about life, there must be something much to be something better than man.
Only if I have not sinned so much, against my father.
For now, I must take a rest, for now, their much more to say.
Still seeking for answers
love is always around compassion and understanding