A Sticky University Situation

[marliebe]

Hello all. I just need some help and prayer, but most of all ~ prayer.

So, I am a graduate student at the same university I had also attended in undergraduate school. (Just to note, I go to a Christian university. The professors are all Christian. And I am a 25 year old female.)

When I was 17, I became a Christian and ended up in a church with people who are all immigrants from the same Asian country (let's call this country Country A). I love this church. I have been here for 8 years and I love the people so much.

During undergrad, I had a professor who is Asian-American (Let's call him Dr.A). His parents immigrated from Country A. I loved being in his class because I had the opportunity to learn about the people I was serving in the church. Additionally, I love this Country A and its culture, and my dream is to one day work there and help its people. I learned a lot in this class, but then I moved on and did not talk to this professor much after this.

I then started graduate school. This professor was a major role in this graduate department, and I ended up taking all of his courses by the time I graduated (5 courses), because they were required by the degree. The professor and I got to know each other better. He is in his late 50s, and he has a wife and many kids. He and his wife served as missionaries for more than a decade helping people from Country A. His children attend the same high school as I and my siblings did ~ and also, my dad teaches at the same high school we all attended. Naturally, I end up seeing this professor a lot, even outside of school, because of our similar interests and also life situations. For me, I merely only want to learn from him. I have no interest in romantic situations or taking part in destroying a family that God has put together. I want nothing but the best for him and his wife and kids.

This goes on to say, I attend an immigrant church from Country A. I have been here many years and I love it. One day, my professor and his family show up at the church, and they begin to attend here. That's okay. They can attend anywhere they want.

His children began to attend the ministry I help lead, and though the situation was awkward, I was trying to be as kind as possible to his kids and show them love without making any preferences or favoritism. (My personality would prefer to naturally ignore his kids, but I tried to go against my natural instinct so that I could love everyone equally).

Then the Spring semester began, and my professor asked me to help him with a huge project regarding Country A. He was going to help make a conference at our university and bring in some big-wigs from this country so that people could hear from them. I accepted, because I was interested in this topic. He has a student who was his assistant (let's call her Sarah), and she was an undergrad. She did research and administrative work for him, and I was just working with her to help get the project done. There was a 3rd girl who came to work with us, and she was an undergrad student from Country A. Dr.A would call us his "Charley's Angels".

Anyways, we all worked together and the conference came. The big-wigs came from country A, and the conference was a HUGE success. We ended up spending lots of time with the people from the country, and on the last day, they asked Sarah to come to their country to work with their organization. But, in front of everyone, they rejected me. Even in front of my professor. I am okay with being rejected, but what happened after that made me feel a bit weird. The professor's wife came to me and said something like, "it is okay! I believe you can be a wife and also have a job! I have a job too!" And my professor was just sitting in the background, smirking. As if my pain and situation was funny. (It hurt to be rejected, as normal, but I didn't like people bringing attention to my situation).

Anyway, I went on the rest of the day.

I was sitting in another professor's class, (let's call him Dr.F), and we ended up talking about life. I told him my life story, and he made some comments about my life. And then I went on my day.

Anyway, towards the end of the semester, I went to talk to Dr.A at the end of class, and nobody else was in the room. While I was trying to find something on my phone to show him, when I looked up, he was staring straight at my boobs. (I always wear a shirt to my collarbone, and loose-fitting pants or a long skirt. Nothing is inappropriate or revealing). I felt so awkward, but I just left shortly after that, hoping it was a 1 time thing.

A few weeks later, my boyfriend who is in the military, visited. I see him only once a year usually (we've been dating 8 years), and he is also from Country A, but recently became a citizen of my country. When he visited, I was trying to be kind and introduce him to the people I knew, so I did my rounds to introduce him to my professors. We eventually made it to Dr.A's office, and he had us come in for a chat. We just talked a bit about life, and then Dr.A asked if he could visit my house and meet my parents. This was odd, but I agreed. Then, another student came in to meet Dr.A, and so my boyfriend and I got up to leave. As we were leaving, I noticed my professor staring at my butt. And I looked quickly at my boyfriend to see if he noticed (he didn't). We then left (but I think the other student may have noticed).

After the week was over, my boyfriend flew back to where he lived.

At church, I saw my professor again. He asked me if I could bring his son to an American church, maybe sk he could make friends. I said sure, so I brought his son to an American college church event (I also attend this college ministry to make American friends). But, he never came with me again...

Towards the end of the summer, I was sitting at church with the professor's son, and we were talking. His son had a hard time making friends, so I kind of took him under my wing and tried to help him a bit. After church, the entire church goes to eat together in our fellowship hall. And I was eating at a table with our ministry and Dr.A's son. At this time, I was taking online classes. I was super stressed and I began to daydream about my week's schedule, and as I was daydreaming, I noticed that I was staring at someone accidentally, and I woke up from my daydream, and I was staring right at someone's crotch....I looked up to see who it was and if they noticed....and it was my professor....and He DID notice, and his face got extremely red.

I never mentioned this event to my professor, but after this, my professor's children never sat with me or talked to me again. They avoided me. And so did my professor.

When the fall school started, my university job ended, and I began an internship at my church. Around October, our church had a special picnic worship service. At the end of the sermon, before we all had food together, my professor's wife waited for me. Everyone else walked by to the pic ic area, but she stayed by me. And she began to talk with me. As she talked, I could feel that she had a reason to come to me...she never just came to me without a reason. She would never talk to me to know me, but to get some information from me. After some light talking, she asked me, "did you leave your job on good terms or bad terms?"...which is something that people from Country A say, but for her, it felt like there was a deeper meaning. I kind of got a little hurt, then Dr.A told his wife to turn around and follow him. They left me...and I was eating alone, practically.

I then tried to send my professor some emails to ask for help with some things, but he never answered any of them (and on purpose, I think).

All in this summer, Sarah (from the conference) was doing some major work with the organization in Country A. And I learned that they asked her to work on the board of the organization. This is something I always wanted to do. It hurt a little. But I want to be happy for her as well. Dr.A then asked her to make a special club on campus regarding making awareness for Country A. And she and him worked closely together regarding this.

In November, one of my white friends who used to come to our church, returned to the church. I was excited for him and went to talk with him. As we were leaving together, we walked by Dr.A's wife, and she beckoned us to come sith with her. We did. I felt like she had a reason, however. We began to talk, and she did her small-talk, as usual. But then, she began to ask, "oh! Do you want to go to Country A? You do? You should ask Sarah! Ask Sarah! Sarah works for ____ organization! She works there! Ask Sarah!" And repeatedly saying Sarah's name over and over. It seemed as if she was rubbing it in my face that I didn't get to work there, and trying to establish Sarah's status. It hurt even more. I just wanted to forget the entire thing. I noticed a trend, however, of Dr A using people to get what he wanted from them, and then treating them like trash when he was done using them. So, I got upset at her and asked her to leave us alone. But she didn't. And I think other people from the church noticed. We left.

In the Spring semester, Sarah went to do some work in the Middle East, and since she needed to be gone, she left me in charge of the club she and Dr. A created. At church, Dr.A told me to come to his office. I did. He said that he "was going to sponsor another club, so he couldn't sponsor our club". (Every club needs a sponsor to continue). But...He asked me if I could introduce him to some Country A college students that I knew. I said sure.

I introduced him to some, and then he said we should all come to his office. We went to his office, and he told us that he was planning another conference with big-wigs from Country A. And he kept making statements like, "we Asians need to stick together" and subconsciously (or consciously) excluding me from the group. And then, he let it slip "when Sarah comes back (from the Middle East), we will do so many things"...I heard that. I looked at him. His face became beet red. I think he realized what he said. We left.

After we left, Df.A had more meetings with the college students from Country A, bit I was excluded from any meetings and planning. Then...the week before the conference came.

I was at church, and I usually help out with the youth, but this one day my Amwrican friend wanted to visit our church, so I was sitting with him jn the main service. Out of nowhere, the pastor announces that the conference will be held at our university and gives us the exact specific dates and times (everything my professor didn't tell me). After that, my professor leaves the church, and doesn't stay for the sermon.

I end up going to the conference anyway....it hurt to know I was excluded, but I wanted to learn about Country A. At the end of the main discussion, I went to meet the guests from Country A (all the audience was allowed to meet them). And my professor was standing with students who are my friends. They ask him if they are his students, and he introduces them all except for me. I left with my friends...

As I left, I actually saw my professor, yet I tried to avoid him....and when my friends said hi, he avoided us.

After a while, I decided to just talk to him and his wife. I sent his wife a message, asking if I could meet her...and she said yes, and organized a time. Miraculously, Dr.A answered all my emails he had never answered...all the way back from the previous September....it was now March.

I get to their home, and they made food that I could not eat (they knew that I had a food allergy), and when I tried to discuss this things that hurt me that they were doing to me (and mind you, no other person from Country A treated me the way they did), they would not treat my comments as serious. They would just seem to find it funny. I just wanted to talk to see if there as anything that I did to hurt them, and fix it. We were sitting at the table, and then they asked me to come sit on the couch with them and continue talking. I did. Them, his wife fell asleep on the couch, and I felt so awkward...but Dr.A said it was fine and we could continue talking. Then, all of a sudden, Dr A was staring at me, and his face got extremely flushed/red. And he looked at me very inappropriately. It was very weird. But then, I said it was late, and I had to go. And his wife woke up and they both went to the door....then he asked me if it was okay if he could close the door, and I just left.

After all this...I was extremely hurt. My efforts for everything seemed useless.

Anyway, I thought that since I was no longer in any of his classes, everything would subside. But now, I find myself having weird situations with others at church....and I am wondering if he is gossiping about me at church and affecting my abilities to form good relationships here. I am hurt so badly....I love my church and church people....but I think he may be slandering me to others to maybe cover up some things he has done. I think it may also be to the point where some people think I have some mental issue or deep trauma. This is not the case. But I feel so alienated and rejected all because of this situation. I was only trying to do a project with my professor....and because I believe in respecting people, I was trying to respect him as much as possible. But I feel so hurt. So badly. I don't even know what to do.

Maybe there is not much to say, but could you pray for me and this situation? Second, is there aby advice you have at all that could help me? Thank you ♡

 

[turkle]

Hello all. I just need some help and prayer, but most of all ~ prayer.

So, I am a graduate student at the same university I had also attended in undergraduate school. (Just to note, I go to a Christian university. The professors are all Christian. And I am a 25 year old female.)

When I was 17, I became a Christian and ended up in a church with people who are all immigrants from the same Asian country (let's call this country Country A). I love this church. I have been here for 8 years and I love the people so much.

During undergrad, I had a professor who is Asian-American (Let's call him Dr.A). His parents immigrated from Country A. I loved being in his class because I had the opportunity to learn about the people I was serving in the church. Additionally, I love this Country A and its culture, and my dream is to one day work there and help its people. I learned a lot in this class, but then I moved on and did not talk to this professor much after this.

I then started graduate school. This professor was a major role in this graduate department, and I ended up taking all of his courses by the time I graduated (5 courses), because they were required by the degree. The professor and I got to know each other better. He is in his late 50s, and he has a wife and many kids. He and his wife served as missionaries for more than a decade helping people from Country A. His children attend the same high school as I and my siblings did ~ and also, my dad teaches at the same high school we all attended. Naturally, I end up seeing this professor a lot, even outside of school, because of our similar interests and also life situations. For me, I merely only want to learn from him. I have no interest in romantic situations or taking part in destroying a family that God has put together. I want nothing but the best for him and his wife and kids.

This goes on to say, I attend an immigrant church from Country A. I have been here many years and I love it. One day, my professor and his family show up at the church, and they begin to attend here. That's okay. They can attend anywhere they want.

His children began to attend the ministry I help lead, and though the situation was awkward, I was trying to be as kind as possible to his kids and show them love without making any preferences or favoritism. (My personality would prefer to naturally ignore his kids, but I tried to go against my natural instinct so that I could love everyone equally).

Then the Spring semester began, and my professor asked me to help him with a huge project regarding Country A. He was going to help make a conference at our university and bring in some big-wigs from this country so that people could hear from them. I accepted, because I was interested in this topic. He has a student who was his assistant (let's call her Sarah), and she was an undergrad. She did research and administrative work for him, and I was just working with her to help get the project done. There was a 3rd girl who came to work with us, and she was an undergrad student from Country A. Dr.A would call us his "Charley's Angels".

Anyways, we all worked together and the conference came. The big-wigs came from country A, and the conference was a HUGE success. We ended up spending lots of time with the people from the country, and on the last day, they asked Sarah to come to their country to work with their organization. But, in front of everyone, they rejected me. Even in front of my professor. I am okay with being rejected, but what happened after that made me feel a bit weird. The professor's wife came to me and said something like, "it is okay! I believe you can be a wife and also have a job! I have a job too!" And my professor was just sitting in the background, smirking. As if my pain and situation was funny. (It hurt to be rejected, as normal, but I didn't like people bringing attention to my situation).

Anyway, I went on the rest of the day.

I was sitting in another professor's class, (let's call him Dr.F), and we ended up talking about life. I told him my life story, and he made some comments about my life. And then I went on my day.

Anyway, towards the end of the semester, I went to talk to Dr.A at the end of class, and nobody else was in the room. While I was trying to find something on my phone to show him, when I looked up, he was staring straight at my boobs. (I always wear a shirt to my collarbone, and loose-fitting pants or a long skirt. Nothing is inappropriate or revealing). I felt so awkward, but I just left shortly after that, hoping it was a 1 time thing.

A few weeks later, my boyfriend who is in the military, visited. I see him only once a year usually (we've been dating 8 years), and he is also from Country A, but recently became a citizen of my country. When he visited, I was trying to be kind and introduce him to the people I knew, so I did my rounds to introduce him to my professors. We eventually made it to Dr.A's office, and he had us come in for a chat. We just talked a bit about life, and then Dr.A asked if he could visit my house and meet my parents. This was odd, but I agreed. Then, another student came in to meet Dr.A, and so my boyfriend and I got up to leave. As we were leaving, I noticed my professor staring at my butt. And I looked quickly at my boyfriend to see if he noticed (he didn't). We then left (but I think the other student may have noticed).

After the week was over, my boyfriend flew back to where he lived.

At church, I saw my professor again. He asked me if I could bring his son to an American church, maybe sk he could make friends. I said sure, so I brought his son to an American college church event (I also attend this college ministry to make American friends). But, he never came with me again...

Towards the end of the summer, I was sitting at church with the professor's son, and we were talking. His son had a hard time making friends, so I kind of took him under my wing and tried to help him a bit. After church, the entire church goes to eat together in our fellowship hall. And I was eating at a table with our ministry and Dr.A's son. At this time, I was taking online classes. I was super stressed and I began to daydream about my week's schedule, and as I was daydreaming, I noticed that I was staring at someone accidentally, and I woke up from my daydream, and I was staring right at someone's crotch....I looked up to see who it was and if they noticed....and it was my professor....and He DID notice, and his face got extremely red.

I never mentioned this event to my professor, but after this, my professor's children never sat with me or talked to me again. They avoided me. And so did my professor.

When the fall school started, my university job ended, and I began an internship at my church. Around October, our church had a special picnic worship service. At the end of the sermon, before we all had food together, my professor's wife waited for me. Everyone else walked by to the pic ic area, but she stayed by me. And she began to talk with me. As she talked, I could feel that she had a reason to come to me...she never just came to me without a reason. She would never talk to me to know me, but to get some information from me. After some light talking, she asked me, "did you leave your job on good terms or bad terms?"...which is something that people from Country A say, but for her, it felt like there was a deeper meaning. I kind of got a little hurt, then Dr.A told his wife to turn around and follow him. They left me...and I was eating alone, practically.

I then tried to send my professor some emails to ask for help with some things, but he never answered any of them (and on purpose, I think).

All in this summer, Sarah (from the conference) was doing some major work with the organization in Country A. And I learned that they asked her to work on the board of the organization. This is something I always wanted to do. It hurt a little. But I want to be happy for her as well. Dr.A then asked her to make a special club on campus regarding making awareness for Country A. And she and him worked closely together regarding this.

In November, one of my white friends who used to come to our church, returned to the church. I was excited for him and went to talk with him. As we were leaving together, we walked by Dr.A's wife, and she beckoned us to come sith with her. We did. I felt like she had a reason, however. We began to talk, and she did her small-talk, as usual. But then, she began to ask, "oh! Do you want to go to Country A? You do? You should ask Sarah! Ask Sarah! Sarah works for ____ organization! She works there! Ask Sarah!" And repeatedly saying Sarah's name over and over. It seemed as if she was rubbing it in my face that I didn't get to work there, and trying to establish Sarah's status. It hurt even more. I just wanted to forget the entire thing. I noticed a trend, however, of Dr A using people to get what he wanted from them, and then treating them like trash when he was done using them. So, I got upset at her and asked her to leave us alone. But she didn't. And I think other people from the church noticed. We left.

In the Spring semester, Sarah went to do some work in the Middle East, and since she needed to be gone, she left me in charge of the club she and Dr. A created. At church, Dr.A told me to come to his office. I did. He said that he "was going to sponsor another club, so he couldn't sponsor our club". (Every club needs a sponsor to continue). But...He asked me if I could introduce him to some Country A college students that I knew. I said sure.

I introduced him to some, and then he said we should all come to his office. We went to his office, and he told us that he was planning another conference with big-wigs from Country A. And he kept making statements like, "we Asians need to stick together" and subconsciously (or consciously) excluding me from the group. And then, he let it slip "when Sarah comes back (from the Middle East), we will do so many things"...I heard that. I looked at him. His face became beet red. I think he realized what he said. We left.

After we left, Df.A had more meetings with the college students from Country A, bit I was excluded from any meetings and planning. Then...the week before the conference came.

I was at church, and I usually help out with the youth, but this one day my Amwrican friend wanted to visit our church, so I was sitting with him jn the main service. Out of nowhere, the pastor announces that the conference will be held at our university and gives us the exact specific dates and times (everything my professor didn't tell me). After that, my professor leaves the church, and doesn't stay for the sermon.

I end up going to the conference anyway....it hurt to know I was excluded, but I wanted to learn about Country A. At the end of the main discussion, I went to meet the guests from Country A (all the audience was allowed to meet them). And my professor was standing with students who are my friends. They ask him if they are his students, and he introduces them all except for me. I left with my friends...

As I left, I actually saw my professor, yet I tried to avoid him....and when my friends said hi, he avoided us.

After a while, I decided to just talk to him and his wife. I sent his wife a message, asking if I could meet her...and she said yes, and organized a time. Miraculously, Dr.A answered all my emails he had never answered...all the way back from the previous September....it was now March.

I get to their home, and they made food that I could not eat (they knew that I had a food allergy), and when I tried to discuss this things that hurt me that they were doing to me (and mind you, no other person from Country A treated me the way they did), they would not treat my comments as serious. They would just seem to find it funny. I just wanted to talk to see if there as anything that I did to hurt them, and fix it. We were sitting at the table, and then they asked me to come sit on the couch with them and continue talking. I did. Them, his wife fell asleep on the couch, and I felt so awkward...but Dr.A said it was fine and we could continue talking. Then, all of a sudden, Dr A was staring at me, and his face got extremely flushed/red. And he looked at me very inappropriately. It was very weird. But then, I said it was late, and I had to go. And his wife woke up and they both went to the door....then he asked me if it was okay if he could close the door, and I just left.

After all this...I was extremely hurt. My efforts for everything seemed useless.

Anyway, I thought that since I was no longer in any of his classes, everything would subside. But now, I find myself having weird situations with others at church....and I am wondering if he is gossiping about me at church and affecting my abilities to form good relationships here. I am hurt so badly....I love my church and church people....but I think he may be slandering me to others to maybe cover up some things he has done. I think it may also be to the point where some people think I have some mental issue or deep trauma. This is not the case. But I feel so alienated and rejected all because of this situation. I was only trying to do a project with my professor....and because I believe in respecting people, I was trying to respect him as much as possible. But I feel so hurt. So badly. I don't even know what to do.

Maybe there is not much to say, but could you pray for me and this situation? Second, is there aby advice you have at all that could help me? Thank you ♡

This is an extremely long post. It's hard to know the specific advice you are looking for, as I assume it's TL.DR for many. Perhaps if you broke it down succinctly, you might have more responses.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Hello all. I just need some help and prayer, but most of all ~ prayer.

So, I am a graduate student at the same university I had also attended in undergraduate school. (Just to note, I go to a Christian university. The professors are all Christian. And I am a 25 year old female.)

When I was 17, I became a Christian and ended up in a church with people who are all immigrants from the same Asian country (let's call this country Country A). I love this church. I have been here for 8 years and I love the people so much.

During undergrad, I had a professor who is Asian-American (Let's call him Dr.A). His parents immigrated from Country A. I loved being in his class because I had the opportunity to learn about the people I was serving in the church. Additionally, I love this Country A and its culture, and my dream is to one day work there and help its people. I learned a lot in this class, but then I moved on and did not talk to this professor much after this.

I then started graduate school. This professor was a major role in this graduate department, and I ended up taking all of his courses by the time I graduated (5 courses), because they were required by the degree. The professor and I got to know each other better. He is in his late 50s, and he has a wife and many kids. He and his wife served as missionaries for more than a decade helping people from Country A. His children attend the same high school as I and my siblings did ~ and also, my dad teaches at the same high school we all attended. Naturally, I end up seeing this professor a lot, even outside of school, because of our similar interests and also life situations. For me, I merely only want to learn from him. I have no interest in romantic situations or taking part in destroying a family that God has put together. I want nothing but the best for him and his wife and kids.

This goes on to say, I attend an immigrant church from Country A. I have been here many years and I love it. One day, my professor and his family show up at the church, and they begin to attend here. That's okay. They can attend anywhere they want.

His children began to attend the ministry I help lead, and though the situation was awkward, I was trying to be as kind as possible to his kids and show them love without making any preferences or favoritism. (My personality would prefer to naturally ignore his kids, but I tried to go against my natural instinct so that I could love everyone equally).

Then the Spring semester began, and my professor asked me to help him with a huge project regarding Country A. He was going to help make a conference at our university and bring in some big-wigs from this country so that people could hear from them. I accepted, because I was interested in this topic. He has a student who was his assistant (let's call her Sarah), and she was an undergrad. She did research and administrative work for him, and I was just working with her to help get the project done. There was a 3rd girl who came to work with us, and she was an undergrad student from Country A. Dr.A would call us his "Charley's Angels".

Anyways, we all worked together and the conference came. The big-wigs came from country A, and the conference was a HUGE success. We ended up spending lots of time with the people from the country, and on the last day, they asked Sarah to come to their country to work with their organization. But, in front of everyone, they rejected me. Even in front of my professor. I am okay with being rejected, but what happened after that made me feel a bit weird. The professor's wife came to me and said something like, "it is okay! I believe you can be a wife and also have a job! I have a job too!" And my professor was just sitting in the background, smirking. As if my pain and situation was funny. (It hurt to be rejected, as normal, but I didn't like people bringing attention to my situation).

Anyway, I went on the rest of the day.

I was sitting in another professor's class, (let's call him Dr.F), and we ended up talking about life. I told him my life story, and he made some comments about my life. And then I went on my day.

Anyway, towards the end of the semester, I went to talk to Dr.A at the end of class, and nobody else was in the room. While I was trying to find something on my phone to show him, when I looked up, he was staring straight at my boobs. (I always wear a shirt to my collarbone, and loose-fitting pants or a long skirt. Nothing is inappropriate or revealing). I felt so awkward, but I just left shortly after that, hoping it was a 1 time thing.

A few weeks later, my boyfriend who is in the military, visited. I see him only once a year usually (we've been dating 8 years), and he is also from Country A, but recently became a citizen of my country. When he visited, I was trying to be kind and introduce him to the people I knew, so I did my rounds to introduce him to my professors. We eventually made it to Dr.A's office, and he had us come in for a chat. We just talked a bit about life, and then Dr.A asked if he could visit my house and meet my parents. This was odd, but I agreed. Then, another student came in to meet Dr.A, and so my boyfriend and I got up to leave. As we were leaving, I noticed my professor staring at my butt. And I looked quickly at my boyfriend to see if he noticed (he didn't). We then left (but I think the other student may have noticed).

After the week was over, my boyfriend flew back to where he lived.

At church, I saw my professor again. He asked me if I could bring his son to an American church, maybe sk he could make friends. I said sure, so I brought his son to an American college church event (I also attend this college ministry to make American friends). But, he never came with me again...

Towards the end of the summer, I was sitting at church with the professor's son, and we were talking. His son had a hard time making friends, so I kind of took him under my wing and tried to help him a bit. After church, the entire church goes to eat together in our fellowship hall. And I was eating at a table with our ministry and Dr.A's son. At this time, I was taking online classes. I was super stressed and I began to daydream about my week's schedule, and as I was daydreaming, I noticed that I was staring at someone accidentally, and I woke up from my daydream, and I was staring right at someone's crotch....I looked up to see who it was and if they noticed....and it was my professor....and He DID notice, and his face got extremely red.

I never mentioned this event to my professor, but after this, my professor's children never sat with me or talked to me again. They avoided me. And so did my professor.

When the fall school started, my university job ended, and I began an internship at my church. Around October, our church had a special picnic worship service. At the end of the sermon, before we all had food together, my professor's wife waited for me. Everyone else walked by to the pic ic area, but she stayed by me. And she began to talk with me. As she talked, I could feel that she had a reason to come to me...she never just came to me without a reason. She would never talk to me to know me, but to get some information from me. After some light talking, she asked me, "did you leave your job on good terms or bad terms?"...which is something that people from Country A say, but for her, it felt like there was a deeper meaning. I kind of got a little hurt, then Dr.A told his wife to turn around and follow him. They left me...and I was eating alone, practically.

I then tried to send my professor some emails to ask for help with some things, but he never answered any of them (and on purpose, I think).

All in this summer, Sarah (from the conference) was doing some major work with the organization in Country A. And I learned that they asked her to work on the board of the organization. This is something I always wanted to do. It hurt a little. But I want to be happy for her as well. Dr.A then asked her to make a special club on campus regarding making awareness for Country A. And she and him worked closely together regarding this.

In November, one of my white friends who used to come to our church, returned to the church. I was excited for him and went to talk with him. As we were leaving together, we walked by Dr.A's wife, and she beckoned us to come sith with her. We did. I felt like she had a reason, however. We began to talk, and she did her small-talk, as usual. But then, she began to ask, "oh! Do you want to go to Country A? You do? You should ask Sarah! Ask Sarah! Sarah works for ____ organization! She works there! Ask Sarah!" And repeatedly saying Sarah's name over and over. It seemed as if she was rubbing it in my face that I didn't get to work there, and trying to establish Sarah's status. It hurt even more. I just wanted to forget the entire thing. I noticed a trend, however, of Dr A using people to get what he wanted from them, and then treating them like trash when he was done using them. So, I got upset at her and asked her to leave us alone. But she didn't. And I think other people from the church noticed. We left.

In the Spring semester, Sarah went to do some work in the Middle East, and since she needed to be gone, she left me in charge of the club she and Dr. A created. At church, Dr.A told me to come to his office. I did. He said that he "was going to sponsor another club, so he couldn't sponsor our club". (Every club needs a sponsor to continue). But...He asked me if I could introduce him to some Country A college students that I knew. I said sure.

I introduced him to some, and then he said we should all come to his office. We went to his office, and he told us that he was planning another conference with big-wigs from Country A. And he kept making statements like, "we Asians need to stick together" and subconsciously (or consciously) excluding me from the group. And then, he let it slip "when Sarah comes back (from the Middle East), we will do so many things"...I heard that. I looked at him. His face became beet red. I think he realized what he said. We left.

After we left, Df.A had more meetings with the college students from Country A, bit I was excluded from any meetings and planning. Then...the week before the conference came.

I was at church, and I usually help out with the youth, but this one day my Amwrican friend wanted to visit our church, so I was sitting with him jn the main service. Out of nowhere, the pastor announces that the conference will be held at our university and gives us the exact specific dates and times (everything my professor didn't tell me). After that, my professor leaves the church, and doesn't stay for the sermon.

I end up going to the conference anyway....it hurt to know I was excluded, but I wanted to learn about Country A. At the end of the main discussion, I went to meet the guests from Country A (all the audience was allowed to meet them). And my professor was standing with students who are my friends. They ask him if they are his students, and he introduces them all except for me. I left with my friends...

As I left, I actually saw my professor, yet I tried to avoid him....and when my friends said hi, he avoided us.

After a while, I decided to just talk to him and his wife. I sent his wife a message, asking if I could meet her...and she said yes, and organized a time. Miraculously, Dr.A answered all my emails he had never answered...all the way back from the previous September....it was now March.

I get to their home, and they made food that I could not eat (they knew that I had a food allergy), and when I tried to discuss this things that hurt me that they were doing to me (and mind you, no other person from Country A treated me the way they did), they would not treat my comments as serious. They would just seem to find it funny. I just wanted to talk to see if there as anything that I did to hurt them, and fix it. We were sitting at the table, and then they asked me to come sit on the couch with them and continue talking. I did. Them, his wife fell asleep on the couch, and I felt so awkward...but Dr.A said it was fine and we could continue talking. Then, all of a sudden, Dr A was staring at me, and his face got extremely flushed/red. And he looked at me very inappropriately. It was very weird. But then, I said it was late, and I had to go. And his wife woke up and they both went to the door....then he asked me if it was okay if he could close the door, and I just left.

After all this...I was extremely hurt. My efforts for everything seemed useless.

Anyway, I thought that since I was no longer in any of his classes, everything would subside. But now, I find myself having weird situations with others at church....and I am wondering if he is gossiping about me at church and affecting my abilities to form good relationships here. I am hurt so badly....I love my church and church people....but I think he may be slandering me to others to maybe cover up some things he has done. I think it may also be to the point where some people think I have some mental issue or deep trauma. This is not the case. But I feel so alienated and rejected all because of this situation. I was only trying to do a project with my professor....and because I believe in respecting people, I was trying to respect him as much as possible. But I feel so hurt. So badly. I don't even know what to do.

Maybe there is not much to say, but could you pray for me and this situation? Second, is there aby advice you have at all that could help me? Thank you ♡

In my many life experiences in many different churches and situations, I have learned that when you don't feel comfortable, do not dismiss it. The feelings are there for a reason, especially when you have the Holy Spirit living within you to warn you about certain things. You seem very observant. You seem to have noticed that Dr. A is using people to his advantage and he is purposely excluding you. If you feel, based on what you have experienced and observed, that he is slandering you behind your back and ruining your church fellowship in this manner, it is better for you to take heed to the warnings and what you are feeling, and move on to find another church fellowship, preferably far away from Dr. A and his wife. It seems very strange every thing you have described. It seems like the wife may be on to his possible misbehavior but probably enables and dismisses it, sweeping it under the rug so she can preserve her marriage and her sanity. I have learned that when people are turning on you like that and your relationships are getting ruined, it means in truth that they really didn't care about you too much in the first place. Jesus told us that we would face persecution. That means it could be from anywhere, especially within the church. Remember that Judas was a disciple of Jesus and he betrayed Jesus. Also remember that Jesus said the wheat and the tares would grow together until the time of the harvest comes. You cannot know who is a wheat and who is a tare except by the fruit. Judge the people and the situation by the fruit. Is the fruit good? Is it sweet and kind and full of joy? Then everything is okay. Is the fruit bitter? Is it angry, is it full of bad feelings and gossip, distrust and hurt? Then the situation is not okay. Jesus said that when they persecute you in one city, flee to another.

The world is wide and vast and there are so many opportunities for you. God has plans for you, Jeremiah 29:11. When God puts someone in a position that you wanted, please believe it is for your very best. It is meant for you to focus on your relationship with God and seek His will, Matthew 6:33. He will make everything fall into place. In the meantime, please cut ties with Dr. A, his behavior and his wife's have a lot of red flags, especially the way you were ignored while he made friends with your friends. Also, please know that no matter how painful this is, God uses people and situations like this to show you who your real friends are and it is all in your best interests, Romans 8:28. God bless you.

 

[OldAbramBrown]

It sounds like both culture and religion are used as cover to take advantage of the value of tact.
A high status individual looks good proposing to help others.
Some people who move between countries feel a need to establish themselves in the way described.
I've seen immigrant communities where clinginess was a value.
My mum's dad came from country X as a stood-down soldier. My mum's mum went to X and they were married. When my mum's mum and my mum came here from X, they were determined not to exaggerate their connection though it occasionally stood mum in good stead practically (a short term job she could do). Everyone handles it differently. I'm a repeat migrant between religions (like most of my ancestors) and I can't resist "taking an interest" (did I leave them, or did they leave me - in two senses?) Some people are like that interregionally (we are told we will never be as good as the scousers, or the True Scotchmen, or whoever).
You will never excise my native district from my imagination - especially as it was then - nor to a lesser extent localities associated with elements of my heritage, and their people. I fell for a bad elder because he was from a place we used to enjoy holidays.
Some peoples got a bad deal in ages past and their present day descendants can't stop modelling awkwardness in some form.
Religion is very transient and one should distance from religion that changes while it pretends not to. Good religion is up to us to invent, continually.
The other main thing: that couple can't handle what I'm calling, in context, "personal matters". I've known several religions that intrusively train people to not handle these matters (and I now see it everywhere). (This has left me still single.) This couple may have been brought up like that and taught by people they had excessive deference for. They may believe their position at the university and the church requires them to remain in the throes of this hangup.
As a subtext are you worried for others now?
The word "success" comes up several times - do you have additional areas of interest either at university or church or both, so that you can explore a different version of success?
Don't forget to keep asking our God for His providence.
I had no problem following this scenario but that's just me!

 

[anetazo]

My honest opinion. Get out of the university. John chapter 7, Pharisees asked Jesus where He learned doctrine??. First Corinthians chapter 3:19: For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. For it is written, He takes wise in thier own craftiness. God can't use Christian who's compromised. You cant mix heathen traditions with counsel of God. These pharisees went to seminary. Learned traditions of men. Read Isaiah chapter 5. This field is for Christians to produce good fruit. It's sharing Gods truth with others. Sadly. Many produced poison grapes. False brethren.
False teachings. Get the picture. God made a investment. And got back wild grapes. God took away the Hedge. That's His protection and blessings. Get the picture. Acts chapter 4:13. Now when they saw the boldness of Peter, the John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled. The ignorant people were the religious leaders. They studied philosophy and traditions of men at seminary schools.
The apostles had the truth, sound doctrine. Let me ask you question??
Who was producing good grapes and those producing poison grapes??. Is this adding up?.
Proverbs 17:8. A Gift is a precious stone in the eyes of him that has it: With the do ever it turns, it prospers. It does sparkle. We're talking difference between good grapes and poison grapes. Productive and unproductive. When Jesus made that investment in Isaiah chapter 5, He expects value and good fruit. The majority are going to hell. They wont repent and refuse to do God's will.
When Christian carrys their own cross daily and follow Jesus. Except alienation from friends, family, ect. That big circle will get small. Get the picture. I know you have to work for living. University isn't the answer. Trade schools in my opinion is better option. Peace.