A Rant

[GoodBags]

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

 

[Angel4Truth]

Hi Good - I am sorry that you are struggling. Have you prayed to Him like you just spoke here? Let Him know you are struggling and ask Him to reveal Himself to you - He knows we struggle - we all do sometimes He can handle all your concerns.

Take some time and spend it with just you and Him - read your bible - starting in the book of John

I use to struggle badly myself - was much confused about it all - strayed also from Him but then finally cried out to Him that I needed Him if He was there and I wanted His will for me no matter what that meant - that is when my entire life changed.

When I was finally at the point in my life (even though I had already been saved and baptised as well) where I wanted His will before my own no matter what that made my life be - that is when my life changed and I could truely claim a personal relationship with Him. I have not been the same since.

 

[Adstar]

[FONT=&quot]Ok Two parts

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

I think it is better sometimes to come to the Word of God first and then go out and seek the group last. You seem to have sought out groups to take you to the Word of God. But if you seek the Word of God first then you will have far more wisdom and understanding when you go out into the World looking for a group to fellowship with. I think the old saying is always put the horse before the cart rather than the cart before the horse.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

Ok read the following and hounestly ask your self is it describing you?

James 1
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

If you are double-minded but you believe then you can ask for Help.

Mark 9
23 Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

Of cource i am not seeking to interogate you but to help you by getting you to think about the questions you need to ask yourself.

I believe that God can and will assist a double minded person if they accept the reality of their situation and genuinely reach out to God for Help to overcome their condition.

You may be double minded but you must have some belief otherwise you would not have come here seeking anew. So grab hold of the part of your mind that believes and cry out to God “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”


All Praise The Ancient Of Days[/FONT]

 

[Digit]

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

Hey GoodBags,

Sorry to hear you are having a bit of a rough time here. I think you may be struggling with a couple of things. First and foremost, the desire to have something, yet not have it, wanting good, yet at the same time rejecting it is all part of our original sin nature. By that, I mean, well... look at Paul for example, when he wrote about doing things that he hates and dislikes doing, yet not doing that which he knows to be good. This happens in every area of our lives, people struggling with addiction for example, they often know that what they do is wrong, and they dislike it, yet they can't stop. Not checmical addictions, but mental or emotional ones.

To whatever degree it occurs, we often desire something better yet create our own reasons for not obtaining it, embracing it and so on.

The second thing I think you are battling with, is that you believe there is a secret motive behind Christianity, this makes it very tricky to trust anyone, or anything that is told to you and to be fair, we Christians do a horrible job of helping people, because we all have our own personal version of Christianity we wish to put forward. I think it's a comfort fact, we don't feel comfortable if someone is doing something differently, just like if we are in a group, and everyone is doing something the same way, very few people will do it differently, we like to fit in, and believe we fit in.

So in respect to these two things, I hope that what I post below will help. I have three golden rules for my faith, as this is my second shot at Christianity, the first being disasterous for many of the same reasons you have posted. Since this was my second attempt, I wanted to get it right and I spent a lot of time finding out what is important, what affects my behaviour, how to isolate myself from those things when thinking about my relationship with God and what my sort of 'motto' is I guess. I tend to post these all over the place, but here ya go:

1) Christianity, my faith and my relationship with God, involves two people. God, and me. That's it.
2) 1 Thessalonians 5:21.
3) Hebrews 11.

So, where does this leave you? Well, first up, if your relationship to God is between you and Him only, then there is no danger that outside sources, or people's agendas and so on, will interfere with it. You are under no duress to adopt what other people tell you, you don't even need to share it with them until you are stronger and more firmly grounded, and/or have a good relationship with God. I should probably define relationship at this point, and by it I mean that you and God talk regularly, you feel His presence in your life and you are trying your best to live a life that you feel honors God, and upholds Christlike integrity in all areas and lastly, you do not hide your sin - you present it to Him, acknowledge it and repent of it (turn away and ask for forgiveness). That to me, is a good relationship with God.

Numero 2, the reason I like that verse so much is that it truly speaks to how we should assess our reality. If something is presented to you, you should determine if it is from faith, or from the world. This is a huge conversation in and of itself, yet the nutshell version is that God should be the one driving your thoughts and actions, and if something conflicts with that, you should set it aside instead of setting God aside.

Lastly, faith. Faith for Christians covers two things. Firstly we believe in something that we cannot prove, just like gravity we feels it's (God's) effects, but we cannot present gravity (God) to someone. So we have faith in what we cannot see, but we can feel. Just like I have faith in the fact that my wife loves me, yet I cannot present my wife's love to someone else, so they may see it. Secondly, we trust in God. Life throws us curveballs all the time, and sometimes it seems like God is nowhere to be found, especially when we hear of horrible things happen to people who we cannot fathom to be anything other than innocent - starving or abused children for example. We have faith, that God knows best, and we trust in Him that things will all be as He desires.

In addition, faith comes into play when there are things we do not understand, questions we have yet we can't see a clear answer, we have faith in God in these situations. That does not mean an answer will never be forthcoming, it just means that we live according to God's timeframe, not ours.

That, I think, is it. Maybe this helps, maybe not, I cannot flick a switch to fix your issues, but I can relate from my own experience which in part at least, sounds similar to yours, and hope that something I say will ring true. If it does not however, then don't feel disappointed, it is not a problem with you or I, it is simply that life has afforded us different experiences and they do not relate well to each other. Maybe someone else will post, who's experiences do relate better to yours.

All the best, and God bless you.

Cheers,
Digit

 

[ephraimanesti]

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

MY FRIEND,

It appears to me--in that i went through the same general type of struggle as you describe--that you are letting your feelings dictate your beliefs rather than exercising your will in making your choices--and sticking to them.

Might i suggest that you read a chapter entitled "Difficulties Concerning the Will" from the book THE CHRISTIAN'S SECRET OF A HAPPY LIFE by Hannah Whitall Smith. The whole book is available as a free download; the above especially recommended chapter--#7--is available at:
www.ccel.org/s/smith_hw/secret/secret10.htm

It the above rings a bell, try reading all the chapters under the general heading "Difficulties"--Chapters 5 through 12. (If they help, perhaps you might read the whole book. It starts at: www.ccel.org/s/smith_hw/secret/secret02.htm )

Although her writings are about 125 years old, their Truth remains strong and very practical. Check her out--i think many of your questions will be answered.

A BOND-SLAVE OF CHRIST,
ephraim

 

[tapero]

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

Hi, thanks for sharing. Of course I do not know your heart nor Gods working in you, but as I read what you wrote it seems fairly evident to me God has called you and is still calling and that is why you are feeling this way perhaps.

You knew the truth of Christ, I would imagine, as you came to Christ and if you did know truth - the truth is forever (truth being Christ) and never is empty or void.

So, that will always remain, tho you can shut the door on it, that is suppress it, and I pray you don't. I believe it's coming up to you because you know the truth (Jesus) and it can't help but come up to you.

I know what you mean, that feeling of feeling stupid, but it's between you and God and is not stupid and the feeling will pass and come back and pass, but tell God all that is on your heart if you like, and tell him how you feel, and what concerns you as to Christianity or whatever it was that made you struggle before, tell him those very things.

Ask him about them, ask him to help remove the stumbling blocks if you desire to, which have kept you from God. Or ask him to help you understand or accept (as by faith where understanding is not possible) as concerns a particular area of doubt and questioning.

As we all are different, we all have different needs and we all come differently to Christ.

I needed very little to come to Christ, that is, as pertains to understanding and knowledge.

Others, like C.S.Lewis, a writer, set out to disprove God and in doing so came to Christ as I believe the book Liar Lunatic or Lord was the result of that search.

So, see he was intellectually minded (which I am not) and needed much more than I needed to come to Christ.

Same as with you, you have certain needs or things you desire to grasp or fit the pieces together so that it makes sense to you, and is quite normal.

For me, it was just I believe. I committed my life to Christ and barely knew who Jesus was, it was a call and I heard, and i believed.

And have never looked back and can not imagine how I lived without knowing God or rather being known by God for so many years.

We all come differently as i said, and to me, I am fairly certain this is God calling you, and so I pray should you desire to, to tell him all on your heart and work through things by talking. The stupid feeling will come and go, as is typical to occur, as also happens to believers though may not be a feeling of stupid, tho can be, but may be other feelings as well.

I feel strongly led friend, if you would like to for you to pm (privatemessage) me anything at all, no matter what it is, even if it's hey, how are you..

I've never had such a sense before, (though have told people to pm) though never have felt led such as is occuring here to say such.

I would love to be your friend and to get to know you.

take care,
tapero

 

[Catherineanne]

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

It looks as if you tried to give up on God but he has never given up on you. You do not need to accept Christ again. You only have to recognise that all this time, while you thought you were walking away from him, he stayed beside you.

Our faith is not a destination, but a journey. Once we accept Christ we no longer make that journey alone. He has been beside you, helping and guiding, and he is still there. All you need to do is to stop struggling, and rest in him. All else will follow.

"Be still and know that I am God."

 

[hlaltimus]

Ok so here goes. I don't think what I'm going to write will be 100 % liked, however I'm just gonna get what's on my mind at the moment out there and see where it goes from there.

And now I don't know where to begin.

Alright, I guess I'm feeling kind of a bit stupid/silly at the moment. About six years ago I accepted Christ into my life. Repented, became baptised in water and the holy spirit. Helped 'dunk' someone myself. Struggling of course, but ultimatly making it.

Then I stopped. Through science and other means I came to the conclusion that this wasn't the right path for me.


Since I decided not to follow Christ I went through a couple of months on my own strength, with some moderate successes and failures. However then I got roped up in something called Landmark, that claimed it would help me live a life I love. Without going into too much detail (I'm not here to bag them out), after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing.

AND FOR SOME REASON HERE I AM POSTING ON A CHRISTIAN FORUM BOARD.

So one of the things I would say I am struggling with at the moment is... I vowed to never get roped up in anything again, that everyone, every group has an agenda. I feel really kind of stupid, almost helpless posting this to a group of strangers. Half of me is telling me this is my pathetic side showing itself in full force, the other is telling me to get over it and keep typing.

The same argument has been ringing in me over the last while. I know that I can be forgiven for anything in the Christian faith. I know that Jesus died for our sins, and yet I don't know.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but it is kind of the best way I feel at the moment.

I want to accept Christ. I don't want to accept Christ.
I pray to God. I feel stupid when I pray to God
I want to be convinced this is the way. And I don't.

I think it's obvious which way I'm leaning at the moment though...
I am posting on a Christian forum for advice so... let's see what happens.

Hi GoodBags, Your experience sounds very similar to the experience of the prophet Samuel while just a child and living within the tabernacle during the days of the ministration of Eli the priest in I Samuel ch. 3. Samuel heard the voice of the Lord calling to him, but erroneously believed that voice to be coming from Eli the priest rather than from the Lord himself as a direct prophesy. I am not saying in this that you should wait around until you hear God audibly speaking to you, "Over here! This is the right way!" What I am saying is that it sounds like you may have been overtrusting, (as it were,) in humans agents alone when you really need to go "straight to the top" and seek your own encounter with the God who still communicates with the lowly and the humble. Find your experience in a "one on one" relationship with the Lord just as Moses did himself on the holy mountain in the "burining bush" episode and when He does communicate, it is usually by the means of the conviction of truth, and very uncommonly by any utterance. However, if you start solely and foundationally with any so called servant of the Lord or Christian organization, you must necessarily start imperfectly because they can only be made up of what we ourselves are made up of: Imperfections. If you learn though to start firstly with the Lord Himself through Christ Jesus his Son, this will put a whole new spin on all that will follow for the better. You will still see much that dissatisfies you in this and that faith, but then you will be following the Shepherd of the Sheep, not the Sheep of the Shepherd and that will make the difference.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

...after a few months I got out of that organisation, and vowed to only ever do things under my own strength. No religion, self-help groups nothing...

The the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone..."
Genesis 2:18a

Your post sounds like you are in a time of your life where you just need to figure out what you believe. We will always be here to help you, but you probably realize our advice will be just a little bias toward Christianity

Advice like: take some time, read over the Gospel of Luke, study it, and decide if you want to follow Him. If you have any questions post them here and go to a church in your area and ask a pastor/college minister/etc. about it. (Which is what I would advise, but I realize it's slanted)

And the good old advice:
It always hurts when you're trying to straddle a picket fence. Choose a side.

And if it disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve...
Joshua 24:15a

 

[AngusArgyle]

Hi Goodbags - I am sorry to hear of your troubles as well. I have gone through some 'soul' searching lately as well to figure out where I stand. I have found that religion has always left me wanting without being of any help. I was brought up in a non-religious atmosphere, but always surrounded by religion I found I had a Christian belief system stuck in my head.
I guess I am getting at the fact I have completely stripped away any ideas of the god that religion teaches and have never been happier or felt more fulfilled. Believing in god and believing in religion are two very different things. Take a read of a book called "The Pagan Christ" by Tom Harpur. Very good.
A belief system based on what others tell you may not be the best for you. Believe in yourself and your experiences and you may find yourself to be much happier.

Take care and good luck..

Angus.