a real mess

[Christownsme]

I can't help but feeling like I've gone too far to turn around.

I'm in a situation where my sin has become a trap. You read about "pits" and "traps" and "snares" in the old testament especially. It's where your own wickedness has turned against you and laid a snare for you - or you've fallen into the very pit you've dug.

It's sex with my girlfriend.. For some reason, my sex life is all screwed up. As I've searched for God and His presence, I've been struggling to repent from this area, only to find I'm trapped by it. The sin is bonded by emotional traps - like the one where my girlfriend says she would be completely devastated if I break up with her at some point. I don't want to see her completely devastated. I care enough about her to hope she never gets devastated again. (Marriage isn't easy now with the new health care laws, me being a disabled person - it's another long story). So I continue on acting like the sex we have is mutually agreeable - knowing that either if I break up with her or if I continue on and then it breaks up, she and I are both going to hit rock bottom. And I'm burning inside as a result.

I go to counseling for all of this. Christian counsel. They say to just break the relationship off or bring her into therapy with me. She doesn't want to come into therapy. I've heard others say not to break it off quickly, but to try and work it out. I'm really in over my head.

So I cry out to God, to deliver me from the prison I'm in, through Jesus Christ. I've been in sexual bondage in general since before I believed in Christ. This is where I need YOUR help. Does God ever work situations out where He knows I'm weak and fearful of changing things myself - where He will work in our lives to make the situation glorify Him? I mean that's my first inclination is to get God to help me by fighting this battle because I am too weak. Or is it all up to me?

I have seldom, in my years of searching for the Kingdom of God, felt the peace of God. If I did, I'm like the writer of Lamentations in chapter 3, when he says he "forgot what happiness (prosperity) was even like." But I've never been a mature Christian. At this point I'm very scared and fearful. Hebrews 10:26-31 completely scares me, and so I definitely want to get this part of my relationship with God cleared and restored. I'm not saying I want to just watch while God pulls me out of prison. I need to do some walking myself. But it's Jesus holding on to me, not me holding on to Jesus - in other words, it's by God's divine participation I can be freed from prison, right? I mean I feel like I'm trying to do everything myself - that I'm supposed to honestly tell her, after time and time I've told her before, that we need to reconsider our relationship which is based on sex now - it would completely crush her and I'm afraid what she might do to herself. And it would be all my fault.

Any suggestions?

 

[jennimatts]

It is my hope that my reply comes across in gentleness and love... as well as humility, recognizing that I'm far from perfect myself. I want you to know that I'm praying for you. I looked over a few of your recent posts to perhaps get a better sense of your situation, and may include a few comments from those threads as well.

I'm in a situation where my sin has become a trap.

...I am troubled and Satan is crafty.

You at least realize you are in sin, and that is likely due to the Holy Spirit prodding your conscience. When we continue in sin, our sins entangle us, and frankly, Satan doesn't have to be very crafty.

I can't help but feeling like I've gone too far to turn around.

That is a lie from Satan. If we choose to believe that lie we will feel powerless to turn away from our sin, and we can become discouraged and depressed. Our resistance to temptation is diminished, and we feel trapped in a spiral of sin. But as long as we live we do have the power to turn away from our sin.

It's sex with my girlfriend. For some reason, my sex life is all screwed up.

To be blunt, the reason is fornication. The Bible doesn't contain any provision for having a sex life outside of marriage. That means emotional devastation, financial and legal difficulties, or mutual agreement are not acceptable justifications.

I go to counseling for all of this. Christian counsel. They say to just break the relationship off or bring her into therapy with me. She doesn't want to come into therapy. I've heard others say not to break it off quickly, but to try and work it out.

To break off the relationship is not a perfect solution, because even though you aren't married, the fact that you have been intimate means any future sexual relationship would be a form of adultry. Even so, there is forgiveness , but we should try whenever possible not to base our plans on the expectation of future forgiveness. To me it seems a bit odd that a Christian councelor would make that recommendation. Obviously I don't know all the details of this, and I didn't notice if you mentioned if your girlfriend is a believer. I think the ideal situation would be that you both commit your lives to God, to honoring Him, and to abstain from sex until you could be married.

Does God ever work situations out where He knows I'm weak and fearful of changing things myself - where He will work in our lives to make the situation glorify Him? I mean that's my first inclination is to get God to help me by fighting this battle because I am too weak. Or is it all up to me?

I wouldn't expect God to just work things out unless we demonstrate a sincere desire to turn from sin. On the other hand, the fact is that we are powerless to conquer sin on our own. If we were able to overcome sin entirely on our own, that would almost certainly spawn pride.

...we need to reconsider our relationship which is based on sex now - it would completely crush her and I'm afraid what she might do to herself.

Have you tried to build the relationship on anything else?

 

[chapmic]

The Holy Spirit will give you the strength to do what you need to do, you are not on your own on this. I have to had this convo before and I was worried to but she understood and it worked out and our bond is even stronger. I don't think you have to break up with her, but it would be wise to tell her that you can not have sex with her anymore. I know what's its like to be afraid to hurt someone feelings or to devastate someone. But because I trust in Jesus, I know that this would be the correct thing to do and she may be angry and hurt at the moment but she will and can be comforted. Pain is inevitable but it will not last long and this decision will benefit you both in the long run. And if she loves you she will understand and will still want to date you. Trust in the Lord, I know right now it seems like you will not be happy after making this decisions but I guarantee you will experience joy and peace that can only come from God. I will be praying for you and her God bless you!