A question of adultery of the eyes- Please help

[canadiancatholic]

I went to reconciliation yesterday for the first time in 7 mos. I haven't been a catholic for long, but what stands out to me is my predilection for this one sin in particular. I asked this question on Ask Father .com, but the answer I recieved was too indirect for me to make a conclusion. Now to give you a explanation of what I think and feel. When I see a pretty woman, I look. I can't help myself, I don't think there is anything wrong in looking at inherent beauty. My problem arises when my length of looking becomes staring. Now is it, the amount of staring, or what my thoughts are, or where I am looking in particular?
My thought process nevers allows me to see myself in adulterous acts with these women, I love my wife very much, and never once does the thought cross my mind that the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes I look at the parts of a woman that are sexual in nature, but also I look at other women for parts that aren't sexual in nature. There are several instances where I stare at their eyes or how nice their hair looks, I feel no guilt for these types of leers, but I do for the other sexually natured ones.
My "problem"has grown a little worse since my wife has taken ill and our intimacy has grown worse along with the illness. That I can handle, but this one sin, I cannot(if indeed it is a mortal sin in what I'm doing) Am I being too hard on myself or is there something here I need to address for the sake of my soul? All help and advice on this matter is deeply appreciated. My soul feels divided on this issue. Prayers are welcomed too. I don't have a whole lot of timeto spend on the computer, so I'll check back in from time to time. Thank you, and God Bless.

 

[a_ntv]

I went to reconciliation yesterday for the first time in 7 mos. I haven't been a catholic for long, but what stands out to me is my predilection for this one sin in particular. I asked this question on Ask Father .com, but the answer I recieved was too indirect for me to make a conclusion. Now to give you a explanation of what I think and feel. When I see a pretty woman, I look. I can't help myself, I don't think there is anything wrong in looking at inherent beauty. My problem arises when my length of looking becomes staring. Now is it, the amount of staring, or what my thoughts are, or where I am looking in particular?
My thought process nevers allows me to see myself in adulterous acts with these women, I love my wife very much, and never once does the thought cross my mind that the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes I look at the parts of a woman that are sexual in nature, but also I look at other women for parts that aren't sexual in nature. There are several instances where I stare at their eyes or how nice their hair looks, I feel no guilt for these types of leers, but I do for the other sexually natured ones.
My "problem"has grown a little worse since my wife has taken ill and our intimacy has grown worse along with the illness. That I can handle, but this one sin, I cannot(if indeed it is a mortal sin in what I'm doing) Am I being too hard on myself or is there something here I need to address for the sake of my soul? All help and advice on this matter is deeply appreciated. My soul feels divided on this issue. Prayers are welcomed too. I don't have a whole lot of timeto spend on the computer, so I'll check back in from time to time. Thank you, and God Bless.

Dont worry to much.

These temptations are simply to remind you that you need of Him.

So dont give them too much importance, but simply confess them.

And go on in you life of prayer, love, charity, and fellowship.

 

[canadiancatholic]

Dont worry to much.

These temptations are simply to remind you that you need of Him.

So dont give them too much importance, but simply confess them.

And go on in you life of prayer, love, charity, and fellowship.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate that someone replied. Thank you again.

 

[Knowledge3]

That's perfectly natural for a functioning and healthy male.

However, the wisdom of the Gospel enables you to look with a pure set of eyes.

Training, discipline and practice develops this spiritual characteristic over time.

 

[Filia Mariae]

Looking at a beautiful woman is not sinful. Appreciating objective beauty glorifies God, who made such beauty. The issue is whether or not one is objectifying the person at whom they are looking, or if they are indulging in fantasies/daydreams of a sexual nature about that person. Obviously, both those things are sinful, but appreciating beauty is not.

 

[Caedmon]

Speaking as a man, I go through the same thing. I stare at women occasionally. Most of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. That's how strong the drive is. Guys are extremely visually oriented. Guys look. They can't help it. That's what males do. Sexual thoughts can, and will, pop into your head. You can't help it. It happens. Where you start to go wrong is when you draw those thoughts out into the physical realm, because then you're sinning against God and your own body. I struggle with it often. I have to exert a lot of self control. But I do it for the Eucharist, and I do it for my sisters in Christ, more specifically, for a special friend of mine, who I care about very much. That makes it easier, at least for me. I'm keeping my body and heart pure for her, specifically.

Father was talking about love today, where Jesus re-affirms the greatest commandments. He spoke on the example of adultery. He said that when Jesus said to love your neighbor, he meant to do it in the manner of respect. Respect your neighbor. But more so, respect the vows you have made to your neighbor, and that neighbor can be the special person in your life. He said it takes a lot of maturity and sacrifice to live that way, and he's right, at least in my experience. I never would have known I could live this way, years ago, before I became a Catholic. God's giving me graces I didn't think were possible.

Another priest of mine (I heard his homily later today) said that this kind of thing can be overwhelming, having the thought on your heart that you have to sacrifice constantly, put yourself second, for the rest of your life. But he said all we have to do is love our neighbor for the next minute, and then the minute after that, and then just for the hour after that, and so on. And that's what it's all about, in my opinion, living one moment at a time, making a small sacrifice in the moment, loving someone the best you can, right this second. That's all it takes. God will take care of the rest.

 

[canadiancatholic]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm starting to get a little more insight into how i should be viewing this problem. I'm being a little too harsh, but also need to be practicing turning away after the initial look. I just thank God that the whole plucking my eyes out thing isn't literal. I'd have been blind awhile ago. This whole situation has been made tougher by the fact that I haven't been to mass for a few months. I've been to reconciliation and am now going back. Hopefully with the eucharist and prayers, I'll be able to shake this vice of mine. Thanks again for all your replies. God Bless!

 

[Caedmon]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm starting to get a little more insight into how i should be viewing this problem. I'm being a little too harsh, but also need to be practicing turning away after the initial look. I just thank God that the whole plucking my eyes out thing isn't literal. I'd have been blind awhile ago. This whole situation has been made tougher by the fact that I haven't been to mass for a few months. I've been to reconciliation and am now going back. Hopefully with the eucharist and prayers, I'll be able to shake this vice of mine. Thanks again for all your replies. God Bless!

This semester, I've been more active than ever, going to mass, adoration, rosary, reconciliation, receiving Eucharist, being around good practicing Catholic friends, and that's done a world of good for me. I love my priests. I've gained a lot of respect for them and their role in the Church. I've also gained a better understanding about becoming a living sacrifice. It's good stuff.