A Re-do Proposal

[ChildOfGod20]

my goodness people! let it go! how would u feel if u were the OP and no one understood how you felt or said anything nice to you? put urself in someone else's shoes. is it that hard to do?

 

[bumblebee62331]

my goodness people! let it go! how would u feel if u were the OP and no one understood how you felt or said anything nice to you? put urself in someone else's shoes. is it that hard to do?

There hasn't been a reply for 5 days. I thought we did a pretty good job of letting go and for some, of apologising if they spoke harshly.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

it's one thing to appologize. it's another to appologize and then restate the exact same thing u've beens saying all along

 

[Leanna]

Geeeeeeeeez everyone let it rest already this thing showing up in user cp and nothing quality being said is getting to be quite obnoxious

 

[bumblebee62331]

it's one thing to appologize. it's another to appologize and then restate the exact same thing u've beens saying all along

I haven't seen this happening...

But yup, this thread is dead I think, so let's put it to rest. I'd actually forgotten about it.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Do you think it's okay to request a re-do proposal under the right circumstances? I was proposed to last night, but he did not put much time or effort into it and he admitted that he didn't and was sorry and realized he basically messed up. Is it terrible to discuss this with him further to see if maybe he could keep the ring for a little while longer and propose when he is really ready and has really thought about it and planned instead of just throwing something together? He decided to propose on New Year's around Thanksgiving, so he had plenty of time, but still did not make the effort. We had to drive around for two hours looking for a place to eat last night! Almost ended up at IHOP. Then we went to a movie, which is what we always do, and is not very special or romantic. All my friends and my future sister in law were propsosed to in such romantic ways! The guys spent days and weeks and months planning and they didn't have much money either. I'm really disappointed and hurt that he had all that time to plan and did nothing! The roses he picked were even starting to wilt I guess I deserve this...I just thought that when I was finally proposed to someday it would be so romantic and special but instead I just felt cheap and not worth much.

Ouch! I can see why you are hurting for. Sometimes I am afraid that if my bf proposes, it won't be the romantic proposal that I always dreamed of...lol...but I know that he will put some thought into it. I don't know if it will be grand though...but I don't think it will be done in haste....I just kind of fear that he won't realize how important a proposal is and will just grab some flowers and the ring...lol...I would love a lovely suprise....like fnd some note saying to meet him someplace..then another note there, etc....sigh. I guess it's because it's a once in a life time event (that's what I'm hoping for anyway).

I'm surprised that any man would just "throw" something together.

 

[Leanna]

Ouch! I can see why you are hurting for. Sometimes I am afraid that if my bf proposes, it won't be the romantic proposal that I always dreamed of...lol...but I know that he will put some thought into it. I don't know if it will be grand though...but I don't think it will be done in haste....I just kind of fear that he won't realize how important a proposal is and will just grab some flowers and the ring...lol...I would love a lovely suprise....like fnd some note saying to meet him someplace..then another note there, etc....sigh. I guess it's because it's a once in a life time event (that's what I'm hoping for anyway).

I'm surprised that any man would just "throw" something together.

Please I beg you to communicate your dreams to your boyfriend so that he has an idea as to your expectations and hopes....

 

[NewCovenant]

I just posted at your other thread, Living4Him03, so I am not going to say much here. But I think you need to seriously consider your level of commitment to this man. Do you love him? Does he mean more to you than the opinions of your friends and relatives? Will your "lack of a good proposal story" mean much in 40 years? If he loves you enough to ASK, and you do, in fact, love him (DO you?), why make him do it again?

IMHO, I think that perhaps you are not appropriately matched with this man, if you are one who loves big showy stuff and he is not that way. It seems like he doesn't plan major romantic events. Okay. This is not horrible. Many good men that AREN'T romantic make wonderful husbands. But if these are the things that matter to you, you need to think about whether he is the one for you. Are you going to be dissatisfied with him all the time? Will he be uncomfortable, trying too hard to please you all the time? Can this relationship work for both of you?

 

[Cordy]

This is not in any way intended to attack or be harsh with you. I just have a sincere question: Are you in love with your boyfriend, or are you in love with “love”?

True love is much more than perfect proposals, beautiful gifts, and having everything you want. Actually, love is often found when none of these things are present. I like to think about what the Bible says about love. Love is patient, is kind, doesn’t envy, doesn’t boast, isn’t proud, isn’t rude, isn’t self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13). I just think it is a good thing to reflect on. Are we focusing on these things as “love”, or are we concerned with the worldly version of "love", which is based in materialism, self-gratification and basically superficial fluff.

I have no way to see into your relationship. I do not know the context of your relationship. Perhaps there are things that I can’t see that totally changes things, and perhaps you have just reason to be upset. But, my impression from what I see here and your Christmas thread is that it might perhaps be a good idea to consider re-evaluating what love is, and how you expect it to express itself in a relationship.

 

[invisiblebabe]

My story of how Mark and I decided to get married: the first weekend we spent together in person (we met online a week before we met in person), we went shopping together for engagement rings. Several days later we came up with a tentative wedding date together, and we got rings together at Kohl's (sterling silver CZ for me, sterling for him) a few months later. A few months after that, when the wedding was almost all planned, the counseling was almost done, and I had my dress... he proposed. Haha. So I don't really understand the importance of proposals (my ex fiance had never proposed either, although we'd had a ring and a wedding date that everybody knew about... good enough for me to consider engagement).

I do understand how easy it is to have romantic expectations though, and how hard it is when those expectations don't become reality. So what I'd probably do in your situation is be honest with your fiance... tell him how you felt about the proposal, but leave it up to him if he wants to do another one. (I ask Mark to "propose" to me again with new rings he buys me, just because it's fun! hehe)

I also suggest you both read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It seems like you both could benefit from learning about ways you each primarily best give and receive love.

-kayli

 

[Roxa]

oh my.... wow! Holy... ok, pardon my reaction... you want a redo of the praposal?!?!
I have to agree with everyone else and what they said... you really need to think about your standards...
You at least got the ring and roses that day and not to mention he proposed... I mean come one... the guy loves you... and he was probably very nervous! give him that much credit that he proposed to you...

I did not even get a ring until weeks later... since my Love did not want to wait until he got the ring... he wanted it to be perfect but becasue of him being nervous it did not turn out how he wanted it to be... but still that did not get to me... I have always wanted a romantic proposal but I was not dissaopointed with the one I got.. I am just happy that he proposed..

anyway.. you think about your comments and what you want and think about him for a few minutesand how he will feel if you asked for a redo!

 

[Redstiletto]

I want my fiance to re-do his proposal, just because he didnt put much thought into it. I sat in his truck for three hours listening to country music before he got out of his truck, told me to follow him, and got down on one knee at almost midnight in the middle of an empty parking lot.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I will admit that at first I was a bit 'eh', when it came to when B officially proposed - moreso because he'd waited months to do it after we decided to get married, and had decided on a date, and this was mainly because 'I want to make it special'. All it ended up being was a short little poem, in a box, with my 'reserved' ring, on his lounge.

I realised though, that the delay was not so much about making it special, but that, nomatter our agreement, B really wasn't at a stage to vocalise his proposal, and he still wanted to solidify it in his heart.

Putting expectations on your bf based on other people, is very cruel. He isn't them, he is himself, and if you are continually finding yourself disappointed in the things he gives you, or the way he shows you love, then you really should think about having a pretty big discussion - because if you aren't happy with how he shows you love NOW - it's going to be a lot harder when you're married to him, and it's always like that.

Either resolve it in yourself, or move on. It's not fair to him for you to expect something from him that he will never be able to deliver.

Find out his love language, and practice in that. Discuss love languages with him, and show him what you need to feel 'love'. Yes, gifts are a 'love language', but that does not equate into 'size of gift'.

This could be a big place of heartache in your future with him if you don't start talking and thinking deeply what you want from him (and being willing to accept he may never be able to do that - and not hold resentment over that), and so I hope you can take what I've said in the way it was meant, and work out for yourself what you need to feel love, and if he can give it to you or not. Then it's a matter of acceptance of the way he shows you love, or not.

Sasch

 

[LadyBird]

I absolutely don't think it's okay to ask for a re-do. Who cares how you are proposed to as long as you are marrying the man you love, the rest are just little details that don't matter. I may sound harsh but in the big picture, it's your committment to one another that truly matters, the rest is just artificial hoopla.

 

[faerieevaH]

The opening poster has not been on CF since january first when she started this thread. Perhaps it's time to let this thread die?

 

[Carri20]

it's one thing to appologize. it's another to appologize and then restate the exact same thing u've beens saying all along

If you're talking about me, I was just restating my opinion in a less offensive way. Wouldn't want anyone to mistakingly think that I agree with the OP. Which I don't. At all. But I'm being as nice as I can be.

 

[FaithfulServant]

Let the thread DIE

 

[bumblebee62331]

Everybody.....one....two....three....unsubscribe!!