A Simple Prayer

[StillxHere]

Hey everyone. I have a lot of poetry, but it's mainly dark and I don't know how appropriate it would be for here. But this is my poem related to the importance of prayer. Comments are appreciated!

In a town that's small and green
There lived a girl who's never mean
She had a friend that's always there
Heart overflowing with love and care.
Although this girl was small and meek,
She got beaten every week.
This girl who was happy, got very sad
Then she heard of this great new fad.
Cutting, it said, heals pain and makes friends
So she took some glass and broke the ends.
It felt so good, she's addicted, she knew
She decided to stop and start anew
She asked her friend if he prayed for her
"I'll do it each night if you prefer,"
With renewed strength she faced the day
Black and dark skies turned to gray
This little girl thought she was all cured
Her friend stopped praying once he heard.
Then things took a turn for the worse
Her mother died reading a bible verse.
Sobbing, she told him her horrible fate
"Do you still pray?" she asked her mate.
He replied back, "Not every night."
Please, please, please pray tonight.
He ended the meeting right then and there
She just stood up and ruffled his hair.
I'd don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you.
Lose my life to the sadness I once new?
She walked off and the day was done
He got in bed at almost 1.
Then he remembered his best friends plea
All well she can wait. She doesn't need me.
In the morning he got out of bed.
Something felt funny in the depths of his head.
Something was wrong, he knew deep down.
He turned on the tv with a grimace and frown.
"Girl found dead at 1:03. Presumed suicide."
he then realized his best friend died.
If only I had prayed last night, some way
My best friend would be with me today.

 

[Silver Saint]

Should this verse be true, I am profoundly sorry. If it is not, it scertainly an origional piece.
In terms of wording, you may want to break a paragraph a few places. You kept your rhythem in tact for the most part, but when you went over or under, it stood out. Also, writing numbers looks better than numerals. I've found that people prefer to stick to letters or numbers for the most part.
Hope I helped.
Go with God.



I am aware,
Isacc

 

[brinny]

StillxHere, I stuck with it. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. Powerful message.

I hope you feel led to share more of your poetry. Not sure what you mean by 'dark'....I s'pose it depends on motive. You can always check with a mod on the appropriateness. I do hope that you can. I'd look forward to reading it.

 

[StillxHere]

thank you both. The advice is much appreciated. My other poems talk about suicide, abusive parents, etc. but it may be too "descriptive." This poem isn't based on anything that happened to me, but I'm sure somewhere someone has had that happen to them.