I am new here and it's my first time posting anything but I have not found a similar thread that answered my specific question yet, so I am creating one. I'm not a person that summarizes things very well, so this is going to be long, I thank in advance to everyone patient enough to read all this and answer.
I am a 17 year old girl. I have been a christian for about 4 years now and I have a christian view on marriage and sex. Until last year I had no problems in this area but it seems harder now, since I am getting older and am almost of age. I never dated before and always listened to the good advice I was given to wait until I was older and ready for a relationship. I still don't think I am ready, I am a student and never had a job, I still have a lot to learn on being responsable and mature, there is a lot I don't know about life and I get that. It doesn't mean it's easy though, to try to be wise and obedient.
My biggest goal in life is to have a family. To marry a godly man, raise children to God and through that, have authority and experience to give other young women advice and support on this area. In other words I want to fulfill my purpose of serving the Church and helping others while enjoying the good gifts from God. That's what I desire the most. Not professional success, discovering something new or doing something "great" to change the world (which could easily be one of my goals since I am very interested in more scientific-oriented careers) but simply being a godly wife and mother one day and being able to help others with my life experience in that area.
The problem is I have doubts. I get frustrated and sad when I think that maybe I will never get married or have children, maybe that was never God's plan for me, maybe I will just be single for the rest of my life. And that's not all. I am like most teens, I have hormones and sexual desires too. Even though I have a bigger picture of my future in mind, it's still true I want to get married to love and be loved, to have a deep relationship and intimacy with someone. Lately I have been longing more for that, I think about how it would be. Meeting someone, dating, then getting married and I end up thinking about sex too. Then I feel guilty. Not that much about other things, but specifically sex. I was taught to save sex for marriage and I understand that, I believe and want that. I feel bad and dirty for even desiring it though. It's like sex is a sinful and horrible thing that you should never even think about, just pretend that it doesn't exist but then you get married and suddendly it's a blessing and you shouldn't be embarrased about it anymore.
Sometimes I wonder, what will I do if I never get married? Until when will I be able to remain pure? I do the best I can, but it's hard. Sometimes I wish I had no desires at all, I just wish I didn't wish. That I was like those people who were called to be single and don't struggle with it. Wish I didn't care about it at all. But I do. Does it mean that I don't have enough faith? I guess I feel even worse because it feels I am being ungrateful or taking my relationship with God for granted, because it should be enough. And if it was enough I wouldn't get sad and worry I may remain single. At least that's what goes through my mind. I tried to convince myself that it is ok, that we weren't created to be alone so it really is ok to want that, as I heard some advice on this. But I still feel bad and suspicious of every effort of comforting myself because maybe I am just sabotaging myself by trying to relieve my conscience.
In theory I know that, the fact that I long to be in a relationship and get married one day, to have sex without feeling guilty is ok.
But what do I do if I still feel bad about it? It feels like I don't love God enough because I still want someone else.
And is it ok to think about sex being single? (I don't mean lusting on other people, but just thinking about having sex with your future spouse, like having expectations for when it happens) I know it sounds like a silly question but I genuinely want to get a conclusion on this, since I heard both yes and no before but I think I need more insight.
I am a 17 year old girl. I have been a christian for about 4 years now and I have a christian view on marriage and sex. Until last year I had no problems in this area but it seems harder now, since I am getting older and am almost of age. I never dated before and always listened to the good advice I was given to wait until I was older and ready for a relationship. I still don't think I am ready, I am a student and never had a job, I still have a lot to learn on being responsable and mature, there is a lot I don't know about life and I get that. It doesn't mean it's easy though, to try to be wise and obedient.
My biggest goal in life is to have a family. To marry a godly man, raise children to God and through that, have authority and experience to give other young women advice and support on this area. In other words I want to fulfill my purpose of serving the Church and helping others while enjoying the good gifts from God. That's what I desire the most. Not professional success, discovering something new or doing something "great" to change the world (which could easily be one of my goals since I am very interested in more scientific-oriented careers) but simply being a godly wife and mother one day and being able to help others with my life experience in that area.
The problem is I have doubts. I get frustrated and sad when I think that maybe I will never get married or have children, maybe that was never God's plan for me, maybe I will just be single for the rest of my life. And that's not all. I am like most teens, I have hormones and sexual desires too. Even though I have a bigger picture of my future in mind, it's still true I want to get married to love and be loved, to have a deep relationship and intimacy with someone. Lately I have been longing more for that, I think about how it would be. Meeting someone, dating, then getting married and I end up thinking about sex too. Then I feel guilty. Not that much about other things, but specifically sex. I was taught to save sex for marriage and I understand that, I believe and want that. I feel bad and dirty for even desiring it though. It's like sex is a sinful and horrible thing that you should never even think about, just pretend that it doesn't exist but then you get married and suddendly it's a blessing and you shouldn't be embarrased about it anymore.
Sometimes I wonder, what will I do if I never get married? Until when will I be able to remain pure? I do the best I can, but it's hard. Sometimes I wish I had no desires at all, I just wish I didn't wish. That I was like those people who were called to be single and don't struggle with it. Wish I didn't care about it at all. But I do. Does it mean that I don't have enough faith? I guess I feel even worse because it feels I am being ungrateful or taking my relationship with God for granted, because it should be enough. And if it was enough I wouldn't get sad and worry I may remain single. At least that's what goes through my mind. I tried to convince myself that it is ok, that we weren't created to be alone so it really is ok to want that, as I heard some advice on this. But I still feel bad and suspicious of every effort of comforting myself because maybe I am just sabotaging myself by trying to relieve my conscience.
In theory I know that, the fact that I long to be in a relationship and get married one day, to have sex without feeling guilty is ok.
But what do I do if I still feel bad about it? It feels like I don't love God enough because I still want someone else.
And is it ok to think about sex being single? (I don't mean lusting on other people, but just thinking about having sex with your future spouse, like having expectations for when it happens) I know it sounds like a silly question but I genuinely want to get a conclusion on this, since I heard both yes and no before but I think I need more insight.
