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A Quick Question...

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findinghope06

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i really didnt know where to post this, so i thought i would here. if its not the right place, feel free to move it.

i have been thinking about this for a while and it occured to me that i have a big issue when it comes to relationships. im scared to death of them. like i would be in a relationship w/ someone or talking to someone (with an almost definite possiblility of a relationship happening) and then i would get scared and end it. i push them away thinking to myself that i dont like them anymore. do any of you do that too? if you did, how did you handle getting into a relationship (if you are in one)? i know that i dont want to date right now, but im afraid that i will pass by the one im supposed to be with because i got scared. thank you in advance for your help! God Bless
 
JourneyRain

JourneyRain

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You sound just like me. My problem is I push the good guys away and pursue the bad guys. I know exactly why I do that too.

I don't know exactly what to tell you. But maybe you need to concentrate on yourself for awhile. For three years of my life, I didn't date anyone. I'd hang out with friends at college and always be working. I figured out what I wanted in my life and figured out who I was. Now, that I've started dating again I discovered why I date bad guys. It was an internal thing for me. Now, that I know that I can fix that.

For example, I am not going to be involved with idle relationships right now. I am talking to someone who was in my life four years ago and he was one of the guys I pushed away as he was and still is a good guy. If we begin a relationship, I'm gonna be upfront and honest with him that I'm scared of being in a relationship and I will push him away.
 
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BlackRain

BlackRain

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oh girl!! i totally understand!! there's so much in my life that has caused me to be scared. i just pray about it. i ask the Lord when the right guy does come along that it would be very clear to me. i'm a total chicken when it comes to relationships. most of my friends know how i feel about it, which in a way i really don't like because i hate that i'm like this. i don't know if it's the Lord guarding my heart against guys that aren't worth my time, because me being terrified of committment and so on has kept me away from guys i know would have torn me apart and ruined my morals and values. who knows, maybe when the right guy comes along all my fears will disappear...maybe. when i find a guy who's interested in me and i actually return the feelings, i'm going to straight up and tell him how i feel about it, that way he knows what he's dealing with. not that i'm hard to get along with, i just need to take it really really slow. it's a work in prayer. just thought i'd let you know i'm totally in the same place.
 
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findinghope06

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BlackRain said:
oh girl!! i totally understand!! there's so much in my life that has caused me to be scared. i just pray about it. i ask the Lord when the right guy does come along that it would be very clear to me. i'm a total chicken when it comes to relationships. most of my friends know how i feel about it, which in a way i really don't like because i hate that i'm like this. i don't know if it's the Lord guarding my heart against guys that aren't worth my time, because me being terrified of committment and so on has kept me away from guys i know would have torn me apart and ruined my morals and values. who knows, maybe when the right guy comes along all my fears will disappear...maybe. when i find a guy who's interested in me and i actually return the feelings, i'm going to straight up and tell him how i feel about it, that way he knows what he's dealing with. not that i'm hard to get along with, i just need to take it really really slow. it's a work in prayer. just thought i'd let you know i'm totally in the same place.
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wow!! i never even thought about some of the points you made and its really good that you made them to me. like about Him guarding our hearts for all the wrong guys. that is sooooooo beyond true, especially with this one guy who i had very stong feelings for. i didnt know how he felt about me, but lets just say that he made me really believe that he wanted to be with me too (nothing bad, it was just the way he talked to me) well about 3 months into talking to him, i find out that he has a girlfriend who lives out of state. dont get me wrong, this guy is a great guy and i dont think he meant to hurt me, but he did. and God intervened and didnt let either of us have contact for 5 months. after that time, we began talking again but this time, i know that he isnt the one for me and i think he knows im not for him, so it makes it easier for us to be friends...and we have to work together this summer too.
i have also been praying about it a lot and asking God to really just bluntly show me the man im going to marry when the time is right and i have learned to put total trust in that, but its so hard to decipher what is God and what is my own desires. but i guess if any doubt is risen, then its my own thoughts with God telling me to get out and not worry about him and to trust in Him instead. well thank you both for the advice and im praying for you both! God Bless :)
 
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RThibeault

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Alot of people have problems like that. There could be any number of problems causing this. Lack of trust. Fear of failure. Not wanting commitment. Fear of being hurt. Once you figure out what it is, then you can work on getting rid of it.
 
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reverie_maiden

reverie_maiden

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Yeah I do the same thing. I get close to guys and then all of a sudden I push them away and say it will never work out. They are like what the heck was that all about...they were oblivious that anything was wrong and I was just scared of things not working out, not being able to trust them, or just plain being scared.
 
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