My *former* girlfriend and I (I'll explain that in a moment) have gone through some difficult times in the past several weeks. We began courting back in early June and whether we realized it or not, the title of being boyfriend and girlfriend changed us to the point where the friend part was even brought into doubt. That was until last night. Though we tiptoed towards the subject, within a matter of seconds we were telling each other how much we loathed being boyfriend and girlfriend. We decided to think of our relationship as being friends who are courting. As soon as we made that choice, everything changed. Our guards were let down almost immediatley and we spent the next hour or so just having an awesome time together. I'm getting to a point here, I promise. From seeing how something as silly as the title of boyfriend and girlfriend could change things, I think it's important for all couples to remember that your significant other is in fact more valuable as a friend than as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Some of you may be scoffing at how obvious this simple truth is, but hopefully others of you will realize a truth that's so easy to overlook.
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A Simple Truth...
- Thread starter Gorilla King
- Start date
Yea!!! What Gorilla King said! 
But honestly ~ For some reason we were only focusing on the boyfriend / girlfriend aspect of our relationship, and all of the fun was SUCKED COMPLETELY out of it. Last night, I thought we were going to decide to not even talk Now that was scary! But then... after a while - in all of that long while, I was not talking or opening up, but instead I was bottling up and giving up on the relationship - I said to GK, "I don't like being boyfriend and girlfriend." And from there, we both started laughing and we talked, and I opened up (which has been such a hard thing for me to do lately), and we had a great time, just as GK described in his post.
I know it sounds wierd... but I wonder if anyone else has done this?? I feel so much better, and I feel like I can respond to him and open up to him like I was before we put the title of boyfriend and girlfriend on our relationship.
We are going to talk more about our courtship, and the rules that we are going to lay down for ourselves so we may be close with God, and glorify His name with our relatoinship. Has anyone read "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris? It's a great book, and earlier in GK and my relationship, we read this book. It was so great. Somehow, after we made our courtship rules, we strayed away from them. But God has lead us back to His path!
But honestly ~ For some reason we were only focusing on the boyfriend / girlfriend aspect of our relationship, and all of the fun was SUCKED COMPLETELY out of it. Last night, I thought we were going to decide to not even talk
Now that was scary! But then... after a while - in all of that long while, I was not talking or opening up, but instead I was bottling up and giving up on the relationship - I said to GK, "I don't like being boyfriend and girlfriend." And from there, we both started laughing and we talked, and I opened up (which has been such a hard thing for me to do lately), and we had a great time, just as GK described in his post. I know it sounds wierd... but I wonder if anyone else has done this?? I feel so much better, and I feel like I can respond to him and open up to him like I was before we put the title of boyfriend and girlfriend on our relationship.
We are going to talk more about our courtship, and the rules that we are going to lay down for ourselves so we may be close with God, and glorify His name with our relatoinship. Has anyone read "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris? It's a great book, and earlier in GK and my relationship, we read this book. It was so great. Somehow, after we made our courtship rules, we strayed away from them. But God has lead us back to His path!
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I'm so happy for you too...... The Lord is letting you two mature in your relationship. That's a great sign of maturity: To realize that the Lord comes first and friendship is just as important. Take care you love birds. Or should I say," Love monkeys....."
The Lord is letting you two mature in your relationship. That's a great sign of maturity: To realize that the Lord comes first and friendship is just as important. Take care you love birds. Or should I say," Love monkeys....."
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Thanks Iggster! I never thought of it how you described it with regards to God allowing us to mature in our relationship, but when you put it that way, it's an awesome feeling and very encouraging! God has truly blessed us. He used our mistakes in the relationship to show us what a relationship without Him at the center is like. I think it'd be safe to say that I speak for Monkey Queen and myself when I say that I never want to experience that kind of relationship again. Things are gradually getting back to normal now, and the genuine feelings of love and affection are rising from my heart once again. Now that we've invited God back into our relationship I know that everything is going to be okay.
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Thank you for your kind words Iggster! It is definitely a maturing and growing thing! It's crazy how the devil will attack you.
ATTENTION: ALL COUPLES!!!!
Watch out for Satan's attack on you!!!!!!!
I heard an amazing sermon last night at a singles gathering at the church I attend, and the Pastor, Louie Giglio, was telling us that we are fighting a real battle. Spiritual warfare is definitely out there, and the devil is coming with all he has to tear anyone down into the darkness with him. The devil knows that Jesus has defeated the world already, so the devil doesn't care, and he's coming after everyone in the hardest ways possible. Please always keep God first, and trust in Him! He is the maker of the Universe, He sent His son to die for you, He has given us all of the blessings we need in life, so let's bless Him with our lives!
It is definitely a maturing and growing thing! It's crazy how the devil will attack you. ATTENTION: ALL COUPLES!!!!
Watch out for Satan's attack on you!!!!!!!
I heard an amazing sermon last night at a singles gathering at the church I attend, and the Pastor, Louie Giglio, was telling us that we are fighting a real battle. Spiritual warfare is definitely out there, and the devil is coming with all he has to tear anyone down into the darkness with him. The devil knows that Jesus has defeated the world already, so the devil doesn't care, and he's coming after everyone in the hardest ways possible. Please always keep God first, and trust in Him! He is the maker of the Universe, He sent His son to die for you, He has given us all of the blessings we need in life, so let's bless Him with our lives!
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MY Gosh Gorilla King. Your post has just helped me so much. I had been amazin friends with a really amazin christian guy. After five years of being friends we decided to start going out, that was about 5 months ago. Up until the last couple of weeks it had been going ok, a few problems here and there, which we thought were just teethin issues. Well it all blew up. We began pickin holes in each other and it was just so ungodly that we decided just to have space. From doin that i have been able to grow in God, just closer to him and more sensitive to what i think he wants for me. I really feel such a peace about being friends with my SO. Still lovin each other and wanting to be together, but more God centred and more like friends. Just like you the fun had been 'sucked out of it'. My SO had had a HUGE problem opening up since we had titles for each other and ever since we split he has been so open and honest with me and it just makes me respect him and love him so much more! I can see where i went wrong and have God as my focus to make it right again. Only thing now is to approach my SO with it. I so want to get it right. PLease pray for me peeps, pray that i may have me heart shown to me and my motives pure and that we could both grow in God soooooo much more than in the past!! x x x
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I'm very glad that you were able to get something out of this SS. Monkey Queen and I are on our third day of being friends who are courting and it's so much fun! I hope she won't mind me saying so, but she was very particular when we were boyfriend and girlfriend and it was starting to feel like a piece of sandpaper grinding on my nerves. Granted I was not as careful about cleaning up after myself as I ought to have been, and I'm sure that it had a similar effect on her. Now we're much more relaxed. Love is not like a diamond which is formed under extreme pressure. Love's cradle is comfort.
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seekingsomething
Hey!!
ISN'T THAT CRAZY!?!!!!!! I was totally blown away myself when things changed completely around after we decided to be just friends!!! I was not opening up, like you said your S.O. was doing. GK was getting frustrated, and he definitely didn't understand! I couldn't even explain it! He surely wasn't being as sensitive and loving as he used to be. Can't explain that one either. I was getting on to him (ragging him) for every little thing he did wrong! - i.e. the cleaning up after himself in my apartment. (I KNOW he's glad we're back to how we used to be!!) Ahh! It was horrible!! I feel so much more comfortable now that we are just friends who are courting! Why is it that a title will put all sorts of pressure on a relationship, and make the two start fighting?!? Wierd!!
But all because of God's wonderful mercy and grace have Gorilla King and I come to realize this amazing truth!! We are GK and MQ, best friends again!! How wonderful! I will pray for you as much as God puts it in my heart to pray for you! 
Hey!!
ISN'T THAT CRAZY!?!!!!!! I was totally blown away myself when things changed completely around after we decided to be just friends!!! I was not opening up, like you said your S.O. was doing. GK was getting frustrated, and he definitely didn't understand! I couldn't even explain it! He surely wasn't being as sensitive and loving as he used to be. Can't explain that one either. I was getting on to him (ragging him) for every little thing he did wrong! - i.e. the cleaning up after himself in my apartment. (I KNOW he's glad we're back to how we used to be!!) Ahh! It was horrible!! I feel so much more comfortable now that we are just friends who are courting! Why is it that a title will put all sorts of pressure on a relationship, and make the two start fighting?!? Wierd!! But all because of God's wonderful mercy and grace have Gorilla King and I come to realize this amazing truth!! We are GK and MQ, best friends again!! How wonderful!
I will pray for you as much as God puts it in my heart to pray for you!
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The one question i have is how much does god have to do with our current situation? Is he perhaps trying to teach us both something, trying to let us know it is just not right? I mean i KNOW how we were going was NOT right and i KNOW we rushed things but I DONT know how hard we are meant to fight for our relationship. I mean if God wanted us to be together, would he not try and make it a bit easy for us or would he give us some sort of a sign? Is this right here a sign? Maybe we should actually just be firends? How do you know? SOrry if thats a bit out there but i have never had a relationship before and neither has my SO (who is 22) x x x
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With our situation, what happened was as boyfriend and girlfriend, we lost focus on God, and He was no longer the center of our relationship. He used our mistakes and stuborness to teach us a valuable lesson. Now that we're friends who are courting, we both still feel very strongly that God is leading us towards marriage. We're already talking about ways to avoid having the titles husband and wife cause the same issues as boyfriend and girlfriend did heheh.
With regards to whether or not God makes it easier, absolutley not. God wants us to turn to Him as a couple just as much as He wants us to turn to Him as individuals. God will reveal it to you if it is truly not His will, but your ears must be open spiritually. Just as satan wants to deceive us intothinking good relationships are bad, he wants to trick us into thinking bad relationships are good. He is called the father of lies for a very good reason.
With regards to whether or not God makes it easier, absolutley not. God wants us to turn to Him as a couple just as much as He wants us to turn to Him as individuals. God will reveal it to you if it is truly not His will, but your ears must be open spiritually. Just as satan wants to deceive us intothinking good relationships are bad, he wants to trick us into thinking bad relationships are good. He is called the father of lies for a very good reason.
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Seems to me losing focus on God has nothing to do with having the title of "boyfriend or Girlfriend" or "Husband and Wife" but everything to do with "yourself" Has one who has lost focus many times but continued to try to find focus I can only look at myself. The desire to grow closer to God and seek all his knowledge and will comes from within......in doing so you benefit your partner and when your married grow closer and closer with your walk with God. So I don't understand how being called "Husband and Wife" could or should effect your walk with God. I look forward to one day being proud to be called a Husband and having my gift from God as my Wife.
I look forward to one day being proud to be called a Husband and having my gift from God as my Wife.
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After talking with MQ, I'd like to revise something I said based upon something she revealed to me. I'm not worried about husband and wife causing the same pressure and awkwardness as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. MQ said that she looks at it as being another way of saying bestfriends. I absolutley love that! She's a brilliant and insightful girl!
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You always marry your best friend I've always heard!
I don't think that having a title does effect our walk with God. Yes we did lose focus of that, but not because of the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. We did not keep God in our relationship by doing our devotionals together, or talking about God or praying together, or any of the things we used to do. We still have yet to do that now that we are friends again, so I think that is just something we have to decide and MAKE time for. God was no longer the center of our relationship - and I think that is because we lost focus on Him individually and as a couple. I do think that we were focusing too much on the boyfriend girlfriend aspect of the relationship, therefor we lost our friendship, and also, it did take away from our focus on God since we were so concerned with all of the negatives of the other person and getting frustrated with one another. We stopped making time for God, and therefor lost God as the center of our relationship - The desire for those things DOES come from within. We just have to make sure as a couple, we focus on God at all times!
I believe life as a Christian is going to be hard. It is always hard to see what God wants for our lives because the devil is always trying to manipulate our thoughts and our hearts to believe differently. That is why it is VERY important to be in constant communion with God and to have a very deep relationship with Him so we CAN actually follow His will for our lives! Pray and trust in your heart, as I believe God speaks to us through our hearts and changes us through our hearts. Do watch out carefully though for the devils manipulations!
I don't think that having a title does effect our walk with God. Yes we did lose focus of that, but not because of the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. We did not keep God in our relationship by doing our devotionals together, or talking about God or praying together, or any of the things we used to do. We still have yet to do that now that we are friends again, so I think that is just something we have to decide and MAKE time for. God was no longer the center of our relationship - and I think that is because we lost focus on Him individually and as a couple. I do think that we were focusing too much on the boyfriend girlfriend aspect of the relationship, therefor we lost our friendship, and also, it did take away from our focus on God since we were so concerned with all of the negatives of the other person and getting frustrated with one another. We stopped making time for God, and therefor lost God as the center of our relationship - The desire for those things DOES come from within. We just have to make sure as a couple, we focus on God at all times!
I believe life as a Christian is going to be hard. It is always hard to see what God wants for our lives because the devil is always trying to manipulate our thoughts and our hearts to believe differently. That is why it is VERY important to be in constant communion with God and to have a very deep relationship with Him so we CAN actually follow His will for our lives! Pray and trust in your heart, as I believe God speaks to us through our hearts and changes us through our hearts. Do watch out carefully though for the devils manipulations!
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